Teenager addicted to tech?
Discussion
Ive got two teenage boys from previous relationship - they split their time 50:50 between houses. (Divorced 8 years, remarried 3 years. Ex is well... Step mum makes them feel inclusive, is supportive and is as helpful as she can be)
14yo is great. Plays sports, always has loads of friends. Covid was tough for him
16yo is a loaner. Loved covid as he could stay in all day. Rarely went out with friends in senior school years. College hasnt improved it. All his friends now seem to be online (though he says he wouldnt keep in touch with them if he didnt game). Everything revolves around gaming, he says nothing gives him the excitement. Zero other interests. Exercise is breathing, everything else is "dont like it, its too hard". Will do chores/help/make bed when asked but to bare minimum and then straight back to phone. In some ways has no personal hygiene (clothes/nails) and others he has to shower same routine, same time everyday. If we make him go for a walk he follows the same route every single day. Been seeing a councillor - this is going nowhere imo
Over the years my ex has set little in way of boundaries. Tech/phone in bedroom, he has curtains closed all day, gaming into the night. She put dinner out and it went cold on the table for hours, shes taken the wifi router away and his rips the house up looking for it. Seemingly no boundaries, no repercussions. Ive heard him speaking to her on phone like dirt. Hes been allowed to regress, do less and less and game more and more
I was concerned years ago so never allowed tech in bedroom. We have some rules and expectations on helping out around the house but its not a police state. Hes disappearing now to his mums to game on my days/weekends (even though he can game here), she knows and isnt stopping it. He lies in bed/sofa on phone for hrs. He wont say "bye" or "hello" when he comes/goes, apparently "whats the point/ its ridiculous".. I said if your not going to even say hello you can make lunch at home each day rather than me pay. The ex is now giving it to him so im just going further down a rabbit hole
Im struggling, stressed and its making me sad. Removing the boundaries/saying its ok to do nothing will surely make gaming worse, but not is destroying our relationship. Maybe i just dont "get" kids today. Looking for some PH experiences here.
14yo is great. Plays sports, always has loads of friends. Covid was tough for him
16yo is a loaner. Loved covid as he could stay in all day. Rarely went out with friends in senior school years. College hasnt improved it. All his friends now seem to be online (though he says he wouldnt keep in touch with them if he didnt game). Everything revolves around gaming, he says nothing gives him the excitement. Zero other interests. Exercise is breathing, everything else is "dont like it, its too hard". Will do chores/help/make bed when asked but to bare minimum and then straight back to phone. In some ways has no personal hygiene (clothes/nails) and others he has to shower same routine, same time everyday. If we make him go for a walk he follows the same route every single day. Been seeing a councillor - this is going nowhere imo
Over the years my ex has set little in way of boundaries. Tech/phone in bedroom, he has curtains closed all day, gaming into the night. She put dinner out and it went cold on the table for hours, shes taken the wifi router away and his rips the house up looking for it. Seemingly no boundaries, no repercussions. Ive heard him speaking to her on phone like dirt. Hes been allowed to regress, do less and less and game more and more
I was concerned years ago so never allowed tech in bedroom. We have some rules and expectations on helping out around the house but its not a police state. Hes disappearing now to his mums to game on my days/weekends (even though he can game here), she knows and isnt stopping it. He lies in bed/sofa on phone for hrs. He wont say "bye" or "hello" when he comes/goes, apparently "whats the point/ its ridiculous".. I said if your not going to even say hello you can make lunch at home each day rather than me pay. The ex is now giving it to him so im just going further down a rabbit hole
Im struggling, stressed and its making me sad. Removing the boundaries/saying its ok to do nothing will surely make gaming worse, but not is destroying our relationship. Maybe i just dont "get" kids today. Looking for some PH experiences here.
Maybe he's depressed? Or even something like Aspergers, some people are just seriously introverted but it sounds more like there's a reason he doesn't want to be in the real world and gaming is the escape from it. Or it could just be that he's genuinely addicted to gaming like some people are to gambling and alcohol
Can't help, as i'm going through the same thing with girlfriends son.
13 yrs old, super clever, but on his computer 24/7.
Was sat downstairs with girlfriend watching tv last night and his sister came down and said he was crying, turned tv down and we could hear him wailing.
Girlfriend went up to check on him, and for a good 15 minutes could hear him crying very loudly, I thought it was his new braces hurting, turned out he'd been killed in a game he was playing!!! FFS.
He has zero interest in going out, has to be forced to shower, and is a nightmare if we go out to eat.
Sad thing is, when he does get involved with our conversations, he is very very witty and funny.
13 yrs old, super clever, but on his computer 24/7.
Was sat downstairs with girlfriend watching tv last night and his sister came down and said he was crying, turned tv down and we could hear him wailing.
Girlfriend went up to check on him, and for a good 15 minutes could hear him crying very loudly, I thought it was his new braces hurting, turned out he'd been killed in a game he was playing!!! FFS.
He has zero interest in going out, has to be forced to shower, and is a nightmare if we go out to eat.
Sad thing is, when he does get involved with our conversations, he is very very witty and funny.
https://www.healthygamer.gg/blog/how-to-break-a-ch...
Dr. K is fantastic, I wish I watched his videos/streams when I was younger. Could be worth checking out
Dr. K is fantastic, I wish I watched his videos/streams when I was younger. Could be worth checking out
Sorry to hear about your son, such troubling times. But if it’s any consolation I think there are probably millions just like him. To be fair I do remember being a bit lazy and rude to my parents growing up so I’m still apologising!!
Possibly try find a sport or hobby to concentrate on together as then having something in common to do regularly might help even if it’s darts or pool or even cards if it needs to be indoors.
It’s a hard one because by that point you really should be able to do stuff together and have fun. As pointed out he may be depressed but personally the best cure isn’t meds it’s spending time together.
Possibly try find a sport or hobby to concentrate on together as then having something in common to do regularly might help even if it’s darts or pool or even cards if it needs to be indoors.
It’s a hard one because by that point you really should be able to do stuff together and have fun. As pointed out he may be depressed but personally the best cure isn’t meds it’s spending time together.
Why not actually get involved in what he's doing if he enjoys gaming game with him maybe while gaming you can start talking and stuff may come up that he feels more comfortable in talking about.
You say you and the mother split up he could still be hurting from that and doesn't feel like he can talk to either of you.
Does seem to be a higher percentage of young boys very similar that just game all day to escape the real world modern world isn't exactly easy for young lads/teenagers. In some ways I dont blame them for trying too escape from it all specially if you don't fit in with a social group in school.
You say you and the mother split up he could still be hurting from that and doesn't feel like he can talk to either of you.
Does seem to be a higher percentage of young boys very similar that just game all day to escape the real world modern world isn't exactly easy for young lads/teenagers. In some ways I dont blame them for trying too escape from it all specially if you don't fit in with a social group in school.
rambo19 said:
Can't help, as i'm going through the same thing with girlfriends son.
13 yrs old, super clever, but on his computer 24/7.
Was sat downstairs with girlfriend watching tv last night and his sister came down and said he was crying, turned tv down and we could hear him wailing.
Girlfriend went up to check on him, and for a good 15 minutes could hear him crying very loudly, I thought it was his new braces hurting, turned out he'd been killed in a game he was playing!!! FFS.
In general I wouldn’t worry too much about some kids spending a lot of time on computers etc (I do the same). But the crying is another story - what a wuss! Got to get him to man up for sure.13 yrs old, super clever, but on his computer 24/7.
Was sat downstairs with girlfriend watching tv last night and his sister came down and said he was crying, turned tv down and we could hear him wailing.
Girlfriend went up to check on him, and for a good 15 minutes could hear him crying very loudly, I thought it was his new braces hurting, turned out he'd been killed in a game he was playing!!! FFS.
CoolHands said:
In general I wouldn’t worry too much about some kids spending a lot of time on computers etc (I do the same). But the crying is another story - what a wuss! Got to get him to man up for sure.
I was going to say the same. If I had no other obligations, I'd happily game all the time, plenty of people do it and it's a mainstream hobby now, not really any different to watching TV.However, some of the other posts here really do make me wonder if autism is at play with their kids. Not keeping up with hygiene, screaming with rage, crying when losing etc, that's not normal.
rambo19 said:
Can't help, as i'm going through the same thing with girlfriends son.
13 yrs old, super clever, but on his computer 24/7.
Was sat downstairs with girlfriend watching tv last night and his sister came down and said he was crying, turned tv down and we could hear him wailing.
Girlfriend went up to check on him, and for a good 15 minutes could hear him crying very loudly, I thought it was his new braces hurting, turned out he'd been killed in a game he was playing!!! FFS.
He has zero interest in going out, has to be forced to shower, and is a nightmare if we go out to eat.
Sad thing is, when he does get involved with our conversations, he is very very witty and funny.
Babies cry if they lose a stuffed toy. Children cry when they lose a game. Within their experience, these are big losses. You have learned that those losses are minor, usually by losing bigger and bigger things as you grew. The lesson to learn is to pick himself up and go again. So help him see it that way. 13 yrs old, super clever, but on his computer 24/7.
Was sat downstairs with girlfriend watching tv last night and his sister came down and said he was crying, turned tv down and we could hear him wailing.
Girlfriend went up to check on him, and for a good 15 minutes could hear him crying very loudly, I thought it was his new braces hurting, turned out he'd been killed in a game he was playing!!! FFS.
He has zero interest in going out, has to be forced to shower, and is a nightmare if we go out to eat.
Sad thing is, when he does get involved with our conversations, he is very very witty and funny.
rambo19 said:
Can't help, as i'm going through the same thing with girlfriends son.
13 yrs old, super clever, but on his computer 24/7.
Was sat downstairs with girlfriend watching tv last night and his sister came down and said he was crying, turned tv down and we could hear him wailing.
Girlfriend went up to check on him, and for a good 15 minutes could hear him crying very loudly, I thought it was his new braces hurting, turned out he'd been killed in a game he was playing!!! FFS.
He has zero interest in going out, has to be forced to shower, and is a nightmare if we go out to eat.
Sad thing is, when he does get involved with our conversations, he is very very witty and funny.
Exactly the same issue with my partners 10 year old. 13 yrs old, super clever, but on his computer 24/7.
Was sat downstairs with girlfriend watching tv last night and his sister came down and said he was crying, turned tv down and we could hear him wailing.
Girlfriend went up to check on him, and for a good 15 minutes could hear him crying very loudly, I thought it was his new braces hurting, turned out he'd been killed in a game he was playing!!! FFS.
He has zero interest in going out, has to be forced to shower, and is a nightmare if we go out to eat.
Sad thing is, when he does get involved with our conversations, he is very very witty and funny.
His life revolves around screens, All as he talks about is Fortnite or Minecraft. I'm tried to put some limits on him when hes here, an hour on xbox or Nintendo Switch etc. But we get the old "what can I do" the rest of the day. He doesn't have a phone. But recently hes worked out if he asks to do "homework" it gets him on the laptop, one of the things his school uses to do homework includes a lot of games.
Missus has him 50% of the time, when he goes his dads hes allowed to do what he wants, which is basically come home from school, watch Minecraft on youtube for an hour, then play for an hour, then watch other stupid Youtube videos.
We went to a wedding recently and he had to bring his switch with him. Eventually I took it off him and told him to go play with the other kids, and off he went for about 3 hours.
The other day he was sobbing which turned to rage, because the xbox controller wouldn't stop vibrating.
king potato when you're being paid to do a task.Kids need more adult social interaction from an earlier age or you stop exercising your brain;
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC19194...
I've recently been bought a Oculus for Christmas (the missus bought this one for me as BiL works for FB so probably cheap
)
However I play this thing for 30 mins and literally have enough of it, you play table tennis against someone else and the interaction just isn't there, im embarrassed to talk to them.
Sadly games consoles are not real interaction, they just make the game more real and immersive and path over the cracks even more.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC19194...
I've recently been bought a Oculus for Christmas (the missus bought this one for me as BiL works for FB so probably cheap
)However I play this thing for 30 mins and literally have enough of it, you play table tennis against someone else and the interaction just isn't there, im embarrassed to talk to them.
Sadly games consoles are not real interaction, they just make the game more real and immersive and path over the cracks even more.
My eldest is like this. Has been pretty much since he was 15. He's 20 this year.
Has recently been diagnosed with Autism, high functioning. He lives with his mum and just sleeps all day and plays games all night.
He's a big lad, 6ft 6ins and over 100kg thus towers over me and can be threatening to his mum if he can't get his way.
But there are times he can be lovely.
I live 5 stops away on one line, about 20 minutes, but it's hard to get him to visit me unless I drive over and pick him up. Can be 2 hours there and back by road. London traffic.
Then.......
Last week he announces that he's going to Norway to see a girl he met on line. His only 'friends' are on line.
His mum sorted him flights and hotels and I sorted his Covid stuff, paperwork, tests and health insurance.
He's still there and all's been well so far.
Fingers crossed that this could be a major turning point.
A mate had similar problems with his son. Bought him a round the world ticket and told him to go. It's worked.
Worth the money he says.
Has recently been diagnosed with Autism, high functioning. He lives with his mum and just sleeps all day and plays games all night.
He's a big lad, 6ft 6ins and over 100kg thus towers over me and can be threatening to his mum if he can't get his way.
But there are times he can be lovely.
I live 5 stops away on one line, about 20 minutes, but it's hard to get him to visit me unless I drive over and pick him up. Can be 2 hours there and back by road. London traffic.
Then.......
Last week he announces that he's going to Norway to see a girl he met on line. His only 'friends' are on line.
His mum sorted him flights and hotels and I sorted his Covid stuff, paperwork, tests and health insurance.
He's still there and all's been well so far.
Fingers crossed that this could be a major turning point.
A mate had similar problems with his son. Bought him a round the world ticket and told him to go. It's worked.
Worth the money he says.
housen said:
my son was addicted to fortnite
so much so he stole 3k gbp from my card to buy skins !!!!
that was a low point and i blame his addiction
hes now obvs banned from fortnite and has a part time job to pay it off which he enjoys
the internet is a disease
One of mine took the IMEI of his mum's boyfriend's SIM in his mobile and used that for months to buy stuff on Fortnite. so much so he stole 3k gbp from my card to buy skins !!!!
that was a low point and i blame his addiction
hes now obvs banned from fortnite and has a part time job to pay it off which he enjoys
the internet is a disease
I didn't even know that was a thing. Sony banged on about that they make it easy for parents to control the spending.
No they don't, unless the parents are as tech savvy as their kids.
Roguexcess said:
https://www.healthygamer.gg/blog/how-to-break-a-ch...
Dr. K is fantastic, I wish I watched his videos/streams when I was younger. Could be worth checking out
Good article thanks. ive read similar stuff over the years but a refresh never hurts!Dr. K is fantastic, I wish I watched his videos/streams when I was younger. Could be worth checking out
Also Aspergers - my missus said she thought it but dismissed it. I would of thought/hoped the councillor would of picked up on that?
Good to hear other peoples stories too
from the age of 10-20 ish i spent every single second on the games i could. cancelled friends, made excuses etc
fast forward 10-15 years and although i still play i can easily turn off and also can not play for more than 1-2 hours anymore
maybe try and get them into other hobbies? (i was impossible though)
fast forward 10-15 years and although i still play i can easily turn off and also can not play for more than 1-2 hours anymore
maybe try and get them into other hobbies? (i was impossible though)
it was only at 20 ish i really got into online gaming and would spend at least 8 hours a day playing halo 3 lucky era to grow up i think.
But the potential "troublesome" 12-17 age my dad got me involved in karting so that was my life and likely kept me out of any real troubles.
It ended due to wanting to go to parties at weekends, drink and woman.
But the potential "troublesome" 12-17 age my dad got me involved in karting so that was my life and likely kept me out of any real troubles.
It ended due to wanting to go to parties at weekends, drink and woman.
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