Imminent separation / divorce

[Goochie]

A "friend"of mine has pretty much had enough of his wife. For various reasons he is thinking about calling it a day and would like to do so as cleanly as possible. I know a few people here have been through similar things so I thought I'd ask a few questions on his behalf.

The facts are as follows

• Neither party has been playing away. They just got married far too early and have fallen out of love.
• They jointly own a house that has a £100k mortgage but is now worth about £90k
• They have no kids
• They've been together for 7 years, married for 4 and a half.
• She works 25 hours a week in a low paid job with no pension etc.
• He works 37 hours a week in a "middle managment" position with a decent salary and pension.
• They're both in their mid-twenties.

He knows things can get a bit messy so my friend was wondering.

1) Should he start to syphon off some cash into a "secret" account?
2) What will the law decide she is entitled to?
3) Is it better to be the one applying for divorce rather than being the one who is served with the papers?
4) If you go down the 2 year separation route, is it easier to hang on to things? (If she moved in with her parents and he stayed in the house)
5) What else should he know?

[longblackcoat]

I'd advise your friend to be very careful.

If he's thinking of salting money away, he would really need to do it now, and wait another year or so before splitting, otherwise any cash movements may well be spotted. It would also depend on whether he can live with the guilt of cheating his wife out of her fair share of the joint assets.

But the very best advice would be to get to Relate and see if the marriage can be saved. Many can be, and it would be the best bet all round.

[tonyvid]

The standard arrangement for finances and splitting is that EVERYTHING is put into one pot(assets and debts) and then split 50/50.

As to what is best when it comes to starting the proceedings, God knows, I thought it would be easier to let mine do all that and it is now giving me a load of grief.....I wouldn't mind if I had been shagging around!

[Agoogy]

Failing 'relate'... Mediation is good... no solicitors, just one qualified and knowledgeable mediator, steering a path between the 2 parties... it can work... and is a shed load cheaper...
google companies like Laceys....

[Goochie]

tonyvid said:

The standard arrangement for finances and splitting is that EVERYTHING is put into one pot(assets and debts) and then split 50/50.

As to what is best when it comes to starting the proceedings, God knows, I thought it would be easier to let mine do all that and it is now giving me a load of grief.....I wouldn't mind if I had been shagging around!

Given they would be lumbered with a £10k debt to pay off thanks to the negative equity in the property, whould that be evenly split 50:50 or is it proportional to earnings?

[tonyvid]

Goochie said:

tonyvid said:

The standard arrangement for finances and splitting is that EVERYTHING is put into one pot(assets and debts) and then split 50/50.

As to what is best when it comes to starting the proceedings, God knows, I thought it would be easier to let mine do all that and it is now giving me a load of grief.....I wouldn't mind if I had been shagging around!

Given they would be lumbered with a £10k debt to pay off thanks to the negative equity in the property, whould that be evenly split 50:50 or is it proportional to earnings?

If it is a joint mortgage, I would say 50/50. TBH, it's in your the friends interests to sort it out between you with a separation agreement rather than let the solicitors do the work, that will just cost a fortune and have the same 50/50 result.

[Goochie]

tonyvid said:

Goochie said:

tonyvid said:

The standard arrangement for finances and splitting is that EVERYTHING is put into one pot(assets and debts) and then split 50/50.

As to what is best when it comes to starting the proceedings, God knows, I thought it would be easier to let mine do all that and it is now giving me a load of grief.....I wouldn't mind if I had been shagging around!

Given they would be lumbered with a £10k debt to pay off thanks to the negative equity in the property, whould that be evenly split 50:50 or is it proportional to earnings?

If it is a joint mortgage, I would say 50/50. TBH, it's in your the friends interests to sort it out between you with a separation agreement rather than let the solicitors do the work, that will just cost a fortune and have the same 50/50 result.

That is understandable for a joint debt, but how about this....,. what if one of them has a £3k personal loan in their own name, that was used to buy something for the house?

[tonyvid]

Hmmm, things are getting complicated. Because of the time your friends were together, I think that would get chucked in the asset/debt pot, regardless of who the debt belongs too and why it was taken out in the first place - my ex had about 3 times the amount of savings as me and that all just got added together and split. I think the pensions could be iffy but the marriage wasn't too long, I think you would need some proper advice on that as it can be significant.

[miniman]

To be honest, if it only costs "your friend" £8k to get out, then I would say "he" has got off lightly.

[ali_kat]

swerni said:

A friend of mine has just been through this. Bored after 3 years or marriage.
He ended up having to pay the useless work shy fat munter maintenance, despite the fact they have no children and she hadn't worked for 3 years

The Devil makes me say it!!!!! - So he allowed her to give up work at the time of their marriage, was content for her to not work the entire time of their marriage; yet objects having to pay for her not to work now, when it is hard for people that HAVE been working for the last 3 years to keep their jobs let alone find them??

Living the lifestyle accostomed rings a bell?? Made his bed when he let her stop working

[MK4 Slowride]

swerni said:

...the fact they have no children and she hadn't worked for 3 years...

What did he see in her originally?


OP: Some have said on here before that if you your friend is going to call it a day any special items about the house that might have sentimental value should be slowly moved to a safe place to save them going against the wall in a fit of rage by the woman.

[ali_kat]

swerni said:

they had to settle out for 6 figures.

this 50/50 thing not work both ways??

[308mate]

swerni said:

She sued our previous employer when she was made redundant. Went for breach of process and sexual discrimination and because our HR director was a retard they had to settle out for 6 figures.
That pretty much ended her career.

Ahhh, the good ol' employment tribunal - you'll only use it once

[Goochie]

So if the pension is currently worth £10k per year, could he stop the current policy and start another after the divorce? That way surely she'd only be entitled to half of the first policy?

[Soovy]

Everything in the pot, assets and debts including pensions. 50/50 split.

[GreenDog]

tonyvid said:

Hmmm, things are getting complicated. Because of the time your friends were together, I think that would get chucked in the asset/debt pot, regardless of who the debt belongs too and why it was taken out in the first place - my ex had about 3 times the amount of savings as me and that all just got added together and split. I think the pensions could be iffy but the marriage wasn't too long, I think you would need some proper advice on that as it can be significant.

Speaking from my own experience, as far as pensions are concerned your friends wife is only entitled to half his pension for the period of the marriage, not for the period they were together.
My advice would be to not get too hung up over a grand or 3 though, sort out as much as possible without the solictors, it'll work out cheaper and less stressful.