Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[GeneralBanter]

silverfoxcc said:

The man who designed the UKs fastest speedboat died the other day. The funeral will be held tomorrow at 11.00 followed by a wake

[Ponpiman]

I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukake party. Everyone came. You should have seen her face 😎

[silverfoxcc]

It was my mates birthday yesterday and we all agreed to meet in the local pub..

, Stood there with the obligatory bottles to present him, and he walk in through the door with a 4ft tall Kermit the Frog. We asked him if he was going to raffle it,and he said no Its what my wife gave me this morning. she says its what i asked for

'Bloody stupid present' we all said, how did that happen.

Well, we were having some lovely sex the other night and she asked me what i would like for my birthday

I replied I'm up it, I'm up it.

[Stealthracer]

What was the name of Jim Morrison's first ever band?

Early Doors.

[Sticks.]

My two lesbian friends bought me a watch for my birthday. Very nice, but that's not quite what I asked for.

[jimmytheone]

Someone put all their John Lennon memorabilia on ebay
imagine all the PayPal

[Bright Halo]

Sticks. said:

My two lesbian friends bought me a watch for my birthday. Very nice, but that's not quite what I asked for.

I wanna watch?

[Sticks.]

Bright Halo said:

Sticks. said:

My two lesbian friends bought me a watch for my birthday. Very nice, but that's not quite what I asked for.

I wanna watch?

Yes.

[Stealthracer]

What was the name of Robert Plant's first ever band?

Led Sappling.

[Rayny]

Vipers said:

Still Mulling said:

Vipers said:

Never fart in an Apple store

It has no windows.

I find it ironic that Apple's store design default produces some of the largest shopfront windows you can see in any store locales.

Really well I never, didn’t know that.

You all love to dissect kittens and jokes - Here's proof of an Apple window at Bluewater in Kent :

[generationx]

Rayny said:

Vipers said:

Still Mulling said:

Vipers said:

Never fart in an Apple store

It has no windows.

I find it ironic that Apple's store design default produces some of the largest shopfront windows you can see in any store locales.

Really well I never, didn’t know that.

You all love to dissect kittens and jokes - Here's proof of an Apple window at Bluewater in Kent :

Yep, here’s one in Germany

[Nova Gyna]

generationx said:

Rayny said:

Vipers said:

Still Mulling said:

Vipers said:

Never fart in an Apple store

It has no windows.

I find it ironic that Apple's store design default produces some of the largest shopfront windows you can see in any store locales.

Really well I never, didn’t know that.

You all love to dissect kittens and jokes - Here's proof of an Apple window at Bluewater in Kent :

Yep, here’s one in Germany

Almost identical to Cribbs Causeway and the one in Cardiff as well.

Poor kittens

[Vipers]

Dont fart in, oh hang on, thats not right, an apple a day...............

[Halmyre]

Speed Badger said:

Rayny said:

grumpy52 said:

Lass is a northern expression for wife or girlfriend

Wife or girlfriend is a Norfolk expression for cousin or sister

Or indeed, Mother.

Or all three. In one.

[timbo999]

My head just exploded trying to work out how one person can be both your sister and mother...

[Sporky]

timbo999 said:

My head just exploded trying to work out how one person can be both your sister and mother...

Also your aunt and niece.

[Cotty]

timbo999 said:

My head just exploded trying to work out how one person can be both your sister and mother...

Maybe don't watch the film Predestination.

[aka_kerrly]

Cotty said:

timbo999 said:

My head just exploded trying to work out how one person can be both your sister and mother...

Maybe don't watch the film Predestination.

Never heard of the film, googled it, the short summary Thus, Jane, John, and their baby are the same person WOW. Further research revealed the film is based on a book by an American author who originally submitted short story for publication in Playboy, it was rejected.

[tvrolet]

aka_kerrly said:

Cotty said:

timbo999 said:

My head just exploded trying to work out how one person can be both your sister and mother...

Maybe don't watch the film Predestination.

Never heard of the film, googled it, the short summary Thus, Jane, John, and their baby are the same person WOW. Further research revealed the film is based on a book by an American author who originally submitted short story for publication in Playboy, it was rejected.

Perhaps he got the idea from another book where the same bloke is the father, the son, and some sort of ghost...and the mother was apparently a virgin.

[Bright Halo]

Sticks. said:

Bright Halo said:

Sticks. said:

My two lesbian friends bought me a watch for my birthday. Very nice, but that's not quite what I asked for.

I wanna watch?

Yes.

The version I heard was.
“My lesbian neighbours bought me a Rolex”
I think they misunderstood when I said “I wanna watch”