Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
Nova Gyna said:
generationx said:
Rayny said:
Vipers said:
Still Mulling said:
Vipers said:
Never fart in an Apple store
It has no windows.
It has no windows.
I find it ironic that Apple's store design default produces some of the largest shopfront windows you can see in any store locales.
well I never, didn’t know that. Poor kittens
(Antipodean film reference check out…)
Bright Halo said:
Sticks. said:
Bright Halo said:
Sticks. said:
My two lesbian friends bought me a watch for my birthday. Very nice, but that's not quite what I asked for.
I wanna watch?“My lesbian neighbours bought me a Rolex”
I think they misunderstood when I said “I wanna watch”
Where “Sex”, is what one gets their coal delivered in.
Rayny said:
PomBstard said:
All the way from Australia (AKA The worlds largest prison)...Anyway, it’s a jokes thread, and Jim Davidson wants his back
Stolen from MBClubUK
U2 were playing at a concert in Scotland when Bono stopped singing and called for silence from the audience.
He then, in total silence, began clapping his hands once every few seconds, and speaking into the microphone said,
"Every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa"
After a few seconds a lone Scottish voice cries out from the audience,
"Then stop clapping them then you wee evil b
d"
U2 were playing at a concert in Scotland when Bono stopped singing and called for silence from the audience.
He then, in total silence, began clapping his hands once every few seconds, and speaking into the microphone said,
"Every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa"
After a few seconds a lone Scottish voice cries out from the audience,
"Then stop clapping them then you wee evil b
d"Dear Dr Ruth,
I am writing to you for advice.
I have been married for the last 22 years to a sex addict. Whatever I am doing, ironing, washing up, dusting, my husband is always demanding sex, and makes love to me regardless.
I wo uld li k e to kkkkkkkkkkno w iiiiiif
theeeeerrr e i s
annnnnnnnyt hing Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii
c aaaaan d
o to
ssssssssssssssssst op
thhhhhhhhis.
YYYo OOuuuuuuuuuuuuuur s
sssincccccceerrrellly
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I am writing to you for advice.
I have been married for the last 22 years to a sex addict. Whatever I am doing, ironing, washing up, dusting, my husband is always demanding sex, and makes love to me regardless.
I wo uld li k e to kkkkkkkkkkno w iiiiiif
theeeeerrr e i s
annnnnnnnyt hing Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii
c aaaaan d
o to
ssssssssssssssssst op
thhhhhhhhis.
YYYo OOuuuuuuuuuuuuuur s
sssincccccceerrrellly
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
silverfoxcc said:
It was my mates birthday yesterday and we all agreed to meet in the local pub..
, Stood there with the obligatory bottles to present him, and he walk in through the door with a 4ft tall Kermit the Frog. We asked him if he was going to raffle it,and he said no Its what my wife gave me this morning. she says its what i asked for
'Bloody stupid present' we all said, how did that happen.
Well, we were having some lovely sex the other night and she asked me what i would like for my birthday
I replied I'm up it, I'm up it.
Took me a while…, Stood there with the obligatory bottles to present him, and he walk in through the door with a 4ft tall Kermit the Frog. We asked him if he was going to raffle it,and he said no Its what my wife gave me this morning. she says its what i asked for
'Bloody stupid present' we all said, how did that happen.
Well, we were having some lovely sex the other night and she asked me what i would like for my birthday
I replied I'm up it, I'm up it.
Halmyre said:
The version I saw was along the lines of:
Dear whoever.
My husband is a sex addict and we have sex every waking hour of the day. How can I rein him in?
Yours, etc.
(PS please excuse the shaky handwriting.)
The version over on the MB forum is handwritten which I couldn't replicate on here. Just thought it was worth sharing, made me chuckle quite a bit.Dear whoever.
My husband is a sex addict and we have sex every waking hour of the day. How can I rein him in?
Yours, etc.
(PS please excuse the shaky handwriting.)
Monkeylegend said:
Halmyre said:
The version I saw was along the lines of:
Dear whoever.
My husband is a sex addict and we have sex every waking hour of the day. How can I rein him in?
Yours, etc.
(PS please excuse the shaky handwriting.)
The version over on the MB forum is handwritten which I couldn't replicate on here. Just thought it was worth sharing, made me chuckle quite a bit.Dear whoever.
My husband is a sex addict and we have sex every waking hour of the day. How can I rein him in?
Yours, etc.
(PS please excuse the shaky handwriting.)
One guy asked one of his mates how many times did they make love on their wedding night?
He said “Oh six or seven times”
He asked his other mate.
He said “Guessing eight or nine times
The first guy then looked at his mate asking the questions and said “And how many times did you make love on your wedding night?
He said “Once”
They laughed and one asked “What did she say in the morning?”
She daid “GET OFF”
Edited by Vipers on Saturday 1st June 21:19
Bloke gets kicked out onto the balcony on his wedding night after saying his wife took her top off and he said she had massive boobs. He’s having a fag on the balcony at 4am and a guy comes crashing through the plate glass door of the next apartment. What’s up he says? The guy says it’s his wedding night and his wife undressed and he commented on the size of her arse so she booted him out.
Just then a third chap comes flying through a window on the next balcony….
The first two say ‘I suppose you put your foot in it too then?’
He says ‘no, but I could have done’
Just then a third chap comes flying through a window on the next balcony….
The first two say ‘I suppose you put your foot in it too then?’
He says ‘no, but I could have done’
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff