Cry it out or not?
Discussion
Several of my friends have done both techniques.
Those that come to the child as soon as it crys = knackered to f
k as their child knows that every time they cry mummy/daddy will come running and this includes one that is now 3 still doing that.
Those that don't = they are still sane and get sleep and their kid doesn't act up or cry unnecessarily and she is quite placid and cute.
As long as you know its not cause they are ill/injured then I would ignore.
Please not I have no kids yet but have watched several of my friends go through both routes and I know which ones are happier.
Those that come to the child as soon as it crys = knackered to f
k as their child knows that every time they cry mummy/daddy will come running and this includes one that is now 3 still doing that.Those that don't = they are still sane and get sleep and their kid doesn't act up or cry unnecessarily and she is quite placid and cute.
As long as you know its not cause they are ill/injured then I would ignore.
Please not I have no kids yet but have watched several of my friends go through both routes and I know which ones are happier.
She's ten months old and you guys have described us, I was just walking to the car with the wife who was sobbing as she's at the end of her tether.
The baby has had six teeth come through in rapid time, not sure if it's that, she needs more sleep though, seems that doing the cry it out might be the only option but it goes against every grain in my body :-(
The baby has had six teeth come through in rapid time, not sure if it's that, she needs more sleep though, seems that doing the cry it out might be the only option but it goes against every grain in my body :-(
When my son was born he slept in a cot next to our bed, I say slept but in reality the little bugger cried his arse off all night long so his mum would touch him, he'd go back to sleep as soon as she put her hand on him.
At six months I finally snapped and said either he goes to sleep in the other room or I will. The mrs scooped him up and put him in his cot in his own bedroom and we never heard a peep from him again.
I learnt from that the little buggers play you like a fiddle and will continue to do so until you stop running to them.
At six months I finally snapped and said either he goes to sleep in the other room or I will. The mrs scooped him up and put him in his cot in his own bedroom and we never heard a peep from him again.
I learnt from that the little buggers play you like a fiddle and will continue to do so until you stop running to them.
I don't recall the name of the system, but we (I) did this with our girl when she went through that stage (a little older than 10 months though)
Let her cry for 30 seconds, go in put her down, no eye contact, no conversations about needing sleep etc.
When she got back up, leave her for 1 minute and repeat
Then leave for 90 seconds
Then 2 minutes
Then an extra minute each time.
It took a couple or three evenings of this, but it did work.
The key is the no eye contact bit and just a shhh or na-night but nothing more, no talking.
Let her cry for 30 seconds, go in put her down, no eye contact, no conversations about needing sleep etc.
When she got back up, leave her for 1 minute and repeat
Then leave for 90 seconds
Then 2 minutes
Then an extra minute each time.
It took a couple or three evenings of this, but it did work.
The key is the no eye contact bit and just a shhh or na-night but nothing more, no talking.
CoolC said:
I don't recall the name of the system, but we (I) did this with our girl when she went through that stage (a little older than 10 months though)
Let her cry for 30 seconds, go in put her down, no eye contact, no conversations about needing sleep etc.
When she got back up, leave her for 1 minute and repeat
Then leave for 90 seconds
Then 2 minutes
Then an extra minute each time.
It took a couple or three evenings of this, but it did work.
The key is the no eye contact bit and just a shhh or na-night but nothing more, no talking.
And you do this every time she wakes up? even during the day?Let her cry for 30 seconds, go in put her down, no eye contact, no conversations about needing sleep etc.
When she got back up, leave her for 1 minute and repeat
Then leave for 90 seconds
Then 2 minutes
Then an extra minute each time.
It took a couple or three evenings of this, but it did work.
The key is the no eye contact bit and just a shhh or na-night but nothing more, no talking.
Boozy said:
She's ten months old and you guys have described us, I was just walking to the car with the wife who was sobbing as she's at the end of her tether.
The baby has had six teeth come through in rapid time, not sure if it's that, she needs more sleep though, seems that doing the cry it out might be the only option but it goes against every grain in my body :-(
have a look on the net:The baby has had six teeth come through in rapid time, not sure if it's that, she needs more sleep though, seems that doing the cry it out might be the only option but it goes against every grain in my body :-(
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/sleep/crying-it-o...
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/dilemmas/leavetoc...
Plenty more out there if you really need to look to make sure you are happy with doing it.
Boozy said:
CoolC said:
I don't recall the name of the system, but we (I) did this with our girl when she went through that stage (a little older than 10 months though)
Let her cry for 30 seconds, go in put her down, no eye contact, no conversations about needing sleep etc.
When she got back up, leave her for 1 minute and repeat
Then leave for 90 seconds
Then 2 minutes
Then an extra minute each time.
It took a couple or three evenings of this, but it did work.
The key is the no eye contact bit and just a shhh or na-night but nothing more, no talking.
And you do this every time she wakes up? even during the day?Let her cry for 30 seconds, go in put her down, no eye contact, no conversations about needing sleep etc.
When she got back up, leave her for 1 minute and repeat
Then leave for 90 seconds
Then 2 minutes
Then an extra minute each time.
It took a couple or three evenings of this, but it did work.
The key is the no eye contact bit and just a shhh or na-night but nothing more, no talking.
It worked for us, that doesn't always mean it will work for you of course.
She's not really sleeping with either, this morning was ten minutes, she'll probably sleep half an hour to the minute this afternoon, maybe one more before bed. Night time is the same routine, bath her, put her down for seven, bit of a fight to get her to sleep, then she'll wake up at either half eight or nine, go to sleep for a little bit then just not settle, she's asleep, we put her down, she wakes up - repeat for x hours. If she's in the bed with the wife she'll sleep. I appreciate we've created this ourselves but we're in America on our own with no support so I think we've been overly fussy with her to stop the crying, I hate and I mean hate her crying.
I found teething was defo the worst time mate, it gets better you have to remember the teeth are hurting thats why its hard to sleep.
The worse thing you can do is put her in bed with you as she will always want to do it.
With the sleeping at one point we had a mere with my daughter when we put her to bed she wouldnt go to sleep and kept crying. What made it worse was we used to go get her to settle her down. In the end we cured it in 4 nights each night going to bed at the normal time.
Night 1 - Put her to bed as normal she kicked off crying, but we left her and when i say she cry i mean she screamed the house down for 2.5hrs then fell asleep.
Night 2 - Same thing but the crying only lasted about 40 min
Night 3 - Same again she cried for about 10 min
Night 4 - Job done
After that weve never had a problem with her going to bed in fact now she has started to ask to go to bed when shes tired.
The worse thing you can do is put her in bed with you as she will always want to do it.
With the sleeping at one point we had a mere with my daughter when we put her to bed she wouldnt go to sleep and kept crying. What made it worse was we used to go get her to settle her down. In the end we cured it in 4 nights each night going to bed at the normal time.
Night 1 - Put her to bed as normal she kicked off crying, but we left her and when i say she cry i mean she screamed the house down for 2.5hrs then fell asleep.
Night 2 - Same thing but the crying only lasted about 40 min
Night 3 - Same again she cried for about 10 min
Night 4 - Job done
After that weve never had a problem with her going to bed in fact now she has started to ask to go to bed when shes tired.
Boozy,
A friend of mine is a `Supernanny` (I`m sure you`ve seen the programme). She gets flown worldwide by clients wanting to fix their baby sleeping issues.
She`s just setting up her website as all her work has always been via recommend, and is starting to offer consultations online,by phone, or in person.
If your interested email/PM me and I`ll give her your details.
A friend of mine is a `Supernanny` (I`m sure you`ve seen the programme). She gets flown worldwide by clients wanting to fix their baby sleeping issues.
She`s just setting up her website as all her work has always been via recommend, and is starting to offer consultations online,by phone, or in person.
If your interested email/PM me and I`ll give her your details.
I can understand your feelings mate. We have just had our second and she cried from about 5 until 10 at night. We thought it was wind, so would pick her up to wind her, as soon as we did this she stopped, put her down she would start. Eventually I got fed up of this routine and decided to let her cry, after about 20 minutes she dropped off to sleep. You just have to switch off from the noise, you WILL know the difference between a pain cry and an attention cry.
We did this with our 2 year old and he has turned out fine, give it a try.
We did this with our 2 year old and he has turned out fine, give it a try.
I feel very lucky not to have suffered too much with this. We have generally always gone with the respond quickly first couple of times and if nappies changed, water (or milk) given, not too hot too cold etc if crying starts again leave him. 99% of the time less than 5 mins he is asleep (occ a bit longer).
He has been a good sleeper for many months (he's just turned 20mths) now so if he is having a bad night we usually know there is a problem (like right now he has a cold so not had a great night with him)most of the time it has been due to his ears, the first couple of times we didn't realise his restless night had been due to his ears til the morning so now this is the first thing we look out for!
I think if at 10 months nights are still bad, leave to cry has to be tried, turn the baby monitor down to it's lowest setting because it is the hardest thing to do (I have found 5-10 mins hard enough)
Good luck, hope thing settle soon for you all.
He has been a good sleeper for many months (he's just turned 20mths) now so if he is having a bad night we usually know there is a problem (like right now he has a cold so not had a great night with him)most of the time it has been due to his ears, the first couple of times we didn't realise his restless night had been due to his ears til the morning so now this is the first thing we look out for!
I think if at 10 months nights are still bad, leave to cry has to be tried, turn the baby monitor down to it's lowest setting because it is the hardest thing to do (I have found 5-10 mins hard enough)
Good luck, hope thing settle soon for you all.
My sympathies to you.
It's a tough one as people that use 'Controlled Crying' techniques are often looked upon as cruel and uncaring but I personally don't give a toss what these people think.
We used the technique with both our girls and they sleep as soundly and as trouble free as you could ever wish for (now 7 and 11 years) and have done since very young.
It's hard, very hard, but we didn't have to go through it for long and once done you can go back to sleeping normally (or as normally as you can with a little one!). Providing you are 100% that they don't have wind, are ill etc. etc. then leaving them to cry themselves to sleep is perfectly ok in my book. You have to remember that your welfare is as important as the baby's and if you're not operating at your best then this will have a knock on effect with your child. Tiredness is a killer for everyone. It errodes you, your relationship and the relationship you have with your children. Nip it in the bud now.
Best of luck
ETA: I don't know if there's any coincidence but all our friends that couldn't go through with the controlled crying thing ended up with kids that didn't sleep for years and some still don't sleep properly now. It's just that it's shifted from crying to attention seeking i.e. dubious nightmares, erratic illness etc.
It's a tough one as people that use 'Controlled Crying' techniques are often looked upon as cruel and uncaring but I personally don't give a toss what these people think.
We used the technique with both our girls and they sleep as soundly and as trouble free as you could ever wish for (now 7 and 11 years) and have done since very young.
It's hard, very hard, but we didn't have to go through it for long and once done you can go back to sleeping normally (or as normally as you can with a little one!). Providing you are 100% that they don't have wind, are ill etc. etc. then leaving them to cry themselves to sleep is perfectly ok in my book. You have to remember that your welfare is as important as the baby's and if you're not operating at your best then this will have a knock on effect with your child. Tiredness is a killer for everyone. It errodes you, your relationship and the relationship you have with your children. Nip it in the bud now.
Best of luck
ETA: I don't know if there's any coincidence but all our friends that couldn't go through with the controlled crying thing ended up with kids that didn't sleep for years and some still don't sleep properly now. It's just that it's shifted from crying to attention seeking i.e. dubious nightmares, erratic illness etc.
Edited by Fatman2 on Sunday 4th December 10:52
Best thing that ever happened when child 2 was about 9 months old - hubby and I both got full blown flu at the same time. By the time either of us had rustled up the energy to get out of bed, she'd gone back to sleep!
The younger you do it the better, and don't think of it as being mean or selfish - you are helping her learn an essential life skill, the ability to settle herself and go back to sleep on her own. (But you will also feel massively better too, and be more patient and engaging parents when you have had a decent kip!)
The younger you do it the better, and don't think of it as being mean or selfish - you are helping her learn an essential life skill, the ability to settle herself and go back to sleep on her own. (But you will also feel massively better too, and be more patient and engaging parents when you have had a decent kip!)
Every baby is different, thank goodness. You just have to do a bit of trial and error.
Try the bath in the morning, not at night as fun at bath time can excite them rather than relax them. Also try putting her to sleep a little later, it wont do her any harm. Also some babies don't like routine, vary the bed time a little, 30 mins either way won't harm. Gentle soft music in her room too, not too loud, classic fm type of thing, or even a monotonous talk show humming in the background. She just wants love, good luck.
Try the bath in the morning, not at night as fun at bath time can excite them rather than relax them. Also try putting her to sleep a little later, it wont do her any harm. Also some babies don't like routine, vary the bed time a little, 30 mins either way won't harm. Gentle soft music in her room too, not too loud, classic fm type of thing, or even a monotonous talk show humming in the background. She just wants love, good luck.
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