How many close mates do you have & how often do you see them
Discussion
I have put this in health matters because I am coming at this from a mental health perspective, and I am particularly interested in people over 40.
How many close friends do you have, by close I mean the kind you could ring at anytime when the brown stuff has hit the fan regardless of the time? Everybody has lots of ‘friends’ on Facebook, etc these days but they are aren’t real friends are they…
Then secondly, how often do you see them, as in face to face, not via a phone in someway shape for form?
Some context to the question, I have not been dealing with this whole working from home and hybrid working set up very well and I have also said I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to retire, without putting much thought into why I felt like that. Well it occurs to me that for me work is almost as much of a social thing as well as a pay the bills thing, or at least it was until we were all told to go home. As a result I have always been checking out if friends are free for a beer for a lot of this year. I’m curious to see if my experience of numbers of friends and how often you see them is normal and whether I am being some kind of needy tart
How many close friends do you have, by close I mean the kind you could ring at anytime when the brown stuff has hit the fan regardless of the time? Everybody has lots of ‘friends’ on Facebook, etc these days but they are aren’t real friends are they…
Then secondly, how often do you see them, as in face to face, not via a phone in someway shape for form?
Some context to the question, I have not been dealing with this whole working from home and hybrid working set up very well and I have also said I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to retire, without putting much thought into why I felt like that. Well it occurs to me that for me work is almost as much of a social thing as well as a pay the bills thing, or at least it was until we were all told to go home. As a result I have always been checking out if friends are free for a beer for a lot of this year. I’m curious to see if my experience of numbers of friends and how often you see them is normal and whether I am being some kind of needy tart
Wanna friend? Get a dog.
/facetious
I think I actually quite enjoyed the break from what seemed a very full and busy social life, it sort of recalibrated things and I now only see a few people on the odd occasion - my wife started a PT business at the same time so she was off the pop anyway. On the other hand at work I am with a few people I've known for over 35 years that I met in my twenties, we are from all around Europe so only meet at work but we would absolutely drop everything anytime anywhere and run for each other if need be.
/facetious
I think I actually quite enjoyed the break from what seemed a very full and busy social life, it sort of recalibrated things and I now only see a few people on the odd occasion - my wife started a PT business at the same time so she was off the pop anyway. On the other hand at work I am with a few people I've known for over 35 years that I met in my twenties, we are from all around Europe so only meet at work but we would absolutely drop everything anytime anywhere and run for each other if need be.
Edited by andy_s on Monday 31st October 19:20
The Rotrex Kid said:
This is PH so expect more of the above 
I have 4/5 close mates. We meet up every 2 weeks to go out for food together, cinema trips in winter. It’s nice to keep close and catch up, it helps that we all live in close proximity.
Fair play. Never been to cinema with group of guys since I was a student. Never knew that was a thing.I have 4/5 close mates. We meet up every 2 weeks to go out for food together, cinema trips in winter. It’s nice to keep close and catch up, it helps that we all live in close proximity.
I understand men in middle age and beyond are known for not having close mates. Women seem to be better at relationships that are not dependant upon an activity (work, sport etc)
I'd say I have three, not counting my wife. They are all female. Which of course can be an issue in itself. Especially as one is an ex wife. I only see them occasionally, thanks to lockdown and then a house move.
I'd say I have three, not counting my wife. They are all female. Which of course can be an issue in itself. Especially as one is an ex wife. I only see them occasionally, thanks to lockdown and then a house move.
jm8403 said:
The Rotrex Kid said:
This is PH so expect more of the above
I have 4/5 close mates. We meet up every 2 weeks to go out for food together, cinema trips in winter. It’s nice to keep close and catch up, it helps that we all live in close proximity.
Fair play. Never been to cinema with group of guys since I was a student. Never knew that was a thing.I have 4/5 close mates. We meet up every 2 weeks to go out for food together, cinema trips in winter. It’s nice to keep close and catch up, it helps that we all live in close proximity.
Megaflow said:
Some context to the question, I have not been dealing with this whole working from home and hybrid working set up very well and I have also said I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to retire, without putting much thought into why I felt like that. Well it occurs to me that for me work is almost as much of a social thing as well as a pay the bills thing, or at least it was until we were all told to go home. As a result I have always been checking out if friends are free for a beer for a lot of this year. I’m curious to see if my experience of numbers of friends and how often you see them is normal and whether I am being some kind of needy tart
On your motivation for asking this question - Good for you for knowing you are someone who needs regular in person contact with people and reaches out to your friends to make it happen. I don't think there is a normal.
None really.
I got moved around a lot as a kid with my father's job, so just got used to expecting to lose all my friends every few years, so I suppose I just stopped making deep attachments as something of a defence mechanism.
I do still get on very well with some of my old schoolmates, but live too far away to see them with great regularity, especially with kids' activities most weekends.
Looking forward, I think the ideal retirement would be me and my wife in a nice little village somewhere with a proper country pub where people chat to whoever else is in the bar.
I got moved around a lot as a kid with my father's job, so just got used to expecting to lose all my friends every few years, so I suppose I just stopped making deep attachments as something of a defence mechanism.
I do still get on very well with some of my old schoolmates, but live too far away to see them with great regularity, especially with kids' activities most weekends.
Looking forward, I think the ideal retirement would be me and my wife in a nice little village somewhere with a proper country pub where people chat to whoever else is in the bar.
gregs656 said:
On your motivation for asking this question - Good for you for knowing you are someone who needs regular in person contact with people and reaches out to your friends to make it happen.
I don't think there is a normal.
It seems like post covid its become increasingly normal to have less than pre covid...I don't think there is a normal.
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