Discussion
Hello all.
excuse the lame title.
can anyone here 100% confirm they are happy with the "one" they are with and do not get urges to leave / go elsewhere / stare and want others.
i ask as i am now probably on paper at least the best one i've been with but still it's not enough and i feel closer to straying every week that goes by.
the "looking" is getting worse. the thoughts. etc
does everyone have this at some point? as humans you be / do something enough you get bored.
some just act on it
she has spoken to me about it as she can tell something has changed. but if i end this ill be alone again and probably have another cycle the same .
excuse the lame title.
can anyone here 100% confirm they are happy with the "one" they are with and do not get urges to leave / go elsewhere / stare and want others.
i ask as i am now probably on paper at least the best one i've been with but still it's not enough and i feel closer to straying every week that goes by.
the "looking" is getting worse. the thoughts. etc
does everyone have this at some point? as humans you be / do something enough you get bored.
some just act on it
she has spoken to me about it as she can tell something has changed. but if i end this ill be alone again and probably have another cycle the same .
In terms of not feeling the love & affection for your partner any longer - have you ever watched a fire burn? It starts with a spark that brings about this great burst of flames, heat and passion; then it dies down to embers and you think it is gone, but it is actually at it's hottest - the slightest bit of fuel will bring back those flames.
Add some fuel to your embers, rather than starting another fire.
Add some fuel to your embers, rather than starting another fire.
Speed Badger said:
In terms of not feeling the love & affection for your partner any longer - have you ever watched a fire burn? It starts with a spark that brings about this great burst of flames, heat and passion; then it dies down to embers and you think it is gone, but it is actually at it's hottest - the slightest bit of fuel will bring back those flames.
Add some fuel to your embers, rather than starting another fire.
Spot on!Add some fuel to your embers, rather than starting another fire.
I was “happy” and with my ex wife for over 20 years.
I would have never cheated or called it off, but she did leave one day (no cheating). And I was devestates.
Now I am with “The one”. There is nothing about her I would change, and even the things that if my ex had done or said them when my new wife does them they are interesting traits rather than things that annoy me.
I honestly think I am blessed and most haven’t experienced it. But if you EVER consider a change or are looking elsewhere I would do her a favour and let her leave her life with someone who wants to be with her.
I would have never cheated or called it off, but she did leave one day (no cheating). And I was devestates.
Now I am with “The one”. There is nothing about her I would change, and even the things that if my ex had done or said them when my new wife does them they are interesting traits rather than things that annoy me.
I honestly think I am blessed and most haven’t experienced it. But if you EVER consider a change or are looking elsewhere I would do her a favour and let her leave her life with someone who wants to be with her.
tty thing to do.Been married 18 years.
My wife is the ONLY woman Ive ever been 100% faithful to. Prior to her I was always sniffing around, looking for better or whatever.
We met and married within 6 months and Ive always known she was the one. I've never even pondered the idea of looking at anyone else. When you know; you know imho
I adore her.
My wife is the ONLY woman Ive ever been 100% faithful to. Prior to her I was always sniffing around, looking for better or whatever.
We met and married within 6 months and Ive always known she was the one. I've never even pondered the idea of looking at anyone else. When you know; you know imho
I adore her.
I don't think it's entirely possible to completely, 100% switch off your biological whims and urges. I think internally acknowledging somebody is attractive is perfectly commonplace and normal. HOWEVER if it lingers, or you find yourself actively pursuing anything more then there is definitely a deeper rooted issue that needs attending to. That is a very telling sign, and for the sake of both parties something needs to be done about it.
I've had my own struggles with my 13 year relationship (not due to the above, but some similarities) that I am still working through to this day. I think ultimately when you have a word with yourself the answers are already in there, whether hidden behind blissful ignorance or you just can't see the wood for the trees. You need to find them, and quickly, before somebody gets incredibly hurt.
I've had my own struggles with my 13 year relationship (not due to the above, but some similarities) that I am still working through to this day. I think ultimately when you have a word with yourself the answers are already in there, whether hidden behind blissful ignorance or you just can't see the wood for the trees. You need to find them, and quickly, before somebody gets incredibly hurt.
Jimmy No Hands said:
I don't think it's entirely possible to completely, 100% switch off your biological whims and urges. I think internally acknowledging somebody is attractive is perfectly commonplace and normal. HOWEVER if it lingers, or you find yourself actively pursuing anything more then there is definitely a deeper rooted issue that needs attending to. That is a very telling sign, and for the sake of both parties something needs to be done about it.
Agree. And this applies to both the sexes.people seem to think that just because you are in a relationship that you no longer need to work at it, my view is that this is the biggest contributor to relationship breakdown.
You should never stop "dating" your partner or working on romance and seduction, using the analogy above a fire only keeps burning if you keep feeding it fuel.
Decide where you want to put your effort into a new unknown relationship or a known quantity? Even if you don't have overt problems maybe try some relationship counselling, talk to your partner they may well be on the same page as you...
You should never stop "dating" your partner or working on romance and seduction, using the analogy above a fire only keeps burning if you keep feeding it fuel.
Decide where you want to put your effort into a new unknown relationship or a known quantity? Even if you don't have overt problems maybe try some relationship counselling, talk to your partner they may well be on the same page as you...
Speed Badger said:
In terms of not feeling the love & affection for your partner any longer - have you ever watched a fire burn? It starts with a spark that brings about this great burst of flames, heat and passion; then it dies down to embers and you think it is gone, but it is actually at it's hottest - the slightest bit of fuel will bring back those flames.
Add some fuel to your embers, rather than starting another fire.
That's terrible advice... As suggested, I asked about a threesome and I'm now living on the sofa.Add some fuel to your embers, rather than starting another fire.
simon_harris said:
people seem to think that just because you are in a relationship that you no longer need to work at it, my view is that this is the biggest contributor to relationship breakdown.
I would counter that with the fact that if you're having to work to keep your relationship alive then you're in the wrong relationship.If you don't consciously try, just be yourself and the relationship works then the relationship is correct.
Too many people make and quote rules thinking everyone should following them. This completely incorrect, what works for one, does not work for another.
Evoluzione said:
I would counter that with the fact that if you're having to work to keep your relationship alive then you're in the wrong relationship.
If you don't consciously try, just be yourself and the relationship works then the relationship is correct.
Too many people make and quote rules thinking everyone should following them. This completely incorrect, what works for one, does not work for another.
Ah but was the threesome in your favour or theirs? Might have been a different answer the other way If you don't consciously try, just be yourself and the relationship works then the relationship is correct.
Too many people make and quote rules thinking everyone should following them. This completely incorrect, what works for one, does not work for another.
Its my opinion that 'the one' doesn't exist. Its a manifestation of a persons desire to change.
People are a broadly a spectrum. At the one end there are the people who buy the best car they could afford, cherish it, and keep cherishing it way after all the bits have fallen off and in every other persons eyes its a wreck. They are likely to make excuses for the cars imperfections or look past them. They always look at the car as if it was brand new and shiny despite the flaws
On the other end of the spectrum there are people who buy the best car they can afford, and when it gets the slightest nick or dent the shine has gone. Even if the dent is repaired they still see the dent. They start inventing problems with the car and use words like lemon, or I knew from day one. The only thing that will help them is to buy a shiny new car from the manufacturer. The old car is likely to be discarded rapidly or without ceremony, and the pattern their mindset is adopting is justification for this.
I think when you got to buy a car there has to be chemistry, the wow factor. Nobody would just buy any car. But the reason the relationship between car and buyer continues, when the dents start, has nothing to do with the initial wow factor. Its an intrinsic part of the buyer.
Marriages are more complicated because there are two buyers. After the wow, if a cherisher meets a cherisher the marriage will last into the sunset. If a magpie meets a magpie the marriage will only last the length of the shiny. If a cherisher meets a magpie then there is a world of pain for the cherisher, but in the inevitable emotional disaster at the end, the cherisher needs to understand they still have a chance of the sunset, whereas the shiny is very unlikely. Cherishers have a great deal of difficulty disconnecting from a relationship because they are cherishers, whereas magpies disconnect easily and therefore they can move on rapidly. Cherishers tend to believe the breakup was their fault, whereas magpies, rationalise the other half was at fault.
Even more complicated by the idea there is a spectrum between cherisher and magpie. But long story short there is no one perfect partner out there or many potential perfect partners out there, depending on which of the two relationship types you are.
People are a broadly a spectrum. At the one end there are the people who buy the best car they could afford, cherish it, and keep cherishing it way after all the bits have fallen off and in every other persons eyes its a wreck. They are likely to make excuses for the cars imperfections or look past them. They always look at the car as if it was brand new and shiny despite the flaws
On the other end of the spectrum there are people who buy the best car they can afford, and when it gets the slightest nick or dent the shine has gone. Even if the dent is repaired they still see the dent. They start inventing problems with the car and use words like lemon, or I knew from day one. The only thing that will help them is to buy a shiny new car from the manufacturer. The old car is likely to be discarded rapidly or without ceremony, and the pattern their mindset is adopting is justification for this.
I think when you got to buy a car there has to be chemistry, the wow factor. Nobody would just buy any car. But the reason the relationship between car and buyer continues, when the dents start, has nothing to do with the initial wow factor. Its an intrinsic part of the buyer.
Marriages are more complicated because there are two buyers. After the wow, if a cherisher meets a cherisher the marriage will last into the sunset. If a magpie meets a magpie the marriage will only last the length of the shiny. If a cherisher meets a magpie then there is a world of pain for the cherisher, but in the inevitable emotional disaster at the end, the cherisher needs to understand they still have a chance of the sunset, whereas the shiny is very unlikely. Cherishers have a great deal of difficulty disconnecting from a relationship because they are cherishers, whereas magpies disconnect easily and therefore they can move on rapidly. Cherishers tend to believe the breakup was their fault, whereas magpies, rationalise the other half was at fault.
Even more complicated by the idea there is a spectrum between cherisher and magpie. But long story short there is no one perfect partner out there or many potential perfect partners out there, depending on which of the two relationship types you are.
simon_harris said:
Evoluzione said:
I would counter that with the fact that if you're having to work to keep your relationship alive then you're in the wrong relationship.
If you don't consciously try, just be yourself and the relationship works then the relationship is correct.
Too many people make and quote rules thinking everyone should following them. This completely incorrect, what works for one, does not work for another.
Ah but was the threesome in your favour or theirs? Might have been a different answer the other way If you don't consciously try, just be yourself and the relationship works then the relationship is correct.
Too many people make and quote rules thinking everyone should following them. This completely incorrect, what works for one, does not work for another.
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