Unexpected death, how to deal with it?
Discussion
Hi PH,
Not quite sure why i'm posting this but my Dad passed away very suddenly and without expectation or pre-existing illness yesterday
He was a huge car fan and he and the reason for me being a PH myself. From a young age he had me helping rebuild project cars, going on roadtrips, carshows etc
He was 74 and his pride and joy was his Honda S2000, he would drive it as intended and loved every minute. Any new cars i was thinking of looking at he would be my first call and most of our father / son time was centered around motors. It's strange but my overriding feeling right now is who am i supposed to share all things cars with now he is gone!?
I'm sure we all like to think we are strong for our family and can cope with life's curveballs but i am truly devastated. I was going to share a photo of Dad with his car but i can't bring myself to open the picture...
Not quite sure why i'm posting this but my Dad passed away very suddenly and without expectation or pre-existing illness yesterday
He was a huge car fan and he and the reason for me being a PH myself. From a young age he had me helping rebuild project cars, going on roadtrips, carshows etc
He was 74 and his pride and joy was his Honda S2000, he would drive it as intended and loved every minute. Any new cars i was thinking of looking at he would be my first call and most of our father / son time was centered around motors. It's strange but my overriding feeling right now is who am i supposed to share all things cars with now he is gone!?
I'm sure we all like to think we are strong for our family and can cope with life's curveballs but i am truly devastated. I was going to share a photo of Dad with his car but i can't bring myself to open the picture...
I am sorry to read about the death of your dad - 74 seems no age these days....
My father had a long and lingering death with cancer, it was awful to witness.
I am not sure one really comes to terms with these things, or effectively process that someone has gone.
Many of us here have been on the same journey unfortunately.
My father had a long and lingering death with cancer, it was awful to witness.
I am not sure one really comes to terms with these things, or effectively process that someone has gone.
Many of us here have been on the same journey unfortunately.
Sincere sympathy for your loss.
I have a similar relationship with my dad and he's of a similar age now and I'm dreading that day (more so than any other potential event I can think of).
I'm sure others who are far more articulate than me will be along soon to offer words of wisdom.
I'd love to see the photo once you have had time to come to terms with things.
I have a similar relationship with my dad and he's of a similar age now and I'm dreading that day (more so than any other potential event I can think of).
I'm sure others who are far more articulate than me will be along soon to offer words of wisdom.
I'd love to see the photo once you have had time to come to terms with things.
ST270 said:
Hi PH,
Not quite sure why i'm posting this but my Dad passed away very suddenly and without expectation or pre-existing illness yesterday
He was a huge car fan and he and the reason for me being a PH myself. From a young age he had me helping rebuild project cars, going on roadtrips, carshows etc
He was 74 and his pride and joy was his Honda S2000, he would drive it as intended and loved every minute. Any new cars i was thinking of looking at he would be my first call and most of our father / son time was centered around motors. It's strange but my overriding feeling right now is who am i supposed to share all things cars with now he is gone!?
I'm sure we all like to think we are strong for our family and can cope with life's curveballs but i am truly devastated. I was going to share a photo of Dad with his car but i can't bring myself to open the picture...
So so sorry for your loss. Your father sounds like he was a fantastic father. Not quite sure why i'm posting this but my Dad passed away very suddenly and without expectation or pre-existing illness yesterday
He was a huge car fan and he and the reason for me being a PH myself. From a young age he had me helping rebuild project cars, going on roadtrips, carshows etc
He was 74 and his pride and joy was his Honda S2000, he would drive it as intended and loved every minute. Any new cars i was thinking of looking at he would be my first call and most of our father / son time was centered around motors. It's strange but my overriding feeling right now is who am i supposed to share all things cars with now he is gone!?
I'm sure we all like to think we are strong for our family and can cope with life's curveballs but i am truly devastated. I was going to share a photo of Dad with his car but i can't bring myself to open the picture...
Please don’t try and be the hero. You have to go through your own process of grieving for your dad. Bottling it up will only prolong the grief.
If you get the chance maybe go and have a seat in your dads car. It was one of his favourite places to be and I am sure he would be delighted for you to do that and remember him.
Again so sorry.
Sorry to hear that OP.
My dad died suddenly at 49 many years ago.
Things that I've found useful over the years:
1 Slow everything down and don't rush
2 Keep copies of everything, get plenty of copies of everything
3 Don't put off any small jobs, make a list and tick them off
4 Chase up anyone you email or write to
5 Death is sadly an every day situation for businesses, if your stuck, ask them, they'll have a process
6 Take you time, don't be hard on yourself, don't expect to feel or behave in any way you think you should.
7. Look after yourself and everyone around you!
I still miss my dad (and the rest of them now - being the last one on my side) after 31 years!!
My dad died suddenly at 49 many years ago.
Things that I've found useful over the years:
1 Slow everything down and don't rush
2 Keep copies of everything, get plenty of copies of everything
3 Don't put off any small jobs, make a list and tick them off
4 Chase up anyone you email or write to
5 Death is sadly an every day situation for businesses, if your stuck, ask them, they'll have a process
6 Take you time, don't be hard on yourself, don't expect to feel or behave in any way you think you should.
7. Look after yourself and everyone around you!
I still miss my dad (and the rest of them now - being the last one on my side) after 31 years!!
What I learnt from my dad dying;
Talk it over with family, friends.
Post the photo - be proud that you have it and that you want to share it. Discussing what's happening - on here, amongst friends, anywhere, will help with the grieving process.
Don't be sad he died - be happy he led you up a wonderful path and taught you wonderful things. He did his job. That you feel like this and miss him so much proves this.
Talk.
Talk it over with family, friends.
Post the photo - be proud that you have it and that you want to share it. Discussing what's happening - on here, amongst friends, anywhere, will help with the grieving process.
Don't be sad he died - be happy he led you up a wonderful path and taught you wonderful things. He did his job. That you feel like this and miss him so much proves this.
Talk.
Sorry for your loss..
On a practical point.. there is something called "tell us once" form which means you can update all/most of the government agencies all in one go.
Saves a lot of time and hassle.
Also, if you have to phone up banks/utility companies etc.. don't mess about with them, ask to get put straight through to their bereavement department.
They are slightly better to deal with than the usual phone people.
On a practical point.. there is something called "tell us once" form which means you can update all/most of the government agencies all in one go.
Saves a lot of time and hassle.
Also, if you have to phone up banks/utility companies etc.. don't mess about with them, ask to get put straight through to their bereavement department.
They are slightly better to deal with than the usual phone people.
So so sorry for your sudden loss.
As someone said above, don’t be afraid to grieve. Don’t be afraid to cry, anytime or anywhere.
My father died when I was four - a long time ago.
I still find myself shedding a tear at odd times or in odd places, and it makes me smile. And I didn’t even really know him!
You obviously had a great relationship and that is fantastic.
As someone said above, don’t be afraid to grieve. Don’t be afraid to cry, anytime or anywhere.
My father died when I was four - a long time ago.
I still find myself shedding a tear at odd times or in odd places, and it makes me smile. And I didn’t even really know him!
You obviously had a great relationship and that is fantastic.
My Dad died suddenly in 2018 at 50, I couldn't look at photos for a while, but in time they became nice to look at, the memories came back. Take things at your own pace, don't try and be strong for your family, I did and it nearly did for me.
4 years later I still miss him everyday, I don't think the pain will ever go away, but it doesn't hurt like it did 4 years ago.
My condolences for you loss.
4 years later I still miss him everyday, I don't think the pain will ever go away, but it doesn't hurt like it did 4 years ago.
My condolences for you loss.
It's tough at the start and eases with time, with spikes back with the odd smell or article taking you back in time in an instant.
My Da got to 77 and often remarked that he was a walking miracle given the amount of fags he smoked and the amount of drink he drank.
While his death was a shock to his kids, he didn't spend a night in hospital, didn't have cancer, Covid, dementia or another dibiltating illness. He had walked his wee dog in the morning and was going out to a meeting and fell over in his kitchen with a heart attack and his mates came round to see him as he was an hour late. So fairly quick as these things go.
Miss him immensely but everyone of my siblings & myself would like to go the way he did and because he was so accepting of death (had a living wake with all those he wanted at his funeral at 75 before he'd become infirm, fully prepared the organisation of his funeral including telling about 30 people he wanted taken in a tractor and trailer from his childhood home) we came to terms with his death much easier than any of the others we have had to deal with.
Still miss the craic though & I could have done with another 2 or 3 years out of him. His aim at being the talk of the country:
My Da got to 77 and often remarked that he was a walking miracle given the amount of fags he smoked and the amount of drink he drank.
While his death was a shock to his kids, he didn't spend a night in hospital, didn't have cancer, Covid, dementia or another dibiltating illness. He had walked his wee dog in the morning and was going out to a meeting and fell over in his kitchen with a heart attack and his mates came round to see him as he was an hour late. So fairly quick as these things go.
Miss him immensely but everyone of my siblings & myself would like to go the way he did and because he was so accepting of death (had a living wake with all those he wanted at his funeral at 75 before he'd become infirm, fully prepared the organisation of his funeral including telling about 30 people he wanted taken in a tractor and trailer from his childhood home) we came to terms with his death much easier than any of the others we have had to deal with.
Still miss the craic though & I could have done with another 2 or 3 years out of him. His aim at being the talk of the country:
Condolences mate, I lost my dad 11 years ago, he was 57. Me and my sister were left sorting & clearing his house. He was a massive Chelsea fan and had stacks of programmes and VHS tapes of major games. It took me a long time to find the strength to deal with it all.. I couldn’t keep it all, and keeping old tech VHS tapes was pointless. I had to dispose of them at the local recycling centre.. I still feel incredibly guilty to this day.
Keep the things that mean the most, and give yourself some time.. it’s still very recent and raw for you.
Keep the things that mean the most, and give yourself some time.. it’s still very recent and raw for you.
OP, you have my deepest sympathies.
Most of what people write about and describe as grief is actually shock, so it may prove helpful to find resources about dealing with the shock.
There is no right way to feel, nor any wrong way; we each deal with losing people in our own way.
I think talking about it helps, even if you are not normally the sort to talk about feelings.
I lost my first wife several years ago, and the best piece of advice I received was "accept every offer of help you get".
The other thing I remember looking back at that time is that when I thought I was alright again I still actually had a long way to go.
Most of what people write about and describe as grief is actually shock, so it may prove helpful to find resources about dealing with the shock.
There is no right way to feel, nor any wrong way; we each deal with losing people in our own way.
I think talking about it helps, even if you are not normally the sort to talk about feelings.
I lost my first wife several years ago, and the best piece of advice I received was "accept every offer of help you get".
The other thing I remember looking back at that time is that when I thought I was alright again I still actually had a long way to go.
A collective thank you to each and every one who has read and commented... I am totally humbled by your support, shared experiences and guidance. Reading through the replies has genuinely helped me.
My Dad's pride and joy is still tucked up under the car cover in his garage as he left it, I look forward to driving it at some point but for now as one of you kind folk said - be proud and post your dad's photo..
I doubt processing this will end anytime soon, thank you all again, Marc
My Dad's pride and joy is still tucked up under the car cover in his garage as he left it, I look forward to driving it at some point but for now as one of you kind folk said - be proud and post your dad's photo..
I doubt processing this will end anytime soon, thank you all again, Marc
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff