How much does having a baby change your life?
Discussion
So due our first baby in 3 weeks. It's been a long road to get here and had to go through IVF also.....however I feel mixed emotions currently. I'm happy my wife is happy, and I'm looking forward to being able to take my future daughter to the park, watch films etc...however on the flip side it does concern me how my life will change.
For example as a couple we probably go on about 4 holidays a year abroad....I take it with a baby that will be near impossible now in terms of practicality and cost.
Also socially how does it impact your life?? Tbh nights out with mates are few and far between now since they all had families of there own so ive seen how kids effect that although I like to go to the football games on the weekend. Is my social life over for now? Is it common to make new friends with other parents with kids around the same age?
What's the financial impact of having a kid? My wife will go part time so losing there but are kids as expensive as they make out?
For example as a couple we probably go on about 4 holidays a year abroad....I take it with a baby that will be near impossible now in terms of practicality and cost.
Also socially how does it impact your life?? Tbh nights out with mates are few and far between now since they all had families of there own so ive seen how kids effect that although I like to go to the football games on the weekend. Is my social life over for now? Is it common to make new friends with other parents with kids around the same age?
What's the financial impact of having a kid? My wife will go part time so losing there but are kids as expensive as they make out?
The short answer is - it depends - but some of these are easy enough to cover.
- How chilled your kid is (some are a joy and as easy as pie to take here there and everywhere - some are hard work. Girls from what I’ve seen much easier).
- holidays - if you have money then nothing need change, but yes, they cost more and aren’t all about you, unless you can pay for kids clubs/nanny’s etc.
- social life - mine hasn’t changed much in terms of nights out, still do plenty of nights out. This depends on how quickly you nail the sleep routine. s
t sleepers wreck almost all aspects of a parents life, especially social, from what I’ve seen.
- weekends tend to be more of a joint effort as children do need entertaining/looking after - but negotiating your own time is common. Be aware many women don’t have hobbies like men, so rarely does it ever feel equal even if you’re willing to give them time to go do whatever.
- friends - it’s common to make friends with kids at nursery/school, yes.
- financials is another ‘depends’ - my son is 4 and currently owes me in the region of £75k on nursery (and now school) fees
- the big cost is childcare, they don’t cost much when small to feed/clothe and the only noticeable outlay is the prams and all that crap initially they need. After that you can easily buy bikes and scooters and such off eBay for cheap.
To be blunt, every single man probably has the same concerns. And yet, millions a year have kids and get though it without issue. You just readjust in certain areas.
- How chilled your kid is (some are a joy and as easy as pie to take here there and everywhere - some are hard work. Girls from what I’ve seen much easier).
- holidays - if you have money then nothing need change, but yes, they cost more and aren’t all about you, unless you can pay for kids clubs/nanny’s etc.
- social life - mine hasn’t changed much in terms of nights out, still do plenty of nights out. This depends on how quickly you nail the sleep routine. s
t sleepers wreck almost all aspects of a parents life, especially social, from what I’ve seen. - weekends tend to be more of a joint effort as children do need entertaining/looking after - but negotiating your own time is common. Be aware many women don’t have hobbies like men, so rarely does it ever feel equal even if you’re willing to give them time to go do whatever.
- friends - it’s common to make friends with kids at nursery/school, yes.
- financials is another ‘depends’ - my son is 4 and currently owes me in the region of £75k on nursery (and now school) fees
- the big cost is childcare, they don’t cost much when small to feed/clothe and the only noticeable outlay is the prams and all that crap initially they need. After that you can easily buy bikes and scooters and such off eBay for cheap. To be blunt, every single man probably has the same concerns. And yet, millions a year have kids and get though it without issue. You just readjust in certain areas.
Edited by okgo on Saturday 2nd November 15:31
Not a single bloke doesn't worry when his child comes along, it's perfectly normal so don't worry.
How much does it change things? massively and for the better, you'll love it, maybe not at first but the little sts grow on you like nothing else in the world.
Kids do have an impact on holidays but you can take them out in term time for a few days without penalty but even if there is it's usually cheaper than the half term premium, you will have to go camping though, they love that.
As long as you have cover you can still go to the footie or out with mates but obviously kids are hard work so don't take the piss.
Financially I'm ruined with ballet, acrobatics, street dance, horse riding, swimming and tutors they cost a fortune but it doesn't matter because you want the best for them and give them every chance.
Currently I have a house full of 10 year old girls so a good pair of noise cancelling headphones or a garage to bugger off to is a godsend.
How much does it change things? massively and for the better, you'll love it, maybe not at first but the little s
ts grow on you like nothing else in the world.Kids do have an impact on holidays but you can take them out in term time for a few days without penalty but even if there is it's usually cheaper than the half term premium, you will have to go camping though, they love that.
As long as you have cover you can still go to the footie or out with mates but obviously kids are hard work so don't take the piss.
Financially I'm ruined
with ballet, acrobatics, street dance, horse riding, swimming and tutors they cost a fortune but it doesn't matter because you want the best for them and give them every chance.Currently I have a house full of 10 year old girls so a good pair of noise cancelling headphones or a garage to bugger off to is a godsend.
Edited by Sheets Tabuer on Saturday 2nd November 15:39
Completely, totally and utterly.
First 6 months are about keeping your sanity and their health, and exhausting. Don't worry about the state of the house. Try to give each other space to sleep, etc. Life does not have to be perfect. Guests are welcome if they offer to wash up, etc, bring cake. Guests that expect to be entertained while they wake up the just sleeping baby can sling their hook. Ditto grandparents or extended family are welcome once they volunteer to take the baby for a push at nap time.
6 months to 2 years is exhausting until they sleep through (if they do) but fun in terms of how quickly they develop, especially walking and talking. Lesson learned - my eldest's first word was "dada" (easier to say the "d" sound than the "m" sound apparently). My youngest's first word was "duggee" (a highly enjoyable cartoon)
2-4 is a lot of fun, but exhausting
4-11 (primary school) is great as they build their skills and friends, building independence in getting ready for school, etc
11+ is another journey (as I am discovering) where you are a parent and mentor, but they respond less to instructions and you slowly give them more independence.
This was a very valuable thread for me.
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
As the dad to two kids my advice would be:
1) Throw away the parenting books, they make you paranoid and they often conflict in advice
2) Mothers and Mothers in Law advice needs to be kept at a distance as it is 20-30 years out of date
3) Find a good local network of new parents (for mum and dad) who are open and honest, you will probably be in touch with them 10 years down the line. Sometimes the local midwife can recommend groups.
First 6 months are about keeping your sanity and their health, and exhausting. Don't worry about the state of the house. Try to give each other space to sleep, etc. Life does not have to be perfect. Guests are welcome if they offer to wash up, etc, bring cake. Guests that expect to be entertained while they wake up the just sleeping baby can sling their hook. Ditto grandparents or extended family are welcome once they volunteer to take the baby for a push at nap time.
6 months to 2 years is exhausting until they sleep through (if they do) but fun in terms of how quickly they develop, especially walking and talking. Lesson learned - my eldest's first word was "dada" (easier to say the "d" sound than the "m" sound apparently). My youngest's first word was "duggee" (a highly enjoyable cartoon)
2-4 is a lot of fun, but exhausting
4-11 (primary school) is great as they build their skills and friends, building independence in getting ready for school, etc
11+ is another journey (as I am discovering) where you are a parent and mentor, but they respond less to instructions and you slowly give them more independence.
This was a very valuable thread for me.
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
As the dad to two kids my advice would be:
1) Throw away the parenting books, they make you paranoid and they often conflict in advice
2) Mothers and Mothers in Law advice needs to be kept at a distance as it is 20-30 years out of date
3) Find a good local network of new parents (for mum and dad) who are open and honest, you will probably be in touch with them 10 years down the line. Sometimes the local midwife can recommend groups.
It really is down to you guys and what you make of it. Laid back parenting is an important skill to learn. Don’t sweat the small stuff is my advice, don’t worry about the baby they are all very different, when they are hungry they will let you know, when they are tired they will sleep, some grow fast, some don’t, some crawl early, some don’t, some are a bugger, some aren’t. It’s the lottery of life.
Holidays just crack on, obviously adults only resorts are out and the cost goes up a bit but it’s lovely going on holiday with the kids. We took ours all over the world and we have started with the grandkids now. There are lots of brilliant experiences out there to share with them.
Having kids brings lots of new opportunities to make new friends who are in a similar position to you. NCT is a good place to start. Sounds like your existing friends have started having families as well so there are lots of opportunities there too. There will be lots of new things to do and experience, and you don’t have to stop doing your old stuff, you might struggle to fit it all in.
Yes they cost a fortune and it never stops, my kids are all in their 30s now and we still spunk money on them. Went to the Ivy for Sunday lunch last weekend for a family birthday 9 people and the bloody bill was over £600
Holidays just crack on, obviously adults only resorts are out and the cost goes up a bit but it’s lovely going on holiday with the kids. We took ours all over the world and we have started with the grandkids now. There are lots of brilliant experiences out there to share with them.
Having kids brings lots of new opportunities to make new friends who are in a similar position to you. NCT is a good place to start. Sounds like your existing friends have started having families as well so there are lots of opportunities there too. There will be lots of new things to do and experience, and you don’t have to stop doing your old stuff, you might struggle to fit it all in.
Yes they cost a fortune and it never stops, my kids are all in their 30s now and we still spunk money on them. Went to the Ivy for Sunday lunch last weekend for a family birthday 9 people and the bloody bill was over £600
My Mrs sort of went mental, took 6 months for her personality to return to a tired state of normal. Those birth hormones are something else. Her body has never been the same again. I’ll leave it there, but I can see why people give birth in hospitals now.
All I can say, is prep as much as possible.
Car baby seat
Changing mat
Nappy and wet wipe supply
Push chair
Cot and bedding
Muslins
Baby formula and bottles
Milk machine
Clothes
Baby bath
All opened, practiced, prepped so you can do it stuff like folding and unfolding the push chair sleep deprived.
Hope your car seat is already installed with 3 weeks to go.
If you haven’t got all this sort of stuff checked off, do it now, while you still have time and a clear mind.
Mind you having said this, in Central London playgrounds, you see very relaxed looking dads. At first, it was puzzling, until you saw the nannies looking a bit worse for wear, chasing after the kids.
One of my colleagues, her parents and in laws helped a lot, could drop the baby off and sleep all weekend if it ever got too much. Someone was always coming over, helping with baby sitting and chores.
So it depends on individual circumstances too.
All I can say, is prep as much as possible.
Car baby seat
Changing mat
Nappy and wet wipe supply
Push chair
Cot and bedding
Muslins
Baby formula and bottles
Milk machine
Clothes
Baby bath
All opened, practiced, prepped so you can do it stuff like folding and unfolding the push chair sleep deprived.
Hope your car seat is already installed with 3 weeks to go.
If you haven’t got all this sort of stuff checked off, do it now, while you still have time and a clear mind.
Mind you having said this, in Central London playgrounds, you see very relaxed looking dads. At first, it was puzzling, until you saw the nannies looking a bit worse for wear, chasing after the kids.
One of my colleagues, her parents and in laws helped a lot, could drop the baby off and sleep all weekend if it ever got too much. Someone was always coming over, helping with baby sitting and chores.
So it depends on individual circumstances too.
Edited by wyson on Sunday 3rd November 08:51
vaud said:
Completely, totally and utterly.
First 6 months are about keeping your sanity and their health, and exhausting. Don't worry about the state of the house. Try to give each other space to sleep, etc. Life does not have to be perfect. Guests are welcome if they offer to wash up, etc, bring cake. Guests that expect to be entertained while they wake up the just sleeping baby can sling their hook. Ditto grandparents or extended family are welcome once they volunteer to take the baby for a push at nap time.
6 months to 2 years is exhausting until they sleep through (if they do) but fun in terms of how quickly they develop, especially walking and talking. Lesson learned - my eldest's first word was "dada" (easier to say the "d" sound than the "m" sound apparently). My youngest's first word was "duggee" (a highly enjoyable cartoon)
2-4 is a lot of fun, but exhausting
4-11 (primary school) is great as they build their skills and friends, building independence in getting ready for school, etc
11+ is another journey (as I am discovering) where you are a parent and mentor, but they respond less to instructions and you slowly give them more independence.
This was a very valuable thread for me.
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
As the dad to two kids my advice would be:
1) Throw away the parenting books, they make you paranoid and they often conflict in advice
2) Mothers and Mothers in Law advice needs to be kept at a distance as it is 20-30 years out of date
3) Find a good local network of new parents (for mum and dad) who are open and honest, you will probably be in touch with them 10 years down the line. Sometimes the local midwife can recommend groups.
Excellent post and mirrors my experience. First 6 months are about keeping your sanity and their health, and exhausting. Don't worry about the state of the house. Try to give each other space to sleep, etc. Life does not have to be perfect. Guests are welcome if they offer to wash up, etc, bring cake. Guests that expect to be entertained while they wake up the just sleeping baby can sling their hook. Ditto grandparents or extended family are welcome once they volunteer to take the baby for a push at nap time.
6 months to 2 years is exhausting until they sleep through (if they do) but fun in terms of how quickly they develop, especially walking and talking. Lesson learned - my eldest's first word was "dada" (easier to say the "d" sound than the "m" sound apparently). My youngest's first word was "duggee" (a highly enjoyable cartoon)
2-4 is a lot of fun, but exhausting
4-11 (primary school) is great as they build their skills and friends, building independence in getting ready for school, etc
11+ is another journey (as I am discovering) where you are a parent and mentor, but they respond less to instructions and you slowly give them more independence.
This was a very valuable thread for me.
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
As the dad to two kids my advice would be:
1) Throw away the parenting books, they make you paranoid and they often conflict in advice
2) Mothers and Mothers in Law advice needs to be kept at a distance as it is 20-30 years out of date
3) Find a good local network of new parents (for mum and dad) who are open and honest, you will probably be in touch with them 10 years down the line. Sometimes the local midwife can recommend groups.
My two are 18 and 14 now so it was a long time ago I was at the OP’s stage. The key at the start is when/if they sleep through. Our first was sleeping through at 8 weeks and I remember thinking at the time this parenting thing was a piece of piss.
Then our daughter came along and didn’t sleep through for almost 3 years due to digestive issues. It was a brutal experience and one that tested us as a couple. But time goes by very quickly and they’re now a joy to have around. Yes they test us and cause us a lot of grief but the benefits definitely out weigh the negatives; going out as a family and spending time together is a privilege not lost on me.
It does change, it is a steep learning curve, but it is wicked, sadly none of her kids are mine, but I have dealt with them from 7 months up to 17 years and continuing, I adore watching them develop and find their feet, watching them learn from their mistakes and teaching them, it is hard at first with feeding, changing ( don't forget to order your nappy bin bags and get on the list for collection).
Try not to panic, all be fine, don't worry about the social life your mates will still be there and work in shifts.
Try not to panic, all be fine, don't worry about the social life your mates will still be there and work in shifts.
AndrewGP said:
Then our daughter came along and didn’t sleep through for almost 3 years due to digestive issues.
4 and a half for both my daughters before they slept through. School was a good step as they were getting mentally tired as well as physically tired.I deal with antsy senior executives at work and as I commented to a colleague, they are easy compared to an cooperative toddler and I use similar tactics with each...
We've got three lads in their late thirties, wouldn't change a thing.
Personally, I find babies quite boring, but when they start crawling and walking after about ten months things change, and they take on their own personality.
The first nine months is an endless cycle of no sleep and nappy changing.
Get through that and you'll love it.
Personally, I find babies quite boring, but when they start crawling and walking after about ten months things change, and they take on their own personality.
The first nine months is an endless cycle of no sleep and nappy changing.
Get through that and you'll love it.
simons123 said:
So due our first baby in 3 weeks. It's been a long road to get here and had to go through IVF also.....however I feel mixed emotions currently. I'm happy my wife is happy, and I'm looking forward to being able to take my future daughter to the park, watch films etc...however on the flip side it does concern me how my life will change.
For example as a couple we probably go on about 4 holidays a year abroad....I take it with a baby that will be near impossible now in terms of practicality and cost.
Also socially how does it impact your life?? Tbh nights out with mates are few and far between now since they all had families of there own so ive seen how kids effect that although I like to go to the football games on the weekend. Is my social life over for now? Is it common to make new friends with other parents with kids around the same age?
What's the financial impact of having a kid? My wife will go part time so losing there but are kids as expensive as they make out?
There has been so much good advice that I won't repeat it. For example as a couple we probably go on about 4 holidays a year abroad....I take it with a baby that will be near impossible now in terms of practicality and cost.
Also socially how does it impact your life?? Tbh nights out with mates are few and far between now since they all had families of there own so ive seen how kids effect that although I like to go to the football games on the weekend. Is my social life over for now? Is it common to make new friends with other parents with kids around the same age?
What's the financial impact of having a kid? My wife will go part time so losing there but are kids as expensive as they make out?
As a dad of 4 I feel incredibly lucky. Financially I won't lie, it's a significant hit (mine are all earning now so its nice having lots of spare money) but the thing is you dont really notice the costs, you just cope. the kids share bedrooms, you run a 10-year old Toyota Estate instead of an S-Max, you go on holidays every 3 years instead of every year, you have more day trips rather than foreign holidays.
However there will be lots of times when your heart feels like its going to burst with pride (that smile when they see you at the school fates or when they graduate)
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