Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
An Irishman, a Scot, a Welshman and an Englishman were captured by terrorists and told they were going to be shot dead. They were each granted a last wish.
The Irishman said he’d like to watch a recording of ‘Riverdance’ one last time.
The Scot said he’d like to go out listening to a recording of pipers playing ‘Flower of Scotland’.
The Welshman said the sound of a Welsh male voice choir singing ‘Myfanwy’ would send him to his grave a happy man.
The Englishman said: “I’d like to be shot first”
The Irishman said he’d like to watch a recording of ‘Riverdance’ one last time.
The Scot said he’d like to go out listening to a recording of pipers playing ‘Flower of Scotland’.
The Welshman said the sound of a Welsh male voice choir singing ‘Myfanwy’ would send him to his grave a happy man.
The Englishman said: “I’d like to be shot first”
^ Good for a giggle but I have to say...
Along similar lines:
A genie offers an Irishman, a Frenchman and an Englishman a wish each, before magically sending each person back to their homeland.
The Irishman replies: "I want every day to be filled with joy, song, and beer for the rest of my life!"
And with a puff of magical narrative, the Irishman spent the rest of his (very short) life in a blissful drunken haze and died smiling.
The Frenchman's wish came next. "I love my country", he said, "And I am tired of tourists and foreigners trampling all over it. They never learn our language, they eat burgers instead of our amazing food and never take time to understand our rich heritage. I want a giant wall, reaching high, into the sky through which nothing and no one can enter or leave. That way, I can be left in peace!"
The genie agreed, shrugged his shoulders and sent the Frenchman back home with a similar puff of nonchalant magic.
The Englishman then said: "Genie, please tell me about that wall?"
"It is a hundred metres thick, and ten kilometres high, built so strongly that even a nuclear missile wouldn't dent it. It totally surrounds France. Why, would you like one for England too?"
"No, I'd like you to fill it with water, please.", said the Englishman before disappearing home.
GloverMart said:
The Irishman said he’d like to watch a recording of ‘Riverdance’ one last time.
... it's something that no Irishman would ever say. Along similar lines:
A genie offers an Irishman, a Frenchman and an Englishman a wish each, before magically sending each person back to their homeland.
The Irishman replies: "I want every day to be filled with joy, song, and beer for the rest of my life!"
And with a puff of magical narrative, the Irishman spent the rest of his (very short) life in a blissful drunken haze and died smiling.
The Frenchman's wish came next. "I love my country", he said, "And I am tired of tourists and foreigners trampling all over it. They never learn our language, they eat burgers instead of our amazing food and never take time to understand our rich heritage. I want a giant wall, reaching high, into the sky through which nothing and no one can enter or leave. That way, I can be left in peace!"
The genie agreed, shrugged his shoulders and sent the Frenchman back home with a similar puff of nonchalant magic.
The Englishman then said: "Genie, please tell me about that wall?"
"It is a hundred metres thick, and ten kilometres high, built so strongly that even a nuclear missile wouldn't dent it. It totally surrounds France. Why, would you like one for England too?"
"No, I'd like you to fill it with water, please.", said the Englishman before disappearing home.
Edited by blearyeyedboy on Monday 21st February 18:29
jimmytheone said:
A German tourist jumped into the freezing water to save my precious little dog who was drowning, after he climbed out he handed me the dog and said "here is ze dog keep him warm and dry him off and he vill be fine.
I said "are you a vet"?
He replied "vet? I'm f
king soaking"
I said "are you a vet"?
He replied "vet? I'm f
king soaking"
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