Match.com (Vol. 7)

[Petrus1983]

hyphen said:

This is not America.

Should be grateful for any tip.

Always a weird one. And I lived in America for 5+ years so find it strange. I try and stick to 10% if I’ve had good service - but at the same time, unlike in America, I’ll happily walk away with no tip if it was rubbish service. In this case I wanted to leave £6 but only had a £10 note and didn’t want to look tight in front of the date asking them to break it

[Saleen836]

Perusing Tinder last night and read something on a profile that I hadn't seen before....
"If you don't have facebook swipe left,you obviously have something to hide!"

[V8covin]

Saleen836 said:

Perusing Tinder last night and read something on a profile that I hadn't seen before....
"If you don't have facebook swipe left,you obviously have something to hide!"

Whereas I'm put off by a woman whose life revolves around Facebook .
I recently had a few dates with a woman who took a selfie every day and put it on Facebook.
I asked why and her answer....I dunno I just do

[mjb1]

hyphen said:

mjb1 said:

Reality of being a single dad is that very few women are going to be interested in something serious.

Single dad as in mum doesn't want to know, or single dad as in have them a couple days a week? Big difference.

If the latter, then make that clear and women will look at it different.

I have them pretty much full time, the kids stay with their mum 2 nights per fortnight (every other weekend). So I try to pack in as much socialising as I can on my child free weekends. I've deliberately played down the single dad bit bit in my profile - mentioned that I've got kids but they don't rule my life (which they don't tbf, just makes evenings out more difficult).

Petrus1983 said:

Mjb - roughly where are you based?

I moved to the town I live in now 4 years ago and didn’t know anyone - it did suck - but now have genuinely the nicest people around me (both sexes, 19-55 age range). But that was by being Billy at the local for a while.

I'm in Cornwall, very low population density, so I have to set my search radius quite wide. Lived here over 10 years and made lots of friends, from all walks of life.

Taylor James said:

Lemming Train said:

You're being too try-hard imo. Heck, I don't even know you but the desperation to get a bird and get your dick wet comes through loud and clear in all your posts. Women don't like desperate, insecure or try-hards and their radars can instantly detect it. I suspect that is at least part of the reason why you're not getting anywhere. I get the impression that you're trying to force them to like you by trying to impress them and being extra nice when that's not the 'normal' you. This rarely works as you soon get outed when you inevitably slip up with the acting.

Forget the dating sites and apps as they're clearly getting you down and making you depressed. Bin them all off and resign yourself to the fact that you're going to be single for the rest of your life, get used to it and learn to be happy and content as you are. Once you've sorted that out in your head and you don't care about not having a woman you should get yourself out socialising with your pals at minimum once a week on a thu/fri/sat/sun, unwind, relax and enjoy yourself. Get the mother or the grandparents to sort out the kids. You need the social interaction in your life. It's healthy. Sitting at home moping and complaining on internet forums whilst furiously swiping right on everything with a pulse on some dumb dating app, desperately hoping someone reciprocates is not good for your well-being.

And don't whine that you haven't got any pals as an excuse not to go out. You go out and you make friends. Your local boozers are good places to start if you don't have any hobbies with physical social interaction. I can guarantee with a little effort on your side you'll be on first name terms with many of the regulars and bar staff after half a dozen visits (so long as you don't sit in a corner like a loner) and you'll develop new friendships with people as you discover common interests. You then get introduced to their network of friends where there will be women folk and more friendships are formed. The bigger your network of social friends, the higher the chances you have of hitting it off with someone. Be confident, be a bit cheeky with the womens and make them laugh, be a good listener, be the instigator of conversations and just be your natural self. Don't be a bore, don't drone on about your kids (no-one cares about your kids other than you) and definitely DON'T prowl at the women as potential sex objects as they will sense it. Be happy and confident in yourself and you'll naturally become attractive for your personality and the jigsaw pieces will come together when you're least expecting it.

Some good advice in there.

For meeting women, do some things where you will find more women than men - dance, art, exercise classes or book clubs are guaranteed. But go for the activity first and meeting people second. Everything like that I've ever done has always led to the group or sub-groups going off to the pub for a drink and often it has become a regular thing. If you're trying to get fit, then learn a martial art or join a running club. For mates, go to any pub and play pool or darts. Or at the moment go in early to any sports bar where you will find blokes watching the rugby and with whom you can share some banter and insights. Just don't be a bore with your opinions.

What none of these will do is produce really quick results. Things don't work like that. You need to be patient and it may not lead anywhere but if the activity provides enjoyment in its own right - such as running or learning something - so what?

I use PH to vent about it really, so I probably do come across on here as too try hard. Less so in the real world, where I rarely mention it. Most of my friends just think I'm happily single (which I am to a great extent - I'm very independent and content in my own company generally), and that I prefer it that way. Apparently, I don't have time for a relationship, because I'm too busy. I've only tried any kind of proactive dating (apps, singles groups etc) within the last year. Before that I'd always just worked on the theory that I'd meet someone and it'd just happen, but it never did seem to. I may be having very limited 'success' with online dating, but no worse than I'm doing in the real world.

I do have plenty of social interaction (as much as I can fit in anyway). I captain a sports team, do a lot of cycling, gets me out and mingling, but both male dominated sports unfortunately. I also go out to the pub whenever I'm child free, got lots of drinking mates, majority of them are female, which probably doesn't help me. But it's a small town and everyone knows everyone so I really need to cast my net a bit further afield. I've tried some Meetup groups, but they seemed to be mostly much older people. Not much more that I can do in the free time that I have available really.

Yesterday's date wasn't good at all. She actually looked far rougher in person than her grainy photo's, obviously had a very hard life, mostly not of her own making though to be fair. Seemed nice enough, just nothing going for her at all really. A singles group that I'm a member of is having a social in a couple of weeks, so that's my next child free weekend planned out, unless I get a better offer in the meantime.

[otherman]

Petrus1983 said:

Always a weird one. And I lived in America for 5+ years so find it strange. I try and stick to 10% if I’ve had good service - but at the same time, unlike in America, I’ll happily walk away with no tip if it was rubbish service. In this case I wanted to leave £6 but only had a £10 note and didn’t want to look tight in front of the date asking them to break it

Always hold on to fivers. Very flexible device when it comes to tip paying.

[Petrus1983]

MJb - could you change your location on the app to Bristol to widen it to an area still fairly easy to get to? I know 2 people from Bristol who’ve ended up with Devon/Cornwall partners.

[CountZero23]

Drunken rant removed

Edited by CountZero23 on Thursday 10th October 09:50

[mjb1]

Petrus1983 said:

MJb - could you change your location on the app to Bristol to widen it to an area still fairly easy to get to? I know 2 people from Bristol who’ve ended up with Devon/Cornwall partners.

I'm about 2.5hrs and 160 miles SW of Bristol. Been chatting to a woman in Exeter recently, but even that's a 1.5hr drive, and we both think it's too far to be practical.

[Petrus1983]

mjb1 said:

I'm about 2.5hrs and 160 miles SW of Bristol. Been chatting to a woman in Exeter recently, but even that's a 1.5hr drive, and we both think it's too far to be practical.

I like a 2hour gap when I’m dating someone. It’s manageable when meeting up for the weekends and even the occasional midweek meet up - but then it’s far enough away for me to spend time with my friends and doing what I want to without feeling I should be with her instead.

[shirt]

2 hr drive or flight though?

[Petrus1983]

shirt said:

2 hr drive or flight though?

Driving now. No more internationals!

[shirt]

CountZero23 said:

Drunken rant removed

Edited by CountZero23 on Thursday 10th October 09:50

i read it. i think the fact you read, realised and deleted is telling enough.

i recommend a simple google: pleasure vs happiness. see which one you'd rather have.

[Petrus1983]

CountZero23 said:

Drunken rant removed

Edited by CountZero23 on Thursday 10th October 09:50

I read it too - brilliant

The suicide girl was good to ditch - mainly as she was obviously bonking her abusive ex. But don’t delete posts here - we’re all friendly and supportive

Your dating range seems very similar to mine - l’m in my late 30’s and head for late 20’s.

Edited by Petrus1983 on Thursday 10th October 17:36

[mjb1]

I'm in a local singles Facebook group, couple of hundred members or so across the county (most of them appear to be as hapless as me with relationships lol). Anyway, a woman joined the other day and put up a description of what she was looking for. She describes herself as 'asexual', goes on to explain that she doesn't like sex, but is looking for a monogamous, romantic relationship with a man, but nothing more physical than holding hands and kissing. That's all fair enough (although good luck finding a bloke that doesn't ever want to wet his whistle and won't stray), but then she goes on to specify that she only likes younger men, and they must be in their 20's, fit and good looking. I'm guessing she's late 30's to mid 40's herself, she's no looker, just very plain. For some unexplained reason she only likes 'foreign men', but is only interested men who already have uk residence. Understandably her post got a few replies with questions/bewilderment. So she also explained that she wants all this without ever living together or seeing each other naked.

Each to their own, but something tells me that she's going to be looking for quite some time!

[CountZero23]

Thanks guys, guess I just needed a vent tbh.

Had a tearful phone call off the gothy lass while at work, saying how she felt suicidal. Beleive she is currently 'breaking up with' / screwing her abusive ex. Imagine I'll get a call tomorrow with her professing her intense connection with me and some more madness will ensue.

This was after the awful date with the DJ / stripper last night who was telling me she was suicidal too.

She got the hump with me at the end of the date because I failed to book her for my club night after sending me a promo mix post previous date which was, to be kind, a car crash. As the night came to an end she said I could come back to hers but only if I stayed with her and knocked off work the next day - "because I want someone who thinks I'm the most important thing".

I mean, it kinda felt like if I fked up my job and gave her a set she'd hop into the sheets with me. Very, very strange - even by my dating standards. The weirdest part was her having a go at me for my skydiving and said I had a death wish and she'd never do it - after telling me she was suicidal - probably some irony in there somewhere.

I'm not sure what's going on tbh, probably playing in the danger zone of the hot/crazy matrix.

Yes, the whole pleasure vs happiness thing - well, I'm 38 and really do want to find a nice lass to settle down with. It's just hard to resist turning down a drink with some of the more colourful inhabitants of Tinder while I'm at it.

I've not actually managed to sleep with anyone in a couple of months despite the constant churn of madness, though I've really only been getting back into the dating thing seriously for 3/4 weeks.

Date sorted for Saturday with a nice 27-year-old lass who works in recruitment; sounds like a laugh and we've been messaging a fair bit with plenty of flirting.

3rd Date sorted for Sunday with the nice blonde lass with fake tits who I fell asleep on last weekend after a night of debauchery with the crazy D&B producer who turned out was still into her jailbird abusive ex.


Just started talking to fairly normal hippy girl tonight who seems cute and fun - moved things onto WhatsApp so hopefully will be able to turn that into a date next week if this weekend turns into another cluster fk.


Thinking maybe I should just go back to talking to girls in bars at this point...

[Lemming Train]

Did you type out all that again after originally posting it and deleting it or did you have it saved ready to paste again? I saw the original as well .

[Petrus1983]

Strippers are fun to date/hang out with but I’d never see one as a long term prospect. Having said that though one of the ones I did date has gone on to be a lot more settled in a long term relationship with 2 kids than anything I’ve had since.

Eta - consider breaking into the 30+ range - is stuck to sub 30 for ages but there’s some lovely girls in the 30-33 range.

[hyphen]

Count- many people who 'work in recruitment' can't be trusted as far as you can throw them.

So tread carefully, unless she is a big unit.

[Adenauer]

hyphen said:

Count- many people who 'work in recruitment' can't be trusted as far as you can throw them.

So tread carefully, unless she is a big unit.

Like Monster?

[CountZero23]

Lemming Train said:

Did you type out all that again after originally posting it and deleting it or did you have it saved ready to paste again? I saw the original as well .

Deleted it because I thought it sounded deranged as I was a bit pissed when I wrote it. On writing it down again sober I realised it's more the situation that's deranged.

Petrus1983 said:

Strippers are fun to date/hang out with but I’d never see one as a long term prospect. Having said that though one of the ones I did date has gone on to be a lot more settled in a long term relationship with 2 kids than anything I’ve had since.

Eta - consider breaking into the 30+ range - is stuck to sub 30 for ages but there’s some lovely girls in the 30-33 range.

A good friend is dating single mum / ex-stripper - his love life makes mine look dull in comparison. I'm sure there are some well balanced and lovely strippers out there, I've yet to meet one tho...

Yea, blonde lass I might be seeing tonight is 33 - though age can be less important than interests in a way. She feels way younger than some 27-year-olds as it constantly on her phone Instagramming the st out of everything.

hyphen said:

Count- many people who 'work in recruitment' can't be trusted as far as you can throw them.

So tread carefully, unless she is a big unit.

Was in IT recruitment in a previous life - so yea, know the landscape. She's curvy so I guess there's that

Spent 30 mins today on my lunch break giving the goth lass a free therapy session over her messy breakup with the ex last night (she got back together while we were chatting on Tinder).

Blonde lass with the fake tits keen to meet up tonight tho depends on how quick she can get out of a dinner party later.

Recruitment lass is still keen to meet tomorrow.

D&B producer sent a message saying she's super worried about her psycho ex - told her to call cops.

It's fking mental out there, sooner I can get into a relationship the better...