Finding Out How Someone Died

[heyhomes]

Hi all,

Has anyone been in the situation where someone close to them has died and they have been unable to find out what the circumstances were?

My closest friend passed away a few years ago, and despite knowing her next of kin and attending her funeral I have no idea what happened to her. Whenever I tried to ask her partner, who was also a friend of mine, about what happened he would get very defensive and would rant about people thinking they have a 'right to know' without answering. There was a coroners inquest, but they won't release information without consulting the next of kin and I don't want to upset the family unneccessarily even though several years have now passed.

I think that my only option now is to ask the next of kin again directly, and if they don't want to tell me for some reason try to make peace with the idea that I'll never know.

Anyone got any thoughts/advice?

[Krupp88]

Would the local records office hold the births, marriages and deaths register?

As these are public records there should be no problem with you requesting a copy of the death certificate, this should give the cause of death although not the circumstances which I appreciate may be more important.

[johnpsanderson]

As above I would suggest trying the available public records if you don’t want to risk any upset to the next of kin. Depending what you read on a death certificate it may be apparent.

Without wishing to cause upset myself, have you considered it may have been suicide?

[FreeLitres]

Why do you want to know?

It seems that your friend wants to keep it from you, so why push it?

[Louis Balfour]

FreeLitres said:

Why do you want to know?

Clue here: "My closest friend passed away"

[heyhomes]

Louis Balfour said:

FreeLitres said:

Why do you want to know?

Clue here: "My closest friend passed away"

Thanks. Personnally I'd find it odd that someone wouldn't want to know more in this situation, but each to their own.

I will look into the death cert route I think, it would at least shed some light on the situation. And yes I have considered that it's possible that it could have been suicide, which might explian some of the secrecy.

[CAPP0]

I had a need to know similar several years ago, I went to the register office in the location where they lived/died and got a copy of the death certificate, which told me the cause of death. Obviously doesn't fill in all the gaps, but if you knew the person then perhaps the cause of death will enable you to put the jigsaw together? It did (to some extent) in my case.

[Hugo Stiglitz]

Louis Balfour said:

FreeLitres said:

Why do you want to know?

Clue here: "My closest friend passed away"

Yes, closure. To help process. The problem is if its a cause that you wouldn't expect would you have wanted to know in the first place?

I'd wait until her partner is in a place where he is ready to talk

[gordon1955]

Louis Balfour said:

Clue here: "My closest friend passed away"

Brilliant answer

[HighwayToHull]

Try this:

https://www.archives.com/uk/

All you need is the person's name, year of death and country. It tells you how many entries it's found, but you have to be a member to read them. You get a free 7-day trial though, so you can find the information you want, then cancel. If you don't, it's only £8.95 a month.

[quinny100]

The Coroners Office should tell you the verdict* of the Inquest, even if they don’t want to give you a copy of the report. They post the verdicts online in the local authority where I live.

Note that for a verdict of suicide the Coroner has to have evidence of intent. If there is no evidence of intent or any doubt whatsoever they will usually record a verdict of accidental death or drug and alcohol related death rather than suicide.

• Technically, Coroners don’t record verdicts any more - the correct legal term is now “Findings of fact”.

[RC1807]

OP: just get a copy of the death certificate. The family don't need to know, nor will they find out.



(Some years ago my step sister died. I'd known her since she was 2, and she was 38 when she died. I wasn't informed by my dad or stepmother at all!

My eldest brother, who lives in the USA, told me as he only found out about 2 months later.
Dad told him she was found dead from an asthma attack, but later admitted it was a heroin OD.
I still find it odd that, despite the fact she'd had addiction problems in the past, that we weren't even advised she'd died. They just didn't want people to know.)

[heyhomes]

Thanks for the advice and understanding folks. I think that I will apply for the death certificate in the new year.

I do find the way that the coroner's office have responded to be rather unusual, when considering what other people have told me about how at least some of the basic information is usually in the public domain, and that normally coroners release information under the freedom of information act. They have been reluctant to communicate from the outset, have insisted that I provide evidence that I was a close friend to her, and even after that will need to get the next of kin's consent. Surely if the next of kin give consent, then the matter of wether I truly was a close friend or not would be irrelevent either way.

I just have a gut feeling is that something about this whole situation seems off. Perhaps she did commit suicide and the trauma for her family was so great that they have done everything that they can to prevent others finding out. It seems out of character, but it's the only explaination that I can think of.

Edited by heyhomes on Friday 18th December 10:32