Male infertility
Discussion
I put this in the lounge because it deserves a wider audience than in Health and as the demographic of PH is largely male.
Rhod Gilbert did an excellent TV show last night, the most surprising statistic was that in couples having trouble conceiving men are 5o % of the cause yet all the attention, investigation and support goes on gynaecology.
Good on Rhod for being the face of it.
https://www.himfertility.com/
Rhod Gilbert did an excellent TV show last night, the most surprising statistic was that in couples having trouble conceiving men are 5o % of the cause yet all the attention, investigation and support goes on gynaecology.
Good on Rhod for being the face of it.
https://www.himfertility.com/
Spare tyre said:
Fun fact
A couple we know we’re struggling to have a baby
They randomly asked a load of single male friends if they wanted to go on holiday with them, always wonder who got her up the duff as she now has a kid. Hmm
Tried for 12 months to no success.A couple we know we’re struggling to have a baby
They randomly asked a load of single male friends if they wanted to go on holiday with them, always wonder who got her up the duff as she now has a kid. Hmm
Went on holiday, conceived in that ‘window’
I'm as seedless as an Italian grape, went through 4 rounds of IVF at huge expense before we decided to give up and just make the most of a no-kids lifestyle. Which is fine (well, it has been 16 years since we last went through IVF).
We've gotten used to the idea now, and to be fair, we're pretty happy with our lot. We have had experiences that people with kids (on our level of income) could never have and have a nice house, nice cars and go on 2 pretty expensive holidays a year (well, before 2020 we did anyway).
Going through it, it was heart-breaking, you feel like you're mourning a loss you every time it fails, even though you're mourning something you never had in the first place.
Plus the feeling [as the man], that you're not really man enough or whatever and that you're letting your wife down horrendously is just crap, never under-estimate the power of a woman's biological clock.
We've gotten used to the idea now, and to be fair, we're pretty happy with our lot. We have had experiences that people with kids (on our level of income) could never have and have a nice house, nice cars and go on 2 pretty expensive holidays a year (well, before 2020 we did anyway).
Going through it, it was heart-breaking, you feel like you're mourning a loss you every time it fails, even though you're mourning something you never had in the first place.
Plus the feeling [as the man], that you're not really man enough or whatever and that you're letting your wife down horrendously is just crap, never under-estimate the power of a woman's biological clock.
Years ago we were struggling to conceive and a doctor told me I had a low sperm count so unlikely to conceive. Very distressing and I felt terrible.
We went back a few months later and another doctor said I was told a load of rubbish and everything was OK but probably was down to bad luck.
We went on to get pregnant 3 times after (albeit miscarried the first 2 sadly) but do have a young lad which I thank my lucky stars about every day.
I genuinely believe that both parties need to relax about it. Easy for me to say but I know me and the wife got stressed about it all and took a break from trying as it not much fun after a while. Then hey presto we got pregnant and the rest is history.
I do feel for people who struggle. Very tough.
We went back a few months later and another doctor said I was told a load of rubbish and everything was OK but probably was down to bad luck.
We went on to get pregnant 3 times after (albeit miscarried the first 2 sadly) but do have a young lad which I thank my lucky stars about every day.
I genuinely believe that both parties need to relax about it. Easy for me to say but I know me and the wife got stressed about it all and took a break from trying as it not much fun after a while. Then hey presto we got pregnant and the rest is history.
I do feel for people who struggle. Very tough.
Ash_ said:
I'm as seedless as an Italian grape, went through 4 rounds of IVF at huge expense before we decided to give up and just make the most of a no-kids lifestyle. Which is fine (well, it has been 16 years since we last went through IVF).
We've gotten used to the idea now, and to be fair, we're pretty happy with our lot. We have had experiences that people with kids (on our level of income) could never have and have a nice house, nice cars and go on 2 pretty expensive holidays a year (well, before 2020 we did anyway).
Going through it, it was heart-breaking, you feel like you're mourning a loss you every time it fails, even though you're mourning something you never had in the first place.
Plus the feeling [as the man], that you're not really man enough or whatever and that you're letting your wife down horrendously is just crap, never under-estimate the power of a woman's biological clock.
If I may ask, and I do understand it's a huge ball ache, why did you decide not to adopt?We've gotten used to the idea now, and to be fair, we're pretty happy with our lot. We have had experiences that people with kids (on our level of income) could never have and have a nice house, nice cars and go on 2 pretty expensive holidays a year (well, before 2020 we did anyway).
Going through it, it was heart-breaking, you feel like you're mourning a loss you every time it fails, even though you're mourning something you never had in the first place.
Plus the feeling [as the man], that you're not really man enough or whatever and that you're letting your wife down horrendously is just crap, never under-estimate the power of a woman's biological clock.
I understand it's a relatively common decision when people can't have their own children to abandon the idea entirely, but as a father to two non-biological children (or whatever the phrase is) in addition to my own two, I've just never fully understood it.
I was similar to you to Ash, though it was only two rounds of IVF. We stopped as the effect it was having on my other half was terrrible, the jabs they give you, particularly the big one you keep in the fridge was causing severe problems for her, as you'll know it wreaks havoc on thier hormones. It also did some damage to one or her ovaries.
I too was the problem for the both of us. I couldn't believe it at first, but it was confirmed with a small operation at the hospital. It's quite a thing to realise as a man you can't have children and there will be nothing for you in the future. It's actually hard to convey what it means in words, but you'll understand what I mean Ash. I'm glad you and the other half have managed to enjoy life and make the best of what you both have together.
The devestation it must have on our other halfs probably couldn't be put into words, as Ash said thier biological clock must be screaming at them. I certainly wouldn't have faulted my other half for leaving, but she didn't. I'm so lucky to have her, Really!
I think prolapse? mentioned adoption. Before you have the IVF you have to sit through counselling* They go through all the scenarios with you, including preparing you for the fact it might not work, and there they bring up adoption too. I'm not really sure why we didn't. The only thing I can say is it just didn't happen, then the years went by.
The ultimate thanks for the amazing women who stand by men in this situation.
Wishing you all the best for the future Ash! and any other men you read this in similar circumstances.
I too was the problem for the both of us. I couldn't believe it at first, but it was confirmed with a small operation at the hospital. It's quite a thing to realise as a man you can't have children and there will be nothing for you in the future. It's actually hard to convey what it means in words, but you'll understand what I mean Ash. I'm glad you and the other half have managed to enjoy life and make the best of what you both have together.
The devestation it must have on our other halfs probably couldn't be put into words, as Ash said thier biological clock must be screaming at them. I certainly wouldn't have faulted my other half for leaving, but she didn't. I'm so lucky to have her, Really!
I think prolapse? mentioned adoption. Before you have the IVF you have to sit through counselling* They go through all the scenarios with you, including preparing you for the fact it might not work, and there they bring up adoption too. I'm not really sure why we didn't. The only thing I can say is it just didn't happen, then the years went by.
The ultimate thanks for the amazing women who stand by men in this situation.
Wishing you all the best for the future Ash! and any other men you read this in similar circumstances.
Prof Prolapse said:
Ash_ said:
I'm as seedless as an Italian grape, went through 4 rounds of IVF at huge expense before we decided to give up and just make the most of a no-kids lifestyle. Which is fine (well, it has been 16 years since we last went through IVF).
We've gotten used to the idea now, and to be fair, we're pretty happy with our lot. We have had experiences that people with kids (on our level of income) could never have and have a nice house, nice cars and go on 2 pretty expensive holidays a year (well, before 2020 we did anyway).
Going through it, it was heart-breaking, you feel like you're mourning a loss you every time it fails, even though you're mourning something you never had in the first place.
Plus the feeling [as the man], that you're not really man enough or whatever and that you're letting your wife down horrendously is just crap, never under-estimate the power of a woman's biological clock.
If I may ask, and I do understand it's a huge ball ache, why did you decide not to adopt?We've gotten used to the idea now, and to be fair, we're pretty happy with our lot. We have had experiences that people with kids (on our level of income) could never have and have a nice house, nice cars and go on 2 pretty expensive holidays a year (well, before 2020 we did anyway).
Going through it, it was heart-breaking, you feel like you're mourning a loss you every time it fails, even though you're mourning something you never had in the first place.
Plus the feeling [as the man], that you're not really man enough or whatever and that you're letting your wife down horrendously is just crap, never under-estimate the power of a woman's biological clock.
I understand it's a relatively common decision when people can't have their own children to abandon the idea entirely, but as a father to two non-biological children (or whatever the phrase is) in addition to my own two, I've just never fully understood it.
Jaykaye said:
I was similar to you to Ash, though it was only two rounds of IVF. We stopped as the effect it was having on my other half was terrrible, the jabs they give you, particularly the big one you keep in the fridge was causing severe problems for her, as you'll know it wreaks havoc on thier hormones. It also did some damage to one or her ovaries.
I too was the problem for the both of us. I couldn't believe it at first, but it was confirmed with a small operation at the hospital. It's quite a thing to realise as a man you can't have children and there will be nothing for you in the future. It's actually hard to convey what it means in words, but you'll understand what I mean Ash. I'm glad you and the other half have managed to enjoy life and make the best of what you both have together.
The devestation it must have on our other halfs probably couldn't be put into words, as Ash said thier biological clock must be screaming at them. I certainly wouldn't have faulted my other half for leaving, but she didn't. I'm so lucky to have her, Really!
I think prolapse? mentioned adoption. Before you have the IVF you have to sit through counselling* They go through all the scenarios with you, including preparing you for the fact it might not work, and there they bring up adoption too. I'm not really sure why we didn't. The only thing I can say is it just didn't happen, then the years went by.
The ultimate thanks for the amazing women who stand by men in this situation.
Wishing you all the best for the future Ash! and any other men you read this in similar circumstances.
Cheers Jaykaye, as you said the biological pressure on a woman to have children is immense, they after all, have the clock, fertile men can keep having them as long as they can get it up in comparison. As Jaykaye said, it says an awful lot that both our wives stuck with us with such a condition when they're so desperate for children. However, as said, the flipside is having a permanent "Two Incomes, No Kids" lifestyle. We have amazing holidays and experiences, the main one for me being 2 years living and working in Orlando, Florida, something we probably wouldn't have done if we'd had kids as they're ages would have made it bad timing for them.I too was the problem for the both of us. I couldn't believe it at first, but it was confirmed with a small operation at the hospital. It's quite a thing to realise as a man you can't have children and there will be nothing for you in the future. It's actually hard to convey what it means in words, but you'll understand what I mean Ash. I'm glad you and the other half have managed to enjoy life and make the best of what you both have together.
The devestation it must have on our other halfs probably couldn't be put into words, as Ash said thier biological clock must be screaming at them. I certainly wouldn't have faulted my other half for leaving, but she didn't. I'm so lucky to have her, Really!
I think prolapse? mentioned adoption. Before you have the IVF you have to sit through counselling* They go through all the scenarios with you, including preparing you for the fact it might not work, and there they bring up adoption too. I'm not really sure why we didn't. The only thing I can say is it just didn't happen, then the years went by.
The ultimate thanks for the amazing women who stand by men in this situation.
Wishing you all the best for the future Ash! and any other men you read this in similar circumstances.
Likewise wishing you all the best too Jaykaye and for other blokes in a similar situation, that whatever happens, there is always light at the end of tunnel. It may not be the light you want, but there are silver linings to these kinds of clouds.
Prof Prolapse said:
Yeah it's a very personal thing I guess. I hope you both are very happy no matter what you both decide.
Thank you, personally our decision time has long passed and we're now very happy with our home life. I hope everyone else in a similar situation can find happiness through the darker times and find a solution that fits.Ash_ said:
never under-estimate the power of a woman's biological clock.
Indeed. A few of my friends had spent a long time 'trying'. I did wonder that if their partner were to become pregnant, would they question if she had sought out the services of a man suitably equipped for the job.I suppose it does not help the infertile when society has traditionally put so much value in being a 'real man' and being able to father children.
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