Urgent Help - Divorce related?

[Stigette]

DrTre said:

Stigette said:

Also just in case anyone has tried to PM with willy pics or advice the email on here was dead but I have changed it so please resend

Ahh right, I did but it's very very big so I just thought it was taking a long time to squeeze into your box...

Please resend to prove size!

[Stigette]

Maybe there is a PH curse!

Thanks again for replies

Off to solicitor now incase I dont reply to anything

[Stigette]

mikez328 said:

ali_kat said:

mikez328 said:

No reponse yet. Therefore I will, quite rightly, assume that you told a pack of lies.

tt

She's not posted at all since 8:45 this morning - did it not occur to you that she might, just might, have a job that prevents her from posting on PH during the day?

My Friend, until YOUR life & career have been destroyed by the likes of Alastair Darling & his Child Support Agency & the wrongs been supported by both idiotic & ill-informed Conservative & Labour Governments in the mis-gotten belief that the CSA is good for us all, I would keep my mouth shut pal.

The mechanics & administration of the CSA is PURE EVIL. Run by & for uneducated Irish "Bog-Trotters" who are totally incapable of applying what should have been a simple earnings/expenses formula.

Am I bitter? ABSOLUTELY. The Government bds ruined my career & life for 13 years. The actual monthly payments weren't ever an issue - it was the fact that they constantly got them wrong & got away with 13 years of overcharging me!!

If I saw Alastair Darling or Gordon Brown in the street today I would consider assault or worse. I'd certainly spit on the wasters.

There is my "considered" response. And I still say that there are two sides to every story. And you have not heard the second side, nor probably will if the "Ex" has any pride....

As you will by have noticed, she is able to post & "is now off to her solicitors". Get a life & put your spec's on. She rarely works, if at all, or is a Civil Servant who can just take "paid sickies" whenever she wants - at your & my cost. Bitter - Me - Nooooo!

Edited by mikez328 on Thursday 26th March 14:32

Listen you sad pathetic waste of space - Did you not note where I mentioned I earn over the amount of for legal aid so yes I do work, VERY HARD so much so that my boss kindly agreed for a day emergancy leave so that I could sort my life out.

I would also LOVE to here my ex's side of the story, as I never have.

Now am going back to read the rest of the thread as I was to cross to go any further.

Take your issues elsewhere - I suggest a therapist

[Stigette]

Right I have read the rest of the thread. Damn it I miss all the fun, would welcome copies of the binned images if possible, it is my thread I have a right surely, I have been to my solictor am full of power now

Also there is a party and I am not invited? Is it because you have seen my saggy breasts? Was that the binned images

Anyway focus back on me... attention whoring an all..

Solictior didnt tell me anything I didnt already know about the house, I think she basically refrained from say "well basically you're fked"

So options are hang on a bit longer just in case he did apply for remortgage elsewhere, but given the equity (very little) and his own financial downturn even if he has applied it seems unlikely he would get it.

So I either let him sign the mortgage over to me or I sign it over to him. I am thinking the latter, he has already begun to put black marks against my credit and with the way he is going it will only get worse and I could be liable for arrears and the negative equity and so if I have sole ownership I would have to sit on the house for a few years and hope mortgage payments don't go up - this being the biggest gamble option of course as I could potentially get equity from it but I learnt that until we are divorced he could come after me for any profit anyway.

So I think walk away from it. Any money in equity is just not worth it now.

The interesting part was the access, not something have discussed in much detail here, but I explained what has been happening with access for the past year and the solicitor was horrified and said my only option now was to stop access all together and then he would have to apply for a court order in which case then it would be legally written down when and how often he sees him and she said I could prove that what he does at the moment is detrimental to sons well being (basically one days notice, never a weekend and is always late or never turns up at all). This however feels like the exact opposite of what I am trying to achieve, I would like him to see him regularly.

She did seem to talk mostly about actually getting divorced and I could do it either through behaviour or adultery, but am not sure I understand why this is a priority, although she did mention he could still get my lottery winnings. :S

So I have a lot of thinking to do.

I do think giving him a last chance to sort it out and explain a few legal things to him might help, or am I sticking my head back in the sand?


I really like the locks/key post - there is definitly a way I could do that!

And yes cunning rewiring!! I like that


Drew - Thank you for your post, very helpful and I guess there could be that other third option

ChrisGR - It isn't a very big house I have threatened this before and he said he would just move out, where to I don't know, I think I still have as much rights to things given I joing own the house so me being there would purely to make conflict. It does make me think and I forgot to ask - surely I have some right on who lives there? Can't I get some order/letter/bouncer to force the new G/F out? What right has she got to live in my house rent free?

And yes I am married. Eloped a Gretna Green - solictior thought this was very romantic


Anyway thanks again to all posts and the banter!

Edited by Stigette on Thursday 26th March 17:32

[Stigette]

Adam B said:

Stigette said:

Adam B - I haven't text anything was what I was trying to stay, as I said, smart not spiteful.

I know, but she is dumb and spiteful so keep HER abusive texts to you as they may come in handy - that was what I meant

aah I see, my mistake. Yes good thinking!

G'kar said:

Stigette said:

Yadda yadda yadda yadda lottery winnings yadda yadda yadda.

Hi.

You're lovely.

I apparently have 12.60p in my works syndicate account, am willing to spit in half in return for willy pictures


Just me - yes considering various options on the house, thanks for post.
All my valuables are now safe, some stuff is beyond repair but they are only items. I will live. Steal wall - heart - done, before we split. I might go back again tonight to check and maybe "relocate" some more stuff.


I did get some good news today though so I am not all doom and gloom, I got the all clear after a cancer scare, now that did make me cry - with happiness

[Stigette]

Andy Zarse said:

Stigette said:

All my valuables are now safe, some stuff is beyond repair but they are only items. I will live. Steal wall - heart - done, before we split. I might go back again tonight to check and maybe "relocate" some more stuff.

If he's away a while I'd take as much paperwork as possible, mortagae demends, bank statements, CC bills etc and photocopy it. Also take photo's of the girlfriends gear in there, and any other proof of co-occupancy that you can obtain.

Already done the paperwork thing (do you know how hard it is to find a photocopier at 7am?), I am in possession of all mortgage/house paperwork, took copies of EVERYTHING interesting. Didn't touch the G/F stuff just in case. But I like the idea of photos, also considering the house is in such a state no one would by it anyway.

G'kar - Just send it for free then

Edited by Stigette on Thursday 26th March 18:54

[Stigette]

JonRB said:

Stigette said:

She did seem to talk mostly about actually getting divorced and I could do it either through behaviour or adultery, but am not sure I understand why this is a priority

The thing you have to remember is that the divorce (the getting un-married bit) takes 3 or 4 months even if uncontested, provided it is either 'unreasonable behaviour' or adultery. Obviously if going for the '2 years separation' option it takes longer. LOL.
So the priority is to get the actual divorce under way. You then have plenty of time to sort out the Ancillary Relief (the financial settlement).

If he has a live-in girlfriend then I think it's safe to say that the adultery route is the way to go. She does not need to be named on the Petition. Just as an aside, if it were a boyfriend he had and not a girlfriend, it's not adultery and you'd need to use 'unreasonable behaviour'. Funny old world. But I digress.

As soon as you get the Petition for Divorce under way, which your solicitor should be able to do at fixed cost provided he does not contest, then you can start worrying about the Ancillary Relief and about a Court Order for custody / access.

But that is what I don't understand? There wont be any financial settlement will there? so where's the incentive to start the proceedings? And I can sort the access and maintenance without the divorce and it should be quicker if we have all this stuff in place and agreed beforehand shirly? And someone else said make him file divorce, then he has to pay for it? Not sure if thats right?



And I REALLY REALLY wanted to put my reason for divorce was because he owned a Rover 25 diesel.

ETA: Call myself a petrolhead and I can not even spell diesel

Edited by Stigette on Thursday 26th March 19:22

[Stigette]

Andy/Jon -

Oh right. bks. I think I just saw the divorce as a little bit of paper that finalised everything and meant we could remarry, Obviously not I was just delaying the solicitors fees in all that. OK thanks for explaining. More decisions. And he already has several CCJs, so am thinking the quickest option.

• sighs and looks for alcohol*

LBC - Yeah, think I am going to take photos at least. Can't harm and I learning fast all evidence even if never needed is worth having just in case.

With my regards my lad, he is such a cool kid, he has dealt with things fairly well I think. Normal detachment issues and a few things lately that makes me thinks he maybe bottling stuff up. But I have always made sure I never discuss stuff in front of him and explain anything he needs to know as positvely as I can, I never bad mouth his dad and I do my best to defend his dad when he doesn't show or messes us about. Arrangements have been rubbish and I did everything I could to ensure he got to see him but he has taken the mick.

Yeah was the TD although I did like the red colour..lol. Was like driving a tractor.

[Stigette]

LGF - Thank you (odd though most my friends say I am crazy..lol, but in a good way)

Jessica - Thanks your post has just given me a very good idea!

LBC - Yes I am not sure he realises this, I think a 'chat' is needed.

Jon -
Thanks for explaing it all to me, there should be evening classes in this stuff, no wonder this was all the solicitor wanted to talk about. Her fee was 500. She didn't mention payment methods though maybe I could trade her something

I never wanted to play the "vag" card but think I might have to.

[Stigette]

Andy Zarse said:

Get to it. You'll have his plums on a skewer in no time. He sounds like the sort of person who will be happy to just drift along letting things take their course. But you have the whip hand, and more importantly, your son. You'll be back in that house in no time if your lawyer is up to the mark.

He'll get a very rude awakening, when he finds a ruddy great Court attachment order on his wages. He'll be reduced to living in a damp and filthy bedsit, looking through a mildew covered window at his vandalised Rover 25 sitting up on bricks with it's lights kicked out, a bottle of rancid milk sat on the window ledge outside blindly looking back at him as he can't afford a fridge. He'll watch you and your fantastic new fella picking your boy from school, and realise what a dumb gimp he's been. In short order, his life will become one of abject misery, his girlfriend gone when the money dried up, reduced to eating stale Sunblest white (thin sliced) and daily tins of Heinz BigSoup warmed up on a dirty old Baby Belling stove in a handleless saucepan. As he turns off the naked 40 watt light dangling from the yellowing stained ceiling, slithers into his grimy single bed encrusted with grease and dried spunk from wking himself asleep, finally sobbing into a stinking thin pillow as he cries the lonely nights away, repeating his mantra "Oh Stigette, what 'ave ya done to us babes?".


Look, it's this kind of positive outcome upon which you need to focus right now.

HTH

Heres hoping.

Well I visited the house, after all I did have permission to from him to go get my personal belongings while he was away. So I took a few things I purchased whilst we were married. Namely all the clocks, mirrors and curtains. Also relocated a few more things they maybe needing.

I did however find a letter for some financial company which is in both our names that has outstanding debt on it

Well I would just like to say a big thank you, to those posted and to also to those not posted, because you have managed to keep my thread on topic, with masses of useful information and support and some fun to make me smile. Even mike has his place in the thread. I think this is a credit to PH!

Party at mine when the decree absolute thingy is in!

[Stigette]

[Stigette]

Brain has officially emploded.

Thanks for the post tho Zen you advice seems to be the way I was originally thinking by sorting the crap out first the divorce bit will be easier. But then I suppose it doesn't hurt to start the proceedings.


As for the will - well for the moment I will just promise not to die.

I am not at work again today, son is still poorly so doing some work from home as I have deadlines today but also taking half a day leave so that I can draft a letter to the ex. Its going to be very legal speak but I am hoping it might be a good first step in resolving some of the things. I am going to fairly explicit with my intentions.

I also spoke to the school and explained the situation and the headmistress said that there had been a noticable decline in sons well being and they are willing to support the temporary stop of access.



ETA: oh ok you are both saying the same thing start the proceedings, thinks that what I said to

Edited by Stigette on Friday 27th March 10:44

[Stigette]

JonRB said:

Stigette said:

Thanks for the post tho Zen you advice seems to be the way I was originally thinking by sorting the crap out first the divorce bit will be easier. But then I suppose it doesn't hurt to start the proceedings.

For the avoidance of doubt, Zen and I are actually both saying the same thing: Don't delay in starting the divorce process (issuing the Petition) but get all the financials sorted out before it completes (gaining the Decree Absolute).

So my advice is unchanged there and it seems Zen wasn't disagreeing with me after all.

Edited by JonRB on Friday 27th March 10:45

Yep, got that after I pressed submit..lol.

[Stigette]

Thought it was chilly in here!!

OK advice taken!

[Stigette]

Zen. said:

Access:

Please sort this ASAP, a child deserves/needs both parents, but those parents need to hold the childs best interests at heart at all times. Children need boundaries and routine, the access is going to be a life long thing you are going to have to work around, there will be Parents evening, 18th Birthday parties, Graduations and Weddings to name but a few, all these mile stones in your childs life, could endup being tainted, if you don't resolve the access issue. Put you time and energy into facilitating access, even if it drives you mad, I can't tell you the number of times I've bitten my tongue over 15 years, but bite it I do, as it's not just parental access, but there is extended family to consider, which often gives a child a sense of belonging.

Your child may be having difficulty in articulating his feelings, there are a couple of good books out there which may help supprt you all, for children divorce is an emotion the experience a bit like grieving. Try and explore different methods of communicating, writing, drawing model making.

I really really do hate the idea of the stop in access as I have said before I want him to have access, when we first split we were going to be pretty much 60:40 but he has been more like 95:5. It breaks my heart to watch my son sitting by the window waiting for his dad to arrive only for him not to show and there is only so many excuses I can give on behalf of his dad. His actions this week are only a sample of how he messes us about, with lying about working away and then canceling his saturday so he could extend his holiday. The temp stop in access is hopefully a means to an end and I am going to be very explicit with this and why I am doing it with him so that hopefully we can resolve it out of court. My only fear is he will use it as an excuse to walk away.

His dads extended family can see son anytime they want. Sadly even when we were together they made no effort to.

Yes I think book purchasing would be good. We did make a feelings book together like a picture diary which he has used to express how he feels. I am fortunate enough that in my job I work with professionals in teaching/childcare so I have good resources to draw on.

Matt_N said:

Stigette said:

Is it because you have seen my saggy breasts?

Why not let us be the judge of that?

I can't risk being sinned binned by posting scary and offesive photos of my breasts on this thread

turbobloke said:

Matt_N said:

Stigette said:

Is it because you have seen my saggy breasts?

Why not let us be the judge of that?

Far from daring to suggest that TTIUWP, it might be worth mentioning that when somebody has been helped into the correct lane on life's journey, it's customary to express thanks by flashing your hazards. Has Stigette flashed her hazards yet?

Actually sounds fair I was thinking more a beer tho?

[Stigette]

Sorry me again, another quick question. I think ex maybe be purposely setting himself up for bankrupcy to avoid legal fees etc, if he is caught doing this on purpose i.e. I can prove he had other income and his outgoings were not exceeding his incomings can I do anything to prevent it? i.e. legal action?


p.s. Been rereading this all day and my typing / spelling has been appalling so sorry about that

[Stigette]

Well someone just said he wouldnt be liable for any legal fees, not sure about maintance, if we are still married I guess it does effect my credit ratings, can backrupy people come after me for money?

[Stigette]

JonRB said:

Stigette said:

can backrupy people come after me for money?

I think they can whilst you're married. Certainly your house may be at risk, particularly for loans secured against it obviously.

All the more reason to crack on with the Petition.

Definitly, but he can be bankrupt within less that two months!

Surely its illegal to do it on purpose?

[Stigette]

Cara Van Man said:

Stigette.

thank you for the private mail, complete with portfolio of your norks.

You do indeed have a whazzer pair of jugs, but no need to risk posting them on the thread.

Thank you. You have made my day with your ample breast.

p.s. Pics of my cock inbound.

No problem! Feel free to pass the pics about.

I have of yet received no cock pictures. Although someone has mysteriously sent a picture of a maggot? Is there a fishing forum here?

[Stigette]

JonRB said:

I have the picture of Stigette's boobies and have hosted them up for all.

Click here to see them (NSFW).

The lighting makes them look hairy.