B****cks you’ve heard recently

[V 02]

We have the stupid things non-petrolheads say thread but I don’t see a thread for general bks that you hear on a daily basis, whether that’s at work, at the pub, family or just around. Walter Mitty drivel.

Let’s keep it light hearted! No politics.


Just recently:

Temp at work joined, within the same day he was going on about how he’s better than the job and was telling the MD about how he was looking through their Companies House accounts

next day turned up late by 3 hours and said he was tired from helping out at a famous ex footballer’s house, day after that turned up even later and said he had come straight back from an Army training camp in Wales. When asked why he had no bags he didn’t have an answer but swerved the question and said his phone had broken by dropping it in a ravine and that’s why he couldn’t call in.

Spent the rest of the week giving extremely inappropriate stories about his sex life and his fetishes in earshot of telephone customers.

Fired by the end of the week.

Edited by V 02 on Tuesday 15th August 19:24

[Geffg]

I work with a guy who’s an electrician and probably the worst one I’ve ever known. If it’s not a like for like change he’s stumped.
Reckons he’s been a bouncer, toured the world in the army, hgv driver, got a law degree etc. He’s talked a few people from jumping, changed a few peoples lives around after chatting to them, worked in Luke Perrys house in LA who happened to have a wolf that came running down the stairs to attack and he stared it out. Knows all the gangsters in Liverpool, even spoke to one who is on the run and a most wanted in Liverpool. Which will be by the police can’t find him as he’s here not in Spain.
Many stories he has about everything.
Facts we do know is that he was in the TA, used to deliver the materials in a pick up truck for the tradesmen and that he’s the laziest and most useless guy we know.

[Ryyy]

Ive worked with a compulsive liar on a few occasions, OTTOMH,he went round site telling everyone he had a mansion,had 2 kids, every car that was in his stories was the "sport" one,was getting 3 different vans when he got his tax return and yet none turned up.

Just constant stupid little lies with the odd whopper thrown in. And with his "kids" that he didn't have, it was only on another job he told me he had 2 dogs as he couldn't have kids.wouldnt call a 2 bed terrace a mansion either...

I'll chirp in if I remember some goldies

[h0b0]

I had a guy that worked for me who claimed to be a special forces sniper in the reserves. One of my best friends is a special forces sniper in the reserves. I never mentioned this to the first guy but enjoyed listening to the BS and passing it on to the real thing.

We planned to get the two to meet and out him. But the Walt died at a body building competition. Due to the nature of our relationship, and the story around the death, it took a while to believe the guy was dead.

[Spare tyre]

h0b0 said:

I had a guy that worked for me who claimed to be a special forces sniper in the reserves. One of my best friends is a special forces sniper in the reserves. I never mentioned this to the first guy but enjoyed listening to the BS and passing it on to the real thing.

We planned to get the two to meet and out him. But the Walt died at a body building competition. Due to the nature of our relationship, and the story around the death, it took a while to believe the guy was dead.

I heard he sniped all the way around the world and the bullet hit him in the back of his head

[slopes]

Spare tyre said:

h0b0 said:

I had a guy that worked for me who claimed to be a special forces sniper in the reserves. One of my best friends is a special forces sniper in the reserves. I never mentioned this to the first guy but enjoyed listening to the BS and passing it on to the real thing.

We planned to get the two to meet and out him. But the Walt died at a body building competition. Due to the nature of our relationship, and the story around the death, it took a while to believe the guy was dead.

I heard he sniped all the way around the world and the bullet hit him in the back of his head

I heard he was harder than Chuck Norris and the bullet died from fright before it hit him

[Mr Squarekins]

I interviewed a graduate for a role at our company. I was in charge of European operations, 20 years experience.

He told me how he could massively boost our profitability. I was naturally all ears...

'We'll reduce costs and get revenues sky high'.

Genius! Never occurred me!

[ambuletz]

I had a 'friend' who in the late 00s (when we were around 17/18 years old) said he had put himself on a waiting list to buy a BP green focus RS.

At the time he was working part time as a PSCO and one day I saw him driving past me in one of these

[Nethybridge]

I'm told that many dogs actually understand every word their
owners say, obviously I cannot refute it, maybe Sultan
is gratified at being told his owner loves him like a itty-bitty babby.

[h0b0]

Nethybridge said:

I'm told that many dogs actually understand every word their
owners say, obviously I cannot refute it, maybe Sultan
is gratified at being told his owner loves him like a itty-bitty babby.

I was told “they are only smiling” by a well intentioned dog owner when 3 dogs were defending their house from a stranger(me) by growling in a vicious manner . Once they got to know me they were happy but they were not smiling at first.

[Doofus]

In Germany I worked with a German chap who lived in Germany and drove a Focus. He claimed to own two Harley Davidsons and a Maserati which he kept at his apartment in Brazil.

Turned out to be true.

[cossy400]

guy at work, is a property mogul.

one week hes bought his lad a house £250.000

Next weeks his missus has rang up saying shes seen a house, hes told her to drop him the details and he ll buy it her..

Then his lads getting married so hes paid him £20.000 to help out.

the mans knocking 60 and does every hour he can including bank holidays and every other saturday.

Yet with all his properties and wealth at his age you d not be spending 70 hours a week in a bloody truck!!

[Stick Legs]

Worked with a few at sea.

Hardest bit is before social media you couldn’t disprove it.

But they always BS themselves into a corner eventually.

[Last Visit]

Some good ones in this thread.

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing//topic.asp?h=0...

[rigga]

Stick Legs said:

But they always BS themselves into a corner eventually.

This is the thing, if you're gonna lie, you better be good at it, and have a good memory.

Most don't.

[vikingaero]

cossy400 said:

guy at work, is a property mogul.

one week hes bought his lad a house £250.000

Next weeks his missus has rang up saying shes seen a house, hes told her to drop him the details and he ll buy it her..

Then his lads getting married so hes paid him £20.000 to help out.

the mans knocking 60 and does every hour he can including bank holidays and every other saturday.

Yet with all his properties and wealth at his age you d not be spending 70 hours a week in a bloody truck!!

Conversely, Indian guy at work is a cleaner in his 60's and been doing it for decades. He mentioned that he has a house he rents out to make life comfortable. Turns out the "house" he rents out are in fact 38 houses.

[droopsnoot]

EmailAddress said:

^^^

Off The Top Of My Head

Thank you.

rigga said:

Stick Legs said:

But they always BS themselves into a corner eventually.

This is the thing, if you're gonna lie, you better be good at it, and have a good memory.

Most don't.

I have known one or two people that are good at exaggerating stuff - went on "better" holidays than reality, all sorts of stuff. Turns out I have a better memory than any of them. All of them were perfectly nice people that I'd have been quite happy to hang around with / go to the pub with, and I never figured out why there was such a need for the lies. I never called any of them out.

[President Merkin]

droopsnoot said:

I have known one or two people that are good at exaggerating stuff - went on "better" holidays than reality, all sorts of stuff. Turns out I have a better memory than any of them. All of them were perfectly nice people that I'd have been quite happy to hang around with / go to the pub with, and I never figured out why there was such a need for the lies. I never called any of them out.

The inverse of that is pain in the arse cynical Poirots who operate on the assumption everyone is bulstting & try to to catch them out for calorie free points. The internet is full of them.

[Alex@POD]

cossy400 said:

guy at work, is a property mogul.

one week hes bought his lad a house £250.000

Next weeks his missus has rang up saying shes seen a house, hes told her to drop him the details and he ll buy it her..

Then his lads getting married so hes paid him £20.000 to help out.

the mans knocking 60 and does every hour he can including bank holidays and every other saturday.

Yet with all his properties and wealth at his age you d not be spending 70 hours a week in a bloody truck!!

Everyone is different of course, but this reminds me a bit of my dad. Not a property mogul or wealthy by any extent, but comfortable enough, retired from his job, 3 months later he'd started working with his mate doing private transfers (driving people from airports and back mostly), working quite long hours, as he was just a bit bored at home...

[dontlookdown]

I used to work with a guy, nice bloke, had a bit of a nose for a party;) Was famous for creative but increasingly implausible excuses for being late in the mornings. There were loads but it was getting on for 30yrs ago, for some reason the only one that springs to mind is the time he claimed to have stopped to help the Queen Mother change a flat tyre;)

Soon obvious it was a p**s take, he was doing it on purpose. Odd behaviour as he was good at his job. Boss got fed up after a month or two - he was fired and escorted from the premises one Friday never to be seen again.