Days out - what's too often ?
Discussion
Currently having a discussion with my better half about my planned events for the year.
I'm a MotorSport UK Clerk of course in training as such I am planning to attend Motorsport events to train and then complete my assessment.
I've got events booked once a month for
April - a Sunday
May - boys (well we're all in our 50's!) trip away to Spa Classic (Departing Friday back Monday PM)
and then
a Sunday in June,
a Sunday in July,
a Sunday in August and
a Sunday in September that's then the end of the season.
My other half thinks that this is taking the p1ss and I'm out all the time, "I'm never home, it's disruptive", admittedly it is leaving early morning and getting back early evening (7pm ish) on most occasions.
I work from home, I do oncall every 2nd weekend and feel I'm going slightly do-lally-tap as I seem not to get out... at all.
Is it just me being selfish ?
I'm a MotorSport UK Clerk of course in training as such I am planning to attend Motorsport events to train and then complete my assessment.
I've got events booked once a month for
April - a Sunday
May - boys (well we're all in our 50's!) trip away to Spa Classic (Departing Friday back Monday PM)
and then
a Sunday in June,
a Sunday in July,
a Sunday in August and
a Sunday in September that's then the end of the season.
My other half thinks that this is taking the p1ss and I'm out all the time, "I'm never home, it's disruptive", admittedly it is leaving early morning and getting back early evening (7pm ish) on most occasions.
I work from home, I do oncall every 2nd weekend and feel I'm going slightly do-lally-tap as I seem not to get out... at all.
Is it just me being selfish ?
blackscooby said:
Currently having a discussion with my better half about my planned events for the year.
I'm a MotorSport UK Clerk of course in training as such I am planning to attend Motorsport events to train and then complete my assessment.
I've got events booked once a month for
April - a Sunday
May - boys (well we're all in our 50's!) trip away to Spa Classic (Departing Friday back Monday PM)
and then
a Sunday in June,
a Sunday in July,
a Sunday in August and
a Sunday in September that's then the end of the season.
My other half thinks that this is taking the p1ss and I'm out all the time, "I'm never home, it's disruptive", admittedly it is leaving early morning and getting back early evening (7pm ish) on most occasions.
I work from home, I do oncall every 2nd weekend and feel I'm going slightly do-lally-tap as I seem not to get out... at all.
Is it just me being selfish ?
Sounds quite reasonable to me.I'm a MotorSport UK Clerk of course in training as such I am planning to attend Motorsport events to train and then complete my assessment.
I've got events booked once a month for
April - a Sunday
May - boys (well we're all in our 50's!) trip away to Spa Classic (Departing Friday back Monday PM)
and then
a Sunday in June,
a Sunday in July,
a Sunday in August and
a Sunday in September that's then the end of the season.
My other half thinks that this is taking the p1ss and I'm out all the time, "I'm never home, it's disruptive", admittedly it is leaving early morning and getting back early evening (7pm ish) on most occasions.
I work from home, I do oncall every 2nd weekend and feel I'm going slightly do-lally-tap as I seem not to get out... at all.
Is it just me being selfish ?
I think this depends on a few things:
- What responsibilities are at home that you're dropping when away? e.g. kids?
- Does your partner get (and take!) opportunities for similar time to herself?
- Do you acknowledge the impact to your partner if she's taking on more work while you're away?
I'm occasionally away. We have two small kids so the impact at home is significant. We make sure my wife also gets time away herself, and I'll often take on a bit more either side of being away, so I don't feel like I'm taking the piss.
If she's not happy about you being away (and it doesn't sound like it's very often) then it's probably symptomatic of a perceived imbalance in home responsibilities. Whether that's accurate or not is something for you both to talk about.
- What responsibilities are at home that you're dropping when away? e.g. kids?
- Does your partner get (and take!) opportunities for similar time to herself?
- Do you acknowledge the impact to your partner if she's taking on more work while you're away?
I'm occasionally away. We have two small kids so the impact at home is significant. We make sure my wife also gets time away herself, and I'll often take on a bit more either side of being away, so I don't feel like I'm taking the piss.
If she's not happy about you being away (and it doesn't sound like it's very often) then it's probably symptomatic of a perceived imbalance in home responsibilities. Whether that's accurate or not is something for you both to talk about.
An average of one outing per month is a long, long way away from taking the piss.
I guess on average, I'm doing at least 3 times that, and often far more.
Mainly down to pinball competitions and kayaking trips.
That's also not counting at least once a week playing in darts and table tennis leagues.
Currently looking forward to 4 days/3 nights in Rotterdam with 20+ friends on a "pinball social" trip this coming weekend.
I guess it depends on your exact circumstances, whether you have kids etc..
I'm now retired with no kids, and married for 30 years, so I guess going out and doing stuff also gives my wife a break!
I guess on average, I'm doing at least 3 times that, and often far more.
Mainly down to pinball competitions and kayaking trips.
That's also not counting at least once a week playing in darts and table tennis leagues.
Currently looking forward to 4 days/3 nights in Rotterdam with 20+ friends on a "pinball social" trip this coming weekend.
I guess it depends on your exact circumstances, whether you have kids etc..
I'm now retired with no kids, and married for 30 years, so I guess going out and doing stuff also gives my wife a break!
Jordie Barretts sock said:
Grow some plums mate.
You don't need her permission and you're not joined at the hip.
This.You don't need her permission and you're not joined at the hip.
Also, what does she do, get her to list everything she does with friends and family and I guarantee itll be considerably more than the little bit above (and if it doesnt thats an alarm bell as that means your her only social circle and thats a mega red-flag).
1 day/mth is f
k all frankly.If it was 1day/week plus a couple of weeks for lads holidays etc. then it may be worth a conversation, but nothing more really at that point.
Simbu said:
I think this depends on a few things:
- What responsibilities are at home that you're dropping when away? e.g. kids?
- Does your partner get (and take!) opportunities for similar time to herself?
- Do you acknowledge the impact to your partner if she's taking on more work while you're away?
I'm occasionally away. We have two small kids so the impact at home is significant. We make sure my wife also gets time away herself, and I'll often take on a bit more either side of being away, so I don't feel like I'm taking the piss.
If she's not happy about you being away (and it doesn't sound like it's very often) then it's probably symptomatic of a perceived imbalance in home responsibilities. Whether that's accurate or not is something for you both to talk about.
I think the issue is that she NEVER ever is away, we've got a 13yo and a dog. The 13yo is somewhat self contained nowadays either on his headset, computer, or or with his mates on a weekend. The dog IS a challenge, he's a bit needy and is afraid of absolutely everything. I do wonder if a lot of it comes from the dog, or looking after the dog. - What responsibilities are at home that you're dropping when away? e.g. kids?
- Does your partner get (and take!) opportunities for similar time to herself?
- Do you acknowledge the impact to your partner if she's taking on more work while you're away?
I'm occasionally away. We have two small kids so the impact at home is significant. We make sure my wife also gets time away herself, and I'll often take on a bit more either side of being away, so I don't feel like I'm taking the piss.
If she's not happy about you being away (and it doesn't sound like it's very often) then it's probably symptomatic of a perceived imbalance in home responsibilities. Whether that's accurate or not is something for you both to talk about.
x5tuu said:
Jordie Barretts sock said:
Grow some plums mate.
You don't need her permission and you're not joined at the hip.
This.You don't need her permission and you're not joined at the hip.
Also, what does she do, get her to list everything she does with friends and family and I guarantee itll be considerably more than the little bit above (and if it doesnt thats an alarm bell as that means your her only social circle and thats a mega red-flag).
1 day/mth is f
k all frankly.If it was 1day/week plus a couple of weeks for lads holidays etc. then it may be worth a conversation, but nothing more really at that point.
your her only social circle and thats a mega red-flag
We have no family within a 100 mile radius, her parents live in Germany, her mum moved to Germany a LONG time ago.
How often does your partner get out? My experience of these things is it's not so much the absolute frequency as the balance between partners. I know people who do "I'm out with friends this evening"/"That's alright, I'm off down the pub tomorrow" to each other multiple times per week and it's fine, and people who have maybe one night a year to themselves each, but as long as they're both on the same sort of schedule it's fine.
Where it breaks down is when one person wants to do something every week but the other is always staying at home. Weirdly, more so if the one who stays at home does so because they don't really have anything of their own they want to go off and do; I think it turns into a bit of a general resentment that the other person has hobbies and things to do with their life and they don't.
Where it breaks down is when one person wants to do something every week but the other is always staying at home. Weirdly, more so if the one who stays at home does so because they don't really have anything of their own they want to go off and do; I think it turns into a bit of a general resentment that the other person has hobbies and things to do with their life and they don't.
When my wife moans about anything like that I just remind her that many men spend a fortune in the pub and often end up chasing the pretty barmaids, me spending time on my motorbike should be far more acceptable. If she doesn't like it then she can do one IMO, life is too short to obey what she wants to that level. I am a good father and husband and do much more than most.
To answer the OP, I don't think that schedule is taking the piss.
I've been witness to the breakdown of a marriage that started in lockdown (like a lot of them, it seems) and the divorce has just concluded. The husband is fairly faddy with sports and over the decade of marriage, i'd witnessed cycling, rowing, golf, football, and all of them took up time on the weekends, some of it dragging the whole family to events. He was my coach in cross fit for a while and every 'what are you up to on the weekend' convo was 'cross fit comp'.
Now, i'm sure there were other issues i'll never know about, but a decade or so of essentially leaving mum with the kids in lieu of your own activities took its toll with his missus kicking him out.
You have to find that balance in marriage and sometimes things have to give!
I've been witness to the breakdown of a marriage that started in lockdown (like a lot of them, it seems) and the divorce has just concluded. The husband is fairly faddy with sports and over the decade of marriage, i'd witnessed cycling, rowing, golf, football, and all of them took up time on the weekends, some of it dragging the whole family to events. He was my coach in cross fit for a while and every 'what are you up to on the weekend' convo was 'cross fit comp'.
Now, i'm sure there were other issues i'll never know about, but a decade or so of essentially leaving mum with the kids in lieu of your own activities took its toll with his missus kicking him out.
You have to find that balance in marriage and sometimes things have to give!
Edited by devnull on Thursday 21st March 15:35
It's not unreanable at all, and the fact that she has no social life or interests isn't your fault.
Schoolboy error though. Should have started off saying it was two weekends a month and a week away, and let her negotiate you down. I'm all for standing up for yourself, but it's nice if you can make it look like she's won a little back.
Schoolboy error though. Should have started off saying it was two weekends a month and a week away, and let her negotiate you down. I'm all for standing up for yourself, but it's nice if you can make it look like she's won a little back.
My auntie's sister's husband is a massive Man U fan and he goes to every single game, (he lives in Kent) both home and away, all European games, pre season tours etc. He did not accompany his wife to her own mother's funeral because there was a Man U game on that day.
That's too much, yours is fine!
That's too much, yours is fine!
Thanks all to the responses. Glad to hear the PistonHeads massive views on I'm not taking the p1ss, or being unreasonable.
I think some of does come down to working every alternative weekend, or more accurately being oncall every 2nd weekend so I can't go anywhere as our response times are 15 minutes contractually with our customers. Then take out of those remaining / available weekends the events I've got planned in.
Au contraire, OH should be proud that I'm training to be a Clerk of Course, effectively taking on responsibility and giving back to MotorSport !
I need to Clerk and get out of the house and have a hobby, not to escape OH, but to literally get out of the house to prevent myself ending up a mental basket case.
I think some of does come down to working every alternative weekend, or more accurately being oncall every 2nd weekend so I can't go anywhere as our response times are 15 minutes contractually with our customers. Then take out of those remaining / available weekends the events I've got planned in.
Au contraire, OH should be proud that I'm training to be a Clerk of Course, effectively taking on responsibility and giving back to MotorSport !
I need to Clerk and get out of the house and have a hobby, not to escape OH, but to literally get out of the house to prevent myself ending up a mental basket case.
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