How to tell when someone is lying

[Jack.77]

So slightly strange encounter today with a friend I thought I could trust and maybe can't anymore .basically was nearly 100% sure my bank card was left in my car in a place out of sight and went to friends house chatted about something with car and he took a look inside car ,next thing few hours later talking about going to the shop I realise no bank card to be seen anywhere and checked everywhere I'd been and checked everywhere possible in the car
My initial reaction was maybe he just took it for some reason trying to be funny or scam me because he's broke (can't happen anyway with it now being frozen) .it doesn't seem possible it could just disappear like that . definitely had it and bought some stuff shortly before going there
I wonder if it will just miraculously turn up now there is no way to buy anything with it ?

[Missy Charm]

Facetious answer: if they are neither standing nor sitting.

Actual answer: you can't.

Advice: don't assume that something which may, in fact, be lost has been stolen. Doing things of that nature is a good way to lose friends and alienate people.

[Super Sonic]

Can't you just read their mind?

Jack77 said:

People talked before on this post about cold reading with some of the psychic type discussion but how come though I must have mastered this technique spot on because I was experimenting with this one woman and gave her the exact answer and two numbers first time .I couldn't have simply made it up because I had only just met her

Edited by Super Sonic on Saturday 27th July 23:30

[ridds]

Also don't assume that a "friend" won't have you over at the soonest opportunity, when they are desperate.

People do strange things when truly in need.

[Jack.77]

Missy Charm said:

Facetious answer: if they are neither standing nor sitting.

Actual answer: you can't.

Advice: don't assume that something which may, in fact, be lost has been stolen. Doing things of that nature is a good way to lose friends and alienate people.

Yeah true but I didn't say or imply anything like that
Just didn't seem right and got strong feeling I was being played ,tested the water and said I'd cancel it right now on my phone and it seemed a little like he was considering then putting it back but didn't

I'm 75% sure he took it but just interested to know if he definitely did and why (if i already made it clear it's already been blocked incase of scqmmers and will end up getting new details so just a useless piece of plastic )

Edited by Jack.77 on Saturday 27th July 23:16

[Stick Legs]

I had a couple of instances where people I trusted had lied to me.

The biggest give away is a lack of fluidity in their response.

In any case once the trust if gone that’s it.

I really don’t understand what you’d hope to gain with someone else’s bank card.

A handful of <£100 transactions before it gets blocked?

Any big online purchases will be posted to them.

If they tried to use it for anything else they’d be stuck & the risk of being caught is high as this country is CCTV’d up the wazoo!

Strange thing to risk a friendship over.

[Exasperated]

Has your friend recently been giving long, drawn-out, meandering speeches at political rallies in the USA?

[cheesejunkie]

Exasperated said:

Has your friend recently been giving long, drawn-out, meandering speeches at political rallies in the USA?

Nicking a card to give political donations to someone you don't agree with. That would be a level of underhandedness that I'd laugh at the brazen shamelessness of it.

I've known some true liars. People who preferentially lie when telling the truth would be easier but they prefer to lie. They tend to be quite good at it. You won't spot them unless you're prepared.

There are ways, get them to repeat the story, but a good liar won't fall for that.

Meanwhile in the real world, if you think they took it confront them but be bloody sure why you're asking as you might lose a friend for no reason.

[Exasperated]

cheesejunkie said:

Nicking a card to give political donations to someone you don't agree with. That would be a level of underhandedness that I'd laugh at the brazen shamelessness of it.

I've known some true liars. People who preferentially lie when telling the truth would be easier but they prefer to lie. They tend to be quite good at it. You won't spot them unless you're prepared.

There are ways, get them to repeat the story, but a good liar won't fall for that.

Meanwhile in the real world, if you think they took it confront them but be bloody sure why you're asking as you might lose a friend for no reason.

I know a proper pathological liar. Even when it's easier and simpler for him to tell the truth, you'll get a lie. He once told me he had the day off work and flew to France to buy some wine in his friend's private plane. He was active on Steam all day and playing Killing Floor 2.

[Kerniki]

Everyone bar none has an angle, understanding this before getting to know people is the only way forward to having ‘friends’ imo, they’d never put their life on the line for you in the way i deem a true friend to be, from what ive seen and experienced, friends seem to be quite needy and use each other as they cant be without a network of people they know.

My wife is my friend, always has been and always will be, at least until one of us departs..

We have acquaintances we know of that we occasionally mix with at various events etc but we love watching them and reading them & their interactions with others more than anything.

Point being, he’s most likely not a friend and just someone you know some things about, not someone to be truly trusted & could well have taken your card, certainly no harm in being cautious / suspicious about him, you could even play with the idea, accidentally drop a fifty in his house somewhere

[slopes]

I find that most people distort the truth but unlike myself - i'm very much a black or white person - a lot of people blend the amount of grey between the black and the white and it's the degree of distortion to get the blend they want, that gives it away.
For example, i wouldn't trust anyone i work with as they all have their own agenda, they say they are your mates but when the time comes for them to actually do what they say they will, miraculously they are always busy.
But then they forget and tell you that they did nothing at the weekend.

Actual friends that i could rely on if i had to, i have two - both female - and i am married to one of them, some members of my family arent even that reliable

[cheesejunkie]

Exasperated said:

I know a proper pathological liar. Even when it's easier and simpler for him to tell the truth, you'll get a lie. He once told me he had the day off work and flew to France to buy some wine in his friend's private plane. He was active on Steam all day and playing Killing Floor 2.

I know one, he was a best friend. I know another who wasn't as good.

I don't understand these people. I'm almost pathologically honest. I'm even honest about stuff I've knicked. But twice in my life I've had proper liars latch onto me as friends. I'm sitting there, they're telling a story that I know is pure bullst as I was there, and they expect me to believe it as they've convinced themselves that they do. When I point out that I was there and they're lying it doesn't matter to them. I'm no suffering violet, I find it amusing as long as I'm not the mark, but really what goes on in some people's heads is amazing/amusing.

[GliderRider]

cheesejunkie said:

I know one, he was a best friend. I know another who wasn't as good.

I don't understand these people. I'm almost pathologically honest. I'm even honest about stuff I've knicked. But twice in my life I've had proper liars latch onto me as friends. I'm sitting there, they're telling a story that I know is pure bullst as I was there, and they expect me to believe it as they've convinced themselves that they do. When I point out that I was there and they're lying it doesn't matter to them. I'm no suffering violet, I find it amusing as long as I'm not the mark, but really what goes on in some people's heads is amazing/amusing.

As I recall, Jeffery Archer, the jailed MP and author, was considered to be so tied up in his imaginary world that some said he wasn't lying as he really believed his own verson of events despite it only existing in his head.

Based upon my own experience, I would say the likelihood with the OP's bank card is that as he would normally put it in the safe place in the car, it was reasonable to assume that is where it was, but for some reason it was put down somewhere else beforehand and never made it back there. If the card is cancelled, give the friend the benefit of the doubt for now but try to avoid situations of temptation. One of two things is going to happen, either the card will turn up and the OP will suddenly remember how it got there, or the friend will do something else that confirms their untrustworthy behaviour.

[Jack.77]

I've got in reply in my head enough times and convinced myself the chances are he likely must have taken it but what I can't work out is what's the logic though if I had it made It would be frozen there and then and I'd get new caed details=the card just being a completely useless piece of plastic and no point to withhold it

[cuprabob]

Depending on where you put it in the car, it could have slid down behind the dash or in-between something or you didn't put in the car in the first place and have misplaced it.

[MDMA .]

cuprabob said:

Depending on where you put it in the car, it could have slid down behind the dash or in-between something or you didn't put in the car in the first place and have misplaced it.

I lost a card once. Looked everywhere in the car for it. Nothing visible while looking a number of times. Only when I slid the seat all the way forward did I see it, on its end, in between the runner and the carpet.

Worth another good look OP or get someone else to look. Sometimes you can’t see for looking.

[MattsCar]

This sounds like the concept of The Streets album A Grand Don't Come For Free.

Man loses money, goes on a bender, blames everyone, loses friends.

Have you checked down the back of your TV?

(very few will understand what I am on about).

[Jack.77]

MDMA . said:

I lost a card once. Looked everywhere in the car for it. Nothing visible while looking a number of times. Only when I slid the seat all the way forward did I see it, on its end, in between the runner and the carpet.

Worth another good look OP or get someone else to look. Sometimes you can’t see for looking.

I checked everywhere about 25 times and behind seats etc and every square inch of the car! , struggle to think where it could have gone .said person I questioned on this thread would have definitely seen it in the car . I was tempted to somehow check his pockets without making it obvious what I was doing.i know we joke about pschics on here but I was convinced all along it was in his pocket

[Pitre]

Just ring your bank and get a replacement card and assume it's lost. Keep your friend and new bank card.

[Monkeylegend]

Pitre said:

Just ring your bank and get a replacement card and assume it's lost. Keep your friend and new bank card.

Did you read the opening post ?