Could I be on the spectrum?
Discussion
I have always been aware that I don't think like most people but I have always put it down to having a fairly difficult childhood and how it effected me.
Someone new has started at work and I am really struggling to deal with it. Its obvious that she is attracted to me but I am doing the usual and pushing her away as I am aware that I have many, many red flags. She is really confused and hurt by my behaviour.
I have recently been wondering if my behaviour is perhaps a bit on the spectrum but I always go back to my childhood to explain it. This week I have read a couple of threads on Mumsnet about parents dealing with their autistic children. One in particular is about how peoples autistic children have gone on to adulthood and how they are coping with life. This was quite an eye opener as I saw a lot of my own behaviours being written about.
Suddenly last night its like something clicked has clicked into place in my head. I realise that my difficulties are not the result of my childhood, they have always been there. my brother and sister are perfectly normal despite having largely the same experience as me. I have this huge sense of relief, it just makes sense to me.
I am 50 by the way but has anyone else had a similar experience?
Someone new has started at work and I am really struggling to deal with it. Its obvious that she is attracted to me but I am doing the usual and pushing her away as I am aware that I have many, many red flags. She is really confused and hurt by my behaviour.
I have recently been wondering if my behaviour is perhaps a bit on the spectrum but I always go back to my childhood to explain it. This week I have read a couple of threads on Mumsnet about parents dealing with their autistic children. One in particular is about how peoples autistic children have gone on to adulthood and how they are coping with life. This was quite an eye opener as I saw a lot of my own behaviours being written about.
Suddenly last night its like something clicked has clicked into place in my head. I realise that my difficulties are not the result of my childhood, they have always been there. my brother and sister are perfectly normal despite having largely the same experience as me. I have this huge sense of relief, it just makes sense to me.
I am 50 by the way but has anyone else had a similar experience?
Derek Withers said:
I have always been aware that I don't think like most people but I have always put it down to having a fairly difficult childhood and how it effected me.
Someone new has started at work and I am really struggling to deal with it. Its obvious that she is attracted to me but I am doing the usual and pushing her away as I am aware that I have many, many red flags. She is really confused and hurt by my behaviour.
I have recently been wondering if my behaviour is perhaps a bit on the spectrum but I always go back to my childhood to explain it. This week I have read a couple of threads on Mumsnet about parents dealing with their autistic children. One in particular is about how peoples autistic children have gone on to adulthood and how they are coping with life. This was quite an eye opener as I saw a lot of my own behaviours being written about.
Suddenly last night its like something clicked has clicked into place in my head. I realise that my difficulties are not the result of my childhood, they have always been there. my brother and sister are perfectly normal despite having largely the same experience as me. I have this huge sense of relief, it just makes sense to me.
I am 50 by the way but has anyone else had a similar experience?
This sounds to me like avoidant personality syndrome rather than autism. Obviously the two can go together but assuming you're the one with the red flags and pre-emptively jettisoning a potential relationship isn't in itself an autism trait.Someone new has started at work and I am really struggling to deal with it. Its obvious that she is attracted to me but I am doing the usual and pushing her away as I am aware that I have many, many red flags. She is really confused and hurt by my behaviour.
I have recently been wondering if my behaviour is perhaps a bit on the spectrum but I always go back to my childhood to explain it. This week I have read a couple of threads on Mumsnet about parents dealing with their autistic children. One in particular is about how peoples autistic children have gone on to adulthood and how they are coping with life. This was quite an eye opener as I saw a lot of my own behaviours being written about.
Suddenly last night its like something clicked has clicked into place in my head. I realise that my difficulties are not the result of my childhood, they have always been there. my brother and sister are perfectly normal despite having largely the same experience as me. I have this huge sense of relief, it just makes sense to me.
I am 50 by the way but has anyone else had a similar experience?
Of course all these 'syndromes' are basically just collections of symptoms so worrying about which label to put on yourself isn't necessarily helpful. Knowing other people are in the same situation can be though.
Dr Jekyll said:
This sounds to me like avoidant personality syndrome rather than autism. Obviously the two can go together but assuming you're the one with the red flags and pre-emptively jettisoning a potential relationship isn't in itself an autism trait.
Of course all these 'syndromes' are basically just collections of symptoms so worrying about which label to put on yourself isn't necessarily helpful. Knowing other people are in the same situation can be though.
Thank you for the reply. I didn't particularly list the traits that make me think this but there are a quite a few. As a child I remember freaking out about "scratchy" cloths and labels. I am perfectly happy on my own and have never felt lonely. In fact I don't really think about other people at all. There are plenty on the mumsnet thread as well. Of course all these 'syndromes' are basically just collections of symptoms so worrying about which label to put on yourself isn't necessarily helpful. Knowing other people are in the same situation can be though.
I guess my question is more about a whether self diagnosis has any value? I don't think getting a proper diagnosis would change anything now but I am so much happier today that I might have found a reason for all the things I have done.
Edited by Derek Withers on Wednesday 27th July 07:06
Go and see a psychologist.
I say this based on my own experience, which until I did, I guess I always wondered about myself - thinking differently, awkward conversations etc.
I found a local'ish pyschologist, and with the aim of learning more about myself (I'm 41 btw) and my own personal development for work etc,. I stumped up the measly £40 for a 1hr session.
I now go once a month and the 'freedom' this has given me is immense as I'm able to understand my behaviours and ultimately as a once-a-month stop, step back, take a breath...
I say this based on my own experience, which until I did, I guess I always wondered about myself - thinking differently, awkward conversations etc.
I found a local'ish pyschologist, and with the aim of learning more about myself (I'm 41 btw) and my own personal development for work etc,. I stumped up the measly £40 for a 1hr session.
I now go once a month and the 'freedom' this has given me is immense as I'm able to understand my behaviours and ultimately as a once-a-month stop, step back, take a breath...
Derek Withers said:
Its obvious that she is attracted to me but I am doing the usual and pushing her away as I am aware that I have many, many red flags. She is really confused and hurt by my behaviour.
How confident are you (particularly if you think you are on the spectrum....) that you're reading this right? Being honest with yourself, how much of a catch are you? Quite possibly she's just trying to get on with a new colleague, and you're being rude in return.
Derek Withers said:
As a child I remember freaking out about "scratchy" cloths and labels.
I don't display autistic tendencies (although do have other atypical symptoms. We are all just a collection of different behaviours and labels just group them) , but I was extremely (excessively and in my mind, rather than rash producing) sensitive about those things when I was a child/teenager too, although not as an adult. As others have said, speak to somebody about it. Either a psychologist or if there is a local support/meet group it could be good to attend. It can be very interesting (and a relief) to speak to people who have had similar experiences if few people normally understand you.
Thank you all for the replies. So a psychologist rather than other MH professionals is the type of person to see? I walk to work and its a good time to process your thoughts. I almost cried today as I had such a profound sense that I finally have an explanation.
To Bill and Badda. In the dating thread they reckon perhaps 80-90% of guys struggle with online dating with average looks and the others are beating women off with a stick. I am definitely in the beating them off category. I have been chatted up in the street many times by both women and men but I am definitely not attracted to men. I cringe when I think back to my teens and I missed many signals but I am very aware of it now.
To Bill and Badda. In the dating thread they reckon perhaps 80-90% of guys struggle with online dating with average looks and the others are beating women off with a stick. I am definitely in the beating them off category. I have been chatted up in the street many times by both women and men but I am definitely not attracted to men. I cringe when I think back to my teens and I missed many signals but I am very aware of it now.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with autism late in life, and she finds it useful to have a label for her condition. And now bangs on all the time about neurotypical this and neurodivergent that - it’s almost an identity.
She finds it helpful in understanding herself and that what she thought was just her being weird is part of that. Personally, I think we’re all weird and accepting that is part of getting older and more comfortable in our own skins, but if a label helps, so be it. More practically useful for children in getting access to help I think.
She finds it helpful in understanding herself and that what she thought was just her being weird is part of that. Personally, I think we’re all weird and accepting that is part of getting older and more comfortable in our own skins, but if a label helps, so be it. More practically useful for children in getting access to help I think.
Derek Withers said:
Someone new has started at work and I am really struggling to deal with it. Its obvious that she is attracted to me but I am doing the usual and pushing her away as I am aware that I have many, many red flags. She is really confused and hurt by my behaviour.
You don't say if you are attracted to her.What do you want to happen?
And even if he is "beating them off" good looking, no reason to be rude or unpleasant.popeyewhite said:
Is good advice. A counsellor/psychotherapist would offer a similar level of service, possibly less directed.
Thank you for this. I think some sort of understanding or "label" would be helpful. Apologies if I have been rude but I doubt anything is going to happen with the new woman at work. On the face of it I am a good looking guy but I know how many red flags I would have for your average woman.
Megaflow said:
Badda said:
Perhaps you’re gay?
Perhaps your a child?
Seriously, somebody has come looking for help and advice and your contribution is that.
I have the week off next week and today I found a counsellor in the next town who covers ASD. I am going to book a session and I will try and remember to update this.
I have also just realised that I still have sensory issues with my clothes. My preference is baggy, comfy, cotton clothes. I don't wear manmade fibres on my skin much. I hate too tight clothes and wearing shirt and tie.
I have also just realised that I still have sensory issues with my clothes. My preference is baggy, comfy, cotton clothes. I don't wear manmade fibres on my skin much. I hate too tight clothes and wearing shirt and tie.
I'm a few years older than you and can speak from recent experience.
I always thought I was a bit "off/different"; mainly quite direct, a little insensitive, not very emotional, and thus not very good at interpreting other's emotions, and so not always mindful of them. I tended/still tend to see everything from a practical/logical perspective, rather than an emotional one. As a result, my relationship experiences weren't that I avoided them, and more that I was less emotional than people expected, which was often welcomed at first, but subsequently resulted in coming across as not caring as much, even though that wasn't the case.
I mostly didn't give it much thought, and just thought it was my personality, but was prompted more recently to question it. I mentioned it to my GP a couple of years ago, who suggested Asperger's at the time, and so I did one of the standard online tests, and scored fairly highly. As a result my GP referred me, and I went through a series of tests and appointments, which ultimately resulted in me being diagnosed as being on the spectrum. It was all free, and the people involved were all very kind and helpful.
Of course there's nothing that can be done about it, other than being aware that you might see and experience things differently to others. That in itself can be helpful in interpreting past actions/feelings/behaviours, and in mitigating future ones by being mindful that others don't see or feel things the way you do.
So, I'd suggest one of the more thorough online tests first, see how you score, and then take it from there.
I always thought I was a bit "off/different"; mainly quite direct, a little insensitive, not very emotional, and thus not very good at interpreting other's emotions, and so not always mindful of them. I tended/still tend to see everything from a practical/logical perspective, rather than an emotional one. As a result, my relationship experiences weren't that I avoided them, and more that I was less emotional than people expected, which was often welcomed at first, but subsequently resulted in coming across as not caring as much, even though that wasn't the case.
I mostly didn't give it much thought, and just thought it was my personality, but was prompted more recently to question it. I mentioned it to my GP a couple of years ago, who suggested Asperger's at the time, and so I did one of the standard online tests, and scored fairly highly. As a result my GP referred me, and I went through a series of tests and appointments, which ultimately resulted in me being diagnosed as being on the spectrum. It was all free, and the people involved were all very kind and helpful.
Of course there's nothing that can be done about it, other than being aware that you might see and experience things differently to others. That in itself can be helpful in interpreting past actions/feelings/behaviours, and in mitigating future ones by being mindful that others don't see or feel things the way you do.
So, I'd suggest one of the more thorough online tests first, see how you score, and then take it from there.
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