Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
My aunt was recently in the hospital, suffering from a combination of leprosy, hepatitis, and asian bird flu.
I asked, “what are you feeding her?”
They said, “Fried eggs, pizza and pancakes.”
I asked, “Are these good for her condition?”
They said, “No idea but it’s all we can fit under the door.”
I asked, “what are you feeding her?”
They said, “Fried eggs, pizza and pancakes.”
I asked, “Are these good for her condition?”
They said, “No idea but it’s all we can fit under the door.”
New years resolution - stop putting stuff of for ages
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Anyone know where I can get a 6 foot letter "A", a 6 foot letter "S" and a 6 foot letter "K" ? I know its a big ask.
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In some circumstances a human fart can be louder than a trombone. That was an awkward moment at the school concert.
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Anyone know where I can get a 6 foot letter "A", a 6 foot letter "S" and a 6 foot letter "K" ? I know its a big ask.
--
In some circumstances a human fart can be louder than a trombone. That was an awkward moment at the school concert.
Voldemort said:
My aunt was recently in the hospital, suffering from a combination of leprosy, hepatitis, and asian bird flu.
I asked, “what are you feeding her?”
They said, “Fried eggs, pizza and pancakes.”
I asked, “Are these good for her condition?”
They said, “No idea but it’s all we can fit under the door.”
I asked, “what are you feeding her?”
They said, “Fried eggs, pizza and pancakes.”
I asked, “Are these good for her condition?”
They said, “No idea but it’s all we can fit under the door.”
A DUCK (definitely not a rabbit) walks into a bar, and says to the bar man "have you got any bread?"
"No" says the barman, and the DUCK leaves.
Next day, the DUCK walks in and asks the same question.
"I've already told you, no" says the barman.
Next day, DUCK asks for bread again.
"No!" says the barman, "this is a bar, we don't sell bread"
Next day, DUCK walks up to the bar, and the barman says "If you ask me for bread, I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar."
The DUCK runs off.
Next day the DUCK walks in and says to the barman "Have you got any nails"
"No!" says the barman, so the DUCK says "Have you got any bread?"
edited for spelling lol
"No" says the barman, and the DUCK leaves.
Next day, the DUCK walks in and asks the same question.
"I've already told you, no" says the barman.
Next day, DUCK asks for bread again.
"No!" says the barman, "this is a bar, we don't sell bread"
Next day, DUCK walks up to the bar, and the barman says "If you ask me for bread, I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar."
The DUCK runs off.
Next day the DUCK walks in and says to the barman "Have you got any nails"
"No!" says the barman, so the DUCK says "Have you got any bread?"
edited for spelling lol
Edited by Super Sonic on Sunday 16th June 19:26
Super Sonic said:
A rabbit walks into a bar, and says to the bar man "have you got any bread?"
"No" says the barman, and the rabbit leaves.
Next day, the rabbit walks in and asks the same question.
"I've already told you, no" says the barman.
Next day, rabbit asks for bread again.
"No!" says the barman, "this is a bar, we don't sell bread"
Next day, rabbit walks up to the bar, and the barman says "If you ask me for bread, I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar."
The duck runs off.
Next day the duck walks in and says to the barman "Have you got any nails"
"No!" says the barman, so the duck says "Have you got any bread?"
Barman says "Bloody hell, that rabbit just turned into a duck right before my eyes.""No" says the barman, and the rabbit leaves.
Next day, the rabbit walks in and asks the same question.
"I've already told you, no" says the barman.
Next day, rabbit asks for bread again.
"No!" says the barman, "this is a bar, we don't sell bread"
Next day, rabbit walks up to the bar, and the barman says "If you ask me for bread, I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar."
The duck runs off.
Next day the duck walks in and says to the barman "Have you got any nails"
"No!" says the barman, so the duck says "Have you got any bread?"
Super Sonic said:
A rabbit walks into a bar, and says to the bar man "have you got any bread?"
"No" says the barman, and the rabbit leaves.
Next day, the rabbit walks in and asks the same question.
"I've already told you, no" says the barman.
Next day, rabbit asks for bread again.
"No!" says the barman, "this is a bar, we don't sell bread"
Next day, rabbit walks up to the bar, and the barman says "If you ask me for bread, I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar."
The duck runs off.
Next day the duck walks in and says to the barman "Have you got any nails"
"No!" says the barman, so the duck says "Have you got any bread?"
"No" says the barman, and the rabbit leaves.
Next day, the rabbit walks in and asks the same question.
"I've already told you, no" says the barman.
Next day, rabbit asks for bread again.
"No!" says the barman, "this is a bar, we don't sell bread"
Next day, rabbit walks up to the bar, and the barman says "If you ask me for bread, I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar."
The duck runs off.
Next day the duck walks in and says to the barman "Have you got any nails"
"No!" says the barman, so the duck says "Have you got any bread?"
Talking of which...
...I was planning a picnic this afternoon but the sky was looking very grey and overcast. So I asked Siri, "surely it's not going to rain today?"
She replied, "Unfortunately yes it is, but don't call me Shirley"
That's when I realised I had left my phone in Airplane mode.
...I was planning a picnic this afternoon but the sky was looking very grey and overcast. So I asked Siri, "surely it's not going to rain today?"
She replied, "Unfortunately yes it is, but don't call me Shirley"
That's when I realised I had left my phone in Airplane mode.
Cold said:
Talking of which...
...I was planning a picnic this afternoon but the sky was looking very grey and overcast. So I asked Siri, "surely it's not going to rain today?"
She replied, "Unfortunately yes it is, but don't call me Shirley"
That's when I realised I had left my phone in Airplane mode.
But we won't talk about that right now....I was planning a picnic this afternoon but the sky was looking very grey and overcast. So I asked Siri, "surely it's not going to rain today?"
She replied, "Unfortunately yes it is, but don't call me Shirley"
That's when I realised I had left my phone in Airplane mode.
Yesterday I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district.
I walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had another coffee, a sandwich and a biscuit and then I... sorry, I'm rambling.
I walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had another coffee, a sandwich and a biscuit and then I... sorry, I'm rambling.
Master Of Puppets said:
Yesterday I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district.
I walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had another coffee, a sandwich and a biscuit and then I... sorry, I'm rambling.
I walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had another coffee, a sandwich and a biscuit and then I... sorry, I'm rambling.
Old Scotsman talking to a young tourist in a pub.
"You see this pub, I built it myself, brick by brick. It's the best building on the island."
"But do they call me MacGregor the master builder? - No"
"That bar, I carved it from a single tree trunk in a week"
"Do they call me MacGregor the woodcarver? - No"
"The pier in the harbour. It took me a month to build that. I laid every stone, nailed on every plank"
"Do they call me MacGregor the pier builder? - No"
"But you f
ck one goat..."
"You see this pub, I built it myself, brick by brick. It's the best building on the island."
"But do they call me MacGregor the master builder? - No"
"That bar, I carved it from a single tree trunk in a week"
"Do they call me MacGregor the woodcarver? - No"
"The pier in the harbour. It took me a month to build that. I laid every stone, nailed on every plank"
"Do they call me MacGregor the pier builder? - No"
"But you f
ck one goat..." Master Of Puppets said:
Old Scotsman talking to a young tourist in a pub.
"You see this pub, I built it myself, brick by brick. It's the best building on the island."
"But do they call me MacGregor the master builder? - No"
"That bar, I carved it from a single tree trunk in a week"
"Do they call me MacGregor the woodcarver? - No"
"The pier in the harbour. It took me a month to build that. I laid every stone, nailed on every plank"
"Do they call me MacGregor the pier builder? - No"
"But you fck one goat..."
"You see this pub, I built it myself, brick by brick. It's the best building on the island."
"But do they call me MacGregor the master builder? - No"
"That bar, I carved it from a single tree trunk in a week"
"Do they call me MacGregor the woodcarver? - No"
"The pier in the harbour. It took me a month to build that. I laid every stone, nailed on every plank"
"Do they call me MacGregor the pier builder? - No"
"But you f
ck one goat..." Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff