Is this appropriate Twitter behaviour from my Wife?
Discussion
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I’ve been married around 20 years with my Wife (both in our early 40s) and we have 2 young kids.
Last year I stumbled across my wife’s Twitter profile. It’s under a pseudonym name but I recognised the banner and profile photos. I had a quick look back through her recent posts (open profile) to see what she has been posting about. Most of the stuff she was posting was the usual drivel that you see on Twitter. I recommend this film, hey we have snow, we had fun on our Easter egg hunt, blah blah.
Now for the bits that have been making me uncomfortable;
Firstly, her “status” line (or whatever it’s called on Twitter) would have a message along the lines of
Do not sent me a pic of your junk – I’m not interested
Strictly no DMs please
I’m not interested in what’s in your pants
etc.
OK, so she is getting a bunch of d-pics or whatever. Not particularly savoury, but not really her fault.
She occasionally posts what I would consider slightly inappropriate photos. For example, a photo of just before she went for a night out with the girls. Tight dress, big cleavage, lots of thigh, dolled up. Fair enough. These photos would always get a bunch of comments from random pervy guys about how sexy she looks, nice thighs, etc. She would sometimes reply to those with “Aww thanks” or kiss emojis, etc. Slightly weird? She has also made suggestive posts basically showing some kinky boots or undies saying I’m going to surprise my hubby with these tonight, do you think he will like it? Of course, it attracts a bunch of pervs saying that they would go crazy over it, etc. Some pervs would reply with giff clips of soft or even hard core scenes.
Now the bit that has upset me the most;
She has been sending messages to a singer of a semi famous UK band. Yes, she is a fan of their music but she messaged the lead singer many times and once said that his voice drives her crazy and gives tingles all over her body(!). She sent a message at a different time asking if his tour was coming to our home town, etc. (isn't this one step away from saying "I'm hot for you, lets meet up"?) I could forget this is it was a huge USA/Hollywood star. but this is a lesser known UK guy who is a lot more... achievable I guess.
The plot thickens - I later saw a tweet from her going on a rant saying how she cant do this any more and I can’t stop thinking of you so I’m going off twitter for a while to cool off etc.
When I saw that I actually confronted her and she said that this lead singer guy has been copying her on twitter and repeating a lot of the posts she has been making. She basically said this guy has been almost cyber stalking her and hanging on her every word, etc.
Anyway, things blew up a little and I told her I‘m not happy with her conduct on Twitter etc. She said she didn't appreciate being spied on but she went off social media for a couple of months.
Now, she's back and she currently has a new Twitter profile and an Instagram profile which are both now private so I can’t see what she is saying or who she is contacting. Every evening, she is glued to her phone typing away. I have no idea who she is talking to or what photos she is sharing.
I can’t decide if this is all completely out of order or whether I’m being too intrusive and controlling.
What is your take on this please?
I think it is completely out of order. No way would I let my wife do any of that stuff. Best to have a honest discussion & let her know what you think & agree on a way forward. Set the rules/limits and stick to it.
You would get the usual type of guys saying it is nothing etc. as they don't have a voice in their families & think that it is how everyone ought to live, but you don't need to accept their low standards.
You would get the usual type of guys saying it is nothing etc. as they don't have a voice in their families & think that it is how everyone ought to live, but you don't need to accept their low standards.
I can see why it would worry you. I suspect she just likes being made to feel sexy and wanted.
Maybe you can try and find something to do together which distracts her from being glued to the phone. It is a modern issue and many of us spend too much online.
I am married and do tell people I know that they look great in fb pics if the genuinely do look great. I don’t want to jump in to bed with them.
Maybe you can try and find something to do together which distracts her from being glued to the phone. It is a modern issue and many of us spend too much online.
I am married and do tell people I know that they look great in fb pics if the genuinely do look great. I don’t want to jump in to bed with them.
You're over reacting, she's adopted a persona on twitter and none of it seems particularly bad. she's paying to the audience.
Chill out, if she wanted to bugger off and shag someone she would, also if the godly singer she wanted would have her she's be off by now and "She sent a message at a different time asking if his tour was coming to our home town, etc. (isn't this one step away from saying "I'm hot for you, lets meet up"?) no, no it's fecking not.
Calm the f
k down before you become a weirdo.
Chill out, if she wanted to bugger off and shag someone she would, also if the godly singer she wanted would have her she's be off by now and "She sent a message at a different time asking if his tour was coming to our home town, etc. (isn't this one step away from saying "I'm hot for you, lets meet up"?) no, no it's fecking not.
Calm the f
k down before you become a weirdo.Different people have different types of relationships in marriage. If you are the type who have no secrets and share each others feelings then discuss it with her. Don't make out that she is doing anything wrong just explain to her how that makes YOU feel.
She can make her own judgement as to whether she is out of order, unfair to you or unfair to your marriage.
Personally, I wouldn't like my wife flirting on the internet with the possibility of one thing leading to the next.
She can make her own judgement as to whether she is out of order, unfair to you or unfair to your marriage.
Personally, I wouldn't like my wife flirting on the internet with the possibility of one thing leading to the next.
I overheard Miss Badger talking to her best friend not long after they had a girls night out. She was saying how flattering it was to get chatted up and get so much attention from younger guys and how eager they were. But I know she is going to be in my bed at the end of the day and to have that trust is very excellent.
It's also very flattering to receive comments from 'outsiders', especially after being in a relationship for a good few years. Doesn't mean she will jump in bed with the next guy that bats an eyelid, but it's just nice to be appreciated or found attractive by someone else. Doesn't mean you are not enough, it's just human nature.
It's also very flattering to receive comments from 'outsiders', especially after being in a relationship for a good few years. Doesn't mean she will jump in bed with the next guy that bats an eyelid, but it's just nice to be appreciated or found attractive by someone else. Doesn't mean you are not enough, it's just human nature.
Edited by Speed Badger on Sunday 16th January 21:02
You are right to feel uncomfortable, it's how you tackle it is the problem.
Certainly not normal behaviour in a happy stable marriage.
How are things between you generally?
How would she like it if it was you flirting with strangers?
Mind you, I'm old skool, nothing surprises me any more.
Certainly not normal behaviour in a happy stable marriage.
How are things between you generally?
How would she like it if it was you flirting with strangers?
Mind you, I'm old skool, nothing surprises me any more.
Give us a clue! 90s? The extremes you’ve found are a few steps beyond the line. I’ve known boys to act / talk like that in marriages and they were all players. Never known a none cheater type use that kind of language.
A bit of flirting is ok. Telling someone they drive you crazy and make you tingle and by the way are you coming to where I live isn’t ok.
Of course you shouldn’t be spying but posting under a different name is also the type of behaviour I’ve seen from cheater types. Now having accounts that have locked you out is also the behaviour of cheater types.
Honestly it doesn’t look good.
Hope you get to the bottom of it all and can move forward together.
A bit of flirting is ok. Telling someone they drive you crazy and make you tingle and by the way are you coming to where I live isn’t ok.
Of course you shouldn’t be spying but posting under a different name is also the type of behaviour I’ve seen from cheater types. Now having accounts that have locked you out is also the behaviour of cheater types.
Honestly it doesn’t look good.
Hope you get to the bottom of it all and can move forward together.
It doesn't really matter what anyone here says tbh. Everyone will draw the 'line' in a different place and each relationship is different.
She's crossed your line, is unwilling to talk about it because you are 'spying' on what presumably was a public profile, is now actively hiding it from you, while using your together time to participate.
I assume this is out of character?
Personally, I wouldn't be happy, but if she won't communicate, then it's not going to get resolved.
Best of luck
She's crossed your line, is unwilling to talk about it because you are 'spying' on what presumably was a public profile, is now actively hiding it from you, while using your together time to participate.
I assume this is out of character?
Personally, I wouldn't be happy, but if she won't communicate, then it's not going to get resolved.
Best of luck
It depends, everyone has different boundaries, but If she knows you're unhappy l, and has now has started again, but made it private so you can't she what she's doing, that's warning bells in my view.
If it's innocent why is it private?
Others will have different views, but I reckon she's bored, and looking for some excitement and validation, and not from you. I'm not going to be the doom monger, but ...
If it's innocent why is it private?
Others will have different views, but I reckon she's bored, and looking for some excitement and validation, and not from you. I'm not going to be the doom monger, but ...
Brainpox said:
It doesn't really matter what anyone here says tbh. Everyone will draw the 'line' in a different place and each relationship is different.
She's crossed your line, is unwilling to talk about it because you are 'spying' on what presumably was a public profile, is now actively hiding it from you, while using your together time to participate.
I assume this is out of character?
Personally, I wouldn't be happy, but if she won't communicate, then it's not going to get resolved.
Best of luck
This. She's crossed your line, is unwilling to talk about it because you are 'spying' on what presumably was a public profile, is now actively hiding it from you, while using your together time to participate.
I assume this is out of character?
Personally, I wouldn't be happy, but if she won't communicate, then it's not going to get resolved.
Best of luck
You’ve set a boundary and she’s not just ignored it but taken steps to hide her behaviour from you. This is more of a concern than the behaviour itself. It needs tabling.
shirt said:
Brainpox said:
It doesn't really matter what anyone here says tbh. Everyone will draw the 'line' in a different place and each relationship is different.
She's crossed your line, is unwilling to talk about it because you are 'spying' on what presumably was a public profile, is now actively hiding it from you, while using your together time to participate.
I assume this is out of character?
Personally, I wouldn't be happy, but if she won't communicate, then it's not going to get resolved.
Best of luck
This. She's crossed your line, is unwilling to talk about it because you are 'spying' on what presumably was a public profile, is now actively hiding it from you, while using your together time to participate.
I assume this is out of character?
Personally, I wouldn't be happy, but if she won't communicate, then it's not going to get resolved.
Best of luck
You’ve set a boundary and she’s not just ignored it but taken steps to hide her behaviour from you. This is more of a concern than the behaviour itself. It needs tabling.
Lot of high horsery going on but everyone is different, my Mrs was an opera singer in leading lady roles and the on stage interaction - and also co-stars needing to be told in no uncertain terms what happens on stage stays on stage - is something I'm told a lot of BAHs (and I assume WAGs) simply can't cope with.
But we have trust and once you lose trust then it's all f
ked. OP might have overeacted, he might be a little insecure and need to loosen up, but the step of continuing to do it, parading that she's doing it in front of him while hiding the content is really not on and more than a little gas-lighty. Having your little secrets is one thing, but even laid back me would shut that st right down.Men being a little jels and possessive is not uncommon, many girls like a little of it, some girls seek it and some aren't really happy unless two men are fist fighting because of them.
Teddy Lop said:
shirt said:
Brainpox said:
It doesn't really matter what anyone here says tbh. Everyone will draw the 'line' in a different place and each relationship is different.
She's crossed your line, is unwilling to talk about it because you are 'spying' on what presumably was a public profile, is now actively hiding it from you, while using your together time to participate.
I assume this is out of character?
Personally, I wouldn't be happy, but if she won't communicate, then it's not going to get resolved.
Best of luck
This. She's crossed your line, is unwilling to talk about it because you are 'spying' on what presumably was a public profile, is now actively hiding it from you, while using your together time to participate.
I assume this is out of character?
Personally, I wouldn't be happy, but if she won't communicate, then it's not going to get resolved.
Best of luck
You’ve set a boundary and she’s not just ignored it but taken steps to hide her behaviour from you. This is more of a concern than the behaviour itself. It needs tabling.
Lot of high horsery going on but everyone is different, my Mrs was an opera singer in leading lady roles and the on stage interaction - and also co-stars needing to be told in no uncertain terms what happens on stage stays on stage - is something I'm told a lot of BAHs (and I assume WAGs) simply can't cope with.
But we have trust and once you lose trust then it's all f
ked. OP might have overeacted, he might be a little insecure and need to loosen up, but the step of continuing to do it, parading that she's doing it in front of him while hiding the content is really not on and more than a little gas-lighty. Having your little secrets is one thing, but even laid back me would shut that st right down.Men being a little jels and possessive is not uncommon, many girls like a little of it, some girls seek it and some aren't really happy unless two men are fist fighting because of them.
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