Death. Let’s talk about it

[Timmy47]

We all know we will die, we all know every person we love will die. Our parents, our partners, our children. Some societies obsessed over death ( the Egyptians for example ) we seem to be in collective denial. It's the D word we never talk about. We use euphemisms, but seldom directly talk about it.

The most heart breaking conversation I ever had was when my son was about 6 and he asked me if one day he would die and they would cover his eyes will soil. I am not one often moved to tears, but at that I was. Harder was the answer, "Yes, but I hope not for a very very long time".

I love life, it's hard at times, but harder is the knowledge that one day death will come. To my parents, to me, to my children. Maybe that's why we hide out elderly away in units called "Homes" so we don't have to see old people, and people dying.

It makes me wonder how we function day to day, we just seem to make plans, to assume the day will never come, and to love as though it won't. Or maybe I'm just a weirdo in that I have always been acutely aware of mortality and death?

Is anyone else like me? I guess if no one replies to this thread then that's my answer.

Anyway not wanting to be a downer, just something I was thinking about.

[iphonedyou]

Timmy47 said:

Maybe that's why we hide out elderly away in units called "Homes" so we don't have to see old people, and people dying.

We really don't, though. 2.5% of people aged 65 and over are in residential care in the UK. Obviously that figure increases with age, but overall the trend is very much downwards.

Timmy47 said:

It makes me wonder how we function day to day, we just seem to make plans, to assume the day will never come, and to love as though it won't. Or maybe I'm just a weirdo in that I have always been acutely aware of mortality and death?

This is an interesting point, and one I've thought about often. We lost my mother in law to cancer and that was an awful time; I've mentioned before but shortly afterwards and within a year of the birth of our son my wife was diagnosed. She's 100% recovered now, thank goodness, but during chemo life stood still and I often thought about the pointlessness of everything - people working hard, for what? Taking on projects they might be destined never to finish - why? Even having kids, when you might not be around tomorrow to see them.

But then she got better, and we went ahead and did the house extension we'd put very much on pause, and I suppose I never stopped working on the business really, and...

We do because we can, maybe?

Edited by iphonedyou on Tuesday 25th February 13:17

[Muzzer79]

Timmy47 said:

I love life, it's hard at times, but harder is the knowledge that one day death will come. To my parents, to me, to my children. Maybe that's why we hide out elderly away in units called "Homes" so we don't have to see old people, and people dying.

It makes me wonder how we function day to day, we just seem to make plans, to assume the day will never come, and to love as though it won't. Or maybe I'm just a weirdo in that I have always been acutely aware of mortality and death?

This is, to me at least, a very odd way of looking at life.

You appear to be questioning the point of making plans and loving people when death is inevitable.

To me, it's because death is inevitable that one has to make plans, to enjoy life to the fullest, to love like it will never end. I am acutely aware of mortality, but that gives me a reason to live, not a reason to wait for death.

Because on my death bed or if there is something in the afterlife, in whatever form, I don't want to look back at the life I had and think I wasted it.

[ukwill]

I think it's perhaps more of a mindset thing?

Look at it another way and you can consider yourself lucky to have experience life at all. The probability of being born is 400-trillion-to-one.

You have a relatively finite time to make use of that experience. Rather than contemplate the point of it, I'd be more inclined to make use of the time you have. After all - it's not as though you had any form of consciousness prior to life, so its not like you'll be lying there for eternity wondering why you didn't ask out Jane in accounts.

In the words of the great Dr MLK: Yolo MF

edit: OP - have to say you come across as sounding a bit depressed. Maybe explore that?

[Spare tyre]

I was ill a few years back with cancer and dieing from it was a potential outcome

I had a 2 year old at the time, it just made me get my arse in gear and get things buttoned down financially and the like asap

It doesn’t bother me personally, but thinking about my wife / child and how her life would change was exhausting

[Timmy47]

Muzzer79 said:

Timmy47 said:

I love life, it's hard at times, but harder is the knowledge that one day death will come. To my parents, to me, to my children. Maybe that's why we hide out elderly away in units called "Homes" so we don't have to see old people, and people dying.

It makes me wonder how we function day to day, we just seem to make plans, to assume the day will never come, and to love as though it won't. Or maybe I'm just a weirdo in that I have always been acutely aware of mortality and death?

This is, to me at least, a very odd way of looking at life.

You appear to be questioning the point of making plans and loving people when death is inevitable.

To me, it's because death is inevitable that one has to make plans, to enjoy life to the fullest, to love like it will never end. I am acutely aware of mortality, but that gives me a reason to live, not a reason to wait for death.

Because on my death bed or if there is something in the afterlife, in whatever form, I don't want to look back at the life I had and think I wasted it.

Oh no I quite agree with you, and it motivates me to try and enjoy every moment of life. I always try to make time to see my family, and friends, and catch myself if I am feeling grumpy with the kids, because every moment is precious. I'm a Christian ( which these days feels like saying I'm a weird freak ), but that doesn't mean I look forward to death.

[768]

Muzzer79 said:

Timmy47 said:

I love life, it's hard at times, but harder is the knowledge that one day death will come. To my parents, to me, to my children. Maybe that's why we hide out elderly away in units called "Homes" so we don't have to see old people, and people dying.

It makes me wonder how we function day to day, we just seem to make plans, to assume the day will never come, and to love as though it won't. Or maybe I'm just a weirdo in that I have always been acutely aware of mortality and death?

This is, to me at least, a very odd way of looking at life.

You appear to be questioning the point of making plans and loving people when death is inevitable.

Nihilism. I don't think it's odd. I think, if anything, it's where a lot of people start exploring philosophies. Worth moving past asap though!

[StevieBee]

Timmy47 said:

It makes me wonder how we function day to day, we just seem to make plans, to assume the day will never come, and to love as though it won't.

What would the alternative be? Just sit around scratching one's arse until the bloke with the scythe turns up?

Whether by design or default, we've become a species capable of filling our time with meaningful endeavour and the emotional capacity to embrace deep meaning and pleasurable pursuit. Would seem an awful shame to waste such virtues.

[Quattr04.]

There’s a lot of pandering these days about death


Everyone announces the “passing” or says “my dad passed last week”

Passed what? His exams, some wind? A kidney stone? Just say DIED

Everyone and everything dies, we murder animals for food, trees and plants die

It’s a natural part of life, in fact it’s what’s makes life life


For me, no one knows when it will happen, so we must balance living for the future and enjoying today, no point living a hermet life to have a comfortable retirement to never get there.

I am comfortable with death, I don’t know when it happens, and I won’t know when it does. Il just enjoy everyday in the meantime

Think of it as being on a very long holiday

[A.Norton]

I have lost both my parents and parents in law, friends and ex partners and put death to the back of my mind.

Great post and i am sitting here contemplating it now and damn i need to celebrate life more..

Thank you..

[S100HP]

I recall reading something a while back about how are brains are hardwired to not think about death, or when you do that thought is quickly forgotten, else you'd drive yourself mad constantly thinking about it. It might have been made up rubbish but I'll see if I can find it.

Found it - that was easy

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2019/oct/19/do...

[Rebew]

Muzzer79 said:

This is, to me at least, a very odd way of looking at life.

You appear to be questioning the point of making plans and loving people when death is inevitable.

To me, it's because death is inevitable that one has to make plans, to enjoy life to the fullest, to love like it will never end. I am acutely aware of mortality, but that gives me a reason to live, not a reason to wait for death.

Because on my death bed or if there is something in the afterlife, in whatever form, I don't want to look back at the life I had and think I wasted it.

Exactly, because we will die it is vital that we spend the time that we do have living. Recently two people I know have been diagnosed with terminal illnesses, this has been a huge wakeup call for me to make sure that I don't waste the time that I have.

Life is precious and ultimately quite short. Love and be loved and enjoy as much of it as you can.

[Jasandjules]

We have to make the most of it.,.

The question is whether we come back again... Because if not, see the first sentence...

[98elise]

iphonedyou said:

Timmy47 said:

Maybe that's why we hide out elderly away in units called "Homes" so we don't have to see old people, and people dying.

We really don't, though. 2.5% of people aged 65 and over are in residential care in the UK. Obviously that figure increases with age, but overall the trend is very much downwards.

Agreed. My wife's parents went into homes because they were incapable of looking after themselves any more and needed help with everything. That was the only reason.

My parents are both in their 80's, but fully capable. They will likely die in their own homes having done some fairly normal stuff in the days before like shopping, going out for lunch etc.

We don’t "hide" old people in homes because we're afraid of death. The expense alone makes it nonsense!

[siovey]

I sell insurance for a mortgage broker so I talk about death and serious illness several times a day!
I never ceases to amaze me at the number of people who have no plans in place if this happens unexpectedly.
Their families would be fd financially if they, or their partner died. For the sake of a few quid per month they can at least leave them with no mortgage and a small (or large) income.
Some people realise this and act upon it but others simply don't care. It's crazy!
I'm 52 now so think about it a lot more than I used to

[ApOrbital]

Jasandjules said:

We have to make the most of it.,.

The question is whether we come back again... Because if not, see the first sentence...

[AB]

I hate the thought of dying and the effect it'll have on everyone close to me. I'm not scared of dying though.

I'm more scared of getting old and the st that comes with that.

What terrifies me is the thought of my wife or kids dying.

Try not to think about it, but as I get older it gets more real.

I used to think I'd like to go peacefully at around 75 before things start failing but then my parents started getting towards that age.

What I try and do is assume I'm going to die tomorrow and not put stuff off for another day. Nor do I save for a rainy day.

[ro250]

S100HP said:

I recall reading something a while back about how are brains are hardwired to not think about death, or when you do that thought is quickly forgotten, else you'd drive yourself mad constantly thinking about it. It might have been made up rubbish but I'll see if I can find it.

Found it - that was easy

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2019/oct/19/do...

I haven't read that article but the premise you describe I believe is true. Without getting into a religious debate, I think that's a big reason people follow a religion as it rationalises (and softens the idea of) death with concepts such as heaven.

I struggle to comprehend it, particularly when I consider I won't know I'm dead and the permanence of that state.

[Terminator X]

For me if you make it beyond 80 years then you've had a good innings so I'd not get too upset if family members make it there or not long after that^. I do get upset to hear that kids etc have died from stuff. Should never happen so young. Mate of mine killed himself at just over 40, that was hard to take.

^I do remember talking to my Mum about it and she did seem to have a different perspective I guess given she is late 70's!

TX.

[Gnits]

I think it is part of the human ability to compartmentalise. We can think about it for a few mins and then put that away in its little box and do something else. Same applies for people who pray for peace in the morning, then put that in its little box and go and shoot some people in the afternoon.

It is probably an important ability for the mind to do that, empathy for the suffering of others, the assuredness of death and other things would probably be overpowering and consume too much mental horsepower otherwise.