Football triggering aggressive behaviour - 8 year old boy

[Itsallicanafford]

Chaps, some advice would be greatly appreciated.

My son has recently started playing football more seriously after a few years playing hockey.

with hockey he never really minded too much about winning or losing and we never had a problem.

With football, its a whole different kettle of fish. I take him to a weekly local boys club and watch him during training. He is generally fine during training but a flash point is usually if his team starts to loose at the 7 aside game at the end. He just cannot quite control his emotions, gets very talkative with the coaches and is often subbed off to cool down a bit. This behavior has now spilt over into the play ground at school and we are starting to get report of fights breaking out.

I know he is only a young lad of 8 but I really need to nip this in the bud as if he starts hitting kids in the training sessions then he will be thrown out. We have tried talking to him, explaining codes of conduct, but in his 8 year old mind, he has to take football seriously as he is going to grow up and be a professional.

Any constructive advice, experience etc would be most welcome.

Many thanks in advance.

[popeyewhite]

I would suggest that perhaps football is just an outlet. Is he anxious about anything at home?

[Itsallicanafford]

Thanks for the reply. He doesn’t have any real reason to be anxious but I would say yes he can be quite an anxious child.

[Pothole]

Itsallicanafford said:

Thanks for the reply. He doesn’t have any real reason to be anxious but I would say yes he can be quite an anxious child.

That's kind of the point about anxiety. Very few of us privileged enough to live in a society which enables us to ask this kind of question on this kid of website has anything to be anxious about and nor do our children. How often has his team lost? Do you let him win everything at home/in the park etc?

[Itsallicanafford]

Thanks for the reply. He’s never particularly liked loosing but I have made sure he doesn’t always win. It seems to be football which is the real trigger.

[gareth h]

Sorry can’t offer any advice, but many years ago I decided to have a footie party for my 5 year old and a few of his mates, how hard could it be? I mean I’ve played competitively since I was 14.
Well, it was chaos, a couple were ultra competitive to the point of crying if they conceded a goal and being pretty aggressive, in the end I packed up early and swore never again!
It did occur to me that the “problem” kids were probably the ultra competitive ones and if they can control it a little will probably stand them in good stead in later life.

[Blib]

Actions have consequences.

Calmly explain to your son that his behaviour is not acceptable and that if he gets too aggressive next time then he won't be allowed to play the following week.

Carry this through - do not fail to follow up on it. Each time he kicks off he gets a week at home.

You'll get a tantrum or two as he learns to adjust his behaviour. But, if he's a regular kid he'll learn to tone his aggression down soon enough.

Consistency is key!

Good luck.

[ben5575]

Blib said:

Actions have consequences.

Calmly explain to your son that his behaviour is not acceptable and that if he gets too aggressive next time then he won't be allowed to play the following week.

Carry this through - do not fail to follow up on it. Each time he kicks off he gets a week at home.

You'll get a tantrum or two as he learns to adjust his behaviour. But, if he's a regular kid he'll learn to tone his aggression down soon enough.

Consistency is key!

Good luck.

Exactly this. Boundaries, consequences, follow through and consistency. I'd also add in a £5/McD for a goal/clean sheet/man of the match etc.

[JQ]

ben5575 said:

I'd also add in a £5/McD for a goal/clean sheet/man of the match etc.

I would be careful with that one, whilst it may work for some, it can create greedy players. I had to get one of our parents to remove the incentive from one of our lads as if he was anywhere near shooting distance from the goal there’d be zero chance of a pass.

[popeyewhite]

Just to reiterate, I'd look for the cause of this behaviour as something other than the game itself.

[bearman68]

As a hockey player I would recommend stop playing football, and play hockey instead. Much nicer people play hockey.

[sutoka]

bearman68 said:

As a hockey player I would recommend stop playing football, and play hockey instead. Much nicer people play hockey.

I agree at school you either did hockey or rugby. I played rugby but would be the first to admit I played with some absolute cockwobbles over the years. Hockey ones didn't seem take things so seriously.

[breamster]

Don't read too much to it being football Vs hockey etc. The switch may have coincided with something else that is stressing him out. For example, bullying.

What I have done in similar situations is to take my son out, just the two of us, for a walk or bike ride. Get him out of the house, away from distractions. When all is calm just talk to him. Find out if there are other issues to be aware of. Stating the obvious he may lead the most stress free idyllic life but at 8yrs old your world is very small. Something trivial to you may be causing him alot of upset.

Don' ask him straight after a footy match when tensions may be high.

[dontlookdown]

breamster said:

Don't read too much to it being football Vs hockey etc. The switch may have coincided with something else that is stressing him out. For example, bullying.

What I have done in similar situations is to take my son out, just the two of us, for a walk or bike ride. Get him out of the house, away from distractions. When all is calm just talk to him. Find out if there are other issues to be aware of. Stating the obvious he may lead the most stress free idyllic life but at 8yrs old your world is very small. Something trivial to you may be causing him alot of upset.

Don' ask him straight after a footy match when tensions may be high.

This is good advice. My daughter gets anxious about trivial things but they are not trivial to her. I have learned over the years that it if I just acknowledge that they matter to her we are half way to calming down. Like all of us, kids want to be listened to and taken seriously sometimes.

[r159]

sutoka said:

bearman68 said:

As a hockey player I would recommend stop playing football, and play hockey instead. Much nicer people play hockey.

I agree at school you either did hockey or rugby. I played rugby but would be the first to admit I played with some absolute cockwobbles over the years. Hockey ones didn't seem take things so seriously.

I played football up to 11, then rugby after. Much as I wanted my lad to play rugby, he wanted to play football, so he did. Thankfully that is now out of his system, he stopped due to the unchecked little sts spoiling the game. One in particular has continued his behaviour to big school and is on a one way mission to exclusion.

Unfortunately the role models in professional football behave like tts on the pitch without any consequences. At that age kids need to understand behaviour like that is not acceptable, getting subbed doesn’t work in my experience, as usually they just have a paddy and start crying. The next week they’re on the pitch again and the same thing happens and what have they learnt...

[Carlososos]

Modern football is not a good role model for the young of today. Maybe find a more relaxed sport that isn’t so aggressive and entitled.
Hopefully it’s just a stage he’s going through or maybe have some open conversations about why so upset. The pros are very good at getting kids to open up if your having no luck. Good luck.

[Itsallicanafford]

dontlookdown said:

breamster said:

Don't read too much to it being football Vs hockey etc. The switch may have coincided with something else that is stressing him out. For example, bullying.

What I have done in similar situations is to take my son out, just the two of us, for a walk or bike ride. Get him out of the house, away from distractions. When all is calm just talk to him. Find out if there are other issues to be aware of. Stating the obvious he may lead the most stress free idyllic life but at 8yrs old your world is very small. Something trivial to you may be causing him alot of upset.

Don' ask him straight after a footy match when tensions may be high.

This is good advice. My daughter gets anxious about trivial things but they are not trivial to her. I have learned over the years that it if I just acknowledge that they matter to her we are half way to calming down. Like all of us, kids want to be listened to and taken seriously sometimes.

Thanks chaps for all the good advice, some good strategies here. I going to keep talking and reassuring him, just hoping things don’t continue to get worse.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Itsallicanafford said:

We have tried talking to him, explaining codes of conduct, but in his 8 year old mind, he has to take football seriously as he is going to grow up and be a professional.

You need to tell him he can be serous about football without reverting to bad behaviour if things aren't going well. Tell him that he's ruining his chances of making it as a pro with his attitude, because any scout from a club that happens to be watching will avoid players with a poor attitude like the plague, no matter how well they can play.

To make the grade in football, you need ability and mental strength. Players that are mentally weak, and who cannot control their emotions, will never make it in the pro game.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Carlososos said:

Modern football is not a good role model for the young of today.

It actually is, but footballers behaving themselves don't sell papers. Most pro footballers live very disciplined lives, with little or no alcohol, no smoking or drugs, and very few nights out. And have made a lot of sacrifices re their social life as youngsters to pursue their dream. Most clubs involve their players in community charity projects. And the top pros do loads for charity and other good causes. Then you have the likes of Marcus Rashford, getting hungry kids fed and highlighting the issue.

95% of pro footballers, male and female, lead lives that I think most of us would be happy for our sons and daughters to emulate.

[Wacky Racer]

bearman68 said:

As a hockey player I would recommend stop playing football, and play hockey instead. Much nicer people play hockey.

"Football's not a matter of life and death, it's much more important than that"



Bill Shankly