Anxiety and dealing with it
Discussion
Long story short, I spilt with my partner about 6 weeks ago and she has jumped straight into a new “ rebound “ relationship, which has shocked me to the core.
I had piled on the lbs this year and let myself go, got depressed and lost all motivation, due to having to give up a martial art, due to injury, plus Covid having a Huge impact on my Biz, which has caused huge stress.
I neglected our relationship, took her totally for granted, didn’t tell her I loved her. She didn’t think I was bothered about her or loved her, so understandably she jumped ship.
Up to 10 years ago, I was a professional In the landscape industry and for many years, I was fit strong and motivated.
I Fully understand that to have any chance of moving my life forwards and attracting her back, that I Must “ Work on Myself “
So, 5 weeks ago I rejoined my gym.
I go 4 - 5 times per week, doing a mix of cardio, weights and yoga.
The weight is falling off of me my strength, fitness, motivation, positive mind set and old physique are slowly returning.
Ive always previously dressed to impress, so I’ve bought smart new clothes etc. I can now get into my Boss shirts and and I’m looking good, but “ feeling on edge “ a lot of the time.
We are still in daily contact and see each other twice a week, it’s very obvious that her attraction to me is still strong and I’m sure that I can win her back.
The grass really is not greener on the other side, I know that for a fact.
But, sometimes when she messages me, plus when I think of her with him and whack, I’m hit hard by an attack. Some of which are frankly Awful.
My heart races, I get a hot flush all over. I get thirsty and am reaching for water. I know that it’s “ Fight or Flight “
I’m also taking sleepeze as I’ve been barely sleeping.
Has anyone any suggestions on how to try to manage / cope with these Anxiety attacks ?
We have a business together, so have to be in contact and speak every couple of days.
I had piled on the lbs this year and let myself go, got depressed and lost all motivation, due to having to give up a martial art, due to injury, plus Covid having a Huge impact on my Biz, which has caused huge stress.
I neglected our relationship, took her totally for granted, didn’t tell her I loved her. She didn’t think I was bothered about her or loved her, so understandably she jumped ship.
Up to 10 years ago, I was a professional In the landscape industry and for many years, I was fit strong and motivated.
I Fully understand that to have any chance of moving my life forwards and attracting her back, that I Must “ Work on Myself “
So, 5 weeks ago I rejoined my gym.
I go 4 - 5 times per week, doing a mix of cardio, weights and yoga.
The weight is falling off of me my strength, fitness, motivation, positive mind set and old physique are slowly returning.
Ive always previously dressed to impress, so I’ve bought smart new clothes etc. I can now get into my Boss shirts and and I’m looking good, but “ feeling on edge “ a lot of the time.
We are still in daily contact and see each other twice a week, it’s very obvious that her attraction to me is still strong and I’m sure that I can win her back.
The grass really is not greener on the other side, I know that for a fact.
But, sometimes when she messages me, plus when I think of her with him and whack, I’m hit hard by an attack. Some of which are frankly Awful.
My heart races, I get a hot flush all over. I get thirsty and am reaching for water. I know that it’s “ Fight or Flight “
I’m also taking sleepeze as I’ve been barely sleeping.
Has anyone any suggestions on how to try to manage / cope with these Anxiety attacks ?
We have a business together, so have to be in contact and speak every couple of days.
Edited by SS427 Camaro on Thursday 9th December 16:41
Edited by SS427 Camaro on Thursday 9th December 18:20
Edited by SS427 Camaro on Thursday 9th December 18:27
Edited by SS427 Camaro on Thursday 9th December 18:34
Edited by SS427 Camaro on Tuesday 14th December 08:25
Edited by SS427 Camaro on Tuesday 14th December 08:27
Edited by SS427 Camaro on Tuesday 14th December 08:28
Edited by SS427 Camaro on Friday 17th December 15:58
Don't try and win her back, win you back.
Keep going to the gym, eat right sleep right and cut off all contact, you don't want her back really, perhaps it's because you are not in control of the situation you think you can win her back but trust me move on no matter how hard that is to hear you must.
Keep going to the gym, eat right sleep right and cut off all contact, you don't want her back really, perhaps it's because you are not in control of the situation you think you can win her back but trust me move on no matter how hard that is to hear you must.
Respect to you mate, sounds like you've done really well
Anxiety is a total b
h.
Here's a list of things that I've tried. I appreciate that you may have come across some/all of them before and that what works for one person doesn't work for another.
1. Finding a really good therapist. I've had several which, looking back, weren't right for me. The one I'm seeing now is a big help.
2. Citalopram helps me, I think.
3. Each day...(1) undertake something you can finish that day (could just be hoovering one room, or doing the washing up); (2) spend some time in nature; (3) have some positive social contact. Short walks in my local countryside ticks the last 2 boxes - I usually have some brief chats with dog owners.
4. Claire Weekes' books. Also 'A little piece of mind' by Nicola Bird. For something hardcore you could try Byron Katie 'I need your love...is that true?'
5. When I had problems with sleep I spoke to my GP and we agreed that weekly I could take 1 x Zopiclone, 1 x large glug of Night Nurse and 1 x Nightol.
Good luck mate. You're way ahead of me on the exercise side of things.
Anxiety is a total b
h.Here's a list of things that I've tried. I appreciate that you may have come across some/all of them before and that what works for one person doesn't work for another.
1. Finding a really good therapist. I've had several which, looking back, weren't right for me. The one I'm seeing now is a big help.
2. Citalopram helps me, I think.
3. Each day...(1) undertake something you can finish that day (could just be hoovering one room, or doing the washing up); (2) spend some time in nature; (3) have some positive social contact. Short walks in my local countryside ticks the last 2 boxes - I usually have some brief chats with dog owners.
4. Claire Weekes' books. Also 'A little piece of mind' by Nicola Bird. For something hardcore you could try Byron Katie 'I need your love...is that true?'
5. When I had problems with sleep I spoke to my GP and we agreed that weekly I could take 1 x Zopiclone, 1 x large glug of Night Nurse and 1 x Nightol.
Good luck mate. You're way ahead of me on the exercise side of things.
I’d recommend avoiding your ex for a while to give you time to work on being yourself. You’ll drive yourself mad whilst thinking about her with the other guy and this, as you’ve admitted, is already happening. Just park her to one side for now.
I’d recommend melatonin if you can’t sleep and want a reset.
Work on discipline and routine. So wake up at the same time every day, go to bed at the same time.
Don’t drink alcohol or eat crap food. Alcohol and fatty food is probably one of the worst anxiety inducers especially if you over indulge. Beer fear is a real thing.
Write lists to tick things off as achievements so you can look back on it and remind yourself where things have developed.
Cold showers in the morning. Not immediately but if you do a really hot shower and then make it cold for the last minute it jolts you into a nice alert zone. Equally, if you have access to a sauna then I find a Sunday evening sauna for 2-3 hours (3x sauna 15/20mins with cold showers, rests and lots of water in between) very relaxing and resetting for the week.
If you can’t do those things all at once then try implementing a couple of them at a time.
I’d recommend melatonin if you can’t sleep and want a reset.
Work on discipline and routine. So wake up at the same time every day, go to bed at the same time.
Don’t drink alcohol or eat crap food. Alcohol and fatty food is probably one of the worst anxiety inducers especially if you over indulge. Beer fear is a real thing.
Write lists to tick things off as achievements so you can look back on it and remind yourself where things have developed.
Cold showers in the morning. Not immediately but if you do a really hot shower and then make it cold for the last minute it jolts you into a nice alert zone. Equally, if you have access to a sauna then I find a Sunday evening sauna for 2-3 hours (3x sauna 15/20mins with cold showers, rests and lots of water in between) very relaxing and resetting for the week.
If you can’t do those things all at once then try implementing a couple of them at a time.
The saying time is a good healer is very true in my experience.
You've done the right thing posting on here, the majority of PH'ers are top people and will usually offer good advice, never bottle things up, it's good to talk.
Sleepeze/Nytol (same thing) is excellent if you take one an hour before you go to bed. to help with short term sleep issues.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint, you WILL get over this. Good luck.
You've done the right thing posting on here, the majority of PH'ers are top people and will usually offer good advice, never bottle things up, it's good to talk.
Sleepeze/Nytol (same thing) is excellent if you take one an hour before you go to bed. to help with short term sleep issues.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint, you WILL get over this. Good luck.
OP, sorry to hear about your situation, but great to hear about your progress. Lots of really good suggestions so far from other others.
Slowboathome said:
5. When I had problems with sleep I spoke to my GP and we agreed that weekly I could take 1 x Zopiclone, 1 x large glug of Night Nurse and 1 x Nightol.
Good luck mate. You're way ahead of me on the exercise side of things.
I just wanted to comment here - probably ‘large glug’ is just a turn of phrase - but do be a bit careful. Night Nurse contains paracetamol and the ratio of effective:harmful dose for paracetamol is really very low. So make sure you are not taking too much paracetamol by doing this. Good luck mate. You're way ahead of me on the exercise side of things.
Sheets Tabuer said:
Don't try and win her back, win you back.
Keep going to the gym, eat right sleep right and cut off all contact, you don't want her back really, perhaps it's because you are not in control of the situation you think you can win her back but trust me move on no matter how hard that is to hear you must.
I’d echo this. Keep going to the gym, eat right sleep right and cut off all contact, you don't want her back really, perhaps it's because you are not in control of the situation you think you can win her back but trust me move on no matter how hard that is to hear you must.
If she’s started seeing someone else, what would your life feel like if you actually did get her back after that? I’d spend a little time thinking about that and decide if it’s what you’d actually want.
You have been betrayed...
not just a fumble in the bed that some can deal with but she has walked out on you. Even if you win her back you will be worried that she will do the same again, she has shown that she can. time to move on.
You are better than that even with the issues that you are workign through you need to find some self respect and acknowledge your worth.
she didnt.
faults on both sides maybe but still it wasnt you that left.
Work on yourself, doctor get referred for help with the anxiety
deal with the issues that you identifierd and sort them out, work on the mind and be mindful of what you want in life.
not just a fumble in the bed that some can deal with but she has walked out on you. Even if you win her back you will be worried that she will do the same again, she has shown that she can. time to move on.
You are better than that even with the issues that you are workign through you need to find some self respect and acknowledge your worth.
she didnt.
faults on both sides maybe but still it wasnt you that left.
Work on yourself, doctor get referred for help with the anxiety
deal with the issues that you identifierd and sort them out, work on the mind and be mindful of what you want in life.
bulldong said:
I’d recommend avoiding your ex for a while to give you time to work on being yourself. You’ll drive yourself mad whilst thinking about her with the other guy and this, as you’ve admitted, is already happening. Just park her to one side for now.
I’d recommend melatonin if you can’t sleep and want a reset.
Work on discipline and routine. So wake up at the same time every day, go to bed at the same time.
Don’t drink alcohol or eat crap food. Alcohol and fatty food is probably one of the worst anxiety inducers especially if you over indulge. Beer fear is a real thing.
Write lists to tick things off as achievements so you can look back on it and remind yourself where things have developed.
Cold showers in the morning. Not immediately but if you do a really hot shower and then make it cold for the last minute it jolts you into a nice alert zone. Equally, if you have access to a sauna then I find a Sunday evening sauna for 2-3 hours (3x sauna 15/20mins with cold showers, rests and lots of water in between) very relaxing and resetting for the week.
If you can’t do those things all at once then try implementing a couple of them at a time.
Very good advice. Start by blocking her then looking after you as much as possible.I’d recommend melatonin if you can’t sleep and want a reset.
Work on discipline and routine. So wake up at the same time every day, go to bed at the same time.
Don’t drink alcohol or eat crap food. Alcohol and fatty food is probably one of the worst anxiety inducers especially if you over indulge. Beer fear is a real thing.
Write lists to tick things off as achievements so you can look back on it and remind yourself where things have developed.
Cold showers in the morning. Not immediately but if you do a really hot shower and then make it cold for the last minute it jolts you into a nice alert zone. Equally, if you have access to a sauna then I find a Sunday evening sauna for 2-3 hours (3x sauna 15/20mins with cold showers, rests and lots of water in between) very relaxing and resetting for the week.
If you can’t do those things all at once then try implementing a couple of them at a time.
I am no expert but your initial post is quite one directional. It seems you 'think' your physical attributes are the only factor in this. I would question this - yourself and her. Have you asked why she left you? It sounds like your physical attributes had a negative impact on your mental health too? Maybe this was then reflected in your personality - which was the bigger reason for splitting???
If physical attributes are the only thing, unfortunately as you grow older together, time does not help matters on many levels.
I would give her some space (if possible) and see what happens. Does she gravitate back to you? Don't answer her messaging straight away either....because you were 'busy doing something else'.
Good luck....
If physical attributes are the only thing, unfortunately as you grow older together, time does not help matters on many levels.
I would give her some space (if possible) and see what happens. Does she gravitate back to you? Don't answer her messaging straight away either....because you were 'busy doing something else'.
Good luck....
I’d go see a counsellor again.
A way you’re dealing with things obviously isn’t ideal... though the last 2 years hasn’t been the best time to bring out issues.
I’ve found a lot of value in meditation and breathing.
If I meditate at bed time I’m usually asleep before I know what’s going on.
A way you’re dealing with things obviously isn’t ideal... though the last 2 years hasn’t been the best time to bring out issues.
I’ve found a lot of value in meditation and breathing.
If I meditate at bed time I’m usually asleep before I know what’s going on.
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