Boarding School, yes or no? Would you recommend it.
Discussion
We have recently been having a discussion with my wife about the future possibility of sending our children to an upper-tier boarding school at the age of 13.Obviously, this is assuming they meet and pass the required admission exams etc.
Neither of us or any of our close family has been to or sent their children to boarding school so it is difficult to get real-life feedback from people who have.
Would you recommend such an option from your experience and do you feel that the negatives are outweighed by the potential positives such an education brings?
(I'm not sure if this is the right section/mods please move as necessary)
Neither of us or any of our close family has been to or sent their children to boarding school so it is difficult to get real-life feedback from people who have.
Would you recommend such an option from your experience and do you feel that the negatives are outweighed by the potential positives such an education brings?
(I'm not sure if this is the right section/mods please move as necessary)
topgunkos said:
We have recently been having a discussion with my wife about the future possibility of sending our children to an upper-tier boarding school at the age of 13.Obviously, this is assuming they meet and pass the required admission exams etc.
Neither of us or any of our close family has been to or sent their children to boarding school so it is difficult to get real-life feedback from people who have.
Would you recommend such an option from your experience and do you feel that the negatives are outweighed by the potential positives such an education brings?
(I'm not sure if this is the right section/mods please move as necessary)
What do you mean by upper-tier? Is that code for one of the original public schools or league table results?Neither of us or any of our close family has been to or sent their children to boarding school so it is difficult to get real-life feedback from people who have.
Would you recommend such an option from your experience and do you feel that the negatives are outweighed by the potential positives such an education brings?
(I'm not sure if this is the right section/mods please move as necessary)
Edited by Fittster on Wednesday 20th December 11:56
topgunkos said:
Would you recommend such an option from your experience and do you feel that the negatives are outweighed by the potential positives such an education brings?
What are your reasons for thinking about boarding schools, what positives are you expecting, over and above the environment they are currently in?I went to a boarding school in Berkshire and loved it; maybe its rose tinted spectacles but I played so much sport, got caught drinking, went to awesome parties, holidayed at friends houses in hot places... it was ace.
Does it prepare you for real life? Not really but its fun!
Lots of my mates who went from 7 are a little... strange, I think it is important to strike a balance and ensure kids are at home at exeat and other times if possible (even if it is a full time job ferrying them home after rugby and back to school on sunday before chapel). Academically it was good but it gives you so much more.
If you can afford it then do it but make sure it is the best school they can get into; it is still a bit of brand that you buy into (Wellington, Eton, Harrow, Marlborough, Winchester, Radley...)
Does it prepare you for real life? Not really but its fun!
Lots of my mates who went from 7 are a little... strange, I think it is important to strike a balance and ensure kids are at home at exeat and other times if possible (even if it is a full time job ferrying them home after rugby and back to school on sunday before chapel). Academically it was good but it gives you so much more.
If you can afford it then do it but make sure it is the best school they can get into; it is still a bit of brand that you buy into (Wellington, Eton, Harrow, Marlborough, Winchester, Radley...)
Academically it served me very well, it didn't prepare me very well for real life and interactions with real people so much. I was very naive and sheltered and had to learn 'life' very quickly afterwards
Is there not an option for your child to attend Private School but as a Day pupil? Think that would be the best of both worlds
Also which schools are you looking at?
Is there not an option for your child to attend Private School but as a Day pupil? Think that would be the best of both worlds
Also which schools are you looking at?
Realistically depends upon your child - some will thrive, others will hate it.
I boarded for a couple of years while parents were abroad - had the best time of my life (like being with your mates 24x7) With a sports hall/pools/squash courts and a 9 hole golf course at your fingertips. However I'd been a day boy for 3 years before I boarded - so making the leap wasn't as huge a jump as if I'd just been dropped off with my trunk at a school where I knew nobody.
Some schools now offer week boarding (so the child comes home on the Friday) Obviously dependent upon distance etc.
I boarded for a couple of years while parents were abroad - had the best time of my life (like being with your mates 24x7) With a sports hall/pools/squash courts and a 9 hole golf course at your fingertips. However I'd been a day boy for 3 years before I boarded - so making the leap wasn't as huge a jump as if I'd just been dropped off with my trunk at a school where I knew nobody.
Some schools now offer week boarding (so the child comes home on the Friday) Obviously dependent upon distance etc.
hyphen said:
What are your reasons for thinking about boarding schools, what positives are you expecting, over and above the environment they are currently in?
Primarily, the wealth of extra-curricular activities, the facilities, academic achievements of the pupils and the alumni networking.My marriage had failed and my son had very serious behavioural problems. His counsellor strongly recommended a small outward bound type school and I enrolled him.
He believes to this day that this was what turned him around and gave him sense of community , responsibility and self reliance.
He is 34 now and we have a truly great relationship. He has made a great success of his career with no help from me.
I was not a fan prior to that decision but I certainly am now.
He believes to this day that this was what turned him around and gave him sense of community , responsibility and self reliance.
He is 34 now and we have a truly great relationship. He has made a great success of his career with no help from me.
I was not a fan prior to that decision but I certainly am now.
ked up by it as those that thrived.My 14 year old lad is a flexi-boarder at a boarding school. Essentially, Mon - Thu, he comes home but boards every Friday night so that he’s there for Saturday morning activities (they do extra curricular stuff rather than formal lessons) and then straight into Saturday afternoon sport. He also boards occasional odd days during the week of our work schedules clash.
He absolutely loves it and his house means everything to him. For him, he has the best of both worlds - he gets the house socials and inter-house parties without being there for the dull Sunday - Thursday evenings where they just have supper, do prep, chill for 30 mins and then bed.
We took him out of another local public school and moved him here at the beginning of this school year. It’s a bit of a stretch but he’s our only child so we see it as a worthwhile investment. Particularly when we see how happy he is.
He absolutely loves it and his house means everything to him. For him, he has the best of both worlds - he gets the house socials and inter-house parties without being there for the dull Sunday - Thursday evenings where they just have supper, do prep, chill for 30 mins and then bed.
We took him out of another local public school and moved him here at the beginning of this school year. It’s a bit of a stretch but he’s our only child so we see it as a worthwhile investment. Particularly when we see how happy he is.
I went to two, prep school from 11 and then public school from 13. The boarding aspect didn't bother me at all but I hated the second school - certainly the first two years then it was much better in the 3rd but I packed it in for 6th form college after GCSEs.
I always said that I never would send my kids away but on occasion, when I have had cause to visit one of these schools and you see the facilities they have, they are incredible. My old school (Uppingham) was well appointed in my day but nowadays it's almost unreal. There is no doubt that the extra-curricular and sports activities offered by these schools is way beyond the state system - kids can literly try and do more or less anything these days.
Now I have kids, whilst I am very happy with their primary school and thier secondary and sixth form options are solid, I'd love to send them to private school later but as it stands, I would not want to be separated from them for those long periods so would probably choose somewhere like the Leys, or The Perse in Cambridge or Haileybury near Hertford as these offer day options.
But I can't afford it so it doesn't matter anyway!
I always said that I never would send my kids away but on occasion, when I have had cause to visit one of these schools and you see the facilities they have, they are incredible. My old school (Uppingham) was well appointed in my day but nowadays it's almost unreal. There is no doubt that the extra-curricular and sports activities offered by these schools is way beyond the state system - kids can literly try and do more or less anything these days.
Now I have kids, whilst I am very happy with their primary school and thier secondary and sixth form options are solid, I'd love to send them to private school later but as it stands, I would not want to be separated from them for those long periods so would probably choose somewhere like the Leys, or The Perse in Cambridge or Haileybury near Hertford as these offer day options.
But I can't afford it so it doesn't matter anyway!
I guess this would depend on you, your circumstances, the school and what you want from it.
I was at forces boarding schools from 7 to 16 at two different schools - 7-11 which was a Catholic Prep school and 11-16 which was a non-denomination secondary. Both were very different and both left their mark in various ways.
The Catholic prep school was hardcore catholic, run by nuns and very hard on discipline - Which was, frankly, boarding on abuse given how often a slap/punch/physical abuse was doled out by the teachers and especially the nuns. I don't have a single happy memory of that place over 4 years (something I needed to go to a shrink for) - I remember being deeply unhappy the whole time I was there and, up until about 10 years ago, resenting my mum for sending me there. It wasn't the right thing to do for me at all. In my parent's defence, Dad was in the RAF and they felt that boarding school was appropriate for stability for us - In hindsight, I know, now, that if I'd told my dad how desperately unhappy I was, he'd have had us out like a shot, but I didn't and I can't even discuss this with him any more.
The secondary was better and I still have very close friends from there, but as has been posted earlier, it really didn't prepare me in any way for real life and it's this that I would focus on - It's all very insular and the transition from boarding school to reality (I went to Grantham college) was a massive culture shock.
In both cases, I was the only black boy (my sister went too, but she was older than me) there for many years and, as we know, kids can be kind (!) - Daily racist abuse, bullying and more besides (thankfully not as bad as I know some people had - One - Two )
The transition to the school for a 13 year old might also be hard as they would go from knowing loads of people with friends to knowing nobody - Working out the right age would be tricky. That said, I can see how it might work for some children, but personally, there's no way on God's earth I'd send my kids.
Each to their own, but I'd want my kids back home and going to a good school - The social aspect of growing up cannot be understated and boarding school takes that away.
If you want more insight, feel free to give me a shout.
I was at forces boarding schools from 7 to 16 at two different schools - 7-11 which was a Catholic Prep school and 11-16 which was a non-denomination secondary. Both were very different and both left their mark in various ways.
The Catholic prep school was hardcore catholic, run by nuns and very hard on discipline - Which was, frankly, boarding on abuse given how often a slap/punch/physical abuse was doled out by the teachers and especially the nuns. I don't have a single happy memory of that place over 4 years (something I needed to go to a shrink for) - I remember being deeply unhappy the whole time I was there and, up until about 10 years ago, resenting my mum for sending me there. It wasn't the right thing to do for me at all. In my parent's defence, Dad was in the RAF and they felt that boarding school was appropriate for stability for us - In hindsight, I know, now, that if I'd told my dad how desperately unhappy I was, he'd have had us out like a shot, but I didn't and I can't even discuss this with him any more.
The secondary was better and I still have very close friends from there, but as has been posted earlier, it really didn't prepare me in any way for real life and it's this that I would focus on - It's all very insular and the transition from boarding school to reality (I went to Grantham college) was a massive culture shock.
In both cases, I was the only black boy (my sister went too, but she was older than me) there for many years and, as we know, kids can be kind (!) - Daily racist abuse, bullying and more besides (thankfully not as bad as I know some people had - One - Two )
The transition to the school for a 13 year old might also be hard as they would go from knowing loads of people with friends to knowing nobody - Working out the right age would be tricky. That said, I can see how it might work for some children, but personally, there's no way on God's earth I'd send my kids.
Each to their own, but I'd want my kids back home and going to a good school - The social aspect of growing up cannot be understated and boarding school takes that away.
If you want more insight, feel free to give me a shout.
james_tigerwoods said:
I guess this would depend on you, your circumstances, the school and what you want from it.
I was at forces boarding schools from 7 to 16 at two different schools - 7-11 which was a Catholic Prep school and 11-16 which was a non-denomination secondary. Both were very different and both left their mark in various ways.
The Catholic prep school was hardcore catholic, run by nuns and very hard on discipline - Which was, frankly, boarding on abuse given how often a slap/punch/physical abuse was doled out by the teachers and especially the nuns. I don't have a single happy memory of that place over 4 years (something I needed to go to a shrink for) - I remember being deeply unhappy the whole time I was there and, up until about 10 years ago, resenting my mum for sending me there. It wasn't the right thing to do for me at all. In my parent's defence, Dad was in the RAF and they felt that boarding school was appropriate for stability for us - In hindsight, I know, now, that if I'd told my dad how desperately unhappy I was, he'd have had us out like a shot, but I didn't and I can't even discuss this with him any more.
The secondary was better and I still have very close friends from there, but as has been posted earlier, it really didn't prepare me in any way for real life and it's this that I would focus on - It's all very insular and the transition from boarding school to reality (I went to Grantham college) was a massive culture shock.
In both cases, I was the only black boy (my sister went too, but she was older than me) there for many years and, as we know, kids can be kind (!) - Daily racist abuse, bullying and more besides (thankfully not as bad as I know some people had - One - Two )
The transition to the school for a 13 year old might also be hard as they would go from knowing loads of people with friends to knowing nobody - Working out the right age would be tricky. That said, I can see how it might work for some children, but personally, there's no way on God's earth I'd send my kids.
Each to their own, but I'd want my kids back home and going to a good school - The social aspect of growing up cannot be understated and boarding school takes that away.
If you want more insight, feel free to give me a shout.
Thanks for your input, that is our greatest fear that even thought we want the best for them they may end up resenting us and being emotionally scarred.I was at forces boarding schools from 7 to 16 at two different schools - 7-11 which was a Catholic Prep school and 11-16 which was a non-denomination secondary. Both were very different and both left their mark in various ways.
The Catholic prep school was hardcore catholic, run by nuns and very hard on discipline - Which was, frankly, boarding on abuse given how often a slap/punch/physical abuse was doled out by the teachers and especially the nuns. I don't have a single happy memory of that place over 4 years (something I needed to go to a shrink for) - I remember being deeply unhappy the whole time I was there and, up until about 10 years ago, resenting my mum for sending me there. It wasn't the right thing to do for me at all. In my parent's defence, Dad was in the RAF and they felt that boarding school was appropriate for stability for us - In hindsight, I know, now, that if I'd told my dad how desperately unhappy I was, he'd have had us out like a shot, but I didn't and I can't even discuss this with him any more.
The secondary was better and I still have very close friends from there, but as has been posted earlier, it really didn't prepare me in any way for real life and it's this that I would focus on - It's all very insular and the transition from boarding school to reality (I went to Grantham college) was a massive culture shock.
In both cases, I was the only black boy (my sister went too, but she was older than me) there for many years and, as we know, kids can be kind (!) - Daily racist abuse, bullying and more besides (thankfully not as bad as I know some people had - One - Two )
The transition to the school for a 13 year old might also be hard as they would go from knowing loads of people with friends to knowing nobody - Working out the right age would be tricky. That said, I can see how it might work for some children, but personally, there's no way on God's earth I'd send my kids.
Each to their own, but I'd want my kids back home and going to a good school - The social aspect of growing up cannot be understated and boarding school takes that away.
If you want more insight, feel free to give me a shout.
I started at boarding school because my father's job meant moving to a new european city every year. Made sense.
I think most people have touched on the benefits. The schooling academically was second to none. Streets ahead of what my children are currently seeing in normal schools. The extra-curricular activities were amazing too. Sport, and everything else.
The downsides... I never pick up the phone to my parents, even now. Maybe I learned too much independence!
We were 'poor'. Our 5 bedroom detached house near Amersham was ridiculed (currently £1.4m on Zoopla).
I spent my weekends at the school, and only had half term and 2 weekends home per year. So I had friends at school I never saw in the holidays, and friends at home I never saw in term time.
Parents' win - all that time without children. Wow!
I did go to one of the schools mentioned in the thread. It certainly opened doors when I left - but nothing I wanted to work in.
I think most people have touched on the benefits. The schooling academically was second to none. Streets ahead of what my children are currently seeing in normal schools. The extra-curricular activities were amazing too. Sport, and everything else.
The downsides... I never pick up the phone to my parents, even now. Maybe I learned too much independence!
We were 'poor'. Our 5 bedroom detached house near Amersham was ridiculed (currently £1.4m on Zoopla).
I spent my weekends at the school, and only had half term and 2 weekends home per year. So I had friends at school I never saw in the holidays, and friends at home I never saw in term time.
Parents' win - all that time without children. Wow!
I did go to one of the schools mentioned in the thread. It certainly opened doors when I left - but nothing I wanted to work in.
I went away at 9 and the first 4 were the worst years of my life. Before you think any further buy "stiff Upper Lip" and each read it cover to cover, do not let anyone tell you things have changed.
If you decide to go ahead choose the right school for your individual child not because it has kudos. Make sure it is what your child wants and be willing to fund every part of it.
If you decide to go ahead choose the right school for your individual child not because it has kudos. Make sure it is what your child wants and be willing to fund every part of it.
topgunkos said:
Thanks for your input, that is our greatest fear that even thought we want the best for them they may end up resenting us and being emotionally scarred.
I didn't mention this - At the secondary, the after school stuff was really good. The sports, cadets (I learnt to fly a glider, shot a very wide number of guns, went on cadet exercise and more besides)Even now, I am still distant from my mum and as much as she loves me and I love her, sometimes that's just how it is - it sets me apart from my wider family (12+ aunts/uncles and about a bazillion cousins) so there is still that emotional scar just under the surface from being apart from family. The impact it can have on someone won't manifest itself for years and some of my friends that I went to school with are emotional wrecks (there has been at least one unintentional suicide (something to do with trying to emotionally manipulate his ex) that I am aware of)
That's not to say that's what would happen - Bear in mind this: When I was away at school, contact with parents was a letter a week and an infrequent phone call which, as a child being cut off from your parents is utterly horrendous - Nowadays, there would be skype, whatsapp, etc for contact so that emotional cut would be lessened because of it.
I don't know if my son would like it, but my daughter (as she is very much a mini-me) would hate it.
As an aside - Bear in mind that having a named school (like Eton) can have its own stigma when someone pipes up "I went to Eton"....
my OH is a psychotherapist and without exception, her clients that have been to boarding school have problems as adults directly related to attachment issues from being sent to boarding school.
boarding schools "as schools" probably have plusses and minuses as with many other schools, the issues arise from sending a young person away from home - no matter how informed or collaborate the decision is, at the end of the day parents are sending their children away.
I'd think carefully about it. its a tough decision.
boarding schools "as schools" probably have plusses and minuses as with many other schools, the issues arise from sending a young person away from home - no matter how informed or collaborate the decision is, at the end of the day parents are sending their children away.
I'd think carefully about it. its a tough decision.
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