Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter and sees that it's filled to the brim with £10 notes. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand pounds in it.
He approaches the barman and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well" said the barman. "You pay £10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Jaguar"
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You have to pay first," says the barman, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the barman £10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the barman, "here's what you need to do. Firstly, you have to drink a whole pint of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second, there's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands. And thirdly, there's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my £10 but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a pint of tequila and then do those other things!"
"Your call," says the barman, "but your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?"
The barman pours a pint of tequila and the man drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face & he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight then nothing but silence! Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Right, where's that old woman with the bad tooth?”
He approaches the barman and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well" said the barman. "You pay £10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Jaguar"
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You have to pay first," says the barman, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the barman £10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the barman, "here's what you need to do. Firstly, you have to drink a whole pint of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second, there's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands. And thirdly, there's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my £10 but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a pint of tequila and then do those other things!"
"Your call," says the barman, "but your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?"
The barman pours a pint of tequila and the man drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face & he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight then nothing but silence! Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Right, where's that old woman with the bad tooth?”
McAndy said:
toasty said:
Voldemort said:
Maritime History Professor: So, what do you think is the most important sea in Europe?
Student: Undoubtedly the one in Amsterdam Canal Experience.
Student: Undoubtedly the one in Amsterdam Canal Experience.
took a while. 
McAndy said:
toasty said:
Voldemort said:
Maritime History Professor: So, what do you think is the most important sea in Europe?
Student: Undoubtedly the one in Amsterdam Canal Experience.
Student: Undoubtedly the one in Amsterdam Canal Experience.
took a while. rayny said:
McAndy said:
toasty said:
Voldemort said:
Maritime History Professor: So, what do you think is the most important sea in Europe?
Student: Undoubtedly the one in Amsterdam Canal Experience.
Student: Undoubtedly the one in Amsterdam Canal Experience.
took a while. 
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