100+ units a week - what next?
Discussion
My mates missus has msg me, shes really worried about his drinking. They came back from long weekend (she doesnt drink) which was "boozy" and Mon, Tue, Wed she says he had 9 beers plus (she marked 3 bottles of vodka/gin) approx 1/3 from each so she thinks 50-55 units. Weve been friends for many years but not so close recently, hes putting weight on, never comes cycling now. Hes always been a bit of a boozer (say 40 units pw) but this is next level
How long before it noticeably starts affecting his health? Do i try to talk to him? It might make it better short term but he'll be really angry at her for discussing it. And she knows his answer will be "ive got a strong liver..." He wont take a liver function test either.
Any experiences greatly received
How long before it noticeably starts affecting his health? Do i try to talk to him? It might make it better short term but he'll be really angry at her for discussing it. And she knows his answer will be "ive got a strong liver..." He wont take a liver function test either.
Any experiences greatly received
With that level of drinking I hope he doesn't drive.
A few years ago a friend of mine had 2 one year bans after twice being caught driving when over 3 times the limit. The 2nd time warned the 3rd time would mean jail.
Gave up driving as preferd drinking to driving. In last year has severely cut down on drinking - I've no idea why. Still not driving.
A few years ago a friend of mine had 2 one year bans after twice being caught driving when over 3 times the limit. The 2nd time warned the 3rd time would mean jail.
Gave up driving as preferd drinking to driving. In last year has severely cut down on drinking - I've no idea why. Still not driving.
Watching this as its something we're going through at the moment.
Everyone will probably need a different approach. Nagging won't work in our instance, its deeper than that, the person has to want change. Just when you think you're making headway, something (invariably) happens to hamper it.
My sympathy OP, very upsetting.
Everyone will probably need a different approach. Nagging won't work in our instance, its deeper than that, the person has to want change. Just when you think you're making headway, something (invariably) happens to hamper it.
My sympathy OP, very upsetting.
Everyone will need a different approach and a bit of trial & error might be needed. A good friend is starting to make some very promising progress after being nagged & encouraged by various people who care about him. He clearly wasn’t listening to his missus so she decided to bite the bullet & accept that involving others wouldn’t be a popular move but had become necessary.
Excessive drinking is usually a substitute for something or to suppress something. At the level your friend is drinking, it will start to take it's toll. I spent the first year of lockdown drinking far too much - dusted off my old home brew equipment & built a dispensing fridge. Simple opportunity of lots of home brew and boredom combined with being stuck at home 24/7 meant I was drinking probably 3-4 pints a day, so 50+ units a week. Dreadful for health, I put on loads of weight, woke up every morning feeling terrible, and started drinking again at lunchtime. Managed to drag myself out of that downward spiral, but it's very easy to convince yourself that drinking to such levels is entirely normal. Having a good friend round for a beer when the lockdown started to ease opened my eyes - I was downing three pints in the time it took for him to drink one, and that was the point I realised all was not well.
Your friend will likely have convinced himself that it's perfectly reasonable to drink to such excess, and the challenge will be to help him to understand that it's not reasonable at all. Alcohol is a powerful drug, it provides an easy release from the daily grind, and is available everywhere. It's a hard habit to break.
Your friend will likely have convinced himself that it's perfectly reasonable to drink to such excess, and the challenge will be to help him to understand that it's not reasonable at all. Alcohol is a powerful drug, it provides an easy release from the daily grind, and is available everywhere. It's a hard habit to break.
it can be done, i'm 23 years sober. I peaked at 300 plus units a week, for the final few years.
It comes down to self ultimately at this point.
I used all resources, but AA was and continues to be the best and most wonderful asset I have.
An alcoholic never likes confrontation about drinking and will always deny and deflect but it needs to be talked about, the more it's talked about the more it hits home, even if never acknowledged.
I'm a lucky one, I have seen many many people never get sober, either dying from alcoholism or suicide. In 23 years I have never met an alcoholic who can control their drinking for any length of time. I believe the only way is abstinence. I f
king love being sober now but it took a few years to accept it.
It comes down to self ultimately at this point.
I used all resources, but AA was and continues to be the best and most wonderful asset I have.
An alcoholic never likes confrontation about drinking and will always deny and deflect but it needs to be talked about, the more it's talked about the more it hits home, even if never acknowledged.
I'm a lucky one, I have seen many many people never get sober, either dying from alcoholism or suicide. In 23 years I have never met an alcoholic who can control their drinking for any length of time. I believe the only way is abstinence. I f
king love being sober now but it took a few years to accept it.He won't be doing this for fun. It isn't a question of him wanting to change.
He will be obliterating thoughts he cannot face sober. It will be something he cannot easily change. It won't be an easy conversation. Maybe impossible. Rock bottom is always available.
On the plus side we are quite robust to alcohol, so he could live quite a while even at that level though obviously it isn't good for him.
Best of luck.
He will be obliterating thoughts he cannot face sober. It will be something he cannot easily change. It won't be an easy conversation. Maybe impossible. Rock bottom is always available.
On the plus side we are quite robust to alcohol, so he could live quite a while even at that level though obviously it isn't good for him.
Best of luck.
cheeky_chops said:
My mates missus has msg me, shes really worried about his drinking. They came back from long weekend (she doesnt drink) which was "boozy" and Mon, Tue, Wed she says he had 9 beers plus (she marked 3 bottles of vodka/gin) approx 1/3 from each so she thinks 50-55 units. Weve been friends for many years but not so close recently, hes putting weight on, never comes cycling now. Hes always been a bit of a boozer (say 40 units pw) but this is next level
How long before it noticeably starts affecting his health? Do i try to talk to him? It might make it better short term but he'll be really angry at her for discussing it. And she knows his answer will be "ive got a strong liver..." He wont take a liver function test either.
Any experiences greatly received
With regards to health something that doesn't get mentioned as much if the effects regular drinking can have on your blood pressure, which over time can lead to serious health issues (heart attack, stroke etc).How long before it noticeably starts affecting his health? Do i try to talk to him? It might make it better short term but he'll be really angry at her for discussing it. And she knows his answer will be "ive got a strong liver..." He wont take a liver function test either.
Any experiences greatly received
Depending on his current weight, exercise and diet would also be a factor. This can also apply to things like fatty liver disease etc.
Perhaps invite him out for a bike ride and a beer after where you can gently try to find out if this was a 1 off or if 100 units a week is the new norm.
If he is having 100 units every week, with little exercise and a poor diet then his blood pressure will gradually raise until it reaches dangerous levels ( this could take years) but there are side effects at all, sadly most only find out once it's too late.
thanks all for advise all
I asked his wife and shes come back with 7 day total
2 btl vodka 56 units
1.5 btl gin 42
21 cans beer 50
1/2 btl wine 4
total = 150 units give or take
I will see if he want to go for a ride or catch up over a beer. I can only try but it seems like hes in a pretty big hole atm....
I asked his wife and shes come back with 7 day total
2 btl vodka 56 units
1.5 btl gin 42
21 cans beer 50
1/2 btl wine 4
total = 150 units give or take
I will see if he want to go for a ride or catch up over a beer. I can only try but it seems like hes in a pretty big hole atm....
cheeky_chops said:
thanks all for advise all
I asked his wife and shes come back with 7 day total
2 btl vodka 56 units
1.5 btl gin 42
21 cans beer 50
1/2 btl wine 4
total = 150 units give or take
I will see if he want to go for a ride or catch up over a beer. I can only try but it seems like hes in a pretty big hole atm....
Sounds like you're a good mate. All you can do is be there to offer a listening ear. The change has to come from him. I asked his wife and shes come back with 7 day total
2 btl vodka 56 units
1.5 btl gin 42
21 cans beer 50
1/2 btl wine 4
total = 150 units give or take
I will see if he want to go for a ride or catch up over a beer. I can only try but it seems like hes in a pretty big hole atm....
You mention biking, perhaps float the idea of doing a sportive in a few months and see if he wants to commit to training to do it with you, with a small wager on who can win. Either that or a fundraising goal for a local charity.
The focus on a particular date might help to cut back on the booze, particularly if he's competitive.
cheeky_chops said:
thanks all for advise all
I asked his wife and shes come back with 7 day total
2 btl vodka 56 units
1.5 btl gin 42
21 cans beer 50
1/2 btl wine 4
total = 150 units give or take
I will see if he want to go for a ride or catch up over a beer. I can only try but it seems like hes in a pretty big hole atm....
All alcoholics lie and deny what they drink, he'll likely be drinking more. The total is just what his wife thinks, if he has been asked to give a total he will have lied.I asked his wife and shes come back with 7 day total
2 btl vodka 56 units
1.5 btl gin 42
21 cans beer 50
1/2 btl wine 4
total = 150 units give or take
I will see if he want to go for a ride or catch up over a beer. I can only try but it seems like hes in a pretty big hole atm....
Your pal may have resigned himself that there is no other way to live and that he'll just continue as is until he dies (even better if that happens soon) - that was how I was.
Or he may not have any consequences from his drinking and not see that there is an issue.
If he wants to stop but can't see how to, then that's something to work with. If he can't see any issue with it or doesn't want to then that's harder - though an intervention by your friend's Mrs and family might jolt him into seeing that they are worried for him and perhaps suggesting that he speak to someone might help.
The summary of what your mate is drinking is a decent amount, though my experience was that what others thought I was having was underestimating what I was actually having. Yep, I might come back from the bar with a pint for me and a fruit based drink for the lady, but I may have just done another pint and a large vodka whilst paying.
Or he may not have any consequences from his drinking and not see that there is an issue.
If he wants to stop but can't see how to, then that's something to work with. If he can't see any issue with it or doesn't want to then that's harder - though an intervention by your friend's Mrs and family might jolt him into seeing that they are worried for him and perhaps suggesting that he speak to someone might help.
The summary of what your mate is drinking is a decent amount, though my experience was that what others thought I was having was underestimating what I was actually having. Yep, I might come back from the bar with a pint for me and a fruit based drink for the lady, but I may have just done another pint and a large vodka whilst paying.
Sebo said:
Your pal may have resigned himself that there is no other way to live and that he'll just continue as is until he dies (even better if that happens soon) - that was how I was.
Or he may not have any consequences from his drinking and not see that there is an issue.
If he wants to stop but can't see how to, then that's something to work with. If he can't see any issue with it or doesn't want to then that's harder - though an intervention by your friend's Mrs and family might jolt him into seeing that they are worried for him and perhaps suggesting that he speak to someone might help.
The summary of what your mate is drinking is a decent amount, though my experience was that what others thought I was having was underestimating what I was actually having. Yep, I might come back from the bar with a pint for me and a fruit based drink for the lady, but I may have just done another pint and a large vodka whilst paying.
Yep, agree with this. At my worst I would have a couple of ciders in the morning. I'd pour them into a large coffee mug so that if the Mrs came down she would think I was drinking coffee.Or he may not have any consequences from his drinking and not see that there is an issue.
If he wants to stop but can't see how to, then that's something to work with. If he can't see any issue with it or doesn't want to then that's harder - though an intervention by your friend's Mrs and family might jolt him into seeing that they are worried for him and perhaps suggesting that he speak to someone might help.
The summary of what your mate is drinking is a decent amount, though my experience was that what others thought I was having was underestimating what I was actually having. Yep, I might come back from the bar with a pint for me and a fruit based drink for the lady, but I may have just done another pint and a large vodka whilst paying.
That averages out at 21.4 units a days, or 8.5 pints of 5% beer every day...
I have a friend who is in a similar situation and also has a liking for certain drugs on a regular basis! lovely chap with everything going for him including a good job etc but there is no chance of him ever giving any of it up, he simply enjoys it too much.
Hope you get to see your friend soon, its nearly 11 times the recommended amount for a man to regularly consume in a week. I will hold my hand up and admit that I generally go above the 14 units but the numbers you posted above are quite alarming.
I have a friend who is in a similar situation and also has a liking for certain drugs on a regular basis! lovely chap with everything going for him including a good job etc but there is no chance of him ever giving any of it up, he simply enjoys it too much.
Hope you get to see your friend soon, its nearly 11 times the recommended amount for a man to regularly consume in a week. I will hold my hand up and admit that I generally go above the 14 units but the numbers you posted above are quite alarming.
Bob-iylho said:
it can be done, i'm 23 years sober. I peaked at 300 plus units a week, for the final few years.
It comes down to self ultimately at this point.
I used all resources, but AA was and continues to be the best and most wonderful asset I have.
An alcoholic never likes confrontation about drinking and will always deny and deflect but it needs to be talked about, the more it's talked about the more it hits home, even if never acknowledged.
I'm a lucky one, I have seen many many people never get sober, either dying from alcoholism or suicide. In 23 years I have never met an alcoholic who can control their drinking for any length of time. I believe the only way is abstinence. I fking love being sober now but it took a few years to accept it.
300 units a week! Holy cow I can’t even do the maths as to what the looks like. It comes down to self ultimately at this point.
I used all resources, but AA was and continues to be the best and most wonderful asset I have.
An alcoholic never likes confrontation about drinking and will always deny and deflect but it needs to be talked about, the more it's talked about the more it hits home, even if never acknowledged.
I'm a lucky one, I have seen many many people never get sober, either dying from alcoholism or suicide. In 23 years I have never met an alcoholic who can control their drinking for any length of time. I believe the only way is abstinence. I f
king love being sober now but it took a few years to accept it.Well done for the continued sobriety.
I find children help. I enjoy a drink but can’t cope with kids and a hangover. Result is 1 or 2 drinks and that’s it no hangovers.
I had a colleague who used to drink a 70cl bottle of whisky a night after work - staying in digs, bored, enjoyed the social aspect with the boys so went down the pub. Add to that 100 ciggies a day, eating nothing except takeaways and a complete lack of exercise, it was only heading one way. After a decade of this lifestyle - 5 bottles a week so ~140 units weekly, plus whatever he drank at home over the weekends, he was probably topping out near 200 units - he started having seizures, which his doctor diagnosed as TIA or mini-strokes. His blood pressure was through the roof, the doc advised a complete abstinence from alcohol and smoking. Unfortunately my colleague ignored him, continued on, and suffered 5 or 6 further TIAs, briefly hospitalised each time but came out and kept going. Eventually at the age of 43 the big one happened - massive stroke, completely paralysed, he spent 9 months in the hospital recovering. He's now three years clear of the booze, has taken up cycling and swimming, and is a new man. Unfortunately it took a near fatal event to make him realise how detrimental the drink/smokes/chippys were to him and his health.
I sincerely hope your friend doesn't need to have the same kind of experience, and can get himself squared up with people like you and his wife by his side.
I sincerely hope your friend doesn't need to have the same kind of experience, and can get himself squared up with people like you and his wife by his side.
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