Dealing with the menopause- help
Discussion
I'm not going to post under another account as I feel this should be in the open not hidden in any shape.
My wife is 48. She's bloody lovely but over the past year she's had the missed periods etc.
She's increasingly become more and more irritable with her tolerance of her work load and started shouting and swearing alot.
If I put a cup down on the floor next to the sofa (wooden floor) it's a huge thing.
Now I'm no Saint. I don't see an issue with leaving a used plate on the kitchen surface for more than 2 hours but it's a big thing, she is becoming more and more intolerant of very small things. I've tried talking to her tonight but been shouted down (with all our house windows open). It's grinding.
I've tried talking to her about it but I'm manipulative.
Anything she doesn't like is a big problem.
Where do we go from here?
I honestly feel torn between walking out and helping my wife.
My wife is 48. She's bloody lovely but over the past year she's had the missed periods etc.
She's increasingly become more and more irritable with her tolerance of her work load and started shouting and swearing alot.
If I put a cup down on the floor next to the sofa (wooden floor) it's a huge thing.
Now I'm no Saint. I don't see an issue with leaving a used plate on the kitchen surface for more than 2 hours but it's a big thing, she is becoming more and more intolerant of very small things. I've tried talking to her tonight but been shouted down (with all our house windows open). It's grinding.
I've tried talking to her about it but I'm manipulative.
Anything she doesn't like is a big problem.
Where do we go from here?
I honestly feel torn between walking out and helping my wife.
HRT seems to be the de-facto answer. A visit to the GP may help if you can get her to go or if she's lucky enough get an appointment.
Mrs Ozone is going through similar and HRT patches help with a lot of symptoms, but not all
I won't bore you with my side of it as she reads PH and I'll end up in an unmarked grave under the patio... Hello darling
Life definitely isn't easy for the sufferer or partner.
Good luck to both of you whatever happens.
Mrs Ozone is going through similar and HRT patches help with a lot of symptoms, but not all
I won't bore you with my side of it as she reads PH and I'll end up in an unmarked grave under the patio... Hello darling
Life definitely isn't easy for the sufferer or partner.
Good luck to both of you whatever happens.
I'm discussing this with MrsC as I write. She's been going through it for a couple of years now.
First thing - as above, get to see the GP and ask for HRT. It previously worked wonders for her mentally and physically, although a side-issue arose which she originally felt the HRT was causing, so she came off it. Turns out that may be caused directly by the menopause, not the HRT, so she is thinking of going back on it now.
In the meantime the GP prescribed anti-depressants which were a good alternative.
If it helps, when I read out your post to her, she laughed - not in a bad way but in a "yep, I get that!" way. With us, to be honest, she hasn't been herself, but not to the extent that you're experiencing.
If Mrs Hugo is on Facebook, MrsC highly recommends the "UK Ladies Menopause Support Group". Clearly I haven't looked at that!
Feel free to PM if it helps.
First thing - as above, get to see the GP and ask for HRT. It previously worked wonders for her mentally and physically, although a side-issue arose which she originally felt the HRT was causing, so she came off it. Turns out that may be caused directly by the menopause, not the HRT, so she is thinking of going back on it now.
In the meantime the GP prescribed anti-depressants which were a good alternative.
If it helps, when I read out your post to her, she laughed - not in a bad way but in a "yep, I get that!" way. With us, to be honest, she hasn't been herself, but not to the extent that you're experiencing.
If Mrs Hugo is on Facebook, MrsC highly recommends the "UK Ladies Menopause Support Group". Clearly I haven't looked at that!
Feel free to PM if it helps.
I wish there was a like button for your post OP.
It's a super trying time, for both of you. Your other half has very little control over her reactions, it's on your shoulders to take it, be humble and be there for her. It's tough mate but it's moment in time, it will pass and it does not define you, her or your relationship.
Valium helps.
It's a super trying time, for both of you. Your other half has very little control over her reactions, it's on your shoulders to take it, be humble and be there for her. It's tough mate but it's moment in time, it will pass and it does not define you, her or your relationship.
Valium helps.
Potatoes said:
I wish there was a like button for your post OP.
It's a super trying time, for both of you. Your other half has very little control over her reactions, it's on your shoulders to take it, be humble and be there for her. It's tough mate but it's moment in time, it will pass and it does not define you, her or your relationship.
Valium helps.
Hopefully things have come on a bit since last August.It's a super trying time, for both of you. Your other half has very little control over her reactions, it's on your shoulders to take it, be humble and be there for her. It's tough mate but it's moment in time, it will pass and it does not define you, her or your relationship.
Valium helps.
Evoluzione said:
Hopefully things have come on a bit since last August.
I doubt it, menopause can last for years!I get the same sort of stuff OP is reporting and I 'just put up with it'. When I mention that she could just put up with everyone else's irritations, it is met with more hostilities. I.e. everyone has to do things her way. So now I just ignore it.
Not ideal I know but I've found that responding to the complaints just makes things worse.
Sorry can't offer any solutions as women's hormones are a bit of a grey area.
Yep same here...
We are both late 40's and its been hell for at least a year. Wont go into details, but all the above rings true.
Wife doesnt want to go HRT - seems there is some later implications when you finally come off it...not a subject for debate thats for sure...
Just trying to be supportive, tip-toe around the house, avoid certain topics, be patient...and sympathise...every day hope for improvement...
We are both late 40's and its been hell for at least a year. Wont go into details, but all the above rings true.
Wife doesnt want to go HRT - seems there is some later implications when you finally come off it...not a subject for debate thats for sure...
Just trying to be supportive, tip-toe around the house, avoid certain topics, be patient...and sympathise...every day hope for improvement...
Bit late to the party here but my wife didn't want HRT and instead sought out alternatives and settled on a cake (yes, a cake and this was in the 1980's) that contained plant form hormones, I think they were known as Bioidentical Hormones or something like that and it worked very well and she never had any bad symptoms.
tuscan_raider said:
Wife doesnt want to go HRT - seems there is some later implications when you finally come off it...not a subject for debate thats for sure...
FWIW my wife decided the lack of sleep, stress and potential divorce implications were far greater than the small increase in risk of breast cancer. This infographic is really good representation:
You need her to go to the doctors Hugo but for that she has to acknowledge there's a problem.
Does she have female relatives or friends you can mention it to,see if they can talk to her,be better coming from another woman.
I've been around a few menopausal women.Jekyll and Hyde comes to mind
Does she have female relatives or friends you can mention it to,see if they can talk to her,be better coming from another woman.
I've been around a few menopausal women.Jekyll and Hyde comes to mind
sadly/happily I can't really add much to the convo here (but it is an excellent thread) Mrs DG has gone through this but in fairness it didn't seem to affect her too badly - no massive mood swings etc she did however suffer from hot-flushes which wasn't pleasant for her (and meant a readjustment for me as I'm quite a tactile person) and she didn't get on with HRT but, thankfully, no real issues. You wife (and you) have our sympathy (FWIW)
I started experiencing what I understand to be the peri-menopause/menopause in late 2019. This is the list of symptoms I gave to the GP in March 2020:
Difficulty concentrating/'brain fog'
Headaches
Tiredness
Disturbed sleep
Emotional/mood swings
Depressed/feeling will never be happy again
Paranoia
Greasy hair
Dry/sore eyes
Hot flushes
Dry skin
Pins and needles in hands/arms
Some may not have been menopause-related, but all of them were new. The most worrying (for me) were the disturbed sleep and 'brain fog'. My job (in part) involves proof-reading of reports, and I was really struggling - in some cases reading and re-reading sentences and still not being able to take them in. Equally, I have never been able to manage on little sleep and I was having difficulty both getting to sleep and staying asleep. I was waking up on average every hour to two hours throughout the night.
The GP scheduled blood tests, which all came back normal. Unfortunately, this didn't explain why I was feeling how I was. So I spoke to another GP who suggested we trial HRT to see whether the symptoms were alleviated.
I've been on HRT patches ever since, and there has been some improvement in most symptoms. The only one which hasn't got much better is the sleeping, but even so, I don't feel quite as exhausted as I was.
I know a lot of 'women's issues' are written off as 'hormones', especially by men - but I would urge husbands/partners to really try to be sympathetic. My mental health was seriously affected for some time because I had never, ever, felt so ill 'unlike me' and confused. It can really be quite frightening.
Difficulty concentrating/'brain fog'
Headaches
Tiredness
Disturbed sleep
Emotional/mood swings
Depressed/feeling will never be happy again
Paranoia
Greasy hair
Dry/sore eyes
Hot flushes
Dry skin
Pins and needles in hands/arms
Some may not have been menopause-related, but all of them were new. The most worrying (for me) were the disturbed sleep and 'brain fog'. My job (in part) involves proof-reading of reports, and I was really struggling - in some cases reading and re-reading sentences and still not being able to take them in. Equally, I have never been able to manage on little sleep and I was having difficulty both getting to sleep and staying asleep. I was waking up on average every hour to two hours throughout the night.
The GP scheduled blood tests, which all came back normal. Unfortunately, this didn't explain why I was feeling how I was. So I spoke to another GP who suggested we trial HRT to see whether the symptoms were alleviated.
I've been on HRT patches ever since, and there has been some improvement in most symptoms. The only one which hasn't got much better is the sleeping, but even so, I don't feel quite as exhausted as I was.
I know a lot of 'women's issues' are written off as 'hormones', especially by men - but I would urge husbands/partners to really try to be sympathetic. My mental health was seriously affected for some time because I had never, ever, felt so ill 'unlike me' and confused. It can really be quite frightening.
Edited by moorx on Sunday 24th April 11:09
anonymous said:
[redacted]
My initial consultation was with a female GP, but I didn't see/hear from her again, and she didn't really offer any help/suggestions beyond referring me for blood tests. I guess they had to rule out other things first. The doctor who actually discussed my symptoms and prescribed HRT (via a telephone consultation by that stage due to the pandemic) was male.I think sometimes us women expect female doctors to be more sympathetic to 'women's problems', when being female doesn't necessarily mean they have actually experienced what we're going through. They may be too young, or just never have had that specific issue. That's not to excuse your GP's response.
I think one of the main problems is that medical students/doctors don't actually learn much about the menopause.
Thanks for the tip about multivitamins - I'll look into that.
Will read with interest. My wife is 44, not sure if that's early for menopause or start of. I have noticed last couple of years the PMS is worse, and general she can't seem to handle any kind of stress at all anymore. Sex drive has basically evaporated.
As with the OP any attempt to discuss it is met with negativity.
Not to be uncaring and just to add some humour but I understand why married men of a certain age take up golf and disappear for hours!
As with the OP any attempt to discuss it is met with negativity.
Not to be uncaring and just to add some humour but I understand why married men of a certain age take up golf and disappear for hours!
We're in the same life phase. Mrs GG bought a weighted blanket after reading good things. Her sleep had been horrendously broken for so long but
immediately, and for the whole week now, she's slept through solidly under it. Only been a week but what a difference!
Hope something so simple can benefit others here!
immediately, and for the whole week now, she's slept through solidly under it. Only been a week but what a difference!
Hope something so simple can benefit others here!
gruffgriff said:
We're in the same life phase. Mrs GG bought a weighted blanket after reading good things. Her sleep had been horrendously broken for so long but
immediately, and for the whole week now, she's slept through solidly under it. Only been a week but what a difference!
Hope something so simple can benefit others here!
where did you get it from? immediately, and for the whole week now, she's slept through solidly under it. Only been a week but what a difference!
Hope something so simple can benefit others here!
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