Urgent Help - Divorce related?
Discussion
Stigette said:
oooh look at me with my clever quoting..
Sounds great, can't promise I will pay my half though (see above).
I can guarantee an Australian kissColonial said:
You sound like pretty decent sort actually.
Free for dinner next tuesday?
Now there is the PH I know and love Free for dinner next tuesday?
Sounds great, can't promise I will pay my half though (see above).
It's like a french kiss, but down under.
Now where's that damm bouncing eyebrow smiley...
Edited by Colonial on Thursday 26th March 01:22
Stigette said:
At the moment this is all guess work until I speak to Northern Rock (does that make matters worse?) And my contributions have been to him and other than a bank record not much else to show for it. Yes I am stupid!
A lot of it has been on a good will agreement. I didn't contribute to bills as I despite living at parents I still pay a fair whack myself and he got a flat mate move in, but I did help with mortgage, but this has never been exact, we have a tracker? mortgage so it has dropped by about 250-300 from insterest changes in the last few months.
My advice is most definitely go see a solicitor or at least Citizens Advice. I'm wondering if you could have him up for theft or something what with taking money off of you and not using it for the intended purpose of paying the mortgage.A lot of it has been on a good will agreement. I didn't contribute to bills as I despite living at parents I still pay a fair whack myself and he got a flat mate move in, but I did help with mortgage, but this has never been exact, we have a tracker? mortgage so it has dropped by about 250-300 from insterest changes in the last few months.
Last thing you want it a destroyed credit record due to an idiot like that so I think you need prefessional advice on containment and fast.
Colonial said:
Stigette said:
oooh look at me with my clever quoting..
Sounds great, can't promise I will pay my half though (see above).
I can guarantee an Australian kissColonial said:
You sound like pretty decent sort actually.
Free for dinner next tuesday?
Now there is the PH I know and love Free for dinner next tuesday?
Sounds great, can't promise I will pay my half though (see above).
It's like a french kiss, but down under.
Now where's that damm bouncing eyebrow smiley...
Edited by Colonial on Thursday 26th March 01:22
And thanks MArk2008 thats in interesting point!
I had an acromonius divorce in 1992. I was told I was "no longer required". I was commuting 150 miles a day on mixed day & night shift work (RAF) after just buying a new (expensive) house. To cut a long story short I had two small (4 & 5) children. I had nowhere else to live so persevered living in the spare room for 3 months whilst the solicitors did their work. We eventually agreed a "Clean Break" divorce with me signing over the house to her & a Court Order of £350 pm child maintanence. I was advised by the solicitor to move out to avoid any untoward accusations, such as assault. My wifes parents had the locks changed immediately (illegaly - as the house was in MY name only & I was still paying the mortgage) but my solicitor advised me to keep the peace.
I moved in with my elderly parents for 6 months whilst I found a £19,000 cottage that I could afford the mortgage on. Then B****R me, the CSA was instigated & overnight our mutually agreed Court Order was just ripped up. There followed 13 years of absolute hell & frustration at the hands of the CSA until my son reached 18. There were almost twice weekly faceless computer generated demands from the CSA. Only TWICE in 13 years did they actually correctly calculate the correct amount for me to pay..... I invoked a Parliamentary Ombudsmans Report which took 2 years for a conclusion. That conclusion was that I had vastly overpaid, been harrassed & bullied. There was no repayment to me - only a note that the CSA had been "Censured"!! Take note that Alastair Darling was the Minister in charge of the CSA at it's flawed inception.... I went head to head with him on a "Kilroy Silk" programme about the CSA early 1993. Such a mealy mouthed waster as I had never come across before.
Furthermore, the CSA & my ex-wife were constantly telephoning my RAF Station Commanders from 1993 until 1997 when my Commission was terminated owing to the constant harrassment of Operational Units by the CSA. I went to work in Sarajevo, Bosnia in 1997 for the F&CO on 3 times my RAF salary & 4 weeks into the contract I picked up the 'phone in Sarajevo to hear a little harsh Irish voice from the CSA demanding salary details of my new job!!
My points to you Stigette:
1. Protect your legal/financial interests. Move back into YOUR house immediately - before HE changes the locks. If he does so it is illegal, but it will take you months & hundreds if not thousands in solicitors fees to gain access.
2. Neither he nor his new squeeze will take kindly to you living in the same house & I'll bet she will move out promptly.....
3. Speak today to your mortgage company (Northern Rock?). Be 100% honest about your situation & ask for a written or preferably (quicker) emailed statement of payments made in the last 12-24 months so you know exactly where you stand with any missed payments.
4. Confront him in person if there are missed payments & pass all Northern Rock statements to your solicitor.
5. Think very long & hard before contacting the CSA. Once you have involved them your life will become an administrative hell & they won't leave you OR him alone for years to come. If you are both working the CSA is irrelevant anyway. They don't collect maintenance & pass it on to you. All they do is collect an inflated sum from the father to cover (much more than) the cost of your weekly Child Benefit. That money goes straight into Treasury Coffers. You don't receive a penny.
5. If you haven't yet consulted a solicitor, do so. They should all offer a FREE 30 minute consultation to discuss the case before you commit with them. Be very wary that they are up to speed with CSA legislation & totally avoid any that immediately tell you to contact the CSA - because they clearly won't have a clue as to what disasters you let yourself (& ex-partner) into for many years to come (10 - 13 years in your case).
6. If you genuinely believe that your house is in negative equity you have a BIG problem if it is in joint names & there is a mortgage deficit. Damage limitation now comes into force as you will be jointly liable for the unpaid mortgage - & if the house is repossessed & subsequently auctioned by Northern Rock you will also be held jointly legally responsible for the inevitable difference between the mortgaged value & the auction price. That will cost you dearly for many years to come. Try & get your ex to take over the full mortgage ASAP.
However, as I well know - to my loss of over £100,000 on my house & pushing £80,000 in CSA payments to 2005 there are always two sides to a story. Where is your ex' story? I'm sure that if he was aware of this thread we would hear something completely different. Perhaps in all fairness to him you should tell him? Despite the apparent bitterness, as you have publically aired your views, he should be allowed to respond don't you think? We, on the forum, only hear what YOU want us to - & not necissarily the truth. The internet is a wonderful machine for allowing anonymity don't you think?
I think you may find that on PH's there are many solicitors/QC's who can offer very good advice FOC but you need to be utterly transparent with them to get the advice/support you require. There are many holes in your story which just need a little explanation. Been there, done it & certainly don't want the "T" shirt ever again!
Best of luck,
Mike
I moved in with my elderly parents for 6 months whilst I found a £19,000 cottage that I could afford the mortgage on. Then B****R me, the CSA was instigated & overnight our mutually agreed Court Order was just ripped up. There followed 13 years of absolute hell & frustration at the hands of the CSA until my son reached 18. There were almost twice weekly faceless computer generated demands from the CSA. Only TWICE in 13 years did they actually correctly calculate the correct amount for me to pay..... I invoked a Parliamentary Ombudsmans Report which took 2 years for a conclusion. That conclusion was that I had vastly overpaid, been harrassed & bullied. There was no repayment to me - only a note that the CSA had been "Censured"!! Take note that Alastair Darling was the Minister in charge of the CSA at it's flawed inception.... I went head to head with him on a "Kilroy Silk" programme about the CSA early 1993. Such a mealy mouthed waster as I had never come across before.
Furthermore, the CSA & my ex-wife were constantly telephoning my RAF Station Commanders from 1993 until 1997 when my Commission was terminated owing to the constant harrassment of Operational Units by the CSA. I went to work in Sarajevo, Bosnia in 1997 for the F&CO on 3 times my RAF salary & 4 weeks into the contract I picked up the 'phone in Sarajevo to hear a little harsh Irish voice from the CSA demanding salary details of my new job!!
My points to you Stigette:
1. Protect your legal/financial interests. Move back into YOUR house immediately - before HE changes the locks. If he does so it is illegal, but it will take you months & hundreds if not thousands in solicitors fees to gain access.
2. Neither he nor his new squeeze will take kindly to you living in the same house & I'll bet she will move out promptly.....
3. Speak today to your mortgage company (Northern Rock?). Be 100% honest about your situation & ask for a written or preferably (quicker) emailed statement of payments made in the last 12-24 months so you know exactly where you stand with any missed payments.
4. Confront him in person if there are missed payments & pass all Northern Rock statements to your solicitor.
5. Think very long & hard before contacting the CSA. Once you have involved them your life will become an administrative hell & they won't leave you OR him alone for years to come. If you are both working the CSA is irrelevant anyway. They don't collect maintenance & pass it on to you. All they do is collect an inflated sum from the father to cover (much more than) the cost of your weekly Child Benefit. That money goes straight into Treasury Coffers. You don't receive a penny.
5. If you haven't yet consulted a solicitor, do so. They should all offer a FREE 30 minute consultation to discuss the case before you commit with them. Be very wary that they are up to speed with CSA legislation & totally avoid any that immediately tell you to contact the CSA - because they clearly won't have a clue as to what disasters you let yourself (& ex-partner) into for many years to come (10 - 13 years in your case).
6. If you genuinely believe that your house is in negative equity you have a BIG problem if it is in joint names & there is a mortgage deficit. Damage limitation now comes into force as you will be jointly liable for the unpaid mortgage - & if the house is repossessed & subsequently auctioned by Northern Rock you will also be held jointly legally responsible for the inevitable difference between the mortgaged value & the auction price. That will cost you dearly for many years to come. Try & get your ex to take over the full mortgage ASAP.
However, as I well know - to my loss of over £100,000 on my house & pushing £80,000 in CSA payments to 2005 there are always two sides to a story. Where is your ex' story? I'm sure that if he was aware of this thread we would hear something completely different. Perhaps in all fairness to him you should tell him? Despite the apparent bitterness, as you have publically aired your views, he should be allowed to respond don't you think? We, on the forum, only hear what YOU want us to - & not necissarily the truth. The internet is a wonderful machine for allowing anonymity don't you think?
I think you may find that on PH's there are many solicitors/QC's who can offer very good advice FOC but you need to be utterly transparent with them to get the advice/support you require. There are many holes in your story which just need a little explanation. Been there, done it & certainly don't want the "T" shirt ever again!
Best of luck,
Mike
Edited by mikez328 on Thursday 26th March 10:13
Edited by mikez328 on Thursday 26th March 10:25
Edited by mikez328 on Thursday 26th March 10:49
No reponse yet. Therefore I will, quite rightly, assume that you told a pack of lies. It happens to all of us guys... The "Sob" story from somebody who is basically viscious. I said that the solicitors (however incompetent) act for you alone. And as said - there are always two sides to the story. We have only heard your drunken rantings (admitted by yourself last night). I think you have dug yourself a very deep hole. Especially by posting on public forums.
I am now on the side of your ex!
Get yourself a VERY good lawyer & expect to be at the VERY least £5000 out of pocket within the month.
I am now on the side of your ex!
Get yourself a VERY good lawyer & expect to be at the VERY least £5000 out of pocket within the month.
mikez328 said:
No reponse yet. Therefore I will, quite rightly, assume that you told a pack of lies. It happens to all of us guys... The "Sob" story from somebody who is basically viscious. I said that the solicitors (however incompetent) act for you alone. And as said - there are always two sides to the story. We have only heard your drunken rantings (admitted by yourself last night). I think you have dug yourself a very deep hole. Especially by posting on public forums.
I am now on the side of your ex!
Get yourself a VERY good lawyer & expect to be at the VERY least £5000 out of pocket within the month.
Wow. That's bitter.I am now on the side of your ex!
Get yourself a VERY good lawyer & expect to be at the VERY least £5000 out of pocket within the month.
Please don't go scaring off the newly single, slightly deranged, borderline alcoholic females from PH.
They are a rare and valued commodity and handy caravan filler.
mikez328 said:
No reponse yet. Therefore I will, quite rightly, assume that you told a pack of lies. It happens to all of us guys... The "Sob" story from somebody who is basically viscious. I said that the solicitors (however incompetent) act for you alone. And as said - there are always two sides to the story. We have only heard your drunken rantings (admitted by yourself last night). I think you have dug yourself a very deep hole. Especially by posting on public forums.
I am now on the side of your ex!
Get yourself a VERY good lawyer & expect to be at the VERY least £5000 out of pocket within the month.
I am amazed that you found yourself divorced.I am now on the side of your ex!
Get yourself a VERY good lawyer & expect to be at the VERY least £5000 out of pocket within the month.
I am firmly inside, sorry on the side of your ex.
swerni said:
ali_kat said:
mikez328 said:
No reponse yet. Therefore I will, quite rightly, assume that you told a pack of lies.
t
tShe's not posted at all since 8:45 this morning - did it not occur to you that she might, just might, have a job that prevents her from posting on PH during the day?
This is the kind of retarded keyboard warrior fvckwitt who are IMHO, dragging this place down the pan.
He gave some fantastic advice before that, was just a bit quick to jump for no response, whcih is a shame, but I'm sure he is like that because of the way his ex treated him
SWT the lot of them 
mikez328 said:
No reponse yet. Therefore I will, quite rightly, assume that you told a pack of lies. It happens to all of us guys... The "Sob" story from somebody who is basically viscious. I said that the solicitors (however incompetent) act for you alone. And as said - there are always two sides to the story. We have only heard your drunken rantings (admitted by yourself last night). I think you have dug yourself a very deep hole. Especially by posting on public forums.
I am now on the side of your ex!
Get yourself a VERY good lawyer & expect to be at the VERY least £5000 out of pocket within the month.
WTF. Some people cant be on PH all day you nutcase.I am now on the side of your ex!
Get yourself a VERY good lawyer & expect to be at the VERY least £5000 out of pocket within the month.
woaah!
It is NOT a pack of lies I can assure you, why the hell would I post a pack of lies? I am trying to get legal/financial advice on my situation what use is it, if it is all lies?
I have not posted any bitterness, I am numb to the situation, tbh I could have posted another 1000000 words on the awful things he has done but for what purpose? - all I want is a home and secure finacial situation for my son, nothing more - if I can get to this with minimal conflict it will be a bonus. Am sorry you went through such an ordeal with you ex which has made you as you are, however we are not all like that. As am certain not all men are SWS (did that work Ali
)
I am actually a very regular PHer, but on a different account, however I chose to use an old one as I feared I may get some negative responses from bitter males. Some online friends from here have already picked up on who my other account is and have kindly contacted me - thank you. If anyone actually would like to offer any advice in return for a pint I do offer FULL transperancy!!!
I would also quite happily refer my ex to this thread - but I imagine his reponse would be the same I get from all phone calls, texts and emails - silence.
Thank you though for the post previous to that, some useful points. I really do want to stay away from CSA as I have male friends who they have made their lives miserable and I even contemplated a "last chance" call to my ex before we went any further as its does seem this new woman is driving all the conflict.
Thanks also Ali - I do have today off work to sort this out I have made a million phonecalls and ran ragged all day so had been reading but not posting.
Gkhar - Your hysterical, I love your posts.
Phantomhumper - I dunno if Bobette is a real name but its not mine, mine is more normal and less manly.
Adam B - I haven't text anything was what I was trying to stay, as I said, smart not spiteful.
Little Update -
Got solicitors appointment for this afternoon!!
Rang mortgage people, his last payment on it was defered but his bank allowed a further overdraft now into several thousands, I doubt he will make the next payment. He also doesnt appear to have applied for the remortgage he said he was so that he could buy me out.
I do not qualify for legal aid my wages takes me about 60 pound over the limit and if my wages were reduced I could be looked at for abaiding? something
Also just in case anyone has tried to PM with willy pics or advice the email on here was dead but I have changed it so please resend
I will confess one thing..I may have relocated a couple of items when I was in house - not damaged or stolen - just moved to another part of the house. One was the remote control for the TV
It is NOT a pack of lies I can assure you, why the hell would I post a pack of lies? I am trying to get legal/financial advice on my situation what use is it, if it is all lies?
I have not posted any bitterness, I am numb to the situation, tbh I could have posted another 1000000 words on the awful things he has done but for what purpose? - all I want is a home and secure finacial situation for my son, nothing more - if I can get to this with minimal conflict it will be a bonus. Am sorry you went through such an ordeal with you ex which has made you as you are, however we are not all like that. As am certain not all men are SWS (did that work Ali
) I am actually a very regular PHer, but on a different account, however I chose to use an old one as I feared I may get some negative responses from bitter males. Some online friends from here have already picked up on who my other account is and have kindly contacted me - thank you. If anyone actually would like to offer any advice in return for a pint I do offer FULL transperancy!!!
I would also quite happily refer my ex to this thread - but I imagine his reponse would be the same I get from all phone calls, texts and emails - silence.
Thank you though for the post previous to that, some useful points. I really do want to stay away from CSA as I have male friends who they have made their lives miserable and I even contemplated a "last chance" call to my ex before we went any further as its does seem this new woman is driving all the conflict.
Thanks also Ali - I do have today off work to sort this out I have made a million phonecalls and ran ragged all day so had been reading but not posting.
Gkhar - Your hysterical, I love your posts.
Phantomhumper - I dunno if Bobette is a real name but its not mine, mine is more normal and less manly.
Adam B - I haven't text anything was what I was trying to stay, as I said, smart not spiteful.
Little Update -
Got solicitors appointment for this afternoon!!
Rang mortgage people, his last payment on it was defered but his bank allowed a further overdraft now into several thousands, I doubt he will make the next payment. He also doesnt appear to have applied for the remortgage he said he was so that he could buy me out.
I do not qualify for legal aid my wages takes me about 60 pound over the limit
and if my wages were reduced I could be looked at for abaiding? something Also just in case anyone has tried to PM with willy pics or advice the email on here was dead but I have changed it so please resend
I will confess one thing..I may have relocated a couple of items when I was in house - not damaged or stolen - just moved to another part of the house. One was the remote control for the TV
DrTre said:
Stigette said:
Also just in case anyone has tried to PM with willy pics or advice the email on here was dead but I have changed it so please resend
Ahh right, I did but it's very very big so I just thought it was taking a long time to squeeze into your box...
Please resend to prove size! 
Good one on the remote, and good luck with the solicitors. Should only be some advice, but it'll hopefully put your mind at ease.
I'm on the flipside of it, arguing with the ex that I've been paying too much. But I've been absolutely gobsmacked after having spoken to the CSA this week. Phoned up for advice on how much I should be paying. They were absolutely excellent, and I'd have absolutely no hesitation actually bringing them into play officially - but only if I need to.
If you have the details on your ex's salary, you can put the details into the CSA maintenance calculator (google it), and its generally gives the right figure.
I'm on the flipside of it, arguing with the ex that I've been paying too much. But I've been absolutely gobsmacked after having spoken to the CSA this week. Phoned up for advice on how much I should be paying. They were absolutely excellent, and I'd have absolutely no hesitation actually bringing them into play officially - but only if I need to.
If you have the details on your ex's salary, you can put the details into the CSA maintenance calculator (google it), and its generally gives the right figure.
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