Bored rut

[Babber101]

Anybody gone through a period of being thoroughly bored with life?

If so, any tips about how to manage!?

I’m middle aged, kids, wife, big commitments, trapped by the financial commitments.
Stuck in a bull sh#t large Corp role because of the above.

Between work and family, don’t have a lot of time or energy to explore new hobbies/groups/charity work/new experiences - all those classic things you need to shake things up a bit and get out of the rut.

Just feel like a hampster on a wheel and dead on the inside. I think it’s classic middle aged issue which is where the midlife crises comes in!

Just wondered how others may have dealt with it

[MC Bodge]

Babber101 said:

Anybody gone through a period of being thoroughly bored with life?

If so, any tips about how to manage!?

I’m middle aged, kids, wife, big commitments, trapped by the financial commitments.
Stuck in a bull sh#t large Corp role because of the above.

Between work and family, don’t have a lot of time or energy to explore new hobbies/groups/charity work/new experiences - all those classic things you need to shake things up a bit and get out of the rut.

Just feel like a hampster on a wheel and dead on the inside. I think it’s classic middle aged issue which is where the midlife crises comes in!

Just wondered how others may have dealt with it

Sorry to hear that.

Do you enjoy work at all? Do you spend a large number of hours working every week? Can you work less whilst still servicing your living costs?

I'm in my mid-forties, work a fairly average ~40hrs/week, have a family (and don't neglect them as far as I know! I talk to my wife and children and we do things together as a family) and still manage to have my own interests, take part in sporting activities and volunteer for various things -including Scouts which my children are also involved in. I know that some people spend many hrs per week supporting their children's sporting/musical activities -ours are fairly minimal & local.

I make sure that I put these things into my calendar and do them regularly.


The work bit just pays for the rest of it, nothing more. The corporate world really is bobbins.


I hope that you can get out of the rut soon.

ps. People do sometimes appear to become trapped into big out-goings (expensive cars, houses, holidays, eating out, clothes, watches etc.) but are often only choosing to spend more on things that they could spend far less on with no real loss in quality of life.

Edited by MC Bodge on Sunday 3rd April 19:55

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

I tend to think of people like those in Ukraine.

No food, no water & people dropping bombs on me.

That tends to bring life into perspective.

I'm a firm believer in life is what you make of it. We are not here for long so grasp every positive that you can!

[Babber101]

Thanks both

Appreciate your replies.

I know there are lots less fortunate and some in horrendous positions. Not sure that helps, if it did not sure we would have millions of people in the Western World on anti depression medication or with some form of addiction as a means of escape

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

Babber101 said:

Thanks both

Appreciate your replies.

I know there are lots less fortunate and some in horrendous positions. Not sure that helps, if it did not sure we would have millions of people in the Western World on anti depression medication or with some form of addiction as a means of escape

True. Proper depression is a severe illness, I've had close to hand experience & it's shocking.

I was always a "pull yourself together" kind of guy until my nearest & dearest had a breakdown. I now think completely differently.

I draw strength from all the good things & simple things. (like trees in leaf etc)

Sometimes you just need to do what you need to do to keep body & soul together, then really appreciate the good times.

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

Blimey...I'm normally very shallow!

[Largechris]

You’ve diagnosed the problem, just a question of what to do about it. You know something needs to change.

A new job would be my first suggestion.

[MrHappy]

Sorry to hear it. Do you do the basics such as going for a countryside walk (alone or with the wife/family), taking in a bit of sunshine, visiting a forest or going to the coast? Maybe some vitamin D tablets? It can put you in a better frame of mind to try other things or at least cope better with any worries you have.

[MC Bodge]

Do try to make time to do things that you enjoy and give a feeling of achievement.

Even if you work 9 hrs a day and sleep 8 during the week, you have another 7 hrs.

[Babber101]

Thanks all

Tried new job - didn’t really change anything after novelty wore off

I know I need to find some things I want to do for my own enjoyment

[mike9009]

Babber101 said:

Thanks all

Tried new job - didn’t really change anything after novelty wore off

I know I need to find some things I want to do for my own enjoyment

I am not sure how old your kids are? I have found getting a mutual interest with them can be really rewarding and something to look forward to. Ours is cycling, which I don't do frequently enough with them. As they have got older and more competent the rewards of seeing them learn become greater and greater.

And, although I don't play anymore, I love watching my lad play football on the weekend. My wife tends to support my daughter in a similar manner.

When the kids are young, it is a real chore, but now I find it really rewarding.

I presume you cannot cut hours at work? Can you cut some luxuries (car leases, mobile contracts, subscription services, etc.) to create more time for yourself and family? If you have these 'things' and you feel unhappy, they obviously don't make you happy....

[QJumper]

Babber101 said:

Thanks both

Appreciate your replies.

I know there are lots less fortunate and some in horrendous positions. Not sure that helps, if it did not sure we would have millions of people in the Western World on anti depression medication or with some form of addiction as a means of escape

Funny you should say that because, despite all the luxuries we have in the Western World, I once read somewhere that the fact we have so many choices can be an enormous form of stress for some people. Just look at some of the threads about people agonising over what tv, phone or car to buy. Decisions are stress inducing, even the good ones, and the more we have, the more decisions we're faced with.

A life without such luxuries, or abundant choices, may be less pleasurable in many ways, but is often less stressful. We in the Western World though, especially those with a decent income and a happy family, got one of lifes winning lottery tickets. Sometimes though it's hard to see that, as the endless choices and decisions required to maintain it can become overwhelming at times. At those times the responsibility for it all can make our little corner of the world seem like a prison, rather than the palace it appears to those less fortunate.

I think we all go through periods when we re-evaluate our lives, or feel demotivated, and get stuck in a bit of rut. I've been through similar, and for me I found bike riding a big help. I think a combination of the exercise, outdoors, and seeing the world around me from a different perspective made a difference, as I discovered things on my doorstep that I never knew existed before.

You also mentioned that you don't have time to do things like charity work, me neither, but what I did instead was to try to find ways to help people during the course of my normal day. Whether it's stopping to help someone who's broken down, or struggling wiith heavy bags, or even paying the difference for the annoying person in front of you at the checkout who finds they haven't quite got enough, instead of getting irritated by them, I've found that it gives my day a bit of a lift.

It's tough feeling like that, and there's possibly not much others can say to help, but hopefully in starting this thread you'll get a few ideas to put you on a better path.

Good luck, and all the very best.

[captain.scarlet]

OP, sorry to read what you're going through.

You appear to have what a lot of people wish they could have.

Consider what it is you think you're lacking, and what it is you're doing and asking whether it deep down makes you happy.

If it's anything to do with materialism then possibly get back to basics: sometimes the simpler things in life can be the most satisfying, whether it be a hobby, a new interest or topic you begin reading into, or even volunteering to keep your neighbourhood free of litter or helping the homeless / vulnerable / less fortunate.

Another option is doing something with nature / animals, be it as a volunteer at a local venue or a rescue charity.

Oftentimes people do also research and turn to a religion for a spiritual uplift.

[PositronicRay]

As the song says 'get a new plan Stan'

Even though I couldn't/didn't always follow it, an exit strategy gave me something to work towards.

[Timothy Bucktu]

2 sMoKiN bArReLs said:

I draw strength from all the good things & simple things. (like trees in leaf etc)

Funny you say that...
I'm a similar age. I took up walking at the start of lockdown.
Everyone says walking is great for the soul, and you know what...it is.
Just study what footpaths there are around your area ( https://footpathmap.co.uk/ ) . Start off with something easy like a two mile stroll, and before you know it you'll be doing easily 5 or 6 miles a day.
It gives you time to think, time to listen to podcasts, you get to see the changing seasons, the plants and wildlife etc. And it's unquestionably the best exercise there is, and it's free.
Walking is truly wonderful.
I also build and fly model planes...another great hobby!

[FNG]

Babber101 said:

Thanks all

Tried new job - didn’t really change anything after novelty wore off

I know I need to find some things I want to do for my own enjoyment

I'm in the same place as you. Doing a job that a lot of people think sounds awesome, but no job is that good - and the culture is pretty toxic - plus I've got stale, cynical, bored, dull.

I have a choice.

Stay in my job and try to make the best of it, plus move to a 4 day week so I have one day a week for myself, doing things that "nurture me" in the words of the counsellors and self help books - for me, I want to get good at metal fabrication, welding and rust repairs, and restore a car

or

Move to a new role with more challenge in a different culture for a smaller company and involved in a bigger slice of the pie - but abandon any hope of a 4 day week

As my evenings and weekends are wholly engaged with the kids, if I want to do get some headspace or "play time" I need that 4 day week even if I hate the job.

Could that be an option? Depending on your earnings you might not have to cut your cloth too much. Or could start a side hustle that could bring in a small income that you could build upon?

[Hereward]

Timothy Bucktu said:

2 sMoKiN bArReLs said:

I draw strength from all the good things & simple things. (like trees in leaf etc)

Funny you say that...
I'm a similar age. I took up walking at the start of lockdown.
Everyone says walking is great for the soul, and you know what...it is.
Just study what footpaths there are around your area ( https://footpathmap.co.uk/ ) . Start off with something easy like a two mile stroll, and before you know it you'll be doing easily 5 or 6 miles a day.
It gives you time to think, time to listen to podcasts, you get to see the changing seasons, the plants and wildlife etc. And it's unquestionably the best exercise there is, and it's free.
Walking is truly wonderful.
I also build and fly model planes...another great hobby!

Lockdown changed my life. For the first time in my life I had the time to observe and appreciate Mother Nature in action. We had amazing weather in April 2020 and working from home I observed the daily shift as leaves emerged and things woke up. Even seeing the phases of the waxing and waning moon on a clear evening (and daytime) was a joy. I think good mental health is linked to being able to appreciate one's natural surroundings.

[Lotusgone]

Kids and mortgages are long-term commitments, and over any long period of time, you are going to question at some stage, was this the right decision. That's normal, to think strewth, are there really still X more years of this?

Sometimes small things can make a difference. A new pair of socks, a paperback, an ice cream - just something you don't have to share, that for a brief moment gives you a bit of an uplift. Walking or running (if you can) is free, gets you out the house and away from all the things that your family want or need doing.

Allow yourself to be a bit selfish and don't be guilty about it.

[RossiT]

Babber101 said:

Anybody gone through a period of being thoroughly bored with life?

If so, any tips about how to manage!?

I’m middle aged, kids, wife, big commitments, trapped by the financial commitments.
Stuck in a bull sh#t large Corp role because of the above.

Between work and family, don’t have a lot of time or energy to explore new hobbies/groups/charity work/new experiences - all those classic things you need to shake things up a bit and get out of the rut.

Just feel like a hampster on a wheel and dead on the inside. I think it’s classic middle aged issue which is where the midlife crises comes in!

Just wondered how others may have dealt with it

I could have written this myself. I've been feeling very similar, on paper everything should be great but I hated weekends and evenings.

First question, do you think you could be suffering from a touch of depression? I certainly was and eventually visited the doctor, now on a low dosage of medication which has boosted my mood and motivation.

I appreciate you don't have much time but I've taken up golf. I also have 2 young kids but a Sat morning lesson and 1.5hrs round my local 9 hole course a couple of times a week has been a huge difference.

Where are you based?

[lizardbrain]

Is reducing or downsizing your financial commitments an option?