How do I tell the boss....
Discussion
zhead said:
Tunku said:
I feckin hate Blackberry users, they are worse than crack addicts.
Profuse users are referred to as crackberries in the office. Vile things only made necessary by e-addicts who seemto think the world runs on email. A circular world where replying, forwarding and cc'ing devoids you of responsibility and in real world terms, adds eons to tasks being completed.To the original poster: great rant and one which should be posted to all middle managers with a crackberry addiction.
Elskeggso said:
zhead said:
Tunku said:
I feckin hate Blackberry users, they are worse than crack addicts.
Profuse users are referred to as crackberries in the office. Vile things only made necessary by e-addicts who seemto think the world runs on email. A circular world where replying, forwarding and cc'ing devoids you of responsibility and in real world terms, adds eons to tasks being completed.To the original poster: great rant and one which should be posted to all middle managers with a crackberry addiction.
We've all been issued with them where I work, they're being pushed to the point that the gaffers are going through the logs and have started disciplining people who don't use them. That's fine for us youngsters (well youngish...) who can understand them but not great for those who are coming up to retirement and still hand write everything!
My boss is well known for being obsessed with his. He took his missus away for a romantic skiing holiday, we still got replies. He went to a wedding, we still got emails. I've even had read reports come through on mine when i've seen him sneak off to the bog...
Bloody horrible things.
My boss is well known for being obsessed with his. He took his missus away for a romantic skiing holiday, we still got replies. He went to a wedding, we still got emails. I've even had read reports come through on mine when i've seen him sneak off to the bog...
Bloody horrible things.
I've got one for my own little consultancy, but for one particularly annoying client I have set up an auto respond saying that in the interest of efficiency I only check my e-mail twice a day and that if the problem can be solved by using common sense they they have my blessing to do so. Seriously. I picked it up from a book called "The four hour work week". And it works bacause after about ten days people soon got the message that I wouldn't reply to them as soon as the BB beeps.
Jasandjules said:
Mr POD said:
Jasandjules said:
Just ask him what extra pay they are including for your being "on call" 24/7....
Never ask that, just don't answer. I know a couple of guys who have a work mobile. And it stays at work when they go home. I had a work phone and used it for that, and solely that.
Jasandjules said:
Just ask him what extra pay they are including for your being "on call" 24/7....
If it's anything like our place, less than £20 per 8 hour on-call session 
(but then if we get called we do get at least time and a half and time off in lieu if called after midnight on a school night). 
I have one, and it's helped my life greatly.
I receive between 50 - 100 emails per day. Approximately 10% are worth receiving. Blackberries are great because you can delete more e-mail whilst you're out and about instead of having to wait till you get to the office to delete all the s
te........
EMail in general is massively abused these days. The way I look at it, I'm an engineer, not a bloody email answering service. If it's urgent call me. If it's more centrally processed crap or league tables etc, it needs deleting!
PS great rant Wedg1e, it's almost as good as the NTL complaint letter, which I will post underneath......
I receive between 50 - 100 emails per day. Approximately 10% are worth receiving. Blackberries are great because you can delete more e-mail whilst you're out and about instead of having to wait till you get to the office to delete all the s
te........EMail in general is massively abused these days. The way I look at it, I'm an engineer, not a bloody email answering service. If it's urgent call me. If it's more centrally processed crap or league tables etc, it needs deleting!
PS great rant Wedg1e, it's almost as good as the NTL complaint letter, which I will post underneath......
Edited by Hell27 on Saturday 4th April 18:38
As promised, the infamous NTL complaint letter.........
This a copy of a complaint letter that was actually received by NTL according to our sources.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testi*les for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.
Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%... these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bk jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman.... and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were sh*t, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?
How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bds you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - wkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver
- any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw*ts,
Yours psychotically
John Doe [editor's note: name changed to protect the innocent]
This a copy of a complaint letter that was actually received by NTL according to our sources.
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testi*les for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.
Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%... these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled b
k jugglers.I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman.... and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were sh*t, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?
How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of b
ds you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - wkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver
- any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw*ts,
Yours psychotically
John Doe [editor's note: name changed to protect the innocent]
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