Nostalgia

[Ben-imhe8]

For the last few months I’ve been having really strong nostalgia for the years 2008-2010 ( yes I realise this is perhaps a terrible time for many).

It was a time my life had changed, just left college, started driving, made new friends, had a job I really enjoyed, and last but certainly not least met and started seeing a girlfriend, that I’m still with today.

Fast forward the decade, I’m now early thirties, still very much in my loving relationship with said girl, wonderful kids, no close friends anymore, much much better paying job although I don’t enjoy it, very much crawl through the week to get to Friday then dread Sunday evening type job, have debt so money’s constantly an issue of sorts so I’m not able to apply for my old job back.

There’s things in my life today, which are much better than they were back then, so you would think it would be a balancing act but I’m struggling with that if I’m honest, it’s really effecting me
Mentally, I keep listening to music from that era and it all brings back great memories.

Does everyone go through this at some stage?

[Abdul Abulbul Amir]

Nostalgia isn't as good as it used to be.

[Bustlepuncher]

Welcome to the wonderful world of the mid life crisis. You seem to be having yours a bit early. I would make the most of your 30s and 40s and revisit this issue in your 50s. You will then be able to regret all the things you cant do at 50 that you took for granted when you were in your 30s. (Ask me how I know!)

[Super Sonic]

We all seem to remember the good times in the past, and tend to forget the bad. While there is nothing wrong with nostalgia, you need to appreciate the good times your having now, time spent w loved ones etc.

[Hoofy]

I keep listening to dance tunes from the early 90s...

We tend to forget the st stuff and remember the good stuff.

Abdul Abulbul Amir said:

Nostalgia isn't as good as it used to be.

[Fusion777]

I'm 36 and feel in a similar boat sometimes. One of the toughest thing to deal with is the less frequent contact with friends. It's something that you take for granted when you're under 30.

Just try and plough yourself into whatever your interests are, or try and find new ones. I always enjoy keeping physically active- I'm still in decent enough shape. The key is having a healthy body and mind- don't neglect either.

[TT1138]

Ben-imhe8 said:

For the last few months I’ve been having really strong nostalgia for the years 2008-2010 ( yes I realise this is perhaps a terrible time for many).

It was a time my life had changed, just left college, started driving, made new friends, had a job I really enjoyed, and last but certainly not least met and started seeing a girlfriend, that I’m still with today.

Fast forward the decade, I’m now early thirties, still very much in my loving relationship with said girl, wonderful kids, no close friends anymore, much much better paying job although I don’t enjoy it, very much crawl through the week to get to Friday then dread Sunday evening type job, have debt so money’s constantly an issue of sorts so I’m not able to apply for my old job back.

There’s things in my life today, which are much better than they were back then, so you would think it would be a balancing act but I’m struggling with that if I’m honest, it’s really effecting me
Mentally, I keep listening to music from that era and it all brings back great memories.

Does everyone go through this at some stage?

You’re not the only one. Similar age here and similar longing for the same era. Life seemed full of promise and excitement, the future looked interesting and bright. I was super-fit, really engaged with what I was doing and didn’t worry about money, the state of the world or the cost of living. Now life feels so grey and colourless. I think it’s normal to an extent.

[Ben-imhe8]

I wasn’t sure if it was mid life crisis or not, it’s a roller coaster of emotions, it’s a little difficult to explain but it’s depressing and joyous as I look back, yet I can’t help but do it, it’s like I’ve blinked and the times gone,

[Ben-imhe8]

TT1138 said:

You’re not the only one. Similar age here and similar longing for the same era. Life seemed full of promise and excitement, the future looked interesting and bright. I was super-fit, really engaged with what I was doing and didn’t worry about money, the state of the world or the cost of living. Now life feels so grey and colourless. I think it’s normal to an extent.

yes to all of that, realise it was a bad time for many in the financial market, but I was completely Oblivious to it all, really was a fantastic period for me, I even find the music was great, especially 2009

[Mikee19]

I feel exactly the same. I work from home, see proper friends very little and feel I don't laugh as much anymore. Trying to be a good Dad and focusing on small projects and DIY. Missing companionship and just being stupid and having a laugh. I always find it difficult through winter anyway.

We sometimes see new friends with children but it always feels a bit forced and not really the same. I am really passionate about cars but the future on that front looks bleak and with responsibilities I feel I should probably be spending the time and money elsewhere.

Whenever I'm feeling a bit crap I find exercising, going for a run, makes me feel much better.

[Chicken_Satay]

Ben-imhe8 said:

Does everyone go through this at some stage?

Most people probably do to some extent i.e. looking back fondly on certain periods of their lives.

If you want to re-invigorate your energy or get back to feeling like you did in 2008 then it's up to you to start making the decisions and changes required to get you there. Whether that's changing job, joining a sports club to meet new people and ditching the old friends etc, that's up to you. The key point is to take action.

As I've got older,things have always seemed to get better. This is a result of different decisions and actions I've taken. Don't be afraid of failing though because the most successful people are often those who have failed the most, learned from it, and progressed positively from there to get to the next level, whether that's in general life or business.

[av185]

Abdul Abulbul Amir said:

Nostalgia isn't as good as it used to be.

Yep its a thing of the past.

Here today and gone tomorrow.

[mike9009]

In answer to your question, everyone does seem to go through what you are describing. I am older than you and often reflect on the time from 1996 - 1999 with fondness. Met my wife, just left uni, got a job, etc. etc.

However, reading your post, it sounds like a change of job might help. I was with the same company for 15 years and changing companies was a revelation....loved it, but perhaps I need to change again???

[Ben-imhe8]

I do think a new job will help a lot, I’m on my own pretty much all day, nothing physical, nor demanding, just isn’t the best place to be for me, nothing to take my mind of things,
Just feeling very depressed at times but I feel trapped in the job.

[mike9009]

Ben-imhe8 said:

I do think a new job will help a lot, I’m on my own pretty much all day, nothing physical, nor demanding, just isn’t the best place to be for me, nothing to take my mind of things,
Just feeling very depressed at times but I feel trapped in the job.

Why do you feel trapped in the job? Do you have transferable skills? Currently, it is an employee's market so a great time to move.

I 'thought' incorrectly that my skills were too niche to make me attractive to another employer. However, my first application was successful....you won't know until you try!! I moved from an automotive foundry to aerospace electronics..... a steep learner curve but that was part of the fun (in hindsight!).

If you want to chat PM me.

[popeyewhite]

Ben-imhe8 said:

I do think a new job will help a lot, I’m on my own pretty much all day, nothing physical, nor demanding, just isn’t the best place to be for me, nothing to take my mind of things,
Just feeling very depressed at times but I feel trapped in the job.

I've highlighted a few bits that might suggest looking back at better times is quite understandable.You come across as a person with a heavy weight on their shoulders.

If you're not at all happy it isn't surprising you're thinking about times when you were. I think this isn't nostalgia at all but melancholy. Generally post nostalgic feelings are positiive, yet when you think of happier times it makes you sad for the present. Frequently these sort of feelings are attributed to a 'mid-life crisis', but to my mind no such thing exists. What appears to be happening in your case I'd suggest is an identity issue. Changing or adapting your career appears quite good advice.. . IMO.

[mike80]

Me and my wife just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. We went out for a meal the other night and had a slightly depressing conversation about getting older (I am 41 and she is 40). For example, she mentioned that in her head she still feels like she is 25, but was worried she looked old to actual 25 year olds.

I'm similar, a lot of the time I still feel like I'm 20, still listen to music from that era, and older. I watched a film recently about a music scene, and it made me nostalgic for those times when I lived for clubs and gigs.

We have a great life now, beautiful daughter, decent jobs, get to go to some cool places etc. But as we said we're never going to be rock stars now, or successful sports people. Sometimes I'd like to go back in time, but I'm sure there was plenty of negatives back then as well.

[Ben-imhe8]

mike9009 said:

Why do you feel trapped in the job? Do you have transferable skills? Currently, it is an employee's market so a great time to move.

I 'thought' incorrectly that my skills were too niche to make me attractive to another employer. However, my first application was successful....you won't know until you try!! I moved from an automotive foundry to aerospace electronics..... a steep learner curve but that was part of the fun (in hindsight!).

If you want to chat PM me.

I’m the main source of income for my family, one of our kids has a disability and whilst my partner does work, the hours are limited, we have a debt with 4 years left to run until it’s paid, I’m paid above the going market rate for my role (still around average wage) so I feel trapped, as a move would almost Certainly mean a cut.

I have thought about a change of career but almost everything I look at which you can jump Straight into still means a cut.

I would like a job where I’m around other people, potentially make new friends, as things stand I see nobody all day until I get home, my close friends are now hours away, my life is quite literally work home and repeat.

popeyewhite said:

I've highlighted a few bits that might suggest looking back at better times is quite understandable.You come across as a person with a heavy weight on their shoulders.

If you're not at all happy it isn't surprising you're thinking about times when you were. I think this isn't nostalgia at all but melancholy. Generally post nostalgic feelings are positiive, yet when you think of happier times it makes you sad for the present. Frequently these sort of feelings are attributed to a 'mid-life crisis', but to my mind no such thing exists. What appears to be happening in your case I'd suggest is an identity issue. Changing or adapting your career appears quite good advice.. . IMO.

what you have written makes a lot of sense, however as I said above, I found myself in a tricky situation regarding Career

[Evoluzione]

It's called midlife crisis, buy an MX-5 and try to shack up with some young girl at work.

[Ben-imhe8]

Mikee19 said:

I feel exactly the same. I work from home, see proper friends very little and feel I don't laugh as much anymore. Trying to be a good Dad and focusing on small projects and DIY. Missing companionship and just being stupid and having a laugh. I always find it difficult through winter anyway.

We sometimes see new friends with children but it always feels a bit forced and not really the same. I am really passionate about cars but the future on that front looks bleak and with responsibilities I feel I should probably be spending the time and money elsewhere.

Whenever I'm feeling a bit crap I find exercising, going for a run, makes me feel much better.

I’ve recently started running at night, only a few nights in so will things go, yeah I also find it difficult to spend money on myself, especially considering moneys tight these days, I’d rather spend it on the kids.

Chicken_Satay said:

Most people probably do to some extent i.e. looking back fondly on certain periods of their lives.

If you want to re-invigorate your energy or get back to feeling like you did in 2008 then it's up to you to start making the decisions and changes required to get you there. Whether that's changing job, joining a sports club to meet new people and ditching the old friends etc, that's up to you. The key point is to take action.

As I've got older,things have always seemed to get better. This is a result of different decisions and actions I've taken. Don't be afraid of failing though because the most successful people are often those who have failed the most, learned from it, and progressed positively from there to get to the next level, whether that's in general life or business.

Thanks for the advice , also to everyone else

It’s somewhat reassuring to hear other people have similar experiences of this.

Edited by Ben-imhe8 on Sunday 20th February 23:40