Young people and mental health
Discussion
Having had a poor nights sleep I thought I would ask for advice.
I have a 16 year old daughter who I’m very proud of. She is very caring and considerate, but yet levelheaded and calm.
Friends of ours have a similar age daughter, who is also very good friends with our daughter. She has really struggled with teenage years and tried to commit suicide several times. Her parents have very little relief and have for the past 2 years lived life on the edge. We have been happy for the friend to stay over etc as our daughters generally get on (friend has down days which can challenge this sometimes), and it gives her parents a break.
I am aware however of the level of responsibility on my daughter. On her 15th birthday a different friend told her on social media that she had taken an overdose. I had to go and knock on her parents door after my daughter decided an adult needed to know. I’m proud that she is mature enough to make these decisions.
Back to the original friend, she has announced several times in several ways intentions of harming herself. Sometimes she follows through. Again my daughter has at various points talked her down, or when necessary told an adult. Last night the friend ran away. My wife and daughter went looking for her late at night (I’m away overnight). My daughter eventually persuaded her that she needed not to do this, and she was collected from a park in the next town. I can only imagine the stress she has caused her parents.
I’m very conscious about the responsibility my daughter has taken on, not because she has to, but because she cares for her friend. From time to time I try and talk to her to make sure she is not keeping stuff locked away, but being frank emotions are not my best skill. I wonder whether I should be doing more?
Also, I think she has real aptitude in this area, at school she does not stand out from the crowd, and struggles to motivate herself, unless it’s a particular subject where she both aptitude and interest. I wonder whether she has future as some sort of phycologist or counsellor, and wonder what a levels would be worth looking at?
Sorry for the long post!
I have a 16 year old daughter who I’m very proud of. She is very caring and considerate, but yet levelheaded and calm.
Friends of ours have a similar age daughter, who is also very good friends with our daughter. She has really struggled with teenage years and tried to commit suicide several times. Her parents have very little relief and have for the past 2 years lived life on the edge. We have been happy for the friend to stay over etc as our daughters generally get on (friend has down days which can challenge this sometimes), and it gives her parents a break.
I am aware however of the level of responsibility on my daughter. On her 15th birthday a different friend told her on social media that she had taken an overdose. I had to go and knock on her parents door after my daughter decided an adult needed to know. I’m proud that she is mature enough to make these decisions.
Back to the original friend, she has announced several times in several ways intentions of harming herself. Sometimes she follows through. Again my daughter has at various points talked her down, or when necessary told an adult. Last night the friend ran away. My wife and daughter went looking for her late at night (I’m away overnight). My daughter eventually persuaded her that she needed not to do this, and she was collected from a park in the next town. I can only imagine the stress she has caused her parents.
I’m very conscious about the responsibility my daughter has taken on, not because she has to, but because she cares for her friend. From time to time I try and talk to her to make sure she is not keeping stuff locked away, but being frank emotions are not my best skill. I wonder whether I should be doing more?
Also, I think she has real aptitude in this area, at school she does not stand out from the crowd, and struggles to motivate herself, unless it’s a particular subject where she both aptitude and interest. I wonder whether she has future as some sort of phycologist or counsellor, and wonder what a levels would be worth looking at?
Sorry for the long post!
Sounds like you have a wonderful daughter and I’m sure you’re immensely proud.
Regarding her mental health, just keep an eye on any eating habit changes or emotional withdrawal. They’re the signs my wife picks up on when I’m not in a good place! It is a tough position for your daughter to be in, I did similar in my school years and it left me emotionally and mentally drained - but worst of all, despite willingly helping others I never I felt I could ask others for help.
As for future careers, has she considered a nursing branch? My wife works in A&E (through adult nursing) and her compassion for those who’ve tried overdosing (rather than treating them like s
t) has helped a couple of them turn their lives around. She was commended by the head of the trust a few months back as a patient who was an attempted suicide regular had wrote in stating “Mrs BabyShark is the first nurse to make me not feel worthless, she spoke to me like a human rather than someone she couldn’t be bothered with. I can’t thank her enough. Please let her know that I’m seeking help and getting my life back on track”.
Regarding her mental health, just keep an eye on any eating habit changes or emotional withdrawal. They’re the signs my wife picks up on when I’m not in a good place! It is a tough position for your daughter to be in, I did similar in my school years and it left me emotionally and mentally drained - but worst of all, despite willingly helping others I never I felt I could ask others for help.
As for future careers, has she considered a nursing branch? My wife works in A&E (through adult nursing) and her compassion for those who’ve tried overdosing (rather than treating them like s
t) has helped a couple of them turn their lives around. She was commended by the head of the trust a few months back as a patient who was an attempted suicide regular had wrote in stating “Mrs BabyShark is the first nurse to make me not feel worthless, she spoke to me like a human rather than someone she couldn’t be bothered with. I can’t thank her enough. Please let her know that I’m seeking help and getting my life back on track”. surveyor said:
From time to time I try and talk to her to make sure she is not keeping stuff locked away, but being frank emotions are not my best skill. I wonder whether I should be doing more?
This sentence is a great way of bringing the subject up with her if you aren't sure how best to communicate with her about emotions. Just tell her that, she sounds like an empathetic sort and will be grateful of the respect you've shown her by being honest and it will make her feel good to have your respect / trust. It also leads by example, you are worried, and have (maybe) kept locked away that you're not good at speaking about your emotions, so you have opened up to her in order to talk about that.Just as a thought anyway, if you've already approached speaking to her in this manner then do ignore me!
In my experience with being depressed, the most obvious signs outwardly are a lack of interest in pretty much anything, but most obviously no interest in hobbies, socialising and taking care of oneself.
I had a suicidal partner for many years, and it is hugely draining. There are forums for loved ones of suicidal / depressed people, it's a bit old fashioned now I suppose but that might help, naturally she can talk to you about it as well, it's important to acknowledge that it is extremely draining on the supporter.
A further point to offer at least is that in order to be good support for someone, you must take care of yourself first. If you have no energy and aren't living your own life to recharge, you will not be able to provide good support. I fell foul of this which is what led to my own depression.
Feel free to PM if you have any other questions. I have no children of my own so can only speak from experience with supporting a suicidal partner for what that's worth
surveyor said:
I am aware however of the level of responsibility on my daughter. On her 15th birthday a different friend told her on social media that she had taken an overdose. I had to go and knock on her parents door after my daughter decided an adult needed to know. I’m proud that she is mature enough to make these decisions.
There's the crux of the problem for modern youth, Farcebook, ttter and other social media sites, and the "I crave attention, so look at me everyone" mentality.https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2...
SturdyHSV said:
In my experience with being depressed, the most obvious signs outwardly are a lack of interest in pretty much anything, but most obviously no interest in hobbies, socialising and taking care of oneself.
I had a suicidal partner for many years, and it is hugely draining. There are forums for loved ones of suicidal / depressed people, it's a bit old fashioned now I suppose but that might help, naturally she can talk to you about it as well, it's important to acknowledge that it is extremely draining on the supporter.
A further point to offer at least is that in order to be good support for someone, you must take care of yourself first. If you have no energy and aren't living your own life to recharge, you will not be able to provide good support. I fell foul of this which is what led to my own depression.
All of this ^^^ rings true for me - sadly.I had a suicidal partner for many years, and it is hugely draining. There are forums for loved ones of suicidal / depressed people, it's a bit old fashioned now I suppose but that might help, naturally she can talk to you about it as well, it's important to acknowledge that it is extremely draining on the supporter.
A further point to offer at least is that in order to be good support for someone, you must take care of yourself first. If you have no energy and aren't living your own life to recharge, you will not be able to provide good support. I fell foul of this which is what led to my own depression.
Just two days ago, two policemen called at our door, to tell us that my partner's son (and my stepson) had taken his life in a hotel bedroom.. It wasn't entirely unexpected, as he'd spiralled downwards into a deep, dark well of depression over the last few years.
As mentioned above, it is hugely draining; a particular problem that we found, was that it was impossible (in our situation) to get any help. I phoned the County Mental Health team last week, and told them that my stepson had stated that he felt 'dead inside', 'had nothing to live for' and 'just had to get through the next few days' - probably, until pills that he'd ordered arrived.
I was told by the Mental Health Team, that because he was over 18 and given that he actually said he 'didn't want help', there was nothing that they could do. They just advised that I phoned the Police.
Because he was 26, we couldn't stop him from going out and we couldn't phone the Police on every occasion that he did. To be fair to the Police, there was little (nothing) that they could do - if someone is going around in a perfectly legal and seemingly 'normal' way, there's nothing that the Police can do.
I did call the Police on 999 last week; they came around and spoke to my stepson and he said that he 'was fine' and put on an act that everything was okay.
As an aside, we have found that in all our interactions with the Police, they have been absolutely brilliant - we have been treated with great care and consideration and they've done their utmost to help us and have made suggestions to help us deal with a very painful episode in our lives and move forward.
We have found the last 6 months to be extremely draining; as mentioned above, supporters need to take great care, to ensure that they also don't get dragged down into a deep, dark well of depression.
pubrunner said:
All of this ^^^ rings true for me - sadly.
Just two days ago, two policemen called at our door, to tell us that my partner's son (and my stepson) had taken his life in a hotel bedroom.. It wasn't entirely unexpected, as he'd spiralled downwards into a deep, dark well of depression over the last few years.
As mentioned above, it is hugely draining; a particular problem that we found, was that it was impossible (in our situation) to get any help. I phoned the County Mental Health team last week, and told them that my stepson had stated that he felt 'dead inside', 'had nothing to live for' and 'just had to get through the next few days' - probably, until pills that he'd ordered arrived.
I was told by the Mental Health Team, that because he was over 18 and given that he actually said he 'didn't want help', there was nothing that they could do. They just advised that I phoned the Police.
Because he was 26, we couldn't stop him from going out and we couldn't phone the Police on every occasion that he did. To be fair to the Police, there was little (nothing) that they could do - if someone is going around in a perfectly legal and seemingly 'normal' way, there's nothing that the Police can do.
I did call the Police on 999 last week; they came around and spoke to my stepson and he said that he 'was fine' and put on an act that everything was okay.
As an aside, we have found that in all our interactions with the Police, they have been absolutely brilliant - we have been treated with great care and consideration and they've done their utmost to help us and have made suggestions to help us deal with a very painful episode in our lives and move forward.
We have found the last 6 months to be extremely draining; as mentioned above, supporters need to take great care, to ensure that they also don't get dragged down into a deep, dark well of depression.
Just two days ago, two policemen called at our door, to tell us that my partner's son (and my stepson) had taken his life in a hotel bedroom.. It wasn't entirely unexpected, as he'd spiralled downwards into a deep, dark well of depression over the last few years.
As mentioned above, it is hugely draining; a particular problem that we found, was that it was impossible (in our situation) to get any help. I phoned the County Mental Health team last week, and told them that my stepson had stated that he felt 'dead inside', 'had nothing to live for' and 'just had to get through the next few days' - probably, until pills that he'd ordered arrived.
I was told by the Mental Health Team, that because he was over 18 and given that he actually said he 'didn't want help', there was nothing that they could do. They just advised that I phoned the Police.
Because he was 26, we couldn't stop him from going out and we couldn't phone the Police on every occasion that he did. To be fair to the Police, there was little (nothing) that they could do - if someone is going around in a perfectly legal and seemingly 'normal' way, there's nothing that the Police can do.
I did call the Police on 999 last week; they came around and spoke to my stepson and he said that he 'was fine' and put on an act that everything was okay.
As an aside, we have found that in all our interactions with the Police, they have been absolutely brilliant - we have been treated with great care and consideration and they've done their utmost to help us and have made suggestions to help us deal with a very painful episode in our lives and move forward.
We have found the last 6 months to be extremely draining; as mentioned above, supporters need to take great care, to ensure that they also don't get dragged down into a deep, dark well of depression.
Awful to read and you have my condoloncies
surveyor said:
Awful to read and you have my condoloncies
Very kind of you to say so and much appreciated.Times like this are very difficult for anyone and any kind word is appreciated.
I, my partner and our son, are find life quite difficult, but it is a blessing that we are there for each other.
It would be very difficult indeed, to have to cope with something like this alone.
Thank you for taking the time to post your message.
I recall the Police side of it as you say being very supportive but really there's nothing they can do, and if the suicidal person has no real support network (or refuses to engage with it) then it can be an extremely bleak situation.
I'm very sorry to hear about your stepson, I hope you and your family can find your way through this situation together.
It goes without saying but it is not your fault.
I'm very sorry to hear about your stepson, I hope you and your family can find your way through this situation together.
It goes without saying but it is not your fault.
I may as well use this thread to continue to vent emotionally.
We are just back from another search. Fortunately found again, this time by the police. They took it very seriously, and I suspect most of their resources were out searching including the helicopter.
I'm stressed, my daughter has again stepped up. The Police had taken her number in case they needed some help in talking her down somewhere.
Feel so awful for her parents. Their stress is unbelievably high, and I do not know how they are coping.
Mental health illness is so incredibly difficult to deal with.
We are just back from another search. Fortunately found again, this time by the police. They took it very seriously, and I suspect most of their resources were out searching including the helicopter.
I'm stressed, my daughter has again stepped up. The Police had taken her number in case they needed some help in talking her down somewhere.
Feel so awful for her parents. Their stress is unbelievably high, and I do not know how they are coping.
Mental health illness is so incredibly difficult to deal with.
Social media is the problem imo. In our day 90s born and younger you didn't know any better and just assumed what happened to you was the norm and dealt with it. Or you didn't know any better of how life could be.
We had moral guiding tv shows like saved by the bell, california dreams the wonder years etc.
If you got bullied you assumed that was just the way it was as you never knew any different.
For me bullied pretty bad for my height all through high school (I'm 5"5 ) now so always was small.
Nowadays kids and people see what they don't have through social media. They see others with money, with huge extravagant lifestyles, sweet 16 with massive parties. That one popular guy/girl with a boyfriend / girlfriend.
People/kids don't see what they have and can only see what they don't have as that's what people boast about and post on social media.
Its a minefield now and I would not want to try and raise a kid nowadays.
We had moral guiding tv shows like saved by the bell, california dreams the wonder years etc.
If you got bullied you assumed that was just the way it was as you never knew any different.
For me bullied pretty bad for my height all through high school (I'm 5"5 ) now so always was small.
Nowadays kids and people see what they don't have through social media. They see others with money, with huge extravagant lifestyles, sweet 16 with massive parties. That one popular guy/girl with a boyfriend / girlfriend.
People/kids don't see what they have and can only see what they don't have as that's what people boast about and post on social media.
Its a minefield now and I would not want to try and raise a kid nowadays.
Edited by vulture1 on Saturday 19th February 23:03
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