No fuss funerals
Discussion
I'm now getting close to the three score and ten and realising that certain things need to be put in place and wishes for my funeral needs to be written down.
I don't have any kids, but I am close to my adult nephews and niece. I am thinking of a direct cremation. I'll be dead, so a big funeral will not be for my benefit. I probably won't sign up to a plan at this stage.
However, has anyone experienced this for a family member? Has it impacted the grieving process?
I don't have any kids, but I am close to my adult nephews and niece. I am thinking of a direct cremation. I'll be dead, so a big funeral will not be for my benefit. I probably won't sign up to a plan at this stage.
However, has anyone experienced this for a family member? Has it impacted the grieving process?
Yes, a close relative of mine decided to go down the direct cremation route, I have planned for the same - I am a massive advocate of DC though.
People should always choose to grieve in a manner that suits them, I am not going to mandate a process that is meaningless to me and "just because".
I didnt find the DC impacted grieving the loss I suffered, it actually forced me to confront it in my own way, which arguably is better for ones own mental health and wellbeing.
People should always choose to grieve in a manner that suits them, I am not going to mandate a process that is meaningless to me and "just because".
I didnt find the DC impacted grieving the loss I suffered, it actually forced me to confront it in my own way, which arguably is better for ones own mental health and wellbeing.
A friend’s mother had one of these plans, they had quite a frosty relationship anyway, but the daughter did find it a bit strange as they were just gone and there was no meeting up with friends of the deceased who may have provided amusing stories or an alternative view of their mother.
Slow.Patrol said:
I don't have any kids, but I am close to my adult nephews and niece. I am thinking of a direct cremation. I'll be dead, so a big funeral will not be for my benefit. I probably won't sign up to a plan at this stage.
Funerals are about the living, so ask what they think...Bill said:
Slow.Patrol said:
I don't have any kids, but I am close to my adult nephews and niece. I am thinking of a direct cremation. I'll be dead, so a big funeral will not be for my benefit. I probably won't sign up to a plan at this stage.
Funerals are about the living, so ask what they think...When my dad dropped dead at 49, I was 20, I basically arranged how I wanted him sending off, I knew he wanted cremation and that was it.
30+ years later, I'm glad I did what I did, I'm the only person in my side left and it was a lovely send off.
(as it turned out being a serving police officer, hundreds came and I'm glad I used people who knew what they were doing!!)
(When mum died in 2020, I also glad I used professionals as very few came to hers, however it was very graceful and if it'd been a cheapo one, it would have been horrible!!!)
Ask your family!
If you want a direct cremation. Talk to your local independent Funeral director, they will offer the service for less than the ones who advertise on the TV. They will have methods in place so you can pay up front or take out a plan etc. They will provide a far better more personal service.
I know this as the wife works at a funeral directors. They have a lot of issues with these "TV" advertised plans which don't cover the all the costs that the family would like,, this is not what they advertise.
I know this as the wife works at a funeral directors. They have a lot of issues with these "TV" advertised plans which don't cover the all the costs that the family would like,, this is not what they advertise.
Slow.Patrol said:
However, has anyone experienced this for a family member? Has it impacted the grieving process?
In our locality Burial is the norm as no crematoriums nearby & it can be a hassle arranging logistics for one.There is the expectation or belief they see the body laid to rest in a grade or if travelling to crem, once behind the curtain it was into the furnace (in practice I understand it may just be added to the queue).
A distant family member opted for a sort of hybrid, his family had a church service with him in coffin (this is inexpensive with us Church of Scotland ministers conduct funerals for free to anyone in parish - church member or not - you just hire the church & organist for a few hundred) & then everyone went to the local bowling club for drinks & sandwiches while the deceased was put back in hearse & taken away to be cremated. This really disturbed an uncle of mine who thought it was awful there was nobody, family or otherwise going with him to see him off & also that there was no knowledge of a set time (or possibly even day) that the cremation would actually happen.
I did think about it afterwards & truthfully I think I’d like to know the “chain of custody” of my loved ones remains, the recent arrests at funeral homes brought it back into mind again also.
dundarach said:
Bill said:
Slow.Patrol said:
I don't have any kids, but I am close to my adult nephews and niece. I am thinking of a direct cremation. I'll be dead, so a big funeral will not be for my benefit. I probably won't sign up to a plan at this stage.
Funerals are about the living, so ask what they think...My mum wanted some things simple : Cheapest possible coffin etc. and "chuck my ashes in a skip".
But, she also wanted a theme - Rocky Horror. We got everything she wanted - not least, a man dressed in a basque, stockings and suspenders singing sweet transvestite......
It was brilliant - many of her friends came in fancy dress and many of us have photos of the day. It gives me very good memories of the funeral - it really was a celebration and felt like a much more positive day than you'd generally expect.
One of three brothers. This is a conversation that we had a long time ago between the three of us. I've long been of the intent to go for DC for me. Reasons are as several have articulated above, it's not for me, I'm not there, but have expressed a wish, it's up to those left behind as to what they want and how. I don't wish to place my preference above theirs.
The other two agreed, one never having heard of DC before, those are/were their preference too.
When one died it was clear that the immediate family as in kids wanted a "proper funeral". Anyone who preferred to remember in another way , implication the wrong way, was either shamed into attending or communications just cut off until they fell into line.
Families eh?
The other two agreed, one never having heard of DC before, those are/were their preference too.
When one died it was clear that the immediate family as in kids wanted a "proper funeral". Anyone who preferred to remember in another way , implication the wrong way, was either shamed into attending or communications just cut off until they fell into line.
Families eh?
You could do most of it yourself.
https://www.swmcrematorium.gov.uk/fees/
If you know someone with a van, drop the coffin off at the crem, there shouldn't be many extras.
https://www.swmcrematorium.gov.uk/fees/
If you know someone with a van, drop the coffin off at the crem, there shouldn't be many extras.
When my mum died my dad organised the funeral and burial. At the church my dad went on for a bit and the undertakers must have been late for another appointment because they raced with the coffin to the graveyard so fast I couldn't keep up and my mum was in the ground before most of the mourners arrived. I didn't use those undertakers for my dad.
t tbh. Take the £5 option if possible, chuck my ashes in the bin. I'm dead BUT those who I leave might prefer something else a little more substantial.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff