Urgent Help - Divorce related?

[Stigette]

jessica said:

move back in.........
first BIG mistake was leaving in the first place.
you cannot legally change the locks but you can legally add additional ones.
mortgage arreers are joint.However if you can prove in court you paid your half it wont look good for hims if he not paying maitenance then CSA involvement will get you money before his wages are paid t o him.
it is best if you can sort most things yourselves as solicitors charge upwards of £150 an hour. However if he is taking the mickey you are left with no option to go to the courts for guidance. I wish you luck,took me 3 years to get divorced and get the finances sorted out. Oh and i had to go to court.

Now thats interesting.

Yes I have been an idiot up to now, moving out and thinking he would not be an arse, this is now all damamge limitation action.

Thanks for your post, I do appreciate it.

I am trying to reply to everyone but struggling. But everything posted so far has been brilliant, even SWTs!! :P

Please keep it coming.

[Ozone]

Get some advise from your mortgage co. - can you arrange a mortgage holiday or extend the mortgage period to lower the payments, better than reposession.

Lower the asking price for the house and get the sale done as soon as posible so that you can move on.

Failing all that, superglue the door locks - fk 'em.

HTH

(if this does help, are you grateful?....... )

[Stigette]

Ozone said:

Get some advise from your mortgage co. - can you arrange a mortgage holiday or extend the mortgage period to lower the payments, better than reposession.

Lower the asking price for the house and get the sale done as soon as posible so that you can move on.

Failing all that, superglue the door locks - fk 'em.

HTH

(if this does help, are you grateful?....... )

Will get a better idea of mortgate tommorrow but am thinking the ex has used all the payment holidays

If house price goes any lower it will be in negative equity.

Superglue...option noted.

Grateful..test me

[Stigette]

Cheeky Jim said:

Well not being a solicitor i can only offer some thoughts;

1) Would moving in and changing the locks not simply be a rather large red rag to a bull and likely to incite flared tempers to say the least and possible horrendous confrontation infront of jr at the worst?

2) If you are now fully aware of his financial situation, would it not be a better plan to offer to move into the house and take over the responsibility of the mortgage? By the sounds of it, he'd be foolish to say no, its an opportunity to devolve himself from some financial responsibility and it's likely to be cheaper to rent a place of his own? Depends if he is behind with the payments or not?

3) Can you speak to the mortgage company about a payment holiday for a short period in order to give you some time to sort out finances?

4) Try and be amicable with him. DO NOT devalue yourself by even referring to his new girlfriend. Arrange to meet him somewhere neutral - local cafe/coffee shop - without her in tow. She is clearly only interested in securing his exclusive focus on her. Any decent woman would accept he has some responsibilities to his son whether she likes it or not. She sounds like a dopey tart. (maybe you could sabotage her car or something at a suitable later date?) (Or alternatively as you appreciate oxo tower action, you could stick her toothbrush up your bum and then put it back? or pee on it etc something subtle anyway!)

1) - Maybe
2) - This is an option
3) - Will try but think Ex has used them all
4) - Unfortunaly they took their toothbrushes on holiday, not that it entered my head, honest, she seems to be the main driving power behind a lot of this all was amicable before, she is an idiot, and its hard not to respond to her text talk textes of threats but I am holding out so far.

[MrV]

Just a thought but if he has offered to sign the house over to you would what your already paying plus renting it out cover the repayments ?

It might be a short term fix and get you out of the crap till the market picks back up again

[The Excession]

DrTre said:

Afraid I can offer no advice except to say to all people asking for advice about relationship matters, that's how to write an OP for the PH audience.

Short, bulleted, no bullst, straight to the point with the piece de resistance of more than a nod of humour thrown in at the end.

I like it.

Well done.

Hope you win.

Seconded. That's the single most coherent post I've ever read on PH regarding a situation like this. (Witness my own sticky situation).

To the OP I hope all goes well. I shall be watching this thread with great interest.

[cazzer]

Can I add a not very helpful suggestion that in my experience, once another woman gets involved it never stays amicable.
Get a solicitor, cos if it's going to go tits up, you can guarantee he will and then the VBRJ will be happening but in the wrong direction.

p.s. Ding Dong

[Stigette]

mickken said:

Cheeky Jim said:

3) Can you speak to the mortgage company about a payment holiday for a short period in order to give you some time to sort out finances?

.....forgot to say this. No one wants to repossess at the moment, give thm the whole story, tears and all...they'll be understanding. At least, they blooody well should be....

Good point, thanks!

And I carnt find de speel cheker - gimme a break

[Stigette]

MrV said:

Just a thought but if he has offered to sign the house over to you would what your already paying plus renting it out cover the repayments ?

It might be a short term fix and get you out of the crap till the market picks back up again

I have thought of renting it out as an option, and if he signs over to me and I live there I think I would at least need a flat mate.

Also my parents want me to go the route of taking it on then contacting one of tthese people who will guarentee buying my house (at an extremely low value of course) but I am still not sure.

[Ozone]

See a solicitor, you should have a better argument to get the house to live in for your son, the courts will see the childs needs needs as paramount.

The CSA will help you but if your ex decides that he doesn't want to earn to pay you he can opt for redundancy and that will reduce your claim from him.

See the thread regarding leaving st around the house for him.... in the cushions, behind the curtains/radiators etc

Thinking of a test..............

[Stigette]

The Excession said:

DrTre said:

Afraid I can offer no advice except to say to all people asking for advice about relationship matters, that's how to write an OP for the PH audience.

Short, bulleted, no bullst, straight to the point with the piece de resistance of more than a nod of humour thrown in at the end.

I like it.

Well done.

Hope you win.

Seconded. That's the single most coherent post I've ever read on PH regarding a situation like this. (Witness my own sticky situation).

To the OP I hope all goes well. I shall be watching this thread with great interest.

Thank you, you honestly have no idea how much that means to me. Despite my recent lack of posts I am a massive PH fan!

[Stigette]

cazzer said:

Can I add a not very helpful suggestion that in my experience, once another woman gets involved it never stays amicable.
Get a solicitor, cos if it's going to go tits up, you can guarantee he will and then the VBRJ will be happening but in the wrong direction.

p.s. Ding Dong

Yes, the other woman has appeared to turn this sour. I am not jealous, leaving him was the best decision I have ever made.

OK someone has to explain VBRJ to me sorry....


Ding dong?

nice car btw :P

[The Excession]

One question, how old is the little lad?

[AndrewTait]

Not particularly got anything constructive to add, other than speak to your solicitor ASAP.

Do not go in all guns bazing, as all this will do is cause things to get messy!

Having been through a breakup myself (2 years ago, but still not devorced!) I know this cannot be a good time for you, but keep your chin up, you will get through it!!! Good Luck!!!

[Stigette]

^Thanks


Lad its eight. Amazingly cool kid and only thing keeping sane tbh.

Ozone said:

See a solicitor, you should have a better argument to get the house to live in for your son, the courts will see the childs needs needs as paramount.

The CSA will help you but if your ex decides that he doesn't want to earn to pay you he can opt for redundancy and that will reduce your claim from him.

See the thread regarding leaving st around the house for him.... in the cushions, behind the curtains/radiators etc

Thinking of a test..............

Thanks

Notes taken on first two points.

I couldn't do the third even if I wanted to *shudder*

Test...that is pretty slow thinking fot PH

[Colonial]

You sound like pretty decent sort actually.

Free for dinner next tuesday?

[Mark2008]

So you say that you have been helping with the mortgage, but that he hasn't actually been paying it... does that mean that he has been taking your money? Or did you pay the mortgage directly but he just didn't pay his share? Also have you been paying equal amounts?

[Ozone]

Stigette said:

I couldn't do the third even if I wanted to *shudder*

If things get worse you'll wish you had...........

Alternatively cut your losses, sign the house over to the ex so that you are no longer liable and get your name down on a housing list - if the house is nearly negative equity you haven't lost anything and there won't be a black mark against your name for future borrowing.

[cazzer]

Stigette said:

cazzer said:

Can I add a not very helpful suggestion that in my experience, once another woman gets involved it never stays amicable.
Get a solicitor, cos if it's going to go tits up, you can guarantee he will and then the VBRJ will be happening but in the wrong direction.

p.s. Ding Dong

Yes, the other woman has appeared to turn this sour. I am not jealous, leaving him was the best decision I have ever made.

OK someone has to explain VBRJ to me sorry....


Ding dong?

nice car btw :P

Ding Dong....Lesley Phillips impression. Means you sound like a lovely girl.

About the car....thanks....although I spent all night under the bonnet replacing a fried coil.

VBRJ (Vigilante Bum Rape Justice)

[Stigette]

oooh look at me with my clever quoting..

Colonial said:

You sound like pretty decent sort actually.

Free for dinner next tuesday?

Now there is the PH I know and love

Sounds great, can't promise I will pay my half though (see above).

Mark2008 said:

So you say that you have been helping with the mortgage, but that he hasn't actually been paying it... does that mean that he has been taking your money? Or did you pay the mortgage directly but he just didn't pay his share? Also have you been paying equal amounts?

At the moment this is all guess work until I speak to Northern Rock (does that make matters worse?) And my contributions have been to him and other than a bank record not much else to show for it. Yes I am stupid!

A lot of it has been on a good will agreement. I didn't contribute to bills as I despite living at parents I still pay a fair whack myself and he got a flat mate move in, but I did help with mortgage, but this has never been exact, we have a tracker? mortgage so it has dropped by about 250-300 from insterest changes in the last few months.

Ozone said:

Stigette said:

I couldn't do the third even if I wanted to *shudder*

If things get worse you'll wish you had...........

Alternatively cut your losses, sign the house over to the ex so that you are no longer liable and get your name down on a housing list - if the house is nearly negative equity you haven't lost anything and there won't be a black mark against your name for future borrowing.

Nope, never do it

This is seemingly more and more likely

cazzer said:

Ding Dong....Lesley Phillips impression. Means you sound like a lovely girl.

About the car....thanks....although I spent all night under the bonnet replacing a fried coil.

VBRJ (Vigilante Bum Rape Justice)

Aah thanks, I do try

Aaw, well beauties like that need lots of TLC

VBRJ I thought it was something to do with vibrators....still added to the options list!!