Losing a big part of my identity through injury
Discussion
I know all of this is fist world problems, but bear with me....
Following a bike crash in July, I have a hip problem - it's bad enough that the physio has said they don't think I will be able to run again, ever. Running and sport were a massive part of my life and hence identity. Rugby, triathlon, running and so on I have been at a good (read not quite international), level. Plus skiing, surfing etc etc etc. Even over the last few years, putting on weight with a heart issue (now fixed), I always said to myself I would get back to running and strip the weight back off. Now that option is totally off the table.
I still have facets of identity, but sport has been such a massive part of my life that I feel bewildered and almost grieving for this, it's such a big impact. I'm very gun-shy about riding again (just went out for a very gentle one and hip is sore). Other stuff in the mix - very stressful job, very little time 'for myself' with that, comfort eater (I recognise that and the struggle is real!), genetic propensity for gout (cheers Dad), arthritis from old injuries and I'm now whinging.
Good news - my darling wife likes bald big men, so she is happy about life
Gym is out of the question, I think I need to find a local pool, so I'm putting a plan together. I just need to find time to deliver said plan - go shooting more, pick up the golf sticks again, swim etc.
But has anyone else had or faced this? The male mid-life crisis is sneered at, but I now totally get losing your sense of identity can lead to rash decisions. Cheers all, look after yourselves.
Following a bike crash in July, I have a hip problem - it's bad enough that the physio has said they don't think I will be able to run again, ever. Running and sport were a massive part of my life and hence identity. Rugby, triathlon, running and so on I have been at a good (read not quite international), level. Plus skiing, surfing etc etc etc. Even over the last few years, putting on weight with a heart issue (now fixed), I always said to myself I would get back to running and strip the weight back off. Now that option is totally off the table.
I still have facets of identity, but sport has been such a massive part of my life that I feel bewildered and almost grieving for this, it's such a big impact. I'm very gun-shy about riding again (just went out for a very gentle one and hip is sore). Other stuff in the mix - very stressful job, very little time 'for myself' with that, comfort eater (I recognise that and the struggle is real!), genetic propensity for gout (cheers Dad), arthritis from old injuries and I'm now whinging.
Good news - my darling wife likes bald big men, so she is happy about life
Gym is out of the question, I think I need to find a local pool, so I'm putting a plan together. I just need to find time to deliver said plan - go shooting more, pick up the golf sticks again, swim etc.
But has anyone else had or faced this? The male mid-life crisis is sneered at, but I now totally get losing your sense of identity can lead to rash decisions. Cheers all, look after yourselves.
I get where you are coming from.
Swimming was what I instantly thought before getting to the end of your post. You’ve been a at a decent level at other stuff and you will get there or thereabouts at a sport you can still do - and hopefully derive some of that same pleasure.
That said, I hope you recover more than the physio predicts.
Swimming was what I instantly thought before getting to the end of your post. You’ve been a at a decent level at other stuff and you will get there or thereabouts at a sport you can still do - and hopefully derive some of that same pleasure.
That said, I hope you recover more than the physio predicts.
I'm a qualified Sports Psychologist now working in counselling. When an individual's personality is made up largely by their sporting identity and this comes to a sudden end they can experience loss. It's quite common at the onset of injury/retirement. Talk it through with someone if you can, make future plans regarding exercise...starting now. Some good sports psychologists out there... . I don't actually believe in the midlife crisis scenario, but do believe a person can 'lose' their true nature as they age/give their life to family/children which may result in a feeling they've lost their way a bit.
I guess it's not dissimilar to my wife, who recently decided after 20 years that singing was not going to work out. Problem was she was really damn good and repeated told she was expected to make it, but it's narrow clique that get to decide these things in the industry.
It's been hard on her - she based her life around it and everything else was secondary, because that's what it takes to make it. So turning off that tap left her wondering who she is I guess. She's thrown herself into what she can do, which is training to be a counsellor/shrink and also become slightly obsessed by running, which I guess is the answer, find something else you can do.
It's been hard on her - she based her life around it and everything else was secondary, because that's what it takes to make it. So turning off that tap left her wondering who she is I guess. She's thrown herself into what she can do, which is training to be a counsellor/shrink and also become slightly obsessed by running, which I guess is the answer, find something else you can do.
I understand you completely - I had a big motorbike accident almost 2 years ago - triple fracture of the right foot, almost died. It had a big impact on me - i was walking again 4-5 months later and am exercising again at 80-90% of my previous level.
I would honestly say work on your mental health and well being, it's as important as the physical part. I've practised meditation for the last 10 years and honestly it has helped me through the challenging times.
This week I went had some accupuncture as there is still swelling on my ankle - the doctor told me there was trauma in the body. So stuck some needles in me and did some cupping therapy.
Since Friday I've I felt a huge increase in my vitality - had the second one today and i have a completely different level of energy - I'd highly recommend it if you can find someone competent.
All the best!
I would honestly say work on your mental health and well being, it's as important as the physical part. I've practised meditation for the last 10 years and honestly it has helped me through the challenging times.
This week I went had some accupuncture as there is still swelling on my ankle - the doctor told me there was trauma in the body. So stuck some needles in me and did some cupping therapy.
Since Friday I've I felt a huge increase in my vitality - had the second one today and i have a completely different level of energy - I'd highly recommend it if you can find someone competent.
All the best!
What is the problem with the hip?
Have you had a second opinion or any other diagnosis other than the physio? Any imaging etc?
Is surgery an option if you can go private?
I only ask it's not clear from the OP if you had a big crash on a mortorbike or mountain bike and ended up in hospital via ambulance, or just had a big crash and sought GP advice and then went for physio, so it's not clear how much assessment you've had so far?
Being injured sucks, but if there's a chance it can be sorted and you can get back to running and other sports you enjoy, I'd be keeping my options open for other treatments.
Every activity in one way or another involves the hips, so I think it'll take a bit of time to find activities that won't aggregate it.
That said, I'm sure you will find something else to focus on and get some identity back. Lots of athletes out there who started in one sport and now play another or changed after injury.
Have you had a second opinion or any other diagnosis other than the physio? Any imaging etc?
Is surgery an option if you can go private?
I only ask it's not clear from the OP if you had a big crash on a mortorbike or mountain bike and ended up in hospital via ambulance, or just had a big crash and sought GP advice and then went for physio, so it's not clear how much assessment you've had so far?
Being injured sucks, but if there's a chance it can be sorted and you can get back to running and other sports you enjoy, I'd be keeping my options open for other treatments.
Every activity in one way or another involves the hips, so I think it'll take a bit of time to find activities that won't aggregate it.
That said, I'm sure you will find something else to focus on and get some identity back. Lots of athletes out there who started in one sport and now play another or changed after injury.
It's hard, there's no easy way round it.
My limit on some days (like today) is carrying a toddler up the stairs, I can just about lead with alternate legs but when it's bad it's every step leading with the right.
On good days I can cycle and swim but a lot of the fun has been taken out of it and keeping the weight off is much more difficult.
My limit on some days (like today) is carrying a toddler up the stairs, I can just about lead with alternate legs but when it's bad it's every step leading with the right.
On good days I can cycle and swim but a lot of the fun has been taken out of it and keeping the weight off is much more difficult.
Don1 said:
Sorry for being unclear - mountain bike crash. Was GOMER'd twice in A&E over a few days and my doctor is less than interested. As a civil servant we don't get private medical and I'm budgeting desperately to get the physio.... Let alone the chance to get second opinions!
So you've had both the free time and disposable income to indulge in a whole range of expensive and time consuming sports activities, not to mention a quick look at your current and past garage making for interesting reading, yet you're struggling to find the money for some private physio?I'm at a similar stage to you by the sound of it, if not quite so dramatic. I played football for years, only gave up regular 11-a-side five years ago due to injuries. The last time I kicked a ball was scoring a goal at the Trent End, last kick of the game (Forest ground). Nice way to bow out, I thought.
Then, a week before lockdown I tried walking football. Enjoyed it. Then lockdown.
We moved during lockdown and have started playing for a local team, prospect of making the England team when I turn 50 next month.
Then, in August I played a game the day after training and 40 minutes in knew there was a problem.
Doctor, specialist, MRI later and "this is your life now", in reference to the multitude of painkillers I take. It's a question of managing things for ten years until I'm 60 and have a knee replacement.
To have come so close to playing for England. International footballer FFS. My god.
I've been having physio and the knee is feeling better. I'm thinking about trying football again in a few weeks. I feel like I can't stop like this.
My wife thinks I'm mad. And that I'm risking any activity with the kids as they grow up. No idea what to do tbh.
I'd been content with giving up football five years ago. Got back to playing and really enjoying the walking football. Then a chance of something amazing. This time feels worse than when I gave up before.
Then, a week before lockdown I tried walking football. Enjoyed it. Then lockdown.
We moved during lockdown and have started playing for a local team, prospect of making the England team when I turn 50 next month.
Then, in August I played a game the day after training and 40 minutes in knew there was a problem.
Doctor, specialist, MRI later and "this is your life now", in reference to the multitude of painkillers I take. It's a question of managing things for ten years until I'm 60 and have a knee replacement.
To have come so close to playing for England. International footballer FFS. My god.
I've been having physio and the knee is feeling better. I'm thinking about trying football again in a few weeks. I feel like I can't stop like this.
My wife thinks I'm mad. And that I'm risking any activity with the kids as they grow up. No idea what to do tbh.
I'd been content with giving up football five years ago. Got back to playing and really enjoying the walking football. Then a chance of something amazing. This time feels worse than when I gave up before.
mike74 said:
Don1 said:
Sorry for being unclear - mountain bike crash. Was GOMER'd twice in A&E over a few days and my doctor is less than interested. As a civil servant we don't get private medical and I'm budgeting desperately to get the physio.... Let alone the chance to get second opinions!
So you've had both the free time and disposable income to indulge in a whole range of expensive and time consuming sports activities, not to mention a quick look at your current and past garage making for interesting reading, yet you're struggling to find the money for some private physio?2) If you aren't going to help, don't bother.
272BHP said:
Why is the gym out of the question?
You are going to need to find more than one form of exercise going forward so I can't see any reason why some safe and controlled movements would not be part of that.
You need a goal? how about building up to 10 full pull ups for starters.
As the hip is such an important part of range of movements, I would prefer to find a past time that the whole body workout, rather than doing 90% of the body (if you can follow that). I also have a patchwork of surgical scars across my body - reconstructed knee, both shoulders. I much prefer free weight rather than machines (with the slightly strange way some joints work), but I'm unable to support the dumbbells when carrying (I have some at home and I'm really struggling to move them to the bench).You are going to need to find more than one form of exercise going forward so I can't see any reason why some safe and controlled movements would not be part of that.
You need a goal? how about building up to 10 full pull ups for starters.
It's sounding like I'm going to have to try to find a substitution for running / sports with running in and find a way to learn to like them. All the one I do I enjoy, the ones I don't.... I don't....
Physios opinions are just that, opinions. It took me 4 physios over a number of years to correctly diagnose issues I had with numbness in my lower arms and hands. Even then, I haven't went through extensive testing to confirm they're correct so I don't know for definite. Their expertise however has helped massively and I very rarely have issues now. Don't be afraid to ask for a different therapist at the same practice.
To the poster questioning your finances, they can do one. At £35 for a half hour session (some are less, some are more) it isn't cheap.
To the poster questioning your finances, they can do one. At £35 for a half hour session (some are less, some are more) it isn't cheap.
Hackney said:
I'm at a similar stage to you by the sound of it, if not quite so dramatic. I played football for years, only gave up regular 11-a-side five years ago due to injuries. The last time I kicked a ball was scoring a goal at the Trent End, last kick of the game (Forest ground). Nice way to bow out, I thought.
Then, a week before lockdown I tried walking football. Enjoyed it. Then lockdown.
We moved during lockdown and have started playing for a local team, prospect of making the England team when I turn 50 next month.
Then, in August I played a game the day after training and 40 minutes in knew there was a problem.
Doctor, specialist, MRI later and "this is your life now", in reference to the multitude of painkillers I take. It's a question of managing things for ten years until I'm 60 and have a knee replacement.
To have come so close to playing for England. International footballer FFS. My god.
I've been having physio and the knee is feeling better. I'm thinking about trying football again in a few weeks. I feel like I can't stop like this.
My wife thinks I'm mad. And that I'm risking any activity with the kids as they grow up. No idea what to do tbh.
I'd been content with giving up football five years ago. Got back to playing and really enjoying the walking football. Then a chance of something amazing. This time feels worse than when I gave up before.
Hi. Sorry to hear your woes. You have an identity off the pitch as well as your athletic identity. Try and find this non-athletic version of your 'self' and explore it. I know it sounds daft on here, but you will find strengths you haven't recognised before.Then, a week before lockdown I tried walking football. Enjoyed it. Then lockdown.
We moved during lockdown and have started playing for a local team, prospect of making the England team when I turn 50 next month.
Then, in August I played a game the day after training and 40 minutes in knew there was a problem.
Doctor, specialist, MRI later and "this is your life now", in reference to the multitude of painkillers I take. It's a question of managing things for ten years until I'm 60 and have a knee replacement.
To have come so close to playing for England. International footballer FFS. My god.
I've been having physio and the knee is feeling better. I'm thinking about trying football again in a few weeks. I feel like I can't stop like this.
My wife thinks I'm mad. And that I'm risking any activity with the kids as they grow up. No idea what to do tbh.
I'd been content with giving up football five years ago. Got back to playing and really enjoying the walking football. Then a chance of something amazing. This time feels worse than when I gave up before.
I've 'lifted' since I was 18, and used to run a lot too (best time was 42 minutes for a 10K, and I think I could have gone a lot quicker if I'd trained harder for it).
I stopped running when I was about 30 as my knees started regularly aching. I walk instead and that's still pretty good.
But lifting was and is my real passion.
I'm 49 now and have a variety of injuries. A hernia\abductor tear around my groin which has never healed (and probably never will without surgery), golfers elbow in both elbows and some kind of shoulder\rotator cuff injury which means I have to really warm up my shoulders.
All means I cannot do a lot of the exercises I used to do, and I can nowhere lift the weight I used to either. However, I've adapted and there are still plenty of things I can do and, as such, I still very much enjoy going to the gym. From a vanity POV I don't think my musculature has changed that much either.
So all I'd say to you, is don't concentrate on what you can't do any more, find something you can do (I'm sure there must be something) and get as much enjoyment as you can out of that. Good luck!
I stopped running when I was about 30 as my knees started regularly aching. I walk instead and that's still pretty good.
But lifting was and is my real passion.
I'm 49 now and have a variety of injuries. A hernia\abductor tear around my groin which has never healed (and probably never will without surgery), golfers elbow in both elbows and some kind of shoulder\rotator cuff injury which means I have to really warm up my shoulders.
All means I cannot do a lot of the exercises I used to do, and I can nowhere lift the weight I used to either. However, I've adapted and there are still plenty of things I can do and, as such, I still very much enjoy going to the gym. From a vanity POV I don't think my musculature has changed that much either.
So all I'd say to you, is don't concentrate on what you can't do any more, find something you can do (I'm sure there must be something) and get as much enjoyment as you can out of that. Good luck!
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