What's the stupidest way you've ever injured yourself?
Discussion
I once electrocuted myself unconscious by trying to wrap copper wire around a washing machine motor, whilst the washing machine was plugged in and powered up. I was woken up by my dogs licking my face.
I once leant a door (steeply) up against a wall, then stepped away to drink a cup of tea, whilst said door fell silently behind me, with the first point of contact being the corner of the top hinge tearing through the back of my left knee.
I once shattered the metacarpus in my right hand, by showing off to a pretty girl (when I was a teenager) by scoring highly on one of those punching machines you get a fairgrounds. I also had to pretend it wasn't damaged for two days, whilst attending to the pretty girl.
I have quite a lot of these...
Decided to cut a c8-10' high hedge with an electric trimmer by balancing on the top of a 6' step ladder on uneven ground. Of course I fell off and on the way down hit my shin just below the knee on the rim of a large terracotta pot. I split my shin bone in half lengthways down the middle from the knee. Got some decent metalwork in there now!
Cutting my MIL's lawn and I hovered over the power cable. Went into house, turned off power switch and returned to mower with screwdriver and tape to effect a repair. Wrapping the insulation tape and suddenly got thrown backwards over the lawn - MIL had gone into kitchen, seen the power turned off and thought I would need it back on. Only 240v I know, but it doesn't half make you feel a bit off colour for a few hours.
Whilst still a teenager, I left my girlfriend's house to return home on my trusty Haddon 3-speed tourer and, riding downhill at speed, rode right into the back of a parked Triumph Herald. Quite why I didn't see it is beyond me. I went right onto the roof. Of course the Herald had rubber inserts on the bumper which softened the blow to my bike but the front forks finished up back next to the frame. It was trying to explain it to everyone which was the hardest.
Whilst still a teenager, I left my girlfriend's house to return home on my trusty Haddon 3-speed tourer and, riding downhill at speed, rode right into the back of a parked Triumph Herald. Quite why I didn't see it is beyond me. I went right onto the roof. Of course the Herald had rubber inserts on the bumper which softened the blow to my bike but the front forks finished up back next to the frame. It was trying to explain it to everyone which was the hardest.
When I was about 12 my cousin and I were whipping each other with rolled up t shirts whilst on a camping holiday in North Devon. Suddenly his face went white as a sheet and he almost collapsed, he had hit me on the tip of my ring finger and the bone had dislocated at the last joint and pushed through the skin. It was surprisingly painless but resulted in a night in hospital and minor surgery to relocate the digit. I am now left with a small scar on the inside of the joint and a finger which will not bend fully under its own steam.
I got the last laugh however, the night that I was in hospital it rained torrentially and the whole camp flooded causing my parents, siblings and cousins to have to sleep in the car whilst I was in a nice warm hospital bed!
I got the last laugh however, the night that I was in hospital it rained torrentially and the whole camp flooded causing my parents, siblings and cousins to have to sleep in the car whilst I was in a nice warm hospital bed!
I was in a water fight on holiday as a 10 year old when one of the others decided that throwing water still in the container would mean it travels further.
The phrase 'head shot' was most appropriate. With a 5l (so 5kg) plastic drum with a sharp edged filler spout on it. My forehead still has a curved scar and divot in the diameter of the filling spout....
The phrase 'head shot' was most appropriate. With a 5l (so 5kg) plastic drum with a sharp edged filler spout on it. My forehead still has a curved scar and divot in the diameter of the filling spout....
Some of my belters
Few years ago on holiday there was a skatepark, it was dark and raining, I ran up a quarter pipe and couldn't easily get down as the ramp was wet, slipped, fell and broke my shoulder.
Closing a loft hatch which had a catch on, swung it up I heard it latch only seconds later it swung back down towards my face, I put my hand up quickly only for the hatch to hit my thumb, managed to crack my knuckle and tear off a ligament from my thumb.
As a kid I was immersed in BMX, I was pretty good locally and I was trying to impress a girl, there was a pylon on the street where I lived and she claimed you would get electrocuted if you touched it, me being me I raced over on my BMX, on the grass I skidded towards the pylon, kind of got it wrong and end up hitting the pylon side on, broke my right femur just above the knee on impact and dislocated my knee also, leg was pointing sideways as I lay on the floor.
Few years ago on holiday there was a skatepark, it was dark and raining, I ran up a quarter pipe and couldn't easily get down as the ramp was wet, slipped, fell and broke my shoulder.
Closing a loft hatch which had a catch on, swung it up I heard it latch only seconds later it swung back down towards my face, I put my hand up quickly only for the hatch to hit my thumb, managed to crack my knuckle and tear off a ligament from my thumb.
As a kid I was immersed in BMX, I was pretty good locally and I was trying to impress a girl, there was a pylon on the street where I lived and she claimed you would get electrocuted if you touched it, me being me I raced over on my BMX, on the grass I skidded towards the pylon, kind of got it wrong and end up hitting the pylon side on, broke my right femur just above the knee on impact and dislocated my knee also, leg was pointing sideways as I lay on the floor.
My wife wanted a bird feeder outside the kitchen window. There was a tree on the drive and I wanted the bird feeder to be squirrel-proof so came up with genius idea of tying bird feeder to rope and the other end to a large rock. The idea was to throw the rock over the branch and then tie it off so we had a nice dangly bird-feeder.
What actually happened was I threw the rock, it hit the branch and then came down and smashed me in the face. My wife laughed...lots.
What actually happened was I threw the rock, it hit the branch and then came down and smashed me in the face. My wife laughed...lots.
Not injured myself, but someone injured me. At school we used to play a game called "Jew Coin" where basically someone threw a coin as hard as they could and the winner was the person who managed to pickup the coin first.
One of the biggest kids in the school happened to be standing about three feet in front of me when he suddenly shouted "Jew Coin!" spun around and released the coin which hit me in the forehead about 2 inches above my right eye.
I remember as I tried to work out exactly what happened seeing the shock on the boys face as he saw the blood coming out of my forehead. They immediately took me to first aid and my parents were called to collect me.
I still have a 15mm scar there to this day where it hit me, I dread to think what might have happened if it hit me two inches lower in my eye.
Injuring myself, after cutting up an old rotten shed with a reciprocating saw I stood back to admire my work, stood on a piece of the shed and a rusty nail went through the sole of my trainer like a hot knife through butter.
One of the biggest kids in the school happened to be standing about three feet in front of me when he suddenly shouted "Jew Coin!" spun around and released the coin which hit me in the forehead about 2 inches above my right eye.
I remember as I tried to work out exactly what happened seeing the shock on the boys face as he saw the blood coming out of my forehead. They immediately took me to first aid and my parents were called to collect me.
I still have a 15mm scar there to this day where it hit me, I dread to think what might have happened if it hit me two inches lower in my eye.
Injuring myself, after cutting up an old rotten shed with a reciprocating saw I stood back to admire my work, stood on a piece of the shed and a rusty nail went through the sole of my trainer like a hot knife through butter.
Slicing potatoes on a mandoline vegetable slicer, I naturally took a fair chunk out of the end of my finger when I got too close to the blade. Nothing drastic and only needed a plaster but, christ it didn't half bleed.
I swore lots after patching myself up and though what a stupid design this thing was.
I only found the handle that you're supposed to stab into the vegetable you're slicing to prevent such an injury in the bottom of the box when i was putting it away...
I swore lots after patching myself up and though what a stupid design this thing was.
I only found the handle that you're supposed to stab into the vegetable you're slicing to prevent such an injury in the bottom of the box when i was putting it away...
Used to play a game on my grandparents farm where we’d see how long we could sit in a chest freezer for
Got in it, was doing my stint
Nan appeared (we shouldn’t be in the barn where the freezer was)
Cousins all disappeared to save the b
king from nan
She must have said come with me or something, got forgotten about
In true tight farmer tradition, the freezer was knackered so held shut with bailing twine
I actually thought I was going to croak it, was a weird sensation
Thankfully one of my cousins did get to me
I wasn’t the same for the rest of the holiday
Next up was pissing the cows off and crow scarers
Got in it, was doing my stint
Nan appeared (we shouldn’t be in the barn where the freezer was)
Cousins all disappeared to save the b
king from nanShe must have said come with me or something, got forgotten about
In true tight farmer tradition, the freezer was knackered so held shut with bailing twine
I actually thought I was going to croak it, was a weird sensation
Thankfully one of my cousins did get to me
I wasn’t the same for the rest of the holiday
Next up was pissing the cows off and crow scarers
Not myself being injured, but my best friend and I had a part in it. We’d both be about 10.
Early eighties, H&S was not a biggie back then. The local playground where we use to hang out had 3 massive pipes (internal dia ~2.5 ft). Kids were encouraged to crawl through them. Imagine that now? Confined Space?
Me and my mate stuffed one of them with dried grass, but, well in from the entry point. I reached into my pocket and got my trusty little bottle of petrol out. Always useful growing up in a village where boredom was never far away.
Doused all the grass with petrol, all perfectly safe of course as the ensuing fire would be contained within the pipe. Right?
I step back and suggest my mate lights it, and to my astonishment - he accepted my request. With vigour.
He kneels down sticks his head in and - WHOOSH!
My mate emerges from pipe sans fringe, eye brows and eye lashes.
Whilst I commiserated absolutely.
Like fk… 
We still laugh about it to this day.
Early eighties, H&S was not a biggie back then. The local playground where we use to hang out had 3 massive pipes (internal dia ~2.5 ft). Kids were encouraged to crawl through them. Imagine that now? Confined Space?
Me and my mate stuffed one of them with dried grass, but, well in from the entry point. I reached into my pocket and got my trusty little bottle of petrol out. Always useful growing up in a village where boredom was never far away.
Doused all the grass with petrol, all perfectly safe of course as the ensuing fire would be contained within the pipe. Right?
I step back and suggest my mate lights it, and to my astonishment - he accepted my request. With vigour.
He kneels down sticks his head in and - WHOOSH!
My mate emerges from pipe sans fringe, eye brows and eye lashes.
Whilst I commiserated absolutely.
Like f
k… We still laugh about it to this day.
16 years old and didn't tighten the wheel up properly on my push bike after a puncture repair
Luckily what happened next happened in the local park rather than on a road.....
Four teeth gone, concussion, amnesia (whole day I couldn't remember), broken nose, stiches in both lips, stiches in both wrists with scars that remain to this day. Good job I couldn't remember that day because apparently I spent the whole time in casualty telling the nurses how pretty they were through my shattered mouth.
I was in hospital for week and when my then girlfriend came round, she nearly passed out when she saw what I looked like.
Happy days.
Luckily what happened next happened in the local park rather than on a road.....
Four teeth gone, concussion, amnesia (whole day I couldn't remember), broken nose, stiches in both lips, stiches in both wrists with scars that remain to this day. Good job I couldn't remember that day because apparently I spent the whole time in casualty telling the nurses how pretty they were through my shattered mouth.
I was in hospital for week and when my then girlfriend came round, she nearly passed out when she saw what I looked like.
Happy days.
nicanary said:
Cutting my MIL's lawn and I hovered over the power cable. Went into house, turned off power switch and returned to mower with screwdriver and tape to effect a repair. Wrapping the insulation tape and suddenly got thrown backwards over the lawn - MIL had gone into kitchen, seen the power turned off and thought I would need it back on. Only 240v I know, but it doesn't half make you feel a bit off colour for a few hours.
She knew exactly what she was doing 
bunchofkeys said:
nicanary said:
Cutting my MIL's lawn and I hovered over the power cable. Went into house, turned off power switch and returned to mower with screwdriver and tape to effect a repair. Wrapping the insulation tape and suddenly got thrown backwards over the lawn - MIL had gone into kitchen, seen the power turned off and thought I would need it back on. Only 240v I know, but it doesn't half make you feel a bit off colour for a few hours.
She knew exactly what she was doing Last year I was repairing their oven
I’d isolated the oven and was making good
Dad wanders in, heads to switch and turns it on
I got a whack, mum saw it. I didn’t have the heart to make a fuss and upset dad
Jim H said:
He kneels down sticks his head in and - WHOOSH!
My mate emerges from pipe sans fringe, eye brows and eye lashes.
I did something similar, I was 16 a month before fireworks night so I went to the local corner shop with my birth certificate and bought some fireworks. For some reason I decided it would be a good idea to take some of them apart and I collected all the gun powder in a hair spray lid.My mate emerges from pipe sans fringe, eye brows and eye lashes.
One night I said to my brother lets set it off so I went outside, lent over and set it alight with a lighter. Straight away there was a massive flash that engulfed my head and in shock I looked up at my brother who had a terrified look on his face.
I thought I had burnt my face off so we ran inside and my mum gave me one of those "you f
king idiot" looks. Looking in the mirror I had burnt the entire fringe of my hair (Imagine Prince William as a teenager) which was now about half an inch long at the front. My eye lashes were about half their length and had bobbles of burnt hair on the end.I used to spend hours doing my hair in those days so I was absolutely devastated and refused to go to school on Monday. My mum phoned the school saying I was sick and booked me an appointment at the hairdressers on the Monday and I walked into town and effectively had the majority of my hair shaved off so it was a uniform length.
Could have been so much worse.
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