Ungrateful/Argumentative wife

[Jimjimhim]

Lincsls1 said:

NRG1976 has admitted their mistake, and stated they've deleted the post, so why don't LunarOne and FMOB delete yours too, instead of quoting them for all to see.

Agreed. I'm thinking about deleting this post of mine.

[M4cruiser]

LunarOne said:

stuff

Actually I like your post LunarOne, you're right and I hadn't fully thought that through. Especially he bit about embarrassment, I've been through something similar, and it can be hard to admit you're "in that space" to use a modern phrase.

[GliderRider]

LunarOne said:

Not everyone can treat matters of marriage and family with snap decisions taken entirely on logic. He will be battling with embarrassment, the thought of disappointing family and friends, worries about his future, worries about finances, worries about whether he's blowing it all out of proportion or whether he's absolutely in the right. Perhaps he's somehow to blame, even if only a little. And he's been gaslit into half believing some of the stuff his wife has been saying about him. There's so much more to it than just making a decision. He has to be in the right frame of mind to arrive at the same decision by himself that all of us here are telling him to make. It just isn't as easy as you make out.

Give the man a chance!!

LunarOne, your contribution should be preserved. It is spot on.

[LunarOne]

Jimjimhim said:

Lincsls1 said:

NRG1976 has admitted their mistake, and stated they've deleted the post, so why don't LunarOne and FMOB delete yours too, instead of quoting them for all to see.

Agreed. I'm thinking about deleting this post of mine.

I don't see the point in deleting my post in its entirety as I think my post is still valid as a general response to all those telling the OP to do something and do it now. However, I have removed NRG's words from the quote. But other people have quoted NRG's words, including NRG himself. So they will need to censor the appropriate bits. But I think NRG's apologies should suffice.

[stinkyspanner]

Just out of interest is your Mrs of foreign descent?

[oddman]

M4cruiser said:

LunarOne said:

stuff

Actually I like your post LunarOne, you're right and I hadn't fully thought that through. Especially he bit about embarrassment, I've been through something similar, and it can be hard to admit you're "in that space" to use a modern phrase.

Worse than embarrassment - he'll likely be feeling, and made to feel shame - a very toxic and dangerous emotion.

[mikeiow]

TheGreatDane said:

I've spoken with my family.

I'm getting the ball rolling.

Ah, well done - you will look back in years to come and see this as the best decision you ever made, I am sure.

As Ken eloquently put it:

Ken_Code said:

And, again, please remember that leaving is not something subject to negotiation. You can choose to leave and no-one need agree with it.

Separately, ownership of your house and other assets is not down to where you choose to sleep for the next few weeks or months.

But as a very first step, please speak to a lawyer.

My advice, given she wants a baby, would be to keep your pecker firmly away from the danger zone. Blunt, but has to be said.

Good luck

[throt]

Communicate with her, to see if she is still in to the relationship.

Sounds like you both have the ick, badly so.

Bring a child in to this scenario, absolutely not, it'll cause more arguments.

Have a chat, give it time, if it doesn't work out, then part company.

We have one life and if a relationship is toxic then why waste that one we get.

[crofty1984]

TheGreatDane said:

Valid points about my previous threads, I make a decision then I back out because weirdly on some level despite how toxic she is I do care for her. Not to mind the last time I said I want to divorce she grabbed a knife and attempted to go for her wrists.

I wish it was as easy as just filing for it. She's said she won't leave this house unless it's in a bodybag.

That's a her problem.

Well, it's emotional abuse/controlling behaviour that you need to get away from, so technically a you problem, but you see where I'm going with this.

[Starfighter]

OP. Nice to see you have made a decision.

If you have not physically left then I suggest getting together a small bag of critical items as a “go bag”. Passport, wallet, id, keys etc.

If you have more than 5 minutes then a couple of days clothes and anything small if serious sentimental value.
Everything else can be replaced if it all goes sideways.

[dudleybloke]

When i wanted rid of a similarly emotional woman I realised that the only way for her to go was for her to want to go.
These personality types always have to win, so make her leaving you a win for her.

[Sheets Tabuer]

dudleybloke said:

the only way for her to go was for her to want to go.

So get the peanut butter out and call the dog in as she arrives home?

[dudleybloke]

Sheets Tabuer said:

dudleybloke said:

the only way for her to go was for her to want to go.

So get the peanut butter out and call the dog in as she arrives home?

Or squat over her and start speaking German.
Have her walk in on you and two younger and fitter birds.
Bum her dad.
Sing Surfin Bird ALL the time.
Become MAGA Man and put Trump stuff everywhere and get her to wear Maga stuff.
Communicate only in mime, dont forget the white gloves too.

You can have as much fun as you want!

[Jamescrs]

Clearly you need to leave OP and get a divorce, the first year should be all fun and happiness. It’s not going to get better, if you get her pregnant she will dig in further than she already is.

Time to walk away.

I expect to see another thread soon though about how she is now pregnant.

[LunarOne]

Jamescrs said:

Clearly you need to leave OP and get a divorce, the first year should be all fun and happiness. It’s not going to get better, if you get her pregnant she will dig in further than she already is.

Time to walk away.

I expect to see another thread soon though about how she is now pregnant.

Is there an echo in here? If not how come this post keeps repeating itself?

[Register1]

TheGreatDane said:

I've been married for 1 year and if you look at my post history it's been a very turbulent year. We argue all the time over the most mundane things and not being biased here, but I never ever start it.

I give it as good as I get because she doesn't stop but I never start, poor form on my part.

I do everything for her from finances, household things and just helping her in life.

Went abroad for our 1 year anniversary which I paid for and on the trip she accused me of being moody when I was quiet for a few mins after a huge meal and in a food coma, said she should have married another ethnicity, accused me of checking out women when I was looking at the sights and asked for the bill midway through a meal as she felt like I wasn't enjoying it.

50% of our holiday was arguing.

I feel broken and trapped, I gave up everything for her and do as much as physically can but I just sit and wait for the next thing to annoy her.

She now wants a baby and I know I'll have to do everything financially and physically for the baby, so I keep saying no.

I don't know what to do and was looking for advice from other men who have experienced anything similar?

Honestly, I would be packing my bags.
No way should you put up with that.

[TownIdiot]

Register1 said:

Honestly, I would be packing my bags.
No way should you put up with that.

Whilst it's 50% arguing what if the other 50% is drinking and shagging?

I am sure some would be tempted.

[dukeboy749r]

It seems (reading into what the OP has written) that he is making, albeit perhaps slowly, that decision.

Well done, OP.

As long as you don't second guess yourself, allow yourself to be blackmailed into going back, with no discernible change from your wife.

You know that 'gut feeling' you have about your situation?

Listen to it.

[legless]

Having been through this process myself many years ago, it will be difficult.

You will blame yourself, because you've been conditioned to be the one 'at fault' all the time. You will be tempted to try to fix things - don't. What you have written points to someone who lacks a basic level of respect for you as a human being, and that will never change.

There may well be good times that you reflect on, but think also about the bad times too - how you were made to feel, and whether this was proportionate to what you may or may not have done. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life?

I found this tough, even though I'd literally been reduced to tears at times through my ex's actions. I'd been told it was my fault, and it made sense to me at the time.

I'd been made to feel so utterly worthless as a human that I genuinely couldn't picture my life being any better despite being so miserable. It took me quite a few years and a lot of support to regain my self confidence.

TL;DR. Don't even think about trying to reconcile. You will be happier being apart, even though it might take a while to realise it fully.

[MikeHo]

TheGreatDane said:

I've spoken with my family.

I'm getting the ball rolling.

Good