BPD

[GCH]

Borderline Personality Disorder.

I'm on the receiving end of the consequences of this from someone that I care about very much, and to say it is a rollercoaster would be a slight understatement.

Could anyone help me to understand this a little better? They say they are unable to explain it to me.

[M22s]

GCH said:

Borderline Personality Disorder.

I'm on the receiving end of the consequences of this from someone that I care about very much, and to say it is a rollercoaster would be a slight understatement.

Could anyone help me to understand this a little better? They say they are unable to explain it to me.

Best way to describe it is those with BPD tend to feel emotions far more intensely than someone without. That includes friendships, relationships, anger, hurt etc.

A throw away comment could cause deep distress and upset or a hugely disproportionate outburst of anger to them, but you or I might just raise our eyebrows.

My wife had a suspected diagnosis (subsequently withdrawn) but also had a friend who had severe BPD and the pair of them went from being the best friends to being absolutely awful to each other. They both agreed to break contact as it wasn’t good for either of them.

Does that help at all? I stopped trying to understand and just accepted it for what it was - I find mental illness can’t be easily, truly understood unless it’s been experienced.

[GCH]

M22s said:

Does that help at all?

Yes. and mirrors what I am experiencing.
This person was correctly diagnosed long ago - this isn't a new thing, and they were very honest and upfront about it to me early on.
It is however, completely new to me and beyond my understanding as the behaviours and patterns seem so irrational.

Any minor thing can be interpreted as a slight, and honestly, they really just do seem to get invented from thin air - sometimes culminating in something that I didn't say, do or think being used as a justification to storm out.
Any response with the merest hint of criticism - or what could be interpreted as criticism, constructive or not - just seems makes things worse.

[M22s]

Classic BPD that. His feelings will be real in the moment, but you may find as he rationalises what’s happened, he recognises it wasn’t how it was meant.

In my very limited experience, those with severe BPD may have small friendship circles, partly because they feel that friendship so intensely but also because others struggle with that intensity. My wife’s friend always used to talk about how lonely he was because of it.

You need to be able to switch off to it and just accept it for what it is, and know that what is said in the heat of the moment isn’t necessarily how they will feel once they have processed it.

Like many illnesses of the mind, it can be really difficult to be around the sufferer and it’s ok to tell him you need a break but be aware that will likely create a strong reaction.