Mental health - Dealing with regrets

[xyz123]

Hi, not sure if this is the best place for the topic.

I have some regrets in life (thankfully nothing abusive or criminal etc). Almost all my regrets are abt delaying things in my past or life choices I made.

I know the worrying or thinking abt past is not going to chnage the present or future (actually seems to Make it worse for me) but I just can't get over the regrets.

I am thinking if any therapists may help? If so, I have no idea if any specific type like CBT?

Thanks for reading my post

[Percy Cushion]

It’s good that you recognise the issue and that you can’t change the past. As you are still affected by it, speak to your GP, they will be able to prescribe medication that can really help. Citalopram for one.

Good luck.

[Douglas Quaid]

Do you know what has triggered them?

[ZedLeg]

CBT and mindfulness can be helpful for letting you get in control of the negative thoughts. Your GP should be able to point you towards a service.

[Wheel Turned Out]

A good thing is you're recognising something you're doing that is having a negative effect on your life - that's the first step to moving forward! Denial that something is wrong is usually the hardest thing to overcome, you seem to have a realistic view of the issues you're facing which can be half the battle.

Best of luck in your journey to a better place.

[evenflow]

I quite like this as a way to think about things.

[pidsy]

Lots of local authorities have self referral services for CBT so you don’t have to go through your GP.

They are extremely busy atm though. It could take some time to be seen.

I found it hugely useful as I didn’t want to go down the medication route.

[QJumper]

Assuming you're failrly healthy and relatively happy with your life, then think "chaos theory".

You are where you are today because of the choices you made. HIndsight may create the illusion that a different choice, made years ago, might have led to a better present. However, any different decisions/events in the past, including a lottery win, might just as easily have led to misery, misfortune, or being run over by a bus.

In short, happiness comes from being happy with what you have, not what you want or might have had.

[Caddyshack]

The past is gone and can never come back, the future has not happened yet so there is only now. Just recognise any of the regret thoughts, do not act on them or indulge them and just move the thought along to something else.

[Boom78]

evenflow said:

I quite like this as a way to think about things.

That’s a superb way of understanding life.

[manwithbeard]

Paying to see a psychologist would be a worthwhile expenditure, even for only one session. I asked my GP to recommend someone.
I remind myself to focus on the present, because focusing on the past creates depression and on the future, anxiety.
One very useful practise is, at the end of each day, identify at least three good things that have happened.
Outdoor, physical exercise, walking for me, also helps.
Good luck, you are not the only one struggling with regrets.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

I actually find it helps to positively revel in your previous bad decisions. Laugh about them, share them with friends in a self deprecating way. Make yourself the butt of the joke. I made a terrible career choice decision when I was 17 that is a legendary story with all my friends. It brought me nothing but misery, but it's given a lot of other people a real laugh, which is a nice thing.

As I always tell them, you only get one chance to fk your whole life up, and I grabbed mine with both hands.

[98elise]

Boom78 said:

evenflow said:

I quite like this as a way to think about things.

That’s a superb way of understanding life.

Agreed. My son has mental health issues and fixates on whats gone wrong in the past. I tell him there is nothing he can do about the past, only change what his future is.

That sums it up well.

[oceanview]

The western world in particular, puts too much seriousness on life- and choosing the "right paths", doing the right things etc,etc.

At the end of the day, you, me and everyone else is just an insignificant little "pop-up" in the grand scheme of things, and we're all minuscule , in regard the vastness of universe.

Basically, it's ones ego causing them issues about past/present /future.

I used to think too much about decisions/directions in life ( and mine have been st at times, lol!) now i don't care so much- i am calmer, more chilled out ( mostly- i am no saint) and give much less of a fk about what others think.

[omniflow]

The other way to look at it is to consider all of positives that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't made that choice that you consider to be bad.

People you wouldn't have met
Places you wouldn't have visited
Experiences you wouldn't have had.

I met up with a group of schoolfriends earlier this year (I left school over 40 years ago). They had all stayed in the same town and had remained good friends for the past 40 years. For a bit I was quite envious of this and started to think that maybe I'd have been better off staying in the town I grew up in and continuing to hang around with these guys - who I still get on with very well.

Then I started to think about all of the things that I have done that I probably wouldn't have done if I hadn't moved to London aged 19. I very quickly put any regrets to bed.

[Pflanzgarten]

He who has no regrets is a fking idiot imho.

(This might not make such a snappy tattoo however)

[oceanview]

Pflanzgarten said:

He who has no regrets is a fking idiot imho.

(This might not make such a snappy tattoo however)

I dont know- got to better than some "Tribal" tattoo!

[BoRED S2upid]

Definitely pay to speak to someone if it’s that bad don’t wait for the NHS. Or rescue a dog. Or do both. I find dogs really are man’s best friend.

[Caddyshack]

Pflanzgarten said:

He who has no regrets is a fking idiot imho.

(This might not make such a snappy tattoo however)

Good point. I tell my daughter a lot that the people in life who succeed the most are the ones who make the most mistakes. I try to tell her to dare to get things wrong.

[BoRED S2upid]

Caddyshack said:

Good point. I tell my daughter a lot that the people in life who succeed the most are the ones who make the most mistakes. I try to tell her to dare to get things wrong.

Not too wrong though.