Child Maintenance to Maintenance Grant (or Gap Year)
Discussion
Hopefully someone has been in a similar position and can advise your experiences or thoughts. I have been paying child maintenance (circa £600/month, annually calculated via Gov.uk) to my ex wife since our divorce. My son turns 18 in a couple of weeks at which point my legal obligation to pay my wife child maintenance ends and I would then pay my son a share of his maintenance grant (circa £400/month as if he lived with me) should he go to University, but living at home.
However the bump in the road (this is PH after all) is that he intends to take a gap year and defer his university place. My dilemma is that should I paying him for his existence costs when he’s increased his part time hours at Sainsburys, won’t be paying his mother rent and board as she’s been feeding and housing him out of her salary (using the child maintenance for trips, clothes, car costs, etc. or so she’s told me). I suspect if I paid him the equivalent of the Uni maintenance grant that it’d just accumulate in his bank account as his mum doesn’t ‘need’ it and I’d effectively end up paying 4 years of parental contributions instead of 3 years for the duration of his course.
If we were still together we wouldn’t blink an eye at supporting our son without him paying us rent and board, but now the legal obligation has gone to pay her the child maintenance, I baulk at paying my wife an uncosted monthly payment to support him. I can’t get out of his mother what it costs her to feed, cloth and house him as she doesn’t know and probably doesn’t want to confess how little it is compared to the child maintenance I’ve been paying, but I’d be happy to pay a share of her costs (via my son) if she could identify them.
Any thoughts, helpful or (predictably) otherwise from those who’ve been in a similar situation?
However the bump in the road (this is PH after all) is that he intends to take a gap year and defer his university place. My dilemma is that should I paying him for his existence costs when he’s increased his part time hours at Sainsburys, won’t be paying his mother rent and board as she’s been feeding and housing him out of her salary (using the child maintenance for trips, clothes, car costs, etc. or so she’s told me). I suspect if I paid him the equivalent of the Uni maintenance grant that it’d just accumulate in his bank account as his mum doesn’t ‘need’ it and I’d effectively end up paying 4 years of parental contributions instead of 3 years for the duration of his course.
If we were still together we wouldn’t blink an eye at supporting our son without him paying us rent and board, but now the legal obligation has gone to pay her the child maintenance, I baulk at paying my wife an uncosted monthly payment to support him. I can’t get out of his mother what it costs her to feed, cloth and house him as she doesn’t know and probably doesn’t want to confess how little it is compared to the child maintenance I’ve been paying, but I’d be happy to pay a share of her costs (via my son) if she could identify them.
Any thoughts, helpful or (predictably) otherwise from those who’ve been in a similar situation?
If he's working at Sainsbury's to get a bit of cash behind him for uni then tell him you'll match whatever he manages to save between now and him starting uni next year up to £4.8k
If he puts in the hours then he'll be onto a winner and either way he'll learn a valuable life lesson about the value of hard work.
If he puts in the hours then he'll be onto a winner and either way he'll learn a valuable life lesson about the value of hard work.
Tango13 said:
If he's working at Sainsbury's to get a bit of cash behind him for uni then tell him you'll match whatever he manages to save between now and him starting uni next year up to £4.8k
If he puts in the hours then he'll be onto a winner and either way he'll learn a valuable life lesson about the value of hard work.
I was thinking similar put the money aside and give him a lump to support uni, but Tango’s suggestion sounds better. If he puts in the hours then he'll be onto a winner and either way he'll learn a valuable life lesson about the value of hard work.
I had agreed to pay maintenance for my two children until they left school and I then supported them at a similar level to help with rent whilst at university.
After 1 year my son decided that he would rather live at home rather than uni and IIRC (it is 10 years ago) I then gave him the same amount each month and he made appropriate payments to his mother. He had a year out as part of his course when he was paid and I stopped payments at that point so only gave him funds for 3 years.
In your circumstances, if your son will be earning enough to support himself, then I would be inclined to make it clear that you will help out with funds once he starts uni but until then he will have to manage.
Clearly, if he were desperate, then like any parent, you would help him out but not giving him the money will hopefully make him appreciate it more.
After 1 year my son decided that he would rather live at home rather than uni and IIRC (it is 10 years ago) I then gave him the same amount each month and he made appropriate payments to his mother. He had a year out as part of his course when he was paid and I stopped payments at that point so only gave him funds for 3 years.
In your circumstances, if your son will be earning enough to support himself, then I would be inclined to make it clear that you will help out with funds once he starts uni but until then he will have to manage.
Clearly, if he were desperate, then like any parent, you would help him out but not giving him the money will hopefully make him appreciate it more.
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