Match.com (Vol. 7)

[Petrus1983]

She’s almost 3hours away - I wasn’t going to stay over but things happen sometimes. As for the fact we’d met up previously it doesn’t exclude meeting up again in the future when you start considering the wider aspects - on this occasion I’m really glad we did.

[Humble Pi]

Chocolate moose, a date, a hotel room. You sir are Alan Partridge AICMFP.

https://youtu.be/2AQIm1A70o8

[mjb1]

Lemming Train said:

Just get yourself down to your local red light area. Change from a tenner for a shag if you catch them on a night when they're short of cash for their next crack fix. That's far cheaper and less effort than trying to schmooze your way into their pants over a meal, and that's assuming you can get them out of a date in the first place, which you can't. How much for a date? Best part of £100 for somewhere decent, depending whereabouts you are, and more if you need new togs for the occasion.

I await the flaming but I think a reality check is needed : you're in your 40s with 3 kids in tow and reek of desperation which women folk can smell from a mile away. You've openly admitted earlier on the thread you're some low number out of 10 for physical attractiveness. That makes you about as appealing as having root canal surgery.

Solution : lose the reek of desperation you're dragging around with you, then:

1. get ripped.
2. become a millionaire.
3. get good at bantz.

or a combination of all 3.

You are right, in your usual tongue in cheek way. I'm not so desperate that I'm prepared to pay for it though. Not because of the actual money, more because I don't think I'd get any satisfaction from it whilst knowing that the other person is only participating because I'm paying them to. I've nothing against it, fair play to the women that do it for money, and no disrespect to blokes that are happy to pay directly for it. Just isn't for me though.

1) I've lost a load of weight over the last year, and I'm pretty fit (not an Olympian/bodybuilder though). Not much more easily achievable there without spending hours in the gym.
2) I live in a fairly deprived part of the country, so while I'm no millionaire, I'm in relatively strong position financially.
3) Yes, I need to get my mojo back a bit - I can hold my own with someone who takes the lead with the banter, but find it difficult to initiate it myself.

I'm not sure what part of the country you're in, but I think £100 for a first date is a bit unnecessary? I've only met a couple of women for coffee/drinks before, and they've all insisted on paying their own way. I can understand that they don't want to feel indebted or leave a bloke thinking they're owed something in return, but equally I don't mind picking up the tab either.

I am meeting a woman tomorrow as it happens. Just for a walk and a coffee. I offered more but she said she was broke and it'd have to be a free activity. Fair enough for a first meet. She's a student and got two kids, so it's hardly surprising money is tight. I'm actually worried that I'd put her off if I tried to be flash. It's clearly not going to end in a shag tomorrow as we've both got kids to get back home to. I'm not sure it'll ever lead to anything serious - we live 30 miles apart, she doesn't drive, and both of us have our kids most of the time. But if she's happy to live around that then I'd be content with just seeing each other when we can.

Reality of being a single dad is that very few women are going to be interested in something serious. Even though my kids don't need someone else to mother them, I guess most women would be put off by the thought of that. They've either got kids of their own and shacking up together would be impractical, if they don't have kids, then it's either because they don't want/like them, or they're looking for someone to have kids with. Whilst I'm not averse to having more, I'm not going to rush into something with a mid 30's bunny boiler!

antspants said:

You're probably right about the women in their 50's but a couple of one night stands might do your confidence the world of good right now. Might not be what you're ultimately looking for but while you have a busy life looking after 3 young kids, a few fun nights out might be a welcome 'release'.
I did the opposite to you, on Tinder I'd say I swiped right on about 1 in 30. On Bumble the number would be slightly less, on POF it was a hell of a lot higher and I stopped using it. Why swipe right on women you're not attracted to, or go on dates with them if they match. Waste of time and money, and if they don't match an even bigger dent to your confidence.
Personally in your situation I'd be grabbing some quick no strings attached sex, then deleting your profile that's not working for you. Online dating can easily become something to obsess about. Take a break to forget about it for 2 or 3 months them come back with a new one and new photos.
If you want advice on your profile then I'm sure there's some (not all) on here who'd be happy to critique and offer advice via PM (me included) without being too brutal.

The women in their 50's all say on their profiles that they're not looking for one nighters though, so unless they're lying, I'd just be leading them on to get my leg over, and that doesn't seem very fair. I've been there before, and ended up getting drawn into a relationship that I didn't really want to, purely because I'm too polite too push them away. Don't really want to go that route again. Maybe if I had multiple options on the table, I wouldn't get so hung up on one woman though, so maybe it is worth a try?

I do have a FwB arrangement with someone, it's not like I'm not getting any at all, although it is fairly sporadic and entirely on her terms. Which is frustrating, but nothing I can do about it - she still has a thing for her ex, so whenever he reappears on the scene I tend get put out to pasture.

Petrus1983 said:

A very good breakfast was included FYI.

Did it include sausage and scrambled eggs?

[Petrus1983]

Mjb- I’m not going to copy and paste your v good post due to its length, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a coffee and walk on a first date, it’s lovely infact. One of the girls I met 2 years ago started out as that, she had no money at all and still offered to pay - she also brought a copy of The Alchemist as a gift for me which I found very special.

And to answer your question I did weirdly have scrambled eggs for breakfast - hope that isn’t an omen

[CharlesdeGaulle]

mjb1 said:

The women in their 50's all say on their profiles that they're not looking for one nighters though, so unless they're lying, I'd just be leading them on to get my leg over, and that doesn't seem very fair ... Don't really want to go that route again. Maybe if I had multiple options on the table, I wouldn't get so hung up on one woman though, so maybe it is worth a try?

The profiles might say that, but it usually isn't an emphatic rule; most women miss the physical side of companionship as much as men and there's absolutely nothing wrong with a purely physical relationship.

Your more recent posts make you sound much less of a loser than your earlier ones so you probably have a lot to play with. Confidence goes a long way; most people find self-confidence in others reassuring and attractive. I absolutely recognise that having youngsters at home is a constraint, but there's no reason for you to become a monk if you don't want to be. Good luck.

[gus607]

The first date with my present wife was going for a walk & a coffee,we've now clocked up twenty five years together.

[S1KRR]

gus607 said:

The first date with my present wife was going for a walk & a coffee,we've now clocked up twenty five years together.

Maybe speak to a Solicitor.

See if you can sue Starbucks for long term mental health

[Petrus1983]

Humble Pi said:

Chocolate moose, a date, a hotel room. You sir are Alan Partridge AICMFP.

https://youtu.be/2AQIm1A70o8

Aha! Very good - and no kidding the robes were identical to that too!

[slipstream 1985]

gus607 said:

The first date with my present wife was going for a walk & a coffee,we've now clocked up twenty five years together.

Expensive coffee

[Lemming Train]

mjb1 said:

You are right, in your usual tongue in cheek way. I'm not so desperate that I'm prepared to pay for it though. Not because of the actual money, more because I don't think I'd get any satisfaction from it whilst knowing that the other person is only participating because I'm paying them to. I've nothing against it, fair play to the women that do it for money, and no disrespect to blokes that are happy to pay directly for it. Just isn't for me though.

1) I've lost a load of weight over the last year, and I'm pretty fit (not an Olympian/bodybuilder though). Not much more easily achievable there without spending hours in the gym.
2) I live in a fairly deprived part of the country, so while I'm no millionaire, I'm in relatively strong position financially.
3) Yes, I need to get my mojo back a bit - I can hold my own with someone who takes the lead with the banter, but find it difficult to initiate it myself.

I'm not sure what part of the country you're in, but I think £100 for a first date is a bit unnecessary? I've only met a couple of women for coffee/drinks before, and they've all insisted on paying their own way. I can understand that they don't want to feel indebted or leave a bloke thinking they're owed something in return, but equally I don't mind picking up the tab either.

I am meeting a woman tomorrow as it happens. Just for a walk and a coffee. I offered more but she said she was broke and it'd have to be a free activity. Fair enough for a first meet. She's a student and got two kids, so it's hardly surprising money is tight. I'm actually worried that I'd put her off if I tried to be flash. It's clearly not going to end in a shag tomorrow as we've both got kids to get back home to. I'm not sure it'll ever lead to anything serious - we live 30 miles apart, she doesn't drive, and both of us have our kids most of the time. But if she's happy to live around that then I'd be content with just seeing each other when we can.

Reality of being a single dad is that very few women are going to be interested in something serious. Even though my kids don't need someone else to mother them, I guess most women would be put off by the thought of that. They've either got kids of their own and shacking up together would be impractical, if they don't have kids, then it's either because they don't want/like them, or they're looking for someone to have kids with. Whilst I'm not averse to having more, I'm not going to rush into something with a mid 30's bunny boiler!

You're being too try-hard imo. Heck, I don't even know you but the desperation to get a bird and get your dick wet comes through loud and clear in all your posts. Women don't like desperate, insecure or try-hards and their radars can instantly detect it. I suspect that is at least part of the reason why you're not getting anywhere. I get the impression that you're trying to force them to like you by trying to impress them and being extra nice when that's not the 'normal' you. This rarely works as you soon get outed when you inevitably slip up with the acting.

Forget the dating sites and apps as they're clearly getting you down and making you depressed. Bin them all off and resign yourself to the fact that you're going to be single for the rest of your life, get used to it and learn to be happy and content as you are. Once you've sorted that out in your head and you don't care about not having a woman you should get yourself out socialising with your pals at minimum once a week on a thu/fri/sat/sun, unwind, relax and enjoy yourself. Get the mother or the grandparents to sort out the kids. You need the social interaction in your life. It's healthy. Sitting at home moping and complaining on internet forums whilst furiously swiping right on everything with a pulse on some dumb dating app, desperately hoping someone reciprocates is not good for your well-being.

And don't whine that you haven't got any pals as an excuse not to go out. You go out and you make friends. Your local boozers are good places to start if you don't have any hobbies with physical social interaction. I can guarantee with a little effort on your side you'll be on first name terms with many of the regulars and bar staff after half a dozen visits (so long as you don't sit in a corner like a loner) and you'll develop new friendships with people as you discover common interests. You then get introduced to their network of friends where there will be women folk and more friendships are formed. The bigger your network of social friends, the higher the chances you have of hitting it off with someone. Be confident, be a bit cheeky with the womens and make them laugh, be a good listener, be the instigator of conversations and just be your natural self. Don't be a bore, don't drone on about your kids (no-one cares about your kids other than you) and definitely DON'T prowl at the women as potential sex objects as they will sense it. Be happy and confident in yourself and you'll naturally become attractive for your personality and the jigsaw pieces will come together when you're least expecting it.

[hyphen]

mjb1 said:

Reality of being a single dad is that very few women are going to be interested in something serious.

Single dad as in mum doesn't want to know, or single dad as in have them a couple days a week? Big difference.

If the latter, then make that clear and women will look at it different.

[Taylor James]

Lemming Train said:

mjb1 said:

You are right, in your usual tongue in cheek way. I'm not so desperate that I'm prepared to pay for it though. Not because of the actual money, more because I don't think I'd get any satisfaction from it whilst knowing that the other person is only participating because I'm paying them to. I've nothing against it, fair play to the women that do it for money, and no disrespect to blokes that are happy to pay directly for it. Just isn't for me though.

1) I've lost a load of weight over the last year, and I'm pretty fit (not an Olympian/bodybuilder though). Not much more easily achievable there without spending hours in the gym.
2) I live in a fairly deprived part of the country, so while I'm no millionaire, I'm in relatively strong position financially.
3) Yes, I need to get my mojo back a bit - I can hold my own with someone who takes the lead with the banter, but find it difficult to initiate it myself.

I'm not sure what part of the country you're in, but I think £100 for a first date is a bit unnecessary? I've only met a couple of women for coffee/drinks before, and they've all insisted on paying their own way. I can understand that they don't want to feel indebted or leave a bloke thinking they're owed something in return, but equally I don't mind picking up the tab either.

I am meeting a woman tomorrow as it happens. Just for a walk and a coffee. I offered more but she said she was broke and it'd have to be a free activity. Fair enough for a first meet. She's a student and got two kids, so it's hardly surprising money is tight. I'm actually worried that I'd put her off if I tried to be flash. It's clearly not going to end in a shag tomorrow as we've both got kids to get back home to. I'm not sure it'll ever lead to anything serious - we live 30 miles apart, she doesn't drive, and both of us have our kids most of the time. But if she's happy to live around that then I'd be content with just seeing each other when we can.

Reality of being a single dad is that very few women are going to be interested in something serious. Even though my kids don't need someone else to mother them, I guess most women would be put off by the thought of that. They've either got kids of their own and shacking up together would be impractical, if they don't have kids, then it's either because they don't want/like them, or they're looking for someone to have kids with. Whilst I'm not averse to having more, I'm not going to rush into something with a mid 30's bunny boiler!

You're being too try-hard imo. Heck, I don't even know you but the desperation to get a bird and get your dick wet comes through loud and clear in all your posts. Women don't like desperate, insecure or try-hards and their radars can instantly detect it. I suspect that is at least part of the reason why you're not getting anywhere. I get the impression that you're trying to force them to like you by trying to impress them and being extra nice when that's not the 'normal' you. This rarely works as you soon get outed when you inevitably slip up with the acting.

Forget the dating sites and apps as they're clearly getting you down and making you depressed. Bin them all off and resign yourself to the fact that you're going to be single for the rest of your life, get used to it and learn to be happy and content as you are. Once you've sorted that out in your head and you don't care about not having a woman you should get yourself out socialising with your pals at minimum once a week on a thu/fri/sat/sun, unwind, relax and enjoy yourself. Get the mother or the grandparents to sort out the kids. You need the social interaction in your life. It's healthy. Sitting at home moping and complaining on internet forums whilst furiously swiping right on everything with a pulse on some dumb dating app, desperately hoping someone reciprocates is not good for your well-being.

And don't whine that you haven't got any pals as an excuse not to go out. You go out and you make friends. Your local boozers are good places to start if you don't have any hobbies with physical social interaction. I can guarantee with a little effort on your side you'll be on first name terms with many of the regulars and bar staff after half a dozen visits (so long as you don't sit in a corner like a loner) and you'll develop new friendships with people as you discover common interests. You then get introduced to their network of friends where there will be women folk and more friendships are formed. The bigger your network of social friends, the higher the chances you have of hitting it off with someone. Be confident, be a bit cheeky with the womens and make them laugh, be a good listener, be the instigator of conversations and just be your natural self. Don't be a bore, don't drone on about your kids (no-one cares about your kids other than you) and definitely DON'T prowl at the women as potential sex objects as they will sense it. Be happy and confident in yourself and you'll naturally become attractive for your personality and the jigsaw pieces will come together when you're least expecting it.

Some good advice in there.

For meeting women, do some things where you will find more women than men - dance, art, exercise classes or book clubs are guaranteed. But go for the activity first and meeting people second. Everything like that I've ever done has always led to the group or sub-groups going off to the pub for a drink and often it has become a regular thing. If you're trying to get fit, then learn a martial art or join a running club. For mates, go to any pub and play pool or darts. Or at the moment go in early to any sports bar where you will find blokes watching the rugby and with whom you can share some banter and insights. Just don't be a bore with your opinions.

What none of these will do is produce really quick results. Things don't work like that. You need to be patient and it may not lead anywhere but if the activity provides enjoyment in its own right - such as running or learning something - so what?

[Petrus1983]

Mjb - roughly where are you based?

I moved to the town I live in now 4 years ago and didn’t know anyone - it did suck - but now have genuinely the nicest people around me (both sexes, 19-55 age range). But that was by being Billy at the local for a while.

[hyphen]

Top tip for you men struggling to meet women

Join the extinction rebellion demo this week.

Loads of women, just nod along and look serious when they mention the planet. Tell them you have just turned vegan too.

[Petrus1983]

hyphen said:

Top tip for you men struggling to meet women

Join the extinction rebellion demo this week.

Loads of women, just nod along and look serious when they mention the planet. Tell them you have just turned vegan too.

I’d rather be single than vegan. I dated a vegan last year and ended up having to learn how to cook all over again -

https://itdoesnttastelikechicken.com/thai-mango-ch...

This was one of the better ones - but watch the video to realise how annoying it can be.

[Lemming Train]

hyphen said:

Loads of women, just nod along and look serious when they mention the planet. Tell them you have just turned vegan too.

Petrus1983 said:

I’d rather be single than vegan.

@ both.

[R Mutt]

hyphen said:

Top tip for you men struggling to meet women

Join the extinction rebellion demo this week.

Loads of women, just nod along and look serious when they mention the planet. Tell them you have just turned vegan too.

No thanks. I just set my political views to 'moderate' on the apps and seem to get more matches. All the young trendy 'liberals' are hotter somehow but being genuine is a better game.

[Mobile Chicane]

Petrus1983 said:

This is brilliant - mainly due to its accuracy. Ironically my date on Thursday was £100 on the nose - then went for cocktails.

You wked £8 on bread and olives, £38 on a bottle of very ordinary wine, and only left a £2 tip?

[Petrus1983]

Mobile Chicane said:

You wked £8 on bread and olives, £38 on a bottle of very ordinary wine, and only left a £2 tip?

Left £10 - in cash.

[hyphen]

Mobile Chicane said:

Petrus1983 said:

This is brilliant - mainly due to its accuracy. Ironically my date on Thursday was £100 on the nose - then went for cocktails.

You wked £8 on bread and olives, £38 on a bottle of very ordinary wine, and only left a £2 tip?

This is not America.

Should be grateful for any tip.