Trial Seperations - do they work
Discussion
I have come to the conclusion that some couples fight like cats and dogs but do actually love each other. Odd really. Who is Afraid of Virginia Woolf being the archetypal dramatic illustration.
Depends if you want the separation to work essentially. It could or could not depending entirely on the attitude of you and your partner.
Good Luck
Depends if you want the separation to work essentially. It could or could not depending entirely on the attitude of you and your partner.
Good Luck
Omaruk said:
Has anybody had experience of this? How did it work out and what advice do you offer? Our issue is basically constant arguing, not getting on a lot of the time.
There is no infidelity just a large dose of lack of respect for each other.
Work out why you are arguing. Deal with the root cause.There is no infidelity just a large dose of lack of respect for each other.
Trial separations seem to be good for helping you feel what it's like living on your own. Wait, that wasn't what you meant, was it?
Yes we are quite fiery, I am a git with a bit of a temper and the wife knows just what buttons to press and is incredibly stubborn and unforgiving. I Love her to bits but she feels like she has moved far away from me emotionally.
Not tried counselling as yet, but honestly not sure if the touchy feely analysis would work on us. I really am hoping that having a break from each other for a few months living apart will allow us to take stock, appreciate the good things we have and how to rectify what doesn't work. I am just really worried / frightened she will turn around and say she wants a permanent separation 6 months from now, but I guess that it has come to a head and this really is our only option. Be good to hear if others (men) have gone through this and what the experience was. All the web stuff generally depicts a female experience and I am not sure if men have the same viewpoint / experience.
Not tried counselling as yet, but honestly not sure if the touchy feely analysis would work on us. I really am hoping that having a break from each other for a few months living apart will allow us to take stock, appreciate the good things we have and how to rectify what doesn't work. I am just really worried / frightened she will turn around and say she wants a permanent separation 6 months from now, but I guess that it has come to a head and this really is our only option. Be good to hear if others (men) have gone through this and what the experience was. All the web stuff generally depicts a female experience and I am not sure if men have the same viewpoint / experience.
If it helps, my ex-wife went on a business trip for a week and decided that she hadn't missed me so called it a day. In fairness, I hadn't missed her. 
There's a reason why you've got a temper. Work stress? Criticising mother-in-law? On-going illness that causes stress in the household?
There's a reason why you've got a temper. Work stress? Criticising mother-in-law? On-going illness that causes stress in the household?
Change can be scary and it may be a case that you feel comfortable just continuing the current relationship 'habit' - whether or not the relationship is working.
Try thinking about how you would deal with breaking up. Plan for it in some detail. Once you get used to the idea and have found a practical path through it, it may start to make sense to you.
Before mentioning separating/breaking-up etc you can be damn sure the woman knows exactly what she's going to do as she's been thinking about it and planning for the past 6 months.
Try thinking about how you would deal with breaking up. Plan for it in some detail. Once you get used to the idea and have found a practical path through it, it may start to make sense to you.
Before mentioning separating/breaking-up etc you can be damn sure the woman knows exactly what she's going to do as she's been thinking about it and planning for the past 6 months.
I have always had a short fuse, but on the flip side I am one of those souls that is generous and loves to help whenever possible, almost a bit bi-polar in that respect.
One of the things she says is that my lack of consistency and not knowing when and what will make me lose my temper is a major factor but on the flip side is that I can be loving to a fault. I feel aggrieved by being told regularly in reaction to an outburst that I am not wanted, no feelings towards me etc. Any warmth feels like it is a rare occasion.
One of the things she says is that my lack of consistency and not knowing when and what will make me lose my temper is a major factor but on the flip side is that I can be loving to a fault. I feel aggrieved by being told regularly in reaction to an outburst that I am not wanted, no feelings towards me etc. Any warmth feels like it is a rare occasion.
Omaruk said:
Yes she suggested the trial separation and yes my concern is she already knows what she wants but refuses to commit to say. At this stage all I can hope to do is provide the space and the support and provide a positive environment.
If you do go for this trial seperation rather than call it a day, get out there as a single man, don't sit at home hoping she will come to her senses. If she does want to try again after a while you may very well find that you don'tYou do admit that you are a bit difficult, and the fact that she wants to try to work it out rather than kick you out is positive. However this should be huge warning bells ringing to you.
Do not dismiss counselling as 'touchy-feely rubbish', if you do it and take it seriously it is like being mentally and emotionally kicked in the nuts (if you deserve it)
Do not dismiss counselling as 'touchy-feely rubbish', if you do it and take it seriously it is like being mentally and emotionally kicked in the nuts (if you deserve it)
Sorry OP, but you really need to grow up. A "short fuse" is simply a total lack of self control and self respect.
She wants a trial seperation top get away from you so that she won't have to put up with you losing it when she walks off with someone better than you, which she will.
Not nice, but you don't need this sugar coated (and I've been in your boat before, and learnt from it).
She wants a trial seperation top get away from you so that she won't have to put up with you losing it when she walks off with someone better than you, which she will.
Not nice, but you don't need this sugar coated (and I've been in your boat before, and learnt from it).
Omaruk said:
I am a git with a bit of a temper and the wife knows just what buttons to press and is incredibly stubborn and unforgiving.
You know what is wrong from your side, and so can look out when you're about to 'trigger' and avoid blowing a fuse by counting to ten/calming down.She know what provokes you so can stop if she wants.
Ergo, both you can stop doing what the other dislikes if the will is there. Doesn't require counselling, just you both to sit down and agree to a more peaceful household and to recognise when an arguement is starting and take avoiding action. Summer's here so start off with a holiday to put smiles on faces.
Agree with whats been said above. I don't think somebody who still loved you would want this. It sounds like she wants it to end but is scared. This is likely to put you in a very weak emotional position, with her calling all the shots. Why not make plan for it to be permanent, and if you both change your minds - great.
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