I think i am becoming a hoarder

[m3jappa]

I'm not quite at the level of some of these tv programmes and i understand to an extent a lot of people are like this.

I am struggling to get rid of stuff, stuff i don't use, might be a bit of metal, bits of wood, stickers, almost anything.

Today i feel physically sick. I am selling my dream car, a culmination of 20 odd years of car funds, i have an amg gt.

The reason i am selling is i simply don't use it, when i do use it i don't really enjoy it, roads too busy etc. We moved house and that money will go a long way.

I know the grown up sensible thing to do is sell and use that much needed money for my house but it doesn't stop me feeling sick at the thought of it going.

I did the same with a tvr, it sat unused in my garage for years on end, coming out to quite literally drive to the shop or for servicing.

I have got endless amounts of stuff that i just can't sell, just incase i need it, case in point i've got a box full of old hikvision cameras and nvr, i might need that?

Unlikely when ive got the latest 8k cameras and nvr fitted now.

I have got numerous broken power tools i keep for 'spares' , old clothing i don't even fit into, even old workboots have to sit outside for about 6mths before i finally chuck them

I think the fear comes from being a young adult. I was always skint, anything i had ended up being sold and by the time i could afford to buy again its all worth twice as much.

So, who else is like this? i believe its fairly common.

[Pebbles167]

I've noticed these feelings in myself, and caught myself hoarding to a relatively low degree with bits of materials, clothes etc.

What keeps me from developing a bad habit is seeing how my dad is, and also my mother in law too. Endless amounts of st they don't need. Their houses are neat enough on the surface, but behind it there are stacks of magazines from 40 years back, kids (now aged 35-52) mediocre school artwork, nick nacks from a Christmas long gone, computer spares incompatible with modern systems, photo albums from a previous marriage that no one will ever see again, bulky car parts for something they sold in 2002, 50 empty glass coffee jars, 20 pairs of dusty shoes, moth eaten cardigans... it's all rubbish. When they die, it'll all go straight in the skip, and in the mean time all it does is get in their way.

The thought of being like that myself snaps me out of it. I have a ruthless clear out every summer and feel much better. Last year I needed an exhaust clamp that I knew I had kept for such a scenario in 2019, but then remembered I'd thrown it out in a clear out. I just went and bought another one.

It starts small, but spirals. Look at some videos and web pages for advice. Learn to let go and get rid. You'll feel happier for it.

Edited by Pebbles167 on Sunday 22 September 10:03

[996Type]

It’s an interesting question, it’s certain in my case coming from a very poor background & I inherited my parents habits of throwing nothing away.

Have a scan of the following thread (there a few others).

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

One thing that helped me was listening to the minimalists, a podcast I heard when I was trying to help a friend that was really in at the deep end.

I got a little bit of ribbing back after posting but the point is you don’t have to live in a white room on a mat for this to be useful, if you apply some of the methods you can still have a major declutter and get a lot of material things that live rent free out of your head!

One of the many areas I applied it to was my wardrobe. I didn’t have masses and masses of clothes but I’ve stripped right back and have much fewer things and wear them more. It cuts down on having to decide what to wear etc. and there’s no such thing as “best”, just wear less stuff all the time and buy better quality where you can.

I fully sympathise with the point about cars, after a house move to a coastal region, we drive much less (the cars were used as weekenders to get us here) so they switched from being a pleasant hobby to a spread sheet exercise / bind to ensure they were taxed and tested!

I’m still into cars and have a car I’m restoring but different phases of life sometimes mean your hobbies evolve or change. When the kids came along, there was an issue with time to find to use them and the fact I needed four seaters if I was going to use them at all.

I think Covid also seems to have blunted a number of people around the “stuff” they collect (or collected), watches in some cases where buying a new model doesn’t have the buzz it once did. Not so bothered around watches myself but know a few people now selling up as they just seemed to have moved on from having a collection and maybe priorities just change….

[oddman]

I think if you know there's a problem then you should be able to avoid getting on a TV programme

The bad cases I've seen are extraordinary. I recall a man who never threw away a newspaper and they were piled in every room. He only asked for help when his house was essentially a series of corridors lined by neatly stacked newspapers floor to ceiling. You had to turn sideways to move along them. It was getting to the point where he couldn't look after himself. I've seen others where every room is full of drifts of bin bags filled with stuff. Belive it or not the worst cases are often people who have had OCD and their thinking patterns lead to collecting stuff and finally they decompensate into chaos

I think the people who are neat and minimalist are the odd ones. It takes a massive amount of effort and discipline to maintain a minimal lifestyle. I think most of us are brought up to be thrifty and chucking stuff away goes counter to the 'make do and mend' philosophy. In our lifetimes we've been relatively wealthy and there have been generations of evolving tech which has left us with collections obsolete items.

I think there are other items that have sentimental meaning beyond their value (My wife has 'O' level exercise books form the early '80s, I tend to chuck notes I'd made for exams as soon as I passed)

We're due to downsize in the next year or so and I have mountain of stuff to shift but will be applying pretty ruthless criteria for keeping things. I'll be letting most of my books go and all of the obsolete tech. I'm rehearsing some strategies as a way of delaying actually doing it.

I think if you haven't used or worn something for a year then the default position should be get rid. Another concept I found useful is the rule of 20. If it costs less than £20 and less than 20 minutes of your time to get a replacement should you need it then bin it.

Edited by oddman on Sunday 22 September 09:46

[Spare tyre]

I have similar characteristics

You need an interest that takes time but doesn’t need accessories or the like

I recommend a jack Russell

Mine would happily fill time with walks etc

[Doofus]

I'm not a hoarder, but I have loads of crap I don't need purely because I can't find a way of disposing of it sustainably.

I threw away a tupperware tub the other day because the lid was split. My wife retrieved it from the bin because "It might be useful". I pointed out it had been in the garage for at least a year, and she hadn't missed it, and I got shouted at.

[mike80]

Not a hoarder, probably could get rid of a bit of stuff, but house is tidy enough.

But I've got enough "stuff". So when birthdays and Christmas come around I dread getting stuff I don't really want or need, as I don't really have anywhere to put it without the house looking untidy. If I can eat it or drink it, not a problem!

[Spare tyre]

mike80 said:

Not a hoarder, probably could get rid of a bit of stuff, but house is tidy enough.

But I've got enough "stuff". So when birthdays and Christmas come around I dread getting stuff I don't really want or need, as I don't really have anywhere to put it without the house looking untidy. If I can eat it or drink it, not a problem!

Please forgive me if this sounds ungrateful but every year for Xmas I get an absolute load of crap from China, like very cheap multi tools, motorist tool sets which are useless, signs for my office wall about hardly working or working hard etc etc

I have asked the big bars of chocolate, or something very specific from screwfix like some screws

The message has got through to most, my folks have finally got it and put some money in a pot which I then spend on something like tyres but in turn treat my folks to a meal out or something

[grumbledoak]

I think Labyrinth (1986) made an impression on teenage me for reasons other than the obvious one.


"IT'S ALL JUNK"


If you can't bear to watch that again, Google "Marie Kondo".

[Puggit]

You need to have frequent clear outs, every 6 or 12 months. Load the car, go the charity shops and the tip...

Mrs Puggit is the opposite of a hoarder, she's left me very little space to collect stuff. We don't have a loft (converted by previous owners to bedrooms) and that really helps!

[witko999]

Pebbles167 said:

I've noticed these feelings in myself, and caught myself hoarding to a relatively low degree with bits of materials, clothes etc.

What keeps me from developing a bad habit is seeing how my dad is, and also my mother in law too. Endless amounts of st they don't need. Their houses are neat enough on the surface, but behind it there are stacks of magazines from 40 years back, kids (now aged 35-52) mediocre school artwork, nick nacks from a Christmas long gone, computer spares incompatible with modern systems, photo albums from a previous marriage that no one will ever see again, bulky car parts for something they sold in 2002, 50 empty glass coffee jars, 20 pairs of dusty shoes, moth eaten cardigans... it's all rubbish. When they die, it'll all go straight in the skip, and in the mean time all it does is get in their way.

The thought of being like that myself snaps me out of it. I have a ruthless clear out every summer and feel much better. Last year I needed an exhaust clamp that I knew I had kept for such a scenario in 2019, but then remembered I'd thrown it out in a clear out. I just went and bought another one.

It starts small, but spirals. Look at some videos and web pages for advice. Learn to let go and get rid. You'll feel happier for it.

Edited by Pebbles167 on Sunday 22 September 10:03

Unfortunately I can relate to this.

My Dad hoards car parts. He owns 3 classic cars in various states of disrepair. The single garage at my parents house has 1 half finished car inside, and then an absolute mountain of tools, parts, materials and general mess. It's so disorganised that's there's only a narrow corridor of space to enter the garage between the car and the mountain of crap. He has practically every tool you could ever need, but your chance of finding it in the disorganised dump is practically zero.
Another car needs a full restoration and is in a rented garage with another load of useless rubbish. There are further rented storage spaces with literally about 15 spare engines, probably 50 old wheels with knackered tyres as well as various other junk.

The loft of the house is jammed full of rare panels that will never be used or sold. One of the bedrooms is stacked floor to ceiling with more spare parts, but you can't even enter the room as there's no remaining floor space. I once had to go in there to look for something, and I counted 35 spare air filters for one of the cars. He hasn't even driven the one roadworthy car for at least 5 years.

This kind of hoarding is exceptionally frustrating for anyone you live with, so I'd try and be brutal and logical when it comes to clearing stuff out. It really is liberating having less crap to deal with.

Edited to add, often when my Dad finally needs a part that he knows he has, he ends up buying another anyway, because he has no idea where to start to look in the mountain of spares. Rendering the whole thing entirely pointless.

Edited by witko999 on Sunday 22 September 11:07

[Wheel Turned Out]

Having to do two bereavement clear outs, in regrettably short time from one another, in the last few years has made me hyper aware of how much stuff accrues without it even really being noticed. And in the end, how little of it is really very much use. Most seems to fall in the "forgot we even had it!" pile.

Sometimes the prospect of getting rid of things can be the hardest. But once the hard work is over, you find yourself so much more relaxed in the new space. There's comfort to be had from having your belongings around you, but it's a fine line before your "stuff" just becomes an albatross around your neck.

[jfdi]

Doofus said:

I'm not a hoarder, but I have loads of crap I don't need purely because I can't find a way of disposing of it sustainably.

I threw away a tupperware tub the other day because the lid was split. My wife retrieved it from the bin because "It might be useful". I pointed out it had been in the garage for at least a year, and she hadn't missed it, and I got shouted at.

I solved that one, I got a storage box in my shed just for the old tupperware tubs that might come in useful

[Sheepshanks]

The trouble is that if you throw something away, within a few days you need it!

A few posters have said their wives hoard - mine is a nightmare for throwing stuff out, if it’s not nailed down it goes in the bin! She threw a load of pens and pencils out recently as they were cluttering up a drawer and there as an Apple Pencil amongst them.

[Chauffard]

I'm the opposite, and my sister has it too, an aversion to clutter, redundant vacuum cleaners, Hi-Fi centres, TVs, kitchen gadgets, all salvageable, all working in many cases, down to the dump, take up too much room. CLUTTER.

I am currently ridding myself of my DVD [ not Blu-Ray ] collection and downloading my favourite films on external hard drives. They take up too much room, and have to go, CLUTTER.

[m3jappa]

Sheepshanks said:

The trouble is that if you throw something away, within a few days you need it!

Exactly this.

One of the reasons i dont like throwing stuff out is when you do need the part you've now just binned it and got to go and pay top money for a new one, its soul destroying

[B'stard Child]

Sheepshanks said:

The trouble is that if you throw something away, within a few days you need it!

^ this is true the number of times I’ve binned something only to need it is untrue - however - keeping stuff that is useful is only any good if you can bloody find it when you need it….. otherwise you end up buying it.

I keep too much stuff and can never find what I know I have when I need it…..

The answer is keep less stuff or me mega organised

Having said that if it’s broken I’ll try to fix it - if I can’t fix it - it goes in the bin.

Yesterday my cordless drill driver cried enough - clutch pack is badgered it won’t even drill holes let alone drive screws in. (I will take it apart and see if I can fix it but I don’t have time to muck about like that as I’m part way thro a shedstension and need a drill driver)

It’s done 10 years of all the abuse I’ve thrown at it and at the end of the day it was a cheapie when my last cheapie batteries failed



So I’ve bought a new one



Now I can carry on…….

Shedstention is cos I keep too much crap behind the shed…… but getting it all out and building a covered area has made me clear out a load of the crap I really don’t need (I had two bins of wood for the patio heater - I only thought I had one!!!!)

That’s made a space for another stack of wheels and tyres - which frees up a space in the garage!!!!

Garage is a bomb site - way too much crap and no room to move - that’s the job for the winter - I’m going to be more ruthless (FLW)

[BunkMoreland]

My Dads bad for it. But my Mum is worse. The latter having stuff from HER mums place when she died in 2014!

Its probably why I try very hard to get rid of things I don't need. Fear of becoming ones parents


I've had to (tactfully) point out that they are both getting on a bit (late 70s) and its just getting in the way. And its time to get rid. They do bits every now and then. I've told them I'll take it to the dump whenever they need. But they resist. My mum still thinks a lot of stuff is worth something and charity shops will want it.

They've found a few things of mine left there for years. An old cycling jersey and some magazines from the 90s. Both sold pretty quickly on specific Facebook market place groups for those items. Neither were public and you had to apply to join which I think had something to do with the general lack of stupidness marketplace can attract.

I think my parents would be ok selling some of it on eBay and the like. But they lack motivation to do that for some reason

[J4CKO]

I am trying not to, my areas, the sheds, my half a garage, my garden cabin and my office are all pretty tidy. My wife has suddenly got better at not hoarding as well, buying lots less and selling stuff on vinted.

I think part of it is clearing the mother in laws house, she is downsizing from a farm with multiple outbuildings and thus far we have filled 11 full size skips, a 20 ft containers worth of metal, have had numerous bonfires, sold a speedboat, a kiln, 2 classic cars, a red phonebox and god knows what else. Massive loads of stuff gone to charity.

All stored badly so most was alternately infested, damp, dusty, musty, possesed, out of date and whatever.

50 plus years of never throwing anything out, even old doors, radiators, tins of paint and whatever. the place was full, the outbuildings are largely done, still a massive pile of junk to take.

I want to do our lost, thats full of st, I think I could get rid of 90 percent of it.

[98elise]

oddman said:

I think if you haven't used or worn something for a year then the default position should be get rid. Another concept I found useful is the rule of 20. If it costs less than £20 and less than 20 minutes of your time to get a replacement should you need it then bin it.

I would agree on this.

I'm pretty organised so while I do clear a lot of crap out, I have way too much stuff for "just in case".