Traditional dating - the ££ cost discussion

[Capitan Obvio]

PH, I'm looking for a cross section opinion poll here.

Was at a wedding reception this weekend and there was a fascinating debate about the costs associated with dating.

I accept this is a male dominated forum, but we have our female members also so all welcome.
For context, I'm defining 'traditional dating' as a man and a woman. Probably not the right wording, but I'm getting older and whilst I fully embrace people's right to live their best LBGQT life, I'm not terribly familiar with it first hand, so I accept it's outside my knowledge scope.
And if you're in a relationship / married with 'it's our money', then you need to cast your mind back to your dating days for this one pls. Or share the advice you'd give to a young son or family / friend that was seeking your counsel.

Bottom line is dating costs money. You're going to concerts, dinners, activities, travel on trains, petrol etc - bottom line is, doing stuff costs money vs just staying at home.
But expectations these days how the costs should be / would be spilt was a real eyeopener and very different.

A few of the younger men (early 20's) took the view that women earned the same, it should always be 50/50 as they are not a walking ATM machine.
Whilst others took the view chivalry is still a thing, and that men should pay.
Interestingly the women had a similar split opinion. Some were horrified at the thought of a man 'treating' them as they'd feel indebted, whilst others were open with the fact that a man expecting 50/50 splitting of costs would be a major turn off for them and they'd not date again.

My view, for what its worth, is that men should pay more.
- some old fashioned view of chivalry
- women invest more time and money in the date you might not understand

Edited by Capitan Obvio on Monday 8th July 10:45

[ozzuk]

Why do you need a set rule? Do what feels right for you and the person you are dating, if it isn't something you can agree on then there is your first red flag.

[Ganglandboss]

The man should pay, but the woman should buy something of equivalent value; a pint of bitter, a big maker pen, whatever...

[TheJimi]

ozzuk said:

Why do you need a set rule? Do what feels right for you and the person you are dating, if it isn't something you can agree on then there is your first red flag.

I was going to say something similar.

There isn't - or at least shouldn't be - any hard and fast rules on this.

Do what works or feels right in the moment.

[Spare tyre]

Go with the flow, I always paid early on but suitable FEMALES attempted to, which is good enough for me

[Zetec-S]

ozzuk said:

Why do you need a set rule? Do what feels right for you and the person you are dating, if it isn't something you can agree on then there is your first red flag.

Pretty much this.

Although I guess as a bloke I wouldn't feel comfortable on a first date if the woman paid for everything, so I think for me it would be something between 50-100% depending on how things go and what feels right. Any subsequent dates would be more flexible.

[CanAm]

Being an older gentleman I’m more of a traditionalist. But the three ladies in my life (not dates) are very insistent on paying at least their fare share.

[48k]

I believe some people in the dating game actually keep a spreadsheet to track their yields and conversion ratios.

[GliderRider]

48k said:

I believe some people in the dating game actually keep a spreadsheet to track their yields and conversion ratios.

Perhaps the OP's question should be, "How does one tactfully enquire whether the date would prefer to 'go Dutch' or expects the man to pay?"

Edited by GliderRider on Monday 8th July 11:09

[Jimjimhim]

I wouldn't date someone who expected me to pay all or more than them if our circumstances were similar or they were in a better financial position than me, that's a real red flag.

[Countdown]

I've always paid, and would expect to pay

The only time my wife pays is if she's taking me out for a birthday meal.

[Jimjimhim]

Countdown said:

I've always paid, and would expect to pay

The only time my wife pays is if she's taking me out for a birthday meal.

You should read the OP

[throt]

Been with gf 2 1/2 yr and I pay for everything but, she does offer.

Reason I pay , cause I earn far more than her, she is worth it and I am debt free.

As said above, depends on a couples situation.

I certainly wouldn't swap her for a lady that earns the equivalent to me so, enough said , imo

[Jimjimhim]

throt said:

Been with gf 2 1/2 yr and I pay for everything but, she does offer.

Reason I pay , cause I earn far more than her, she is worth it and I am debt free.

As said above, depends on a couples situation.

I certainly wouldn't swap her for a lady that earns the equivalent to me so, enough said , imo

Are you saying you wouldn't date someone who earns the same as you?

[Aunty Pasty]

I'm out the game but I may offer to pay on a first date but I would be hoping that things would even out over the long term. If there was even a hint that I would be expected to pay with the expectation of doing so long term, I'd suggest going dutch. I wouldn't want to have a long term relationship with someone who turns out to be a freeloading user.

Edited by Aunty Pasty on Monday 8th July 11:32

[vikingaero]

... depends on how much she put out on the last date...

[joke]

[Countdown]

Jimjimhim said:

Countdown said:

I've always paid, and would expect to pay

The only time my wife pays is if she's taking me out for a birthday meal.

You should read the OP

I did.

[Jimjimhim]

Countdown said:

Jimjimhim said:

Countdown said:

I've always paid, and would expect to pay

The only time my wife pays is if she's taking me out for a birthday meal.

You should read the OP

I did.

And if you're in a relationship / married with 'it's our money', then you need to cast your mind back to your dating days for this one pls. Or share the advice you'd give to a young son or family / friend that was seeking your counsel.

[ThingsBehindTheSun]

As Destiny's child sang "Always 50/50 in relationships"

I have been with my partner 10 years, we go 50/50 on everything. When we purchased our house the deposit was also 50/50.

I have been on dates in the past with women who have point blank said "I never pay for anything", I wouldn't see them again.

I have been on dates with alpha type business woemn who have secretly paid the bill before we left. However this is usually a sign you won't be seeing them again!

And finally I have dated women who insist on paying on alternate dates, this is really awkward when you know they don't earn much.

Personally as someone who is older, I would never date someone who didn't have similar money and assets to me as otherwise it just gets very awkward.

Finally a first date for me is a drink at a bar or similar, no way would I be booking a dinner as that gets very expensive very quickly.

[Dagnir]

'Should' and in practice are different things.


Ideally it should be 50/50.


In reality though, women like to be looked after and men like to do the looking after....so I happily pay for most things.