A somewhat complicated question
Discussion
Please forgive me for making this a bit complicated.
I am going through a midlife phase of my life, bottom line is very good, but I have noticed some changes in my personality. I have become more selective in whom i hang out with, what food I consume, what music I Iisten to. No more alcohol (after years of quite heavy drinking).
I need silence to concentrate, to be creative, to recover. Not always, but sometimes. I can do smalltalk if situation requires, but I prefer to talk about more fundamental things with people I know and trust. At work, i have learned to avoid the (stereo-)typical chatter of female colleagues.
I like to be at home, ideally on my bed, reading, or thinking, or dreaming. I cannot do this in a cafe, too many distractions. I tried walking in a forest but reading / lounging on bed is not possible then.
My wife is always home (she does not work). She has developed a fitness/heath routine which makes her doing yoga and other antics most of the day, when she is not meditating or listening to crazy pan flute music. The day goes by on her terms, 7 days a week. When I WFH, she pops into the dining room where I have set up camp, or bangs the fridge door, or her dumbbells on the parquet floor.
Although strangers would describer her as a lovely, balanced person and our home as comfortable, I am totally worn out after a day at home.
What should I do?
Please:
- do not full-quote the previous posts and remarks, it is very difficult for me reading on a phone and with my pre-OP cataract eye
- keep the spirit of the debate constructive. "Divorce her" and general jokes about "er indoors" are not helpful.
Thank you!
I am going through a midlife phase of my life, bottom line is very good, but I have noticed some changes in my personality. I have become more selective in whom i hang out with, what food I consume, what music I Iisten to. No more alcohol (after years of quite heavy drinking).
I need silence to concentrate, to be creative, to recover. Not always, but sometimes. I can do smalltalk if situation requires, but I prefer to talk about more fundamental things with people I know and trust. At work, i have learned to avoid the (stereo-)typical chatter of female colleagues.
I like to be at home, ideally on my bed, reading, or thinking, or dreaming. I cannot do this in a cafe, too many distractions. I tried walking in a forest but reading / lounging on bed is not possible then.
My wife is always home (she does not work). She has developed a fitness/heath routine which makes her doing yoga and other antics most of the day, when she is not meditating or listening to crazy pan flute music. The day goes by on her terms, 7 days a week. When I WFH, she pops into the dining room where I have set up camp, or bangs the fridge door, or her dumbbells on the parquet floor.
Although strangers would describer her as a lovely, balanced person and our home as comfortable, I am totally worn out after a day at home.
What should I do?
Please:
- do not full-quote the previous posts and remarks, it is very difficult for me reading on a phone and with my pre-OP cataract eye
- keep the spirit of the debate constructive. "Divorce her" and general jokes about "er indoors" are not helpful.
Thank you!
Edited by Oilleak on Thursday 9th September 13:09
Edited by Oilleak on Thursday 9th September 13:09
Edited by Oilleak on Thursday 9th September 13:10
Edited by Oilleak on Thursday 9th September 13:34
Have you got anywhere else more secluded you could set up your office?
Speak to her, let her know that you need to concentrate.
Do you guys still go on dates, have good time together?
I'd let her know that sometimes you need your own space and see if she's able to leave the house for a while or make an effort to not disturb you.
Speak to her, let her know that you need to concentrate.
Do you guys still go on dates, have good time together?
I'd let her know that sometimes you need your own space and see if she's able to leave the house for a while or make an effort to not disturb you.
It reads to me like maybe there are some underlying issues, maybe personality/mental health issues. Everyone needs space sometimes but it sounds like most people are annoying you more than they should. I would suggest maybe counselling then if your happy that’s just who you’ve grown into maybe do as the others have said. A man room.
Edited by Carlososos on Thursday 9th September 13:20
We are happy together and been married for over a decade.
It could be me - our flat is probably seen as quite spacious...but she would dominate every square metre of Buckingham Palace, leaving her stuff here and her other stuff there.
I am also wondering about the rigorous routine of 7 a week 8am to 8pm exercise, combined with that yoga and flute stuff and a black-or-white/friend-or-foe attitude to nutrition.
I would describe myself as an easy-going live and let live guy - the flipside of that kind of personality is often to neglect one own's needs.
Mancave is not possible, unless moving places.
It could be me - our flat is probably seen as quite spacious...but she would dominate every square metre of Buckingham Palace, leaving her stuff here and her other stuff there.
I am also wondering about the rigorous routine of 7 a week 8am to 8pm exercise, combined with that yoga and flute stuff and a black-or-white/friend-or-foe attitude to nutrition.
I would describe myself as an easy-going live and let live guy - the flipside of that kind of personality is often to neglect one own's needs.
Mancave is not possible, unless moving places.
Oilleak said:
I am also wondering about the rigorous routine of 7 a week 8am to 8pm exercise, combined with that yoga and flute stuff and a black-or-white/friend-or-foe attitude to nutrition.
She needs something else to do. Volunteering, helping people?Oilleak said:
Mancave is not possible, unless moving places.
Move places, then? "introvert" and "highly sensitive person" - I already know that about myself (after going off booze I went through some long time of learning about myself etc). Yes, all true what you can read about it.
In my earlier days i used to suppress these things by drinking.
Moving places...I keep on thinking about something 1. in a rural area (also because the sound of scooters, people yelling, fart cans etc. is really annoying me) and 2. a multi-story structure, nooks and crannies, old rectory, something like that.
I am worried about how one-dimensional my wife's life has become - she says she has found her way and has never been happier.
In my earlier days i used to suppress these things by drinking.
Moving places...I keep on thinking about something 1. in a rural area (also because the sound of scooters, people yelling, fart cans etc. is really annoying me) and 2. a multi-story structure, nooks and crannies, old rectory, something like that.
I am worried about how one-dimensional my wife's life has become - she says she has found her way and has never been happier.
Oilleak said:
"introvert" and "highly sensitive person" - I already know that about myself (after going off booze I went through some long time of learning about myself etc). Yes, all true what you can read about it.
In my earlier days i used to suppress these things by drinking.
Moving places...I keep on thinking about something 1. in a rural area (also because the sound of scooters, people yelling, fart cans etc. is really annoying me) and 2. a multi-story structure, nooks and crannies, old rectory, something like that.
I am worried about how one-dimensional my wife's life has become - she says she has found her way and has never been happier.
Well, her next step in enlightenment is to be mindful of the racket she's making. In my earlier days i used to suppress these things by drinking.
Moving places...I keep on thinking about something 1. in a rural area (also because the sound of scooters, people yelling, fart cans etc. is really annoying me) and 2. a multi-story structure, nooks and crannies, old rectory, something like that.
I am worried about how one-dimensional my wife's life has become - she says she has found her way and has never been happier.
Vixen got it right in the first response - a man cave is needed. My parents don’t have enough space for a man cave at their property, but my father does have a nice boat he never sails - but my mother is petrified he’ll one day sell it as they BOTH need the space that my father pottering on the boat creates.
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