A strange outlook/mindset?
Discussion
Firstly, this isn’t a cry for help whatsoever - I need to make that perfectly clear… but I have set up this account to avoid any unnecessary worry from the people that know me from my usual PH account.
Secondly - I apologise if this comes across as a depressing post, it is absolutely not intended in that way.
I have this constant feeling that I’m done with my life - at 34…. Like if someone was to say “you’ve got six months to live” - I’d be absolutely fine with that. Currently, I just feel like I’m plodding along waiting for the inevitable.
I have a fairly decent life, a good job that pays a decent enough salary to get by on.
I’ve had nice cars and motorbikes. I’ve been on nice holidays, done trackdays both on the bikes and in the car, got a race licence and even completed a race. Genuinely have ticked a lot of boxes, I’m a very lucky boy…..
Now, there’s still a couple of things I’d really like to do, one of which is marry my girlfriend. But that is more for the big party that I know we’d have - but that’s only a day or two….
Then there is some silly things such as go to the Nurburgring, do a bike trackday at Oulton Park. Not essential, just another couple of boxes I wouldn’t mind ticking off.
I don’t feel like I’m suicidal or anything like that, it’s just how I find myself thinking. I guess knowing that I’m cruising to a certain death as we all are, I’m left in a state of just waiting.
I have other friends who are married & have kids and that’s great - good for them. I have a really good friend who’s 75, in really good health, a millionaire, has lots of nice toys, houses etc etc. He keeps telling me I need to do more with my life a to earn money and end up in a situation like him or as close to it as possible. I just feel like saying that actually, I don’t. I’m perfectly happy with what I’ve had so far….
I have tried to explain how I feel to my girlfriend, but it always gets escalated into something it isn’t…
Has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you deal with it? What do you do day to day?
Secondly - I apologise if this comes across as a depressing post, it is absolutely not intended in that way.
I have this constant feeling that I’m done with my life - at 34…. Like if someone was to say “you’ve got six months to live” - I’d be absolutely fine with that. Currently, I just feel like I’m plodding along waiting for the inevitable.
I have a fairly decent life, a good job that pays a decent enough salary to get by on.
I’ve had nice cars and motorbikes. I’ve been on nice holidays, done trackdays both on the bikes and in the car, got a race licence and even completed a race. Genuinely have ticked a lot of boxes, I’m a very lucky boy…..
Now, there’s still a couple of things I’d really like to do, one of which is marry my girlfriend. But that is more for the big party that I know we’d have - but that’s only a day or two….
Then there is some silly things such as go to the Nurburgring, do a bike trackday at Oulton Park. Not essential, just another couple of boxes I wouldn’t mind ticking off.
I don’t feel like I’m suicidal or anything like that, it’s just how I find myself thinking. I guess knowing that I’m cruising to a certain death as we all are, I’m left in a state of just waiting.
I have other friends who are married & have kids and that’s great - good for them. I have a really good friend who’s 75, in really good health, a millionaire, has lots of nice toys, houses etc etc. He keeps telling me I need to do more with my life a to earn money and end up in a situation like him or as close to it as possible. I just feel like saying that actually, I don’t. I’m perfectly happy with what I’ve had so far….
I have tried to explain how I feel to my girlfriend, but it always gets escalated into something it isn’t…
Has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you deal with it? What do you do day to day?
Heathwood said:
Sounds like it’s time to start a family. Puts a renewed focus on life and you won’t have time to ponder life too much there after.
That is my biggest no no. I absolutely don’t want kids. I’ve got nephews and nieces and I can deal with them, but the thought of having one around all the time just fills me with horror. bigandclever said:
Surround yourself with different people (that doesn't mean bin off your current people). Doesn't matter who they are or what they're into, particularly, just find a different 'normal'. See if you like it. You might not, but you just sound a bit jaded by it all. Mix it up a bit 
To be honest I don’t really have any friends who I spend time with. I’ve got a few motorbike riding buddies who I’ll head out with when we have good weather, but I’m quite happy in my own company. I don’t have the inclination to meet new people as it were… maybe I’m just happy in my own company. Sound like your life lacks meaning.
Could be you're (correctly in my view) seeing the inherent meaninglessness of existence.
Could be you aren't doing enough of the things that seem to give us primates satisfaction - shagging, running, striving for something that matters, belonging to and contributing to a tribe.
Hard to recommend fulfilling pursuits to other people because we all get our energy from different things, some from solo pursuits, some from friends, some from physical pursuits, some from intellectual endeavours etc.
Fwiw, I am in a similar situation to you, albeit older, in that I have no bucket list. There’s nothing I particularly want to do or to buy. I have the advantage of being a lazy git so I’m content to doze in from of the tele all day.
But there are some things that totally absorb me when I am in the mood to be arsed. Chief of these is playing music and if you don’t play an instrument you might be surprised at how utterly compelling it can be. Unless you want to join a band, piano is best. Learning another language is also very rewarding and I’ve recently become interested in western philosophy particularly existential schools of thought. Some great literature in that realm too; read Dostoyevsky or Camus for example.
More actively, you’ve had nice cars so clearly an interest. How about getting a racing licence and competing at whatever level you can finance. One thing I’ve always fancied doing is getting cheaper, simpler sports cars and learning to do my own maintenance. I’m useless in that regard; if I weren’t so lazy I’d probably do both of these things.
Fwiw, I am in a similar situation to you, albeit older, in that I have no bucket list. There’s nothing I particularly want to do or to buy. I have the advantage of being a lazy git so I’m content to doze in from of the tele all day.
But there are some things that totally absorb me when I am in the mood to be arsed. Chief of these is playing music and if you don’t play an instrument you might be surprised at how utterly compelling it can be. Unless you want to join a band, piano is best. Learning another language is also very rewarding and I’ve recently become interested in western philosophy particularly existential schools of thought. Some great literature in that realm too; read Dostoyevsky or Camus for example.
More actively, you’ve had nice cars so clearly an interest. How about getting a racing licence and competing at whatever level you can finance. One thing I’ve always fancied doing is getting cheaper, simpler sports cars and learning to do my own maintenance. I’m useless in that regard; if I weren’t so lazy I’d probably do both of these things.
I feel the same.
I've had a close friend commit suicide at 49 a few year ago, it was terrible, selfish, quick and destroyed lives - I never ever want to do that to anyone I know!
I have a job I enjoy, two young kids and enough Lego to keep me busy for years to come!
However
I'm just so tired....(if the office fire alarm goes off right now, think I might just sit the fire out)
Covid isn't helping, Prime Minister Johnson isn't helping, the fact that most people for most of the time are horrible, isn't helping!
But what isn't helping more than ANYHTING else - is being addicted to social media, bad news and my phone (and I only use it for an hour or so!)
Find things to take your mind off EVERYTHING else - find whatever that is, that isn't destructive (physically, emotionally, or to relationships) and spend time doing something else - it helps.
This is why my garage will soon have some tables in it to stick this lot on...
You're not alone, it's hard, get making some lists son about things you might like to do!
I've had a close friend commit suicide at 49 a few year ago, it was terrible, selfish, quick and destroyed lives - I never ever want to do that to anyone I know!
I have a job I enjoy, two young kids and enough Lego to keep me busy for years to come!
However
I'm just so tired....(if the office fire alarm goes off right now, think I might just sit the fire out)
Covid isn't helping, Prime Minister Johnson isn't helping, the fact that most people for most of the time are horrible, isn't helping!
But what isn't helping more than ANYHTING else - is being addicted to social media, bad news and my phone (and I only use it for an hour or so!)
Find things to take your mind off EVERYTHING else - find whatever that is, that isn't destructive (physically, emotionally, or to relationships) and spend time doing something else - it helps.
This is why my garage will soon have some tables in it to stick this lot on...
You're not alone, it's hard, get making some lists son about things you might like to do!
Thanks all.
Ironically I have an MX5 - I think. It’s sat in a shipping container and has been for the last 3 years - I should
Probably go and check on that…
As per other suggestions, I play an instrument, have been in a band and can get by talking French fairly well.
I’m just sat here with no drive I guess to do anything else. Maybe it’s just the winter blues and because I can’t ride my bikes.
I think a full switch off of social media is definitely a good shout. I tried it for a little while but found I kept needing to check in - on what - I don’t know.
I’ll soon be in a position where I will have a bit more disposable cash, so maybe that’ll be where I can start some projects. I want to build a garage at my new place so I can tinker on cars and bikes. So I’m hopeful that’ll give me something to focus on and cut down whatever it is I’m feeling now.
Ironically I have an MX5 - I think. It’s sat in a shipping container and has been for the last 3 years - I should
Probably go and check on that…
As per other suggestions, I play an instrument, have been in a band and can get by talking French fairly well.
I’m just sat here with no drive I guess to do anything else. Maybe it’s just the winter blues and because I can’t ride my bikes.
I think a full switch off of social media is definitely a good shout. I tried it for a little while but found I kept needing to check in - on what - I don’t know.
I’ll soon be in a position where I will have a bit more disposable cash, so maybe that’ll be where I can start some projects. I want to build a garage at my new place so I can tinker on cars and bikes. So I’m hopeful that’ll give me something to focus on and cut down whatever it is I’m feeling now.
the cueball said:
Sounds like it could be Burnout??
I was similar at 35.
I walked away from everything and rode my bike around Europe and the US for a year.
8 years on, I still honestly feel like I'm suffering.
So what’s your drive now? What do you do day to day?I was similar at 35.
I walked away from everything and rode my bike around Europe and the US for a year.
8 years on, I still honestly feel like I'm suffering.
I don’t know about burnout, I’m not overwhelmed by anything. Possibly the opposite, other than financial (in the sense of being able to manage money), I’ve got no real challenges. Work isn’t stressful, my life is pretty easy - the biggest challenge is not blowing chunks when picking up my dogs stinky s
ts…the cueball said:
Nothing much.. I do the bare minimum each day.
I've reduced my life down to my Mrs, the dog and a motorbike.
I just try to stay out the way of everything and take simple wins in walking the dog or going for a ride.
We sound very similar in that aspect then. I think you’ve got it sussed - now to just feeling content I guess I've reduced my life down to my Mrs, the dog and a motorbike.
I just try to stay out the way of everything and take simple wins in walking the dog or going for a ride.
Best of luck to you…
I felt like that at 29. TBH despite having cars I loved and being able to go on all the trackdays I could fit into my schedule, I was bored with life.
As someone above said, your life lacks meaning or purpose. What long-term goals would excite you? It doesn't have to be big eg a cure for cancer or world hunger but it has to be meaningful to you.
Sometimes doing voluntary work can help you think about what is meaningful to you. For instance, you could be a mentor to teenagers who are at risk of going down the "wrong path" (it's hard work!) or you could be a mentor to a student at a local uni (to help them deal with the pressures of studying for a degree) or you could raise funds regularly for a local charity...
Or maybe it's time to start a business that solves a problem for others, taking your current skills/experience and helping others to be as successful as you.
As someone above said, your life lacks meaning or purpose. What long-term goals would excite you? It doesn't have to be big eg a cure for cancer or world hunger but it has to be meaningful to you.
Sometimes doing voluntary work can help you think about what is meaningful to you. For instance, you could be a mentor to teenagers who are at risk of going down the "wrong path" (it's hard work!) or you could be a mentor to a student at a local uni (to help them deal with the pressures of studying for a degree) or you could raise funds regularly for a local charity...
Or maybe it's time to start a business that solves a problem for others, taking your current skills/experience and helping others to be as successful as you.
Yep I get you too.
Ticked majority of boxes in life and If I was asked at 20 that I would of done these before 50 I'd of said not a chance.
Maybe I have too much. Don't have too much compared to others.
Job Stressful and could wrap it in tomorrow.
If I didn't wake up in the morning I'd of had a decent life.
Funnily enough did state to a mate an hour ago I could wrap this job in and sell up and completely go off grid. I too don't do folk as there's too many nasty ones out there.
Funny the more you have the less friends I have. I don't care anymore.
A dog walk is all I need. Worry is I'd rather it be me than the him/dog if I could give him not a dogs life.
Ticked majority of boxes in life and If I was asked at 20 that I would of done these before 50 I'd of said not a chance.
Maybe I have too much. Don't have too much compared to others.
Job Stressful and could wrap it in tomorrow.
If I didn't wake up in the morning I'd of had a decent life.
Funnily enough did state to a mate an hour ago I could wrap this job in and sell up and completely go off grid. I too don't do folk as there's too many nasty ones out there.
Funny the more you have the less friends I have. I don't care anymore.
A dog walk is all I need. Worry is I'd rather it be me than the him/dog if I could give him not a dogs life.
At 34 I felt similar to you.
I then got married and had kids despite never wanting any previously.
The kids have given me a role and purpose life.
I had mine when I was 39 and 40 years old.
I'm not suggesting having kids is the answer you're seeking but you're still young enough to keep your options open.
I then got married and had kids despite never wanting any previously.
The kids have given me a role and purpose life.
I had mine when I was 39 and 40 years old.
I'm not suggesting having kids is the answer you're seeking but you're still young enough to keep your options open.
Sounds like the dreaded mid-life crisis mate. Many (most?) males go through it at around 30 when we realise we're approx 50% of the way through life.
Just gotta suck it up mate and count your blessings. You could be dead tomorrow. I lost a dear friend (50yo) yesterday due to a stroke. If you're lucky and survive that long, life does seem to begin at 40 so look forward to it!
Just gotta suck it up mate and count your blessings. You could be dead tomorrow. I lost a dear friend (50yo) yesterday due to a stroke. If you're lucky and survive that long, life does seem to begin at 40 so look forward to it!
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff