Sadness following PTSD episode

[toohuge]

All,

I wanted to ask for some experiences / suggestions on how to cope with how I am currently feeling.

To give a little context, I was raped when I was 18 and since then, I've had numerous ups and downs in my life, with intimate relationships being a particularly uncomfortable topic.

I have had loads of counselling for depression and anxiety etc. and it has been brilliant! October 2018 I decided to seek counselling for the traumatic event itself and it was very helpful. I worked alongside my chaplain at University to help reduce the anger I had in me and up until a few weeks ago, it's been the happiest, calmest and most fulfilling my life has ever been.

During this happy time, I met someone.... There's something different about her and instead of keeping my guard up and usually protection mechanisms, I felt comfortable to step over these and be fully vulnerable with her. As you can imagine, this is triggered a huge number of really, really deep, hidden reactions that I know were inside me all along, but no one has ever managed to get this close, until now.

Anyway, I wont go into too many details, but on Saturday morning, something (I know what it was) triggered a very vivid PTSD episode that saw me relive all the symptoms and feelings from all those years ago.

I have sort counselling from my chaplain, who remains to be amazing and yesterday, I did speak with the lady involved, not to apportion blame, but to let her know this was happening.

I see it as a positive, necessary step in my healing - that I am finally beginning to unravel my scared, protective state.

With that sad, today, I am just really, really sad & lonely. - I am telling myself that's a product of the come down from the episode and is a) to be expected and b) temporary.

I ask, as I'm so proud of the progress I have made in the last 4 years and I can't bare the thought of losing that progress.

Thanks guys,
Chris

[Carlososos]

Hello mate. It’s just a blip. Your smashing it out of the park and doing all the right things. Your going to have ups and downs and that’s ok. Let it out, talk about it, then when your ready it’ll be another sunny and brilliant day. Well done for being vulnerable. Chin up when your ready.

[horselesscarriage]

Hi Chris

It seems to me that you're doing everything to look after your emotional and mental health, and to post that on a message board displays awesome strength.

I have no professional expertise to offer specific advice but encourage you to keep the supports you've found so positive in the past and genuinely hope your recovery continues.

Kingsley

[HustleRussell]

Your post was mindful, hopeful and positive- and with that you should have faith that you will continue to progress in leaps and bounds. Congratulations!

[toohuge]

Thanks guys. That means a lot.

I'm leaving work early today to go back and see my parents. It seems like the right thing to do and be with them for the evening.

Hopefully things will continue to improve over the next few days.

[digger_R]

Thankyou for sharing - I've been a hypnotherapist for a number of years and have had a lot of success with regressions. I would recommend finding someone who has experience working with trauma healing and have a couple of sessions - there are many unresolved emotions which can be released and resolved in just a couple of sessions.
All the best!

[toohuge]

Thanks guys, much appreciated.

I called my parents and went to see them....

I feel much better, I think the 18 year inside me, that was hurting need to grieve with my mum. It was a profound moment, but I now have a sense of closure to the whole ordeal. The scared, lost and confused child within me was comforted and consoled by the best person possible. It genuinely feels like progress and certainly today, there's a sense of calm and peace within.

Thanks for listening
Chris