thinking of the past

[Mirinjawbro]

inspired by the how many friends do you have thread, i have for the past 2-3 years constantly been remembering and thinking of "old times"

by that i mean

- gaming with friends
-living with them
-holidays
-nights out.

these days my life is pretty much work mon to friday and not much else.

i find i regularly think of old times and don;t want to continue,

as i see it. the only thing better now is i earn more (doesn't really bother me ) and i am "wiser" to the working life / world etc.

anyone else wish they could go back 10-15 years?

any tips to look forward?

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

Summer of 1986 for me.

Got my first house, first brand new car. My two best mates were my lodgers. There was World Cup football 7-9 pm, pub 9.15 to 10.30 & then the next game 23.00-01.00.

Quiz machines were new, but we had the drop on them. Could go to the pub, get bladdered & come home with more money than we went out with.

Then Maradonna went & spoiled it

It's perfectly normal to reminisce, just don't let it cloud the future.

[Super Sonic]

I think a lot of people do. It's easy to look at the past w rose tinted glasses. The hard times in the past don't seem so hard now you're not actually going through them. There will be good times in the future and also you will look back on these times and think it wasn't really that bad.

[JS1902]

Interesting one - I'm naturally quite a nostalgic person and often look back on the past thinking how better it was. But I guess youth always is, and adult life become monotonous. Maybe try setting some longer term goals and objectives you can work towards. A new hobby or a team sport maybe.

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

Mirinjawbro said:

i find i regularly think of old times and don;t want to continue,

Have you thought long & hard about why you might not want to continue? I think it's a nice thing to do.

[Mirinjawbro]

2 sMoKiN bArReLs said:

Have you thought long & hard about why you might not want to continue? I think it's a nice thing to do.

i think that reads wrong.

i mean continue looking back

but maybe in 10 years ill look back to now and think the same?

[Hoofy]

Mirinjawbro said:

any tips to look forward?

Plan things to look forward to.

You're working too much so make your non-work time productive and memorable. Maybe it's a new or old hobby, maybe it's a new or old sport. Spent time socialising. If I needed to widen my social circle, I would hang around the bar at my rackets club - I see plenty of blokes do that. Good for the soul, if not necessarily good for the waistline!

[Mirinjawbro]

i think alot of it is this WFH this year has made it worse.

im an analyst but not the normal one . i like to get out and about and socialise.

my current role is sat alone 95% of the time and it drives me mad.

[deebs]

Youre an analyst, you could apply the skills, figure out a vision ,something linked to something meaningful for you , some good you can do. Work out how you could achieve it, then make a plan, then put the plan into action.

Maybe you always wanted to learn to kayak because you used to go out on the water with your dad. Maybe youve a sporting skill you can coach kids with. Maybe your granny was looked after by a charity in her last days and you can support them in some way. Find an area of meaning and set one foot in front of the other and off you go.

Commit to something that has a link to meaningful cause and you'll be carried off into a whole new world and you'll get a deeper satisfaction. Commit yourself properly so it's not a case of I can't bothered today so I won't.

Good luck

[TT1138]

Not the only one. Life in early-mid 30s seems like 90% drudgery. I’m lucky enough to have plenty of hobbies and interests I still do but 10/15 years ago I felt so much happier and optimistic toward the future. Means I spend far too much time looking backwards at the moment.

[Mirinjawbro]

deebs said:

Youre an analyst, you could apply the skills, figure out a vision ,something linked to something meaningful for you , some good you can do. Work out how you could achieve it, then make a plan, then put the plan into action.

Maybe you always wanted to learn to kayak because you used to go out on the water with your dad. Maybe youve a sporting skill you can coach kids with. Maybe your granny was looked after by a charity in her last days and you can support them in some way. Find an area of meaning and set one foot in front of the other and off you go.

Commit to something that has a link to meaningful cause and you'll be carried off into a whole new world and you'll get a deeper satisfaction. Commit yourself properly so it's not a case of I can't bothered today so I won't.

Good luck

i have for many years wanted to get out of IT. cant stand it anymore. sadly im stuck with too many bills and PCP

[Abdul Abulbul Amir]

TT1138 said:

Not the only one. Life in early-mid 30s seems like 90% drudgery. I’m lucky enough to have plenty of hobbies and interests I still do but 10/15 years ago I felt so much happier and optimistic toward the future. Means I spend far too much time looking backwards at the moment.

That's because at that age you're supposed to have a couple of toddlers that occupy most of your time.

ETA
If you dont have kids life can become quite meaningless and potentially lonely in the future.

[Mirinjawbro]

what happens for us who don't want kids?

[mike80]

I sometimes think I'd like to relive some of the moments in my past.

But I wouldn't want the hangovers.

[deebs]

Mirinjawbro said:

deebs said:

Youre an analyst, you could apply the skills, figure out a vision ,something linked to something meaningful for you , some good you can do. Work out how you could achieve it, then make a plan, then put the plan into action.

Maybe you always wanted to learn to kayak because you used to go out on the water with your dad. Maybe youve a sporting skill you can coach kids with. Maybe your granny was looked after by a charity in her last days and you can support them in some way. Find an area of meaning and set one foot in front of the other and off you go.

Commit to something that has a link to meaningful cause and you'll be carried off into a whole new world and you'll get a deeper satisfaction. Commit yourself properly so it's not a case of I can't bothered today so I won't.

Good luck

i have for many years wanted to get out of IT. cant stand it anymore. sadly im stuck with too many bills and PCP

I also work in IT (project manager). Spent many years in big corporates and never really liked it. Managed to move this year to a medium sized retail business, same job, less money, st pension by comparison but more interesting and a bigger influence.

However my point didn't just or only apply to work. In the years I spent in big corporates I had a full on volunteer role with kids in the evenings. I work up in the morning knowing I had to get my work done and looking forward to post work on what I was doing that evening, week after week. If you want to change your life it takes time. Reduce your outgoings, moderate your lifestyle. Don't live like other people. Find something outside of work you can commit to, work towards some personal goals not connected to being an analyst or IT or careers. Something you care about. Meanwhile see if you can tilt yourself towards a work role that has some more interesting angle. Im still a pm, it's still IT but the context I find more interesting. I had to cut my outgoings over a few years to know that when the opportunity arose to leave the big financial service industry that money wouldnt stand in my way.

If you find yourself and your life uninspiring then make a plan. Ask yourself some hard questions. There's no answers to be found by yearning for your past. You aren't that person anymore, there's no where to go back to. Forge ahead young man.

Edited by deebs on Friday 4th November 20:31

[Terminator X]

A businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The businessman complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.

The businessman then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The businessman then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time? The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos; I have a full and busy life, señor.”

The businessman scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and I could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats; eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor and eventually open your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City where you would run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But señor, how long will this all take?” To which the businessman replied, “15-20 years.” “But what then, señor?” The businessman laughed and said, “That’s the best part! When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.” “Millions, señor? Then what?” The businessman said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.” ...

[Mirinjawbro]

but is it worth 15-20 years doing a job you really dont want to do to retire early?
you could die by then

or do what you want to now and live?

impossible to say

[Abdul Abulbul Amir]

Mirinjawbro said:

what happens for us who don't want kids?

I think you've answered your own question in the opening post.

[RDMcG]

I do not want to go back for a second. Had a ball, loved my work, friends. travel,experiences, relationships and so on. Each decade was different, the tough times as there are for all of us. When I see how hard people have it now I am glad to be old. There is less future of course,. but there are many choices. I am still having a good time. Of course, at 74 I cannot do all that I did before, but I can do most of it.

Do not need to repeat what I have done already, and if by some magic I could go back in time I would have to wipe out all memory of that time beforehand so I could experience it untainted. I occasionally go to places that I lived in when I was young. In some cases they look the same. but the people are different., young, indifferent to the old person standing here and not knowing that I was in their shoes and maybe wild and more fearless. Who knows?.

Memory is good because it provide perspective on now, but you can't go back.

[mike9009]

When reminiscing, I think there is a tendency to only remember the good times. (Rose tinted glasses). It seems a common human trait, which current work colleagues have shared.

I forget how stressful my uni course was, how I felt when my best mate passed away (just remember the mountain biking trips with him), how much debt I had and struggling to pay the bills each month by cheque, the hassle and worry my ex gave me, the stress of buying my first house, the sleepless nights I had when I smashed my VX220, working 60 hour weeks getting up at 04:30 just to get the job done, etc. etc.

I now look back and only remember the good times (the examples mentioned above were purposely dragged up!) ...I recall the holidays, pubs, larking about, the laughs we had at work. Very selective.

I now tend to just live through the good things without realising they are happening ( watching my lad play football, seeing daughter win dance comps etc.) and my idle thoughts can drift towards the stresses in life ( work mainly, damn planning applications, not enough money, etc). I think it is about perspective. I acknowledge this might not be the case with the OP.


It seems a common occurrence in the work environment too. Many work mates say how great the company was ten years ago and how dire it is now, but I really think it is a selective memory thing.

But, to the OP, what do you do at weekends now? Or what do you think would improve things?