Anorexia in the family
Discussion
Anyone out there that has had experiances of an offspring with Anorexia ?
we have had this for nearly a year now, and just before christmas it resulted in hospitalisation due to heart and blood pressure issues...
It still early days of the treatment but any advice or information would be appreciated. something that the offspring may find helpful or information that was found to be good for parents trying to understand / find their way to best support this.
as said all info greatly appreciated.
we have had this for nearly a year now, and just before christmas it resulted in hospitalisation due to heart and blood pressure issues...
It still early days of the treatment but any advice or information would be appreciated. something that the offspring may find helpful or information that was found to be good for parents trying to understand / find their way to best support this.
as said all info greatly appreciated.
brattymerc said:
Anyone out there that has had experiances of an offspring with Anorexia ?
we have had this for nearly a year now, and just before christmas it resulted in hospitalisation due to heart and blood pressure issues...
It still early days of the treatment but any advice or information would be appreciated. something that the offspring may find helpful or information that was found to be good for parents trying to understand / find their way to best support this.
as said all info greatly appreciated.
Yup.we have had this for nearly a year now, and just before christmas it resulted in hospitalisation due to heart and blood pressure issues...
It still early days of the treatment but any advice or information would be appreciated. something that the offspring may find helpful or information that was found to be good for parents trying to understand / find their way to best support this.
as said all info greatly appreciated.
Specific advice would depend on exactly where in the country you are, and also what age your son / daughter is.
As a general rule, Cahms are totally useless with Anorexia. Absolutely totally completely and utterly useless.
The one exception to this was (and hopefully still is) Great Ormand Street Hospital. They do treat patients for eating disorders (95%+ Anorexia) from all over the UK. I've also heard very good things about the Maudsley Hospital.
A "Carers Skills Workshop" was the most useful thing I attended. Also, buy and read any and every book by Janet Treasure.
Feel free to PM me, and I'll share some more. It took us 8 years to get through it, but my daughter is now in her 2nd year of University and whilst I wouldn't say she eats normally, she is a healthy weight and able to maintain this without any supervision
update...
daughter is still in camhs.
she currently has covid, so it in isolation, tested positive which is a worry as she is not very strong with her weight being low and anorexia having complications. Currently on 24hr watch as has been connected to a pump feed as she has been resisting her feeds, its taken four staff to restrain her. so the restrain has been stopped as they are concerned about covid being spread with the resistance. this is a horrendous situation to be in.
as for my wife and i we are totally word out with it all
to say things are tense is an understatement.
daughter is still in camhs.
she currently has covid, so it in isolation, tested positive which is a worry as she is not very strong with her weight being low and anorexia having complications. Currently on 24hr watch as has been connected to a pump feed as she has been resisting her feeds, its taken four staff to restrain her. so the restrain has been stopped as they are concerned about covid being spread with the resistance. this is a horrendous situation to be in.
as for my wife and i we are totally word out with it all
to say things are tense is an understatement.
DodgyGeezer's wife here.
So sorry to hear you are going through this - it's a dreadful illness.
I watched our family and my niece's parents go through the absolute worst time feeling helpless and unsupported during the early days.
Early diagnosis is crucial, but it seems in your case, it has been ongoing for over a year. Look at the charity 'Beat', it was a great support for our family and my niece still regularly fundraises for them, even though her eating disorder was a number of years ago now. My niece was admitted to hospital three times and then spent a large part of the year going to an outpatients support centre. Unfortunately, one of the sad issues with eating disorders and admittance to hospital for help, is that unless the patient is dangerously underweight, they won't admit you (not enough beds etc). So, in my niece's desperate state of mind, she lost even more weight, just so the hospital would admit her.
The key to her recovery was a few doctors/nurses who were a great support and Beat. She also made some very good friends while an inpatient, maybe because they were all battling very similar issues. But most of all, the turning point was when she actually wanted to get better. Up until that point, nothing worked because she was still in the throes of the anexoria and didn't listen to anyone.
Here are some of her quotes on social media about her illness, hope it helps:
"Its no secret that i've struggled with my mental health and eating disorders for many years and at times i have been incredibly poorly. Despite the battles going on in my head I continued to smile. On one hand i thought that if i smiled my way through life, I could almost fool my brain into thinking everything was fine. I also smiled in an attempt to hide from the truth and to keep my secret from those around me.
Despite 1 in 4 people suffering a mental health condition the stigma that surrounds such illnesses continues to astound me. I too faced such stigma when I was first diagnosed. Doctors, teachers and nurses made me feel like an inconvenience for being sad and needing help, so I closed up. No longer a bother.
It wasn't until I got really very poorly indeed that I started to open up, (and now you cant shut me up!) That was the first, the most scary but the most important step in recovery.
Yes, i still have my wobbles, i cant just "get over" a decades worth of problems but I no longer need to pretend to smile."
"When i was diagnosed in 2012, despite losing half my body weight in the 3 months prior, i was told i was not ill enough or thin enough for the intensive treatment that i needed and wanted. On a steep downwards spiral, it took just 2 more months for my weight and health to be critical and I was at risk of being admitted to an inpatient unit. At this point i didnt want help and fought the system as hard as i could.
The most dangerous thing you can tell someone who is literally starving themselves to death is that they aren't thin enough.
Had I got the treatment I wanted and needed at the point of diagnosis when I wasn't so critical (thin), I truly believe i could've avoided 3 inpatient admissions and 3 years of hell."
Thinking of everyone struggling during this pandemic. It’s a bloody hard fight at the best of times but don’t let this be a reason to give in.
The grass is FAR greener on the other side ❤️
Beat
Beat is the UK's eating disorder charity. DMs for support with an eating disorder are monitored 9am-12am weekdays, 4pm-12am weekends & bank holidays. Other comments / DMs monitored 9am-5pm Monday-Thursday"
So sorry to hear you are going through this - it's a dreadful illness.
I watched our family and my niece's parents go through the absolute worst time feeling helpless and unsupported during the early days.
Early diagnosis is crucial, but it seems in your case, it has been ongoing for over a year. Look at the charity 'Beat', it was a great support for our family and my niece still regularly fundraises for them, even though her eating disorder was a number of years ago now. My niece was admitted to hospital three times and then spent a large part of the year going to an outpatients support centre. Unfortunately, one of the sad issues with eating disorders and admittance to hospital for help, is that unless the patient is dangerously underweight, they won't admit you (not enough beds etc). So, in my niece's desperate state of mind, she lost even more weight, just so the hospital would admit her.
The key to her recovery was a few doctors/nurses who were a great support and Beat. She also made some very good friends while an inpatient, maybe because they were all battling very similar issues. But most of all, the turning point was when she actually wanted to get better. Up until that point, nothing worked because she was still in the throes of the anexoria and didn't listen to anyone.
Here are some of her quotes on social media about her illness, hope it helps:
"Its no secret that i've struggled with my mental health and eating disorders for many years and at times i have been incredibly poorly. Despite the battles going on in my head I continued to smile. On one hand i thought that if i smiled my way through life, I could almost fool my brain into thinking everything was fine. I also smiled in an attempt to hide from the truth and to keep my secret from those around me.
Despite 1 in 4 people suffering a mental health condition the stigma that surrounds such illnesses continues to astound me. I too faced such stigma when I was first diagnosed. Doctors, teachers and nurses made me feel like an inconvenience for being sad and needing help, so I closed up. No longer a bother.
It wasn't until I got really very poorly indeed that I started to open up, (and now you cant shut me up!) That was the first, the most scary but the most important step in recovery.
Yes, i still have my wobbles, i cant just "get over" a decades worth of problems but I no longer need to pretend to smile."
- ***
"When i was diagnosed in 2012, despite losing half my body weight in the 3 months prior, i was told i was not ill enough or thin enough for the intensive treatment that i needed and wanted. On a steep downwards spiral, it took just 2 more months for my weight and health to be critical and I was at risk of being admitted to an inpatient unit. At this point i didnt want help and fought the system as hard as i could.
The most dangerous thing you can tell someone who is literally starving themselves to death is that they aren't thin enough.
Had I got the treatment I wanted and needed at the point of diagnosis when I wasn't so critical (thin), I truly believe i could've avoided 3 inpatient admissions and 3 years of hell."
- **
- **
Thinking of everyone struggling during this pandemic. It’s a bloody hard fight at the best of times but don’t let this be a reason to give in.
The grass is FAR greener on the other side ❤️
Beat
Beat is the UK's eating disorder charity. DMs for support with an eating disorder are monitored 9am-12am weekdays, 4pm-12am weekends & bank holidays. Other comments / DMs monitored 9am-5pm Monday-Thursday"
thank you.
it is a hell of a time to go through and a tremendous strain on us all. It hurrts like hell to see her going through this and feeling helpless...
and this disease distorts reality.
camhs is helping but it is slow,and nothing can really be done until her brain function is restored.
it is a hell of a time to go through and a tremendous strain on us all. It hurrts like hell to see her going through this and feeling helpless...
and this disease distorts reality.
camhs is helping but it is slow,and nothing can really be done until her brain function is restored.
wee update
was inpatient for 19 weeks was discharged and we were working on getting weight restored... its come back now, and were looking at day care to try and get through this. hoping to work on this and get us back on form...
its horrendous and we fear this. fear that its going to come and take our daughter.....
was inpatient for 19 weeks was discharged and we were working on getting weight restored... its come back now, and were looking at day care to try and get through this. hoping to work on this and get us back on form...
its horrendous and we fear this. fear that its going to come and take our daughter.....
Another update
Things are not good im afraid.
The weight is now dropping off again, and mental issues around food. and lots of restricting going on coupled with purging.
were seeing a side that is horrendous to deal with, wife was assaulted, damage to house and this because we forbid her to go and see other 'friends' that have this issue that we feel are having a huge negative impact on her.
were both now struggling with it all. taking a toll on our relationship as we try to keep her safe. CAMHS are useless with this. In fact id say whole experience of the health care at present for this illness is woefully inadequate.
Its like they dont have a clue.
Missing out on so much. this should be a fun time for them, but instead its wrecked with this god awful disease.
Only thing that can work is getting the weight on and sorting out the mental issues, those mental issues are a result of the low weight. and then the determination to drop weight is just so overpowering.
we have had attempted suicide, overdose, runaway, and a number of other behaviors that are heartbreaking. and no sign of it getting better, only of it getting worse.
Things are not good im afraid.
The weight is now dropping off again, and mental issues around food. and lots of restricting going on coupled with purging.
were seeing a side that is horrendous to deal with, wife was assaulted, damage to house and this because we forbid her to go and see other 'friends' that have this issue that we feel are having a huge negative impact on her.
were both now struggling with it all. taking a toll on our relationship as we try to keep her safe. CAMHS are useless with this. In fact id say whole experience of the health care at present for this illness is woefully inadequate.
Its like they dont have a clue.
Missing out on so much. this should be a fun time for them, but instead its wrecked with this god awful disease.
Only thing that can work is getting the weight on and sorting out the mental issues, those mental issues are a result of the low weight. and then the determination to drop weight is just so overpowering.
we have had attempted suicide, overdose, runaway, and a number of other behaviors that are heartbreaking. and no sign of it getting better, only of it getting worse.
brattymerc said:
Another update
Things are not good im afraid.
The weight is now dropping off again, and mental issues around food. and lots of restricting going on coupled with purging.
were seeing a side that is horrendous to deal with, wife was assaulted, damage to house and this because we forbid her to go and see other 'friends' that have this issue that we feel are having a huge negative impact on her.
were both now struggling with it all. taking a toll on our relationship as we try to keep her safe. CAMHS are useless with this. In fact id say whole experience of the health care at present for this illness is woefully inadequate.
Its like they dont have a clue.
Missing out on so much. this should be a fun time for them, but instead its wrecked with this god awful disease.
Only thing that can work is getting the weight on and sorting out the mental issues, those mental issues are a result of the low weight. and then the determination to drop weight is just so overpowering.
we have had attempted suicide, overdose, runaway, and a number of other behaviors that are heartbreaking. and no sign of it getting better, only of it getting worse.
Been there, got a dismally similar T shirt. I don't for a moment think we are out of the woods but things are night and day better than 10 months ago.Things are not good im afraid.
The weight is now dropping off again, and mental issues around food. and lots of restricting going on coupled with purging.
were seeing a side that is horrendous to deal with, wife was assaulted, damage to house and this because we forbid her to go and see other 'friends' that have this issue that we feel are having a huge negative impact on her.
were both now struggling with it all. taking a toll on our relationship as we try to keep her safe. CAMHS are useless with this. In fact id say whole experience of the health care at present for this illness is woefully inadequate.
Its like they dont have a clue.
Missing out on so much. this should be a fun time for them, but instead its wrecked with this god awful disease.
Only thing that can work is getting the weight on and sorting out the mental issues, those mental issues are a result of the low weight. and then the determination to drop weight is just so overpowering.
we have had attempted suicide, overdose, runaway, and a number of other behaviors that are heartbreaking. and no sign of it getting better, only of it getting worse.
Where in the country are you. If London/SE based, I can recommend some resources that made a vast difference to our daughter
ClaphamGT3 said:
brattymerc said:
Another update
Things are not good im afraid.
The weight is now dropping off again, and mental issues around food. and lots of restricting going on coupled with purging.
were seeing a side that is horrendous to deal with, wife was assaulted, damage to house and this because we forbid her to go and see other 'friends' that have this issue that we feel are having a huge negative impact on her.
were both now struggling with it all. taking a toll on our relationship as we try to keep her safe. CAMHS are useless with this. In fact id say whole experience of the health care at present for this illness is woefully inadequate.
Its like they dont have a clue.
Missing out on so much. this should be a fun time for them, but instead its wrecked with this god awful disease.
Only thing that can work is getting the weight on and sorting out the mental issues, those mental issues are a result of the low weight. and then the determination to drop weight is just so overpowering.
we have had attempted suicide, overdose, runaway, and a number of other behaviors that are heartbreaking. and no sign of it getting better, only of it getting worse.
Been there, got a dismally similar T shirt. I don't for a moment think we are out of the woods but things are night and day better than 10 months ago.Things are not good im afraid.
The weight is now dropping off again, and mental issues around food. and lots of restricting going on coupled with purging.
were seeing a side that is horrendous to deal with, wife was assaulted, damage to house and this because we forbid her to go and see other 'friends' that have this issue that we feel are having a huge negative impact on her.
were both now struggling with it all. taking a toll on our relationship as we try to keep her safe. CAMHS are useless with this. In fact id say whole experience of the health care at present for this illness is woefully inadequate.
Its like they dont have a clue.
Missing out on so much. this should be a fun time for them, but instead its wrecked with this god awful disease.
Only thing that can work is getting the weight on and sorting out the mental issues, those mental issues are a result of the low weight. and then the determination to drop weight is just so overpowering.
we have had attempted suicide, overdose, runaway, and a number of other behaviors that are heartbreaking. and no sign of it getting better, only of it getting worse.
Where in the country are you. If London/SE based, I can recommend some resources that made a vast difference to our daughter
brattymerc said:
sadly other end of the country. but we have been told to look all over the country as the treatment isnt always uniform.
Not sure how old your daughter is, but see if you can get referred to the Outpatient unit at Gt Ormond St. We went there every Tuesday for 18 months, and it was the most positive treatment experience we had over an 8 year period. There were people there from all over the country - Bristol, Exeter, Wales, Northern Ireland etc.We are now "out the other side", and whilst things are most definitely not "normal", she is actually coping reasonably well. She's in the 4th year of a Joint Honours degree course, and on track to do very well. Weight is fine, but eating is very regimented and exercise is still obsessive. Body image remains a huge problem, and because her illness kicked in before puberty, her physical development was impacted permanently which doesn't help either. I think the time as an Outpatient at GOSH was the turning point to the road to recovery, but sadly I think the main factor is time. It just took her a long time (6 or 7 years) to decide that she actually wanted to get better.
Also - the stories that have come out over the past 3 or 4 years about her time in the Inpatient unit make for extremely upsetting listening. With 20/20 hindsight, we would not have opted for this course of action, but at the time we couldn't see any other way forward.
Finally, if anyone suggests Multi-Family Therapy (MFT) then RUN. Turn around and run away as fast as you can.
One thing to consider and rule out with all Anorexics is autism. Circa 20% of anorexics are autistic and this is probably under reported, particularly with girls, cos girls are very good at masking and hiding their autism and going under the radar. In such Anorexia can be response to the autism, with this being the primary driver.
Some of the things people are describing here scream autistic behaviour to me, We've been thru similar issues with my daughter who is definitely not anorexic, but is Autistic and ADHD.
Some of the things people are describing here scream autistic behaviour to me, We've been thru similar issues with my daughter who is definitely not anorexic, but is Autistic and ADHD.
Edited by sparkyhx on Monday 30th October 10:19
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