How can I help her lose weight?
Discussion
When we met over 15 years ago she was a size 6. At present she’s a size 22. My attraction has been on and off with her new size.
It’s not the spending on buying clothes that gets me. Not even embarrassed to be with her in public. She’s the mother of my kids who did a number on her body! It’s when I see her get out of breath after a flight of stairs.
We used to go for walks with the dogs and kids as a family. Nowadays she’s working from home and in long meetings. So I walk the dogs when I get back in the evenings. She’d rather be in bed and I don’t blame her.
I spoke to a female colleague at work who said I needed to make my wife feel beautiful. So I bought her some of her favourite makeup brands as a gift and suggested a date night. It never happened.
She complains about her weight but won’t do anything about it. When it’s my turn to make dinner I try make something healthy without letting on that I’d rather she have salad. When it’s on her, usually the doorbell goes and that’s another pizza.
Not sure how I can help her. Ideas welcome.
It’s not the spending on buying clothes that gets me. Not even embarrassed to be with her in public. She’s the mother of my kids who did a number on her body! It’s when I see her get out of breath after a flight of stairs.
We used to go for walks with the dogs and kids as a family. Nowadays she’s working from home and in long meetings. So I walk the dogs when I get back in the evenings. She’d rather be in bed and I don’t blame her.
I spoke to a female colleague at work who said I needed to make my wife feel beautiful. So I bought her some of her favourite makeup brands as a gift and suggested a date night. It never happened.
She complains about her weight but won’t do anything about it. When it’s my turn to make dinner I try make something healthy without letting on that I’d rather she have salad. When it’s on her, usually the doorbell goes and that’s another pizza.
Not sure how I can help her. Ideas welcome.
Have you told her that she’s fat and you no longer fancy her?
Did she workout when you met?
Getting a fatty to start is probably going to be impossible if they have no desire, but if you get into it at home and encourage her to do it as well it might work. But probably not. If she doesn’t want to do anything about it she won’t.
If you stop shagging her though that could work. Sex is probably the most powerful motivator for people to change their ways.
Did she workout when you met?
Getting a fatty to start is probably going to be impossible if they have no desire, but if you get into it at home and encourage her to do it as well it might work. But probably not. If she doesn’t want to do anything about it she won’t.
If you stop shagging her though that could work. Sex is probably the most powerful motivator for people to change their ways.
Have a evening in and go through the photo album, and start conversation about how much you did together and how you wish it could go back to that. Maybe it will kick start her into moving more and eating less. Once she sees a change in weight and looks might motivate her more ? Good luck !
Tricky one this!!
No matter how you phrase it, it'll be met with derision. So I'd just call her out and tell her something needs to change or she's destined for a miserable rest of her life.
In practical terms, if she won't even walk the fkin dog then buying her a gym membership is pointless. Sound like it needs to start in the kitchen.
Maybe sign up to slimming world yourself and do it together. I know a few people that have lost a chunk of weight by following the sw diet plans. Then when some weight comes off hopefully the confidence to start exercising will slowly appear.
No matter how you phrase it, it'll be met with derision. So I'd just call her out and tell her something needs to change or she's destined for a miserable rest of her life.
In practical terms, if she won't even walk the fkin dog then buying her a gym membership is pointless. Sound like it needs to start in the kitchen.
Maybe sign up to slimming world yourself and do it together. I know a few people that have lost a chunk of weight by following the sw diet plans. Then when some weight comes off hopefully the confidence to start exercising will slowly appear.
Island Hermit said:
Nowadays she’s working from home and in long meetings.
She’d rather be in bed and I don’t blame her.
I think this is your problem. I've found the switch to home working quite difficult. I used to enjoy being around people and feeling like I had something to do which has now all changed as I am at home all day. So I'm not going to say I’m depressed because this is not about Me. But if she doesn't leave the house all day and seems down then perhaps she is a bit depressed. The switch to home working isn't straightforward. She’d rather be in bed and I don’t blame her.
My advice is to try to get her out the house more.
ATM said:
I think this is your problem. I've found the switch to home working quite difficult. I used to enjoy being around people and feeling like I had something to do which has now all changed as I am at home all day. So I'm not going to say I’m depressed because this is not about Me. But if she doesn't leave the house all day and seems down then perhaps she is a bit depressed. The switch to home working isn't straightforward.
My advice is to try to get her out the house more.
Wise words. I also found it far too easy to snack at home when I was bored.My advice is to try to get her out the house more.
Couching it in terms of how you want her to be healthy so you can do more with the kids together will go down better than pointing out how much prettier she used to be.
Highly recommend the Michael Mosley fast 800 keto book. It is a challenge for first week as your body adjusts to a much lower calorie intake but then your body adjusts and gets much easier. Best bit is that you can see a big loss pretty quickly. Probably easier if you both eat the same meals (but you can add rice/pasta/pots to yours if you aren’t looking to lose weight). It does need buy in from you both clearly but if she can be strict from start there are quick results. The book also helps explain the long term health risks she is currently running and how she can turn this around really quickly that may give her the push she needs. I would use that argument as the focus for your suggestion - you want her to be around and enjoying an active pain free life with you for many years to come!
Are you in shape? Don't buy snacks, keeping biscuits/crisps/chocolate in house is a real temptation when working from home/comfort eating. Have meal plans, get the kids used to eating healthy as well. Approach the pizza issue from a cost perspective and suggest it only for a fri or sat night. Suggest working out together, you don't need kit, isometric (body weight) exercises, couples work outs, yoga etc.
I say this as I'm sat here too heavy, after a bad few months but the above works for me and I'm starting approach again.
Do the above, when she sees and feels the results she will hopefully keep at it. Or dump you for a fitter bloke if you've been withholding sex
I say this as I'm sat here too heavy, after a bad few months but the above works for me and I'm starting approach again.
Do the above, when she sees and feels the results she will hopefully keep at it. Or dump you for a fitter bloke if you've been withholding sex
Bill said:
Douglas Quaid said:
If you stop shagging her though that could work. Sex is probably the most powerful motivator for people to change their ways.
That's such a bloke response! 
And likely to push her down the miserable and eating more route...Island Hermit said:
She complains about her weight but won’t do anything about it. When it’s my turn to make dinner I try make something healthy without letting on that I’d rather she have salad. When it’s on her, usually the doorbell goes and that’s another pizza.
Not sure how I can help her. Ideas welcome.
There are many healthier lower cal options other than Salad, & if she’s bigger she’ll still need more calories to just function. if per above she doesn’t have time or want to cook, could you do more than your just your current turn? Maybe involve the kids in the cooking too? Even batching cooking on your night & freezing portions for an easy dinner when needed. (Also Is it mealtimes that’s causing problems or snacking as she works)Not sure how I can help her. Ideas welcome.
Stuckinthe80s said:
Highly recommend the Michael Mosley fast 800 keto book. It is a challenge for first week as your body adjusts to a much lower calorie intake but then your body adjusts and gets much easier. Best bit is that you can see a big loss pretty quickly. Probably easier if you both eat the same meals (but you can add rice/pasta/pots to yours if you aren’t looking to lose weight). It does need buy in from you both clearly but if she can be strict from start there are quick results. The book also helps explain the long term health risks she is currently running and how she can turn this around really quickly that may give her the push she needs. I would use that argument as the focus for your suggestion - you want her to be around and enjoying an active pain free life with you for many years to come!
Didn't think it would be long before someone mentioned the k word, if she's miserable now just wait till she starts keto, finds like most people it's unsustainable and piles the weight and more back on.A lot to think about here. Appreciate the responses.
Sex has massively decreased. What used to be every day, went to 2-3 a week, to 1 a month, and now it’s been 2 months. Excuses: busy, tired, hungry, and not feeling in the mood. From my part it’s the attraction fluctuations.
This morning I said to her if she commits to a couch to 5k with me, I will book a very expensive stay in Cyprus. She’s been bleating on about it. So let’s see if reward works.
It’s going to be a long road.
Update. On further discussion about intimacy this morning it’s more of an embarrassment thing for her. The weight limits her from positions so she doesn’t feel confident in bed like she used to.
Sex has massively decreased. What used to be every day, went to 2-3 a week, to 1 a month, and now it’s been 2 months. Excuses: busy, tired, hungry, and not feeling in the mood. From my part it’s the attraction fluctuations.
This morning I said to her if she commits to a couch to 5k with me, I will book a very expensive stay in Cyprus. She’s been bleating on about it. So let’s see if reward works.
It’s going to be a long road.
Update. On further discussion about intimacy this morning it’s more of an embarrassment thing for her. The weight limits her from positions so she doesn’t feel confident in bed like she used to.
Edited by anonymous-user on Wednesday 18th May 08:36
Question for the OP - in the 15 years of marriage, have you put weight on and how much have you changed?
It's a very blokey thing for men to expect women to not change, yet completely fail to acknowledge their own weight gains or more relaxed approach to their appearance. Admittedly size 6 to 22 is a little extreme though...
It's a very blokey thing for men to expect women to not change, yet completely fail to acknowledge their own weight gains or more relaxed approach to their appearance. Admittedly size 6 to 22 is a little extreme though...
dave_s13 said:
Tricky one this!!
No matter how you phrase it, it'll be met with derision. So I'd just call her out and tell her something needs to change or she's destined for a miserable rest of her life.
In practical terms, if she won't even walk the fkin dog then buying her a gym membership is pointless. Sound like it needs to start in the kitchen.
Maybe sign up to slimming world yourself and do it together. I know a few people that have lost a chunk of weight by following the sw diet plans. Then when some weight comes off hopefully the confidence to start exercising will slowly appear.
My go to for long term, sustainable weight management. Very much marketed as a lifestyle change rather than a diet - I make curries, chilli, fakeaways (burgers and chips, KFC style chicken, pizza - a fun activity to do with the kids) - I know people who have lost 8-10 stoneNo matter how you phrase it, it'll be met with derision. So I'd just call her out and tell her something needs to change or she's destined for a miserable rest of her life.
In practical terms, if she won't even walk the fkin dog then buying her a gym membership is pointless. Sound like it needs to start in the kitchen.
Maybe sign up to slimming world yourself and do it together. I know a few people that have lost a chunk of weight by following the sw diet plans. Then when some weight comes off hopefully the confidence to start exercising will slowly appear.
For full disclosure, my wife is a consultant so I have access to all the cook books. I also see how much work she puts in over and above the happy, clappy group sessions that are the image (she's no Marjorie Dawes!)
BUT - it won't work unless she commits in her head. Exercise helps but they stress that it will only add 1-2lbs a month to your weight loss. You can't out exercise a bad diet! However it will help create good habits and become easier as the weight comes off
PM me if you want some recipes to try - maybe a few meals cooked the SW way, see if she enjoys them and then point out the change (maybe saying you want to try and be healthier in the way you cook for you and the family)
Just to add - she knows, and she's probably miserable but caught in a spiral that she doesn't know how to get out of. Obesity is a lot more complex than the black and white, eat less-move more, mentality that some espouse. You need to support her psychologically to get into a place to help herself as you can't do it for her
ATM said:
I think this is your problem. I've found the switch to home working quite difficult. I used to enjoy being around people and feeling like I had something to do which has now all changed as I am at home all day.
My advice is to try to get her out the house more.
I really struggled working from home. So hard to maintain any sort of routine, whole day just becomes mush. Downward spiral from there. My advice is to try to get her out the house more.
Zetec-S said:
Question for the OP - in the 15 years of marriage, have you put weight on and how much have you changed?
It's a very blokey thing for men to expect women to not change, yet completely fail to acknowledge their own weight gains or more relaxed approach to their appearance. Admittedly size 6 to 22 is a little extreme though...
I am in shape. Round is a shape. Kidding. I probably put on a stone in lock down being confined to a desk at home and a lot of staff being off sick so had to pick up the slack. I’m 6ft, weigh 11 stones.. my resting BPM is 48. When I am stressed it’s 72 or thereabouts. I’d walk an hour everyday if not more. Weekends were made for runs in the park. I signed up to teach old people yoga as a volunteer and that’s really helped me too. I come from a line of fitness freaks though. My dad was a body builder. His dad was a tri-athlete. Despite this I still feel unfit at times but I have never said to her “be like me.”It's a very blokey thing for men to expect women to not change, yet completely fail to acknowledge their own weight gains or more relaxed approach to their appearance. Admittedly size 6 to 22 is a little extreme though...
When we met she didn’t really work out but was careful with what she ate.
Every time we make a pact to banish the snacks from the pantry more arrive on the Waitrose order… it’s frustrating.
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